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nonokoko13 · 3 years

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Child!reader being adopted by spy x family characters

Like I said in my previous Ted talk about me rambling I had imagined some scenarios in which certain characters would adopt a kid and why; adding some more stuff. I made up my mind and decided to write for myself.

I think it's really specific but I believe not all characters would be moved by the same default child so I almost created a concrete type for each one; plus it's more fun. Unless specified the reader would be six in each one

I won't put any of them raise their child with another existing character apart from the Forgers, because they're the only canonic marriage and without it wouldn't exist the series, unless specified. If you want "x ship raising a kid together" or similar you can ask for it

Idk if I'll write more about this but enjoy!

Yuri Briar

How you met

His life moves around his job and Yor. There would be few occasions he'd interact with a child; maybe when he babysits Anya

Unless is required to approach a kid. He'll be more into adopting once he has known further about the child's life and under which conditions they live

Remember the university students that used dogs as bombs? Animals aren't the only ones used by bastards to unleash or win a conflict

So in one of his missions he discovered the trashy traitors were using toddlers as their mules to move the merchandise, either drugs or weapons. Unfortunately for them the Operation is successfully sabotaged by his team

That's when he found you

Without living relatives or documents that clarify where you came from everything indicated that you grew up in that environment, probably sold from an early age as a slave

A quiet, reserved kid waiting to answer a few questions before social services took you to an orphanage

Yuri would be assigned to this task, if he didn't already offered himself first

Somehow he managed to open you. Starting with simple questions, talking about himself so you were more comfortable; perhaps even taking you to a walk and stopping to get an ice cream if you wanted

The desire of returning him the favor by working hard reminded him of himself when he told Yor he'd study to make the world better

Which makes him impatient to hear the useless pleas of those bastards when he began to torture them

Once he obtained all he needed he said goodbye to you and returned to headquarters more eager to do his job than he initially had

All would have ended there if you didn't have initiative

Surprising you following him back home, you clung to him before he could ask how you got there

Saying you could be useful, that you would help him with everything and be a good kid in an attempt to make him let you stay there

Then he started to think

Having a child would be useful: with Yor babysitting you he would have information about Loiloi, snitching on him for any suspicious activity or getting access to his secrets. But would he be okay using a child?

Although looking at you made him surrender. Even if his plan wouldn't go like expected he'd be making something good for you

Plot twist: You made him believe he thought that on his own to then accept his deal in exchange for adopting you.

Of course, you will help him to get the love of his life like he desired, but you never said it would be the so-called Yor

Why breaking a family when you could make your own? Even isolated kid would realize how creepy was his obsession with his sister

Instead, you could help him to get rid of it, that would be your favor. And in exchange you could get more

You could get him a fake partner to enroll yourself in Eden. You could get education, a family, and if you liked Loiloi and auntie enough you would make sure dad didn't sabotage their marriage. You didn't see nothing wrong with your logic

Everyone wins, right?

General headcanons

At first he may not be sure what to do

He doesn't want to bother her sister but he wants to do his best. Due your lack of energy, common in children, Yor can't give him more than the basics

He reassures you that there's nothing wrong with it though. You are just calm and quiet while others were more talkative and neither of those behaviors were worse or better than the other

He's the first in falling with parenthood out of all the options, and pretty soon than expected for the sadist lieutenant

Your smile, your face after falling asleep, your tiny hands reaching his... he's crying help

You have him wrapped around your tiny finger. Although you don't like to get advantage of that

You genuinely want to help him. Because the whole thing of dad replacing Loiloi is a no-no

You don't realize how creepy it may sound your way of thinking to others. Fortunately they can't read your thoughts so you exterior makes people think that you are simply introvert or shy

Another problems came along with that

You know how to talk, which you don't is basic human interaction

All this comes from long before, so apart of school subjects you'll receive etiquette lessons Yuri teaching someone how to behave is the irony peak

Prepare yourself, now that he loves you is surely to say there's no scape for the affection

Of course, he'll contain himself if you don't want physical affection, but eventually you won't be able to say no to his puppy face

Headpats, hugs, kisses in forehead, kisses in cheeks, kisses to heal the wounds and make you feel better, more hugs, piggybacks, holding hands, cuddles, did I mention headpats?

Did you understand the lesson? Great job! Can you jump rope two times in a row? Impressive! Christmas is near? He'll move land and air destroying any obstacle in his path until he gives you the best gift he can afford!

It would be suffocating as hell if you weren't touch starved, or love-starved in general. Actually it helps after years of cold-blooded treatment

Yuri hates Lottie, but he accepts his help for therapy if because you need it

Please calm him down when someone offends you before he commits murder

I think the encounter headcanons gives you an idea of why he initially adopted you

Part of it was because either you reminded him of Yor. Nothing in particular, in his view both shines and need to be protected neither of you need that but that's his view so ok Yuri

If Yuri adopted a child I'll be inclined to think he melts quickly

Yuri's little prince/princess®

Neutral pronouns could help you to get away with crime one day. The suspect is a girl? Ain't see any girl here

If you tell him to choose a new name for you he'll cry for real. A new name is also a new life and you want him to have that honor for you is just a name

You would end up with a name that means night

I headcanon Yuri had the most acute fashion sense than the rest of his family

When they were young their parents dress them but once they died Yuri was in charge of choosing clothes because Yor didn't care, he ended up influencing her that's why Yor always looks gorgeous

So if you want to go shopping he's your man

Anything you want to wear is fine but let him dress you and I assure you stupidly cute outfits and mainly cottage core aesthetic clothing until you change your mind. It goes for seasons and events too so your closet will be really diverse

Proud father that brings with him at least one picture of you anywhere he goes. "Have you seen my baby? Now you have been blessed you're welcome"

I wanted to write about Forgers/Briars interaction and more but this section is already too long maybe I'll do it in the future

Fiona Frost

How you met

To prove she's better wife than Yor she accepted the challenging Operation Strix no one gave her green light to that because she didn't ask permission either btw

Following his dear master's steps she searches a kid that can read and write in dreadful orphanages where she doesn't have to give many details

One would think she would choose the best option she could find to increase the possibility of getting 8 Stellas asap

And it will be correct if she had found any better option than you

You proved to read and write and yet she was debating whether keep searching or not

Unable to keep still, clumsy, simple-minded, loud, easily excited, too talkative, inattentive... The list went on and on and she had only knew you for five minutes

Attempting to return you to the orphanage made things worse. You wrapped your arms on her leg and left your lungs with your cries Not attracting attention to herself: done

She calmed you with the lie promise she hadn't thought in that and led you to what would it be your house

In the journey you saw a bunch of elderly people in a chess tournament

Leaving you with cartoons before you cry again; she met with a really angry Handler and describe her the situation waiting for advice. Sylvia took a deep breath before answering

"Have you ever interacted with a kid before? Or seen one? Do you know what a kid is?"

"I see infants on the streets every day, I was one once too. You haven't seen a kid like this before"

"I doubt it but let's continue"

Sylvia tried to dissuade her of her idea of the perfect candidate telling her it was the normal behavior of a child, more after growing without any role model to teach you

Not to mention the terrifying "advise" of dropping her strict plan minute-by-minute schedule plan she had in mind

Suddenly her words enlightened her

Searching the most suitable child for the role of mother would make the road too easy

As candidate for the best wife she ought to be ready for motherhood since her future offspring's traits wouldn't be able to be selected just like any other mother can't

Her mother's duty was raise you, an average talentless creature, to be a strong kid that would be the proud of any mother wishes she had!

Challenge accepted

Back home she activated all her senses when there wasn't any signal of you in the flat

Remembering the park you passed by on your way home she went there due a hunch

There you were, playing with an old man. She was ready to drag you home if necessary but she stayed in silence watching you play

The man was in trouble. If he ate your knight your bishop would eat his, but he couldn't risk to move the Queen of King's side because your last rook would eat it. No matter where he looked his pieces would be eaten or held until you made checkmate

With resignation he knocked his king down and reached out for a handshake, witnesses clapping at your victory

As soon as you saw her among the crowd you ran to give her a hug and explain her everything you had been doing since she left

"Mommy look look! The first pawn I ate was in D4 but then he ate mine with the pawn he had in c5, I decided to let my pawns in 2A and 2H so if he tried my rooks with his I could ate them and—"

"Where did you learn that?"

"A doctor said it was good for me. Something about needing concentration and therapeutic and I tried and I liked! Then I didn't want to learn the names but the chessboard reminded me of pieces of chocolate bar and that helps!"

A doctor...

Thinking about it, you could be a suitable option after all

General headcanons

She wanted a calm, tamed kid

Instead she got you

At first she tries to change your antics. Realizing it's impossible she went with plan B and canalize your energy in activities that entertain you and by the end of the day you're tired

But you're beyond her understanding

Constantly changing your mind, you got bored quickly. The only thing you don't seem to get bored is keep talking with her

More impossible is make you study

About anything, everywhere at any moment. From what have you drawn and what does represent all the elements to explain all you've done since the last time you met

Which was 20 minutes ago but you can last an eternity talking about it because you beat about the bush before remembering what you were saying and starting all over again. It's the story that never ends

Surprise hugs. Her first instinct is stopping you (you don't surprise her but still) or wonder what's the intention behind it; eventually she just let it goes and becomes better at knowing when you're going to "attack"

Something starts to connecting the dots

Impulsive, hyperactive, talkative... Could it be you have some kind of attention deficit?

Investigating the medical history discovers that your last doctor thought the same. Probably that's why he recommended you to play chess

She takes you to the hospital she works to make sure, where you always maintain a conversation with a very kind man who comes with his daughter to see the same psychologist you have

Mister Forger has a sandbox and toys! It's always fun to visit mommy's friend. Hope you can enter to school and meet his daughter too

It's almost 99% sure you have ADHD–combined presentation. Still, Fiona's not giving up on you

She finally found something you didn't get bored of: dancing

In your eyes Fiona's attitude is just though love. She never yells at you when she gets mad, and she wants you to study hard to go to a good school

Deep down she must love you a lot like you love her! Oh baby

Her conditions for adopting a kid were 1 Not illiterate 2 A girl so she could call her Twyla

She changed her mind. Saving that name for her future first daughter she let the second requirement aside too when she adopted you

Don't let that fool you she would think of a Twilight related name anyway

From the end of her conversation with the Handler on, your name would be Dusk. No like you complain, thinking how sweet it was she wanted to rename you now you were a family

"In case that your last family tried to search you" LIAR

"Don't worry mama, I don't think they'll do!"

First time of many she wouldn't know what to say, she gave you a headpat and immediately regretted it when you started to jump and scream for something she thought it was meaningless

Franky

How you met

He yawned; getting up earlier everyday to open the tobacco store he had as facade wasn't the most exciting thing one could dream of

With their back against one of the store's walls certain sleepy gremlin have had forgotten their deal. For some reason you passed by his store since the first time he saw you. What it was, the fifth time you were there?

"Stop appearing on here, people will think that I sell tobacco to children! Do you know the trouble you would put me in?"

"I don't care what people think!"

He reached into his backpack, pulled out a lunch box and showed the inside: a sandwich, a juice and a fiber and chocolate bar

"If I give you this you'll leave?"

You looked at the lunch box, then at him, at the lunch box again and nodded.

"Can I stay–"

"SHOO!"

You ran away, yet he doubt you were going to keep the promise. Now he had to get himself more food

Another day in his miserable single life started. Selling cigarettes, reading something when there was no people...

Twilight came to pick the details of the next infiltration he had to commit that day. With his stupid handsome face, blond hair and blue eyes which made any lady to melt

No one except him knew how inept he could be

"Franky, you're thinking aloud again"

"That's the only way you know how men like me go through because of you"

"I already told you love it's not something I have interest in"

"Livi it's nit simithing I hivi intirist in said the married family man"

"It's–

"Say it's for the mission again and I burn all the data I've collected"

"Look, some men may be more appealing to women than others and vice-versa, it's all about tastes. But you're intelligent, kind, and a good man; I'm sure somebody will appreciate you"

Heading to his chores, Franky watched the agent walk until his silhouette disappeared

Goddammit, he was a good liar. Hopefully that would be true

During the evening some dames passed by, buy tobacco and leave. Not even looking at him twice

Knees on the ground he raised his arms to the sky and begged God for female's attention

"What are you doing?"

No, he didn't refer to that female's attention God

"What are you doing here?"

You handed his lunch box. "How nice of– why there's money inside? Is this a bribe? How did you get it?"

"Do I ask you about why there's always weird people that comes to you and leaves after you gave them something else than cigarettes?"

"........Touché"

Somehow you ended up taking a walk, chatting or arguing about anything

Then he took you back home. You were near, around the corner was your house, there you stopped

"It's late. Your family is going to get worried if you don't go home already"

"I don't have one"

"Why do you say that?"

"I'd prefer to live on the streets. Mom is mean, she keeps me to get money, but she doesn't want to spend time with me. Only her new boyfriend does because he says I'm a pretty girl, but I don't like him"

He looked at you with an expression you were unable to understand

"Has he done something to you?"

"No, well... He stares at me and asks me if I need help when I'm taking a bath, but when there's someone else he doesn't act the same. His way of talking to me or caress my face makes me nervous but mom calls me liar. I'm not a liar, I don't like to be there"

You wondered if you had bothered him because his lack of response and apologized, when you felt his hand taking yours

"You're right, living on the streets seems better than living there"

"I was thinking in have dinner somewhere and then go home, but I don't like to eat alone. Would you accompany me?"

General headcanons

After that time you didn't came back to that house

He had to talk with social services, with the officers that knocked his door, with a judge in order to have your temporary custody. But he wasn't letting you go back

There may be no evidences in your case, but his contacts helped him to find girls that met him. One was willing to talk

Twilight's intervention helped to accelerate the process. Your mom was still pending trial, but you were safe

During your time together he noticed more things about you than through the investigation he did

Your sweet tooth, your love for frogs

Taking you to the park became a thing

Soon he discovered how you attract ladies. They found you adorable, although the first time a lady approached you sarcastically asked her if she didn't know any other compliment

"Or is your vocabulary that short miss?"

When he asked you why did you that he also discovered one of the things you disliked the most: being pretty

You don't want to be liked by how pretty you are. You learned to write well before five, you are good at football and passionate about myths but people just talked about how cute you are and do almost anything you wanted because of it

Of course you liked compliments, and stated you were fine if daddy thinks so too. But it makes you angrier when people interrupt your family time together only to ignore him because of you

In fact, you're more than comfortable with taking advantage of that with people you dislike

He thinks your charm comes along with the way you expressed yourself as well

In one occasion that a group of moms talked with you he was so nervous that ended up bragging a lot about his "hobby" as inventor

"You must be glad to have such handyman at home!"

"Yes, but I think his parents are better because they created him"

*Biggest aww you have ever heard*

"How did you do that?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean with what do you mean. That cheesy line was smoother than... Umm... it was too casual!"

"But I mean it? I'm happy you are here so I can be with you"

Ugh. So unfair how you always come with genuine speechs like those without realizing their critical effects

Instead of see him as a date option somehow he became a member of the mommy's club

Your name could be whichever you wanted

I mean, he wants you to forget about your past so you can overcome it but he's not changing your name unless you want to. If it makes you feel better he can help you

But you had already decided when you brought the topic. Since you like mythology you went with Freya, a name you liked and it matched with Franky

He's touched. He would have said something ended in "ie" or "y" like Winnie, Minnie...but your choice sounds better

Along with Twilight you're his love master, although you don't have experience you're still good teacher

Always ending the failed date giving him a pat, if she gave him a chance in the first place

"You'll do better next time daddy"

Because of paragraph limit I have decided to do it in two parts; second part coming soon. Hope you liked it!

#spy x family #sxf headcanons #yuri briar #fiona frost #nightfall #franky #frankie #child!reader

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molotovmetro · 3 years

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Hi 🥺 I hope you’re doing well

If you still take in requests can you do a headcanon for Leon Kennedy, Piers Nivans and Chris Redfield (if possible Carlos too) x Reader where they kinda just idk care for/adopt the reader just because? Or that they mentor the reader who’s quite young?

Thanks in advance

Ngl this is my favourite kind of scenario, maybe it's the daddy issues I love found family so much

I took some ~artistic liberties~ especially with reader's age and the setting to avoid repetition and hopefully make it a more interesting read. If it's not quite what you wanted, let me know!!

Chris Redfield

You're the newest member or Chris's team. The man saw potential in you, you remind him of his younger self. So, he takes it upon himself to look after you, mentor you a bit

He's not gonna baby you, that's not what you're there for. It's your job to be tough, and he's gonna make sure you're prepared for it

After knowing each other a while, work exercises, tips, and training become him making sure you have enough food, that you drink enough water, that you're not pushing yourself too hard

He's really not trying to have favourites in the team, but he just feels protective over you

Leon Kennedy

Leon and yours relationship is like that between Sherry and Claire. You two met during an outbreak, one that killed your parents, and he stuck around to look after you a bit

At first he would just come by every now and then to check up on you. He couldn't bear to see you go into a cruel system as an orphan, so after a while he officially adopted you

It took time for the two of you to find a routine in Leon's humble apartment, but you work it out

After all, he's not exactly used to having a kid around and is a bit clueless in the beginning

If you ever call him dad he'll pretend not to cry. He is crying.

Piers Nivans

Piers is still in his mid 20s, but he's seen enough disaster, suffering, and misery to last him a lifetime. It's due to this that starting the second you meet he becomes fiercely protective over you. You're still so young, he doesn't want you to be involved in any of it

He's more of a big brother figure to you. Someone you can always count on to watch out for you and watch your back

If you're old enough, he's gonna teach you some self defense and combat skills. You never know when you might need it

Like a classic overprotective brother, he won't hesitate to look for a fight if someone bothers you

Carlos Oliveira

The moment he meets you, the dad mode he didn't know he had kicks in. It's already bad enough adults are in this mess, but you're just a kid, barely a teenager

Carlos is absolutely the cool uncle type

He feels bad you have to go through so much at such a young age, so he tries at every opportunity he sees to make you laugh

He's your personal clown. He is not afraid to embarrass himself a bit to amuse you

But he's also very caring. He checks up on you a lot and wont hesitate to give you a piggy back ride if you get tired

This man would go hungry if it meant you would be properly cared for. Especially in these circumstances, life is very hard until you manage to get out of Raccoon City. So while you're working in that, he does everything in his power to make sure you're cared for

#chris redfield x reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #piers nivans x reader #carlos oliveira x reader #resident evil x reader #re x reader #not edited yet

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karasunology · 4 years

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⸙ ˚₊ ➷ KUROO TETSUROU & KOZUME KENMA BEING A DAD HEADCANONS ! ❞

✎ . . . all those dad headcanons are making me so SOFT 🥺✨🥺 do you think you could make some for kuroo, akaashi and atsumu as dads if u haven’t done them already??

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

✎ . . . i'm happy that your requests are open ! and for dad headcanons?? i am right here to serve my braincells for you ma'am. what about dad! sugawara & kenma? thank you in advance 🤓😘

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ kuroo tetsurou & kozume kenma <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

✎ . . . DAD HEADCANONS.

[ SUGAWARA KOUSHI & OIKAWA VERSION. ] [ BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ] [ MIYA ATSUMU VERSION. ] [ IWAIZUMI HAJIME. ]

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . someone send me cute dad suggestions because i am running🏃out of ideas💡 i'm also finaly done with dad! akaashi hcs in my notes, so feel free to request ( even non-dad related ones ) because i lowkey have no life👉👈🗿

KOZUME KENMA.

➜ it would come as a shock to him honestly ─ you guys used protection and he was atleast careful despite having lazy smex half of the time

➜ but what shocks YOU the most was that he didn't want to get rid of the baby ─ he just couldn't, it was a child he co-reated with the love of his life, how could he ?

➜ you were quick to come with an agreement with him, his soft smile tugging on his lips to form, the smile 80% of the time would come out only for you ( shoyou & kuroo )

➜ he was also lowkey excited, he texted shoyou and kuroo about it as they both congratulated him and were already trying to do dibs on who'll be god father

➜ and you've noticed that he was bit more affectionate with you when you were in your pregnancy, his head on your lap as you play with his hair ─ which he usually doesn't like people doing?? and would every now and then kiss your tummy while playing his games

➜ i want to h*ld his hand

➜ and k*th him

➜ he's like a mother cat on pregnancy, but with you ─ never lets you do work, saying that he already has it under all on control, very protective of you and literally hisses at other people coming near you LMAO WTF MAN

➜ tries to be as knowledgable for your pregnancy as much as possible ─ just like the other dads in my hcs, they want YOU to feel comfortable with EVERYTHING and want YOU to feel supported

➜ has already bought EVERYTHING you needed, even extra ones and has booked appointments left and right

➜ like mans hasn't done this much effort after volleyball ngl

➜ but just like everyone else ─ he's terrified, he doesn't know alot of these things and of course you're the only woman he has ever gotten pregnant and he doesn't have any experiences in these type of thing whatsoever

➜ doubts were not uncommon ─ if he ever was going to be a good father to his child, if he was even a good fiancé to you, was he even worth to have a child with ?

➜ this bb boy CRIED when he heard you guys were having twins, TWINS; like as in a girl and a boy

➜ when kaori and kazu were born, kenma wasn't aware that he could fall in love all over again

➜ is this even worth mentioning because everyone probably knows this?? he s p o i l s them big time

➜ whenever he's working late at night, he'll always be the one telling YOU to go back to sleep and he'll be the one to take care of the kid for the night

➜ and by kid, i meant kazu because somehow??he??got??his??father's??sleeping??schedule??

➜ and it's how he sleeps by

➜ sometimes whenever you wake up, you find yourself alone in the bedroom and whenever you look at either the game room or your childrens' room, you would always find kenma lying with his children on couch-bed ─ kozu and kaori on each side of his head, kaori having her small little fingers holding and sometimes tugging onto her dad's hair

➜ and sometimes you would also join them

➜ but most of the time, you would head to the kitchen and make some breakfast

➜ and usually kenma would wake up and put his kids back to their crib and he'd go look for you, finding you cooking as he would wrap his arms around your waist as he hugs you from the back

➜ i just wanna get myself a gamer boi kenma

➜ since he gets a lot more clingey whenever he wakes up

➜ whenever he's streaming USUALLY, kozu would sleep on his lap like a cat while kaori is sleeping in his head?? Idk how??

➜ while his fans literally PAY him to show his adorable kids, some even commented how they're all so cat-like and alike with their father

➜ one time while streaming, he was probably ranting tf out of a game he wasted his money on and warning his fans not to buy it because it's basically a scam

➜ and while he was in the middle of ranting, his daughter comes in while holding a blanket on her as she rubbed her eyes looking so much like a small kitten, he literally STOPS DEAD ON HIS SWEAR WORD AS HIS EYES WIDDENED while the people in the chats are either fangirling how CUTE his daughter was or DYING because mans was almst about to swear and interrupted himself

➜ before he could react a bundle of energy comes into the gaming room, you hot tailing on his tracks as you came into the room while trying to retrieve kozu

“ kozu!! don't come in there ahH ─ ” you blushed as you looked at both your boyfriend that has an amused eyebrow cocked up, and onto the camera before laughing and smiling at it since his fans ADORE YOU

➜ when you finally got your hands on your son, you smiled at your daughter as you signaled her to come over to you

➜ but before she could come to you she was already lifted at her father's lap

“ it's fine, i'll have her with me ” he said as he nodded at you, placing her gently in the middle of his lap as his arms encaged her while he played his games

➜ before leaving with a pouting kozu on your arms you threw a peace sign at the camera for his fans, closing the door on the way out

➜ let's just say that it lowkey went viral because it's literally so cute

➜ sorry i just HAD to reference that interview that got viral before

➜ one time where you fell asleep with both of your children curled up to you in the bed, kenma just finished a long stream as he walked to the bedroom hoping to fall asleep ontop of you yet finds two cute cat looking children cuddling you

➜ he quickly took a photo or two and made it both his home and lockscreen before sending it to shoyou

➜ and then sliding himself onto the covers as he, himself, nuzzled himself onto your warmth

➜ the relatable dad, idk why but i really see him getting along with children especially when they're teenagers ─ i just, i COULD SEE IT

➜ especially kaori😭 since she inherited his introverted and somehow shy side??

➜ kaori : *slids down the chair after coming home from school* i wanna die

➜ kenma : same

➜ he would introduce video games to his children AHH

➜ would even play violent games with them because why not?

➜ you'd prolly have to scold him after though

➜ the biggest achievement was when both of his children listing game consoles on their christmas lists

➜ and it was on the top of the list

➜ but kenma, being the kanbe(kambe??) daisuke he is, he bought all the things on that list

➜ he knows his kids are supposed to be studying at school ─ he knows it, he really does, that's why he made them go to school

➜ but he couldn't help but play along with his children on the imessage games when he DEFINITELY knows that they were in the middle of history class

➜ and you'll just find out it through the family gc seeing them spam the chat with games and screenshots of their scores while comparing them😭

➜ he always knew how to communicate with his children ─ perhaps it was because of the reason that they are his children

➜ but whenever his daughter comes to him complaining about human interactions and wanting to stay home while his son complains about school being in the way of gaming ─ he's just like : WE SEE EACH OTHER

➜ baby boy is a lazy bum, but he will never hesitate to participate and contribute to his children's life ─ not only through things, but also with just his guidance and presence

➜ your pregnancy may have come across as an accident, but it was never a mistake to kenma.

KUROO TETSUROU.

➜ after getting married for two years now, you couldn't help but want to start building a family with kuroo

➜ LIKE WHO WOULDN'T?? this is kuroo tetsurou we are talking about

➜ unlike oikawa and bokuto ─ YOU were the one having the baby fever

➜ your friends and colleagues already having or talking with their partners to start or adopt

➜ but of course you were lowkey insecure, why wasn't he even mentioning that he wanted a family with you? does he think that it was a waste of time? or maybe he doesn't want to start it with you ─ maybe you were the problem?

➜ but unbeknownst to you, tetsurou also wanted to start a family with you ─ he wanted a lot of children, actually. but he doesn't want you to feel pressured ─ since you guys are still youthful, there's still a lot of time to think about it

➜ and most of all, he doesn't want to start a family with anyone else BUT YOU

➜ whatthefucksanaol sir eye ─

➜ and he's already talking to bokuto behind your back about wanting to start a family with you ( and of course kenma )

➜ but BOKUTO IS JUST SCARILY GOOD AT ADVICES

➜ it's quite eerie honestly

➜ you, thinking it was only just a slight baby fever with all your friends wanting them as well, tried dismissing your thoughts

➜ but your mind said nO❌🚫 RIGHTS✅💢

➜ and kuroo could notice the slight change in behaviour with you, it was subtle but he was quite perceptive

➜ with his cat eyes intently watching you as you tried avoiding his gazes because all you could think is HAVING A BABY WITH THE SAME EYES AS HIM FIIFJJCJC

➜ HELP ME

➜ it was fine until he confronted you about it

➜ kuroo ─ for me, is someone to face a problem head-on, it's just his personality, so it wasn't a surprise that he seriously yet carefully and nonchalantly confronted you while you guys were about to sleep as you layed your head on his lap, taking in his warmth

➜ and that's where mans dropped the b*mb💣

“dollface? is everything alright with you?”

➜ just imagine kuroo's concerned voice is all that you could hear along with the palpitations of your heart as he caressed your cheeks, brushing off the hair covering your face as he puts down science pun book he had on his hands on the nightstand

➜ now i can't help but imagine that scene from the special/bonus chapter from bj alex with chanwoo and MD on the bed, that scene where he tries to confront chanwoo about that bruise on his face? ughshshsj

➜ all he heard was that you wanted to start a family with him👉👈 and now he's seconds to going FERAL and push you down the matress

➜ 😳🔞

➜ SIR CALM DOWN PLEATHES

➜ I CAN'T TAKE IT

➜ but mans was quick to get himself back to reality, a bashful smile tugged on his lips as he nodded at you, kinda disappointed that you had to be the braver person in the relationship to bring out the topic and it wasn't him

➜ mans is competitive okay

“ . . . why don't we start now? ” he slyly grinned, y'know, that cheshire cat grin

➜ let's just see you guys didn't sleep at all that night

➜ kuroo was, though not surprisingly, good and knowledgable with pregnancy, not like he secretly researched about it that one time when you guys got a pregnancy scare that started all his wild thoughts about you carrying his child um ─

➜ and this is kuroo we are talking about lmao

➜ i think he has his insecurities but was never doubtful of himself being a father, LIKE MANS HAS TAKEN CARE OF A WHOLE ASS VOLLEYBALL TEAM ─ but he knows there is a difference between being a father to his child and being a good one

➜ i wanna m*rry him too😡

➜ you gifted him a daughter, his first born. the first time he saw her, GOD WAS THIS THE BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN HIS LIFE

➜ like who knew you guys could create someone so beautifully mashed of both him and you ─ but you disagree, as even by the youngest age of four months or three, you could see the literal resemblance of your husband on her

➜ and it was uncanny, her eyes were the ones you dreamed of your children having ─ molten golden ones of tetsurou's, her cat-like grin and sly personality

➜ she was always quick to lean on her father's warmth, and that made kuroo CRY and you kinda jealous

➜ but nevertheless, you knew that there were plenty of times to make one that loves you just as much taiga loves tetsurou

➜ and you did get it, second born after only half a year, was tamaki, which has taken both your personality and tetsurou's, while having your appearance.

➜ but you were quick to notice to comment that tamaki has gotten kuroo's shy personality while he was young, he would always shy away from his sister that kept clinging onto him since she has never had a playmate other than her uncles from nekoma's old volleyball club

➜ kuroo was to say the least, really happy when he sees your two children getting along with each other since he, himself, has grown up alone with no sibling and without a mother

➜ and as he looked at you playing tamaki and taiga as tamaki got you all wrapped around his finger while taiga was looking for her father, he couldn't help but smile

➜ believe it or not, taiga first said your name ─ not tetsurou's

➜ in your face kuroo

“ come on, say dada !! ” your husband patted his thighs to make a sound as he sat on the bed while your daughter just ─ once again, leaned on his touch, nuzzling her face onto his warm thighs while giggling

➜ he dropped his phone to the bed whining, “ mama! look at her ─ ”

“ ─ mama!! ” your daughter imitated his words, both leaving you guys stunned and wide-eyed as you laugh in shock while tamaki was jealous you gave his sister more attention and now tugging softly at your hair,

“ . . . mama? ”

➜ KUROO WAS SO DONE, HIS COMPETITIVE LOWKEY PETTY ASS WAS DONE

➜ also belive it or not, tamaki was the one who got his father's sleeping habits of having two pillows on both sides of his head

➜ HE'S THE TYPE OF DAD THAT USES A VACCUM CLEANER TO STYLE YOUR DAUGHTERS HAIR LIKE THE ONES ON THOSE VIDEOS ON YT SNSJJSNZZ

➜ and it actually??comes??off??nice??and neat??

➜ at the age of 7, your daughter was already picked to represent her class on a science fair AND YOU BET TETSUROU IS SO PROUD OF HIS DAUGHTER

➜ would be such a supportive dad

➜ visits tamaki and taiga's volleyball games ─ like atleast all over them, and would bring along his old teammates to it maybe just to relive old memories because you BET that they're attending nekoma

➜ would always have these little traditions and inside jokes with them and you

➜ especially science ones

�� what do we expect? HE'S LITERALLY A DORK

➜ AND SO ARE HIS KIDS

➜ they just vibe with each other ngl, like kuroo is just a down-to-earth guy and could get along with BOTH your extroverted daughter and introverted son, since he was both of them in a moment from his life

➜ uncle kenma would always bring in gifts for them because they're literally now his cats because they are now cats

➜ sorry i don't make the rules

➜ my husband, kenma, does😋

➜ your kids LOVE HIM though, especially tamaki being a bit like kenma ─ both, growing a soft spots for each other

➜ whenever some of his old teammates would visit, taiga is always on uncle lev's back while yaku scolds him to put her tf down or else she'll fall

➜ tamaki on the other hand, is just safely sitting beside his uncle kenma while he watched him play games ─ which he has also grown to love

➜ doesn't let your kids forget to eat and makes them eat even if taiga's in the phase of wanting to be sexy gorl tingz ─ DADDY KUROO SAYS NO RIGHTS🚫

➜ overall, kuroo couldn't ask for more, he was so proud of his children no matter what they do through and through and of course you too ─ for carrying his children, bringing them into the world and being patient with them

#kuroo tetsurou x reader #kozume kenma x reader #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu smau #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu drabbles #kuroo tetsurou scenarios #kozume kenma scenarios #kozume kenma smau #kuroo tetsurou smau #kenma x reader #kuroo x reader #hq headcanons

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the-mf-bread-babies · 4 years

Text

loneliness </\///\|/3

a fic by rocco wulfram north, m.d.

(found that name on hardcore baby names)

–chmapter jop–

before the tríp

It was a normal day for the Skullsmashers: go to somewhere, kill people, be gay, sleep, get brunch. Right now was the first part of their daily routine, and they were getting ready for it.

“holy fuck nova could you hurry the shit up i have to brush my fucking teeth you bitch” Ace hissed, knocking repeatedly on the bathroom door. “Fuck You. I'm Going To Go To Hell Itself” Nova gargled back, mouth full of mouthwash. More banging was heard; the door had seen better days.

Several feet away was Jake, all dressed up and ready to go, waiting for the others to get ready. He sat on the couch gayly in the living room down the hall, scrolling through Apocalypse Twitter. ‘every day i throw down an unpeeled boiled egg from the rooftop to simulate fear and unreadiness’ he read, a tweet from Orc's account. What the fuck. Classic Orc.

“ah fuck !! am i late !!” Jake turned around to see Damon panicking and counting the daggers in his pockets. “no no not at all. i just get ready really quickly to throw everyone into a state of disarray” Jake replied in an honest, monotone voice. “come sit down”

Damon sat down nervously next to his captain, knowing he'll ask him for Bambi on the PS2 now. “look. look at them those dumbshits” Jake uttered, pointing to Ace and Nova arguing. “those little bastards are completely unaware that ive put a fake cockroach puppet in the mirror. watch now” he added, pulling out a cheap remote control and pressing a button.

*sound of glass breaking* Jake sighed. “okay maybe that wasn't really the best idea” Nova screamed, running out of the bathroom and confusing Ace. “Fucking Roach!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she yelled, already too far away from them to be heard clearly. “huh. well okay then!” Ace grinned, going into the bathroom.

“i'll guard. you do your thing okay? :-)” Damon said to Jake, smiling mischievously. Jake's heart skipped a beat as he was suddenly flustered by the killer's action. «oh god, shit's just gonna get more complicated from here» he thought, staring into nothingness.

Damon braced himself against the bathroom door, eager to hear Ace's chaotic screaming. “ready ??” Damon asked, sending Jake back to the real world. “hhuh??????? oh yea right” he mumbled before beginning to control the cockroach with the remote. “this shit cost me like 200 bucks so it better be worth it”

HOLY MOTHER OF

F U C K

JAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

WHAT THE S H IT DUDE

ace will remember this.

Jake cackled loudly, rolling on the floor and hitting the table with his fist. “LMAOOOOK FUCK YOUUU” he yelled, angering Ace even more. “I WILL GODDAMN SKIN UOUR FUCKIGN ISTINEDSTINES OLD MAN I SWEAR TKC FUCKF” they yelled back, pushing the door repeatedly. “IM GOIND TO FUCKIGN DIR HERE YOU BITCH”

“ah . ace ? could you move a little please ? i'm trying to get in ?” Damon said annoyingly kindly, making Ace jab a fake knife through the space between the door and the doorway. “THIS IS THE BEST FUCKIGN KNIFE I HAVE ON ME RIGT NOW BUT PLEADR JSUT FUCK O F F”

“hm ... i'll have to check in with the blacksmith today to know what this one's worth... possibly rusted here, though.... could also just be dirt tho.....” Damon mumbled, examining the knife. “FUCKING HEL P” Ace yelled in distress, his breath seeping through the door. “ace. brush your fucking teeth that's disgusting.”

“IM FUCKIF D TRYINF THERES JUST A FUCKGIFN ROSCH HEREERF” Ace explained fearfully, trying their best to get some pity from the other. “a what ?? don't think we have those here” “A FUCKIFN COKROSKC” “corrosion ???? how bad” “FUCK YOU A GODDMAND COKCROACH” “girls?? what?? are they milfs??” “HOW THEE DFUCKDB DID YEOU HEAR FTHAY WHATS DUCUNESKRHI”

Jake's hand slapped against Damon's shoulder as a way of saying thanks. “good work out there soldier. us skullsmashers really need someone like you damon” He said confidently, disguising his flirting as a compliment. “cool !! you too man !!” The shorter man replied, completely unaware of the flirting and continuing to yearn for the mutual love between him and Jake. fuckin idiots lmao

“alrighty fuckers, let's move!”

Rachel's voice sent Ace and Nova into a panic, making them scram to look for their weapons and equipment. “Got everything ya need? W'ain't makin' any stops; tryin'a save fuel.” Shaw asked, leaning against the wall at the entrance menacingly. “When the fuck did you even come here.” Dennis asked in surprise, carrying suitcases. “Hmph. Man never tells his secrets, young man.” She replied, tilting her cowboy hat. “What…”

Aaron was sitting peacefully in the trunk of a pickup truck they had, only to be met by a large backpack to the face. “ah!!!!!!!! very sorry!!!!!!! we'll be going in separate vehicles, and trunk space is very much needed!!!!!!!!” Whitney said, apologizing. “Ah. Well. O-okay then.” Aaron stuttered out, holding back tears from the painful impact the backpack had. Pretty sure he'll get a bruise from that.

Henderson and Rachel were waiting in the front seats of yet another pickup truck. To pass the time, they took very cringey pictures of each other pretending to be on Cowboy TikTok™. “Do one where you're pregnant with the truck's baby!” Henderson suggested, making Rachel flip the bird at her but begrudgingly agreeing with her stupid idea. “i literally would skin you alive.” She spat out, putting a pumpkin inside her shirt. “That's… literally so sexy, babe.” Henderson replied back, taking more pictures.

Meanwhile, Andre was busy explaining to Cyprus, who was in a small glass jar, that forcibly entering Damon's bloodstream and mutilating his entire body was not very nice, with Orc and Sarah judging. “YES BUT UNLIMITED POWER COULD BE RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ANDRE” “That'd very mean of you to do, and could actually probably kill you too in the process.” he explained to deaf ears. Well, technically no ears. Yet. “CYPRUS I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID BUT YOU COULD LITERALLY DO THE SAME BUT LIKE IN AN ELEPHANTS BODY DUDE” Orc suggested, only to be ignored. “cmon cyprus just pleaaaaase dont kill ppl ok”

Jake looked outside, then back at Damon. “well guess its time to move!” “yea ... but at what cost.” Damon replied confusingly, making a sad face. “did you know today is…” he started, then regretted saying anything. “nvm…” He turned away from the punk, sniffling and walking to Dennis and Aaron.

“damon” “??” Jake asked quietly, craning his neck a little before making the decision to leave the new recruit alone. Instead, he joined Henderson and Rachel in their odd activities.

“hey guys. i fucking miss sans.” Damon confessed, taking a seat next to Dennis. “My nose is bleeding.” Aaron pointed out. “ok. today's sunday. and you Know what That Means… Meant,” The boy continued, facing the ground. “Kanye West he…” Dennis began (begun???? idk). “… liked.” Aaron continued, also affected emotionally by the departure of not only Sans, but Komaeda too.

Jake stared longingly at the family, wishing he was a part of it too. He truly felt Ariel Little Mermaid's desire to become human. Seven Vagánias… that was a risk he was willing to take for him. He would shave his eyebrows off for that man, and he just might do it right now.

“Jake? Don't do that. Please don't fucking do that.” Henderson suddenly interrupted, surprising Jake. “do what” Henderson squinted her eyes, giving Jake a suspicious look. “That's the face you make when you want to do silly things…” She pointed out.

“You had that when you almost electrocuted yourself at that stable, you had that when you threw the dart at Scoran, you had that when you glued Marcus and Reese–” “OKAY OKAY I GET IT IM A DUMMY SILLY LITTLE BITCH BOY OK”

Rachel put the pumpkin back on the ground and went to the two friends, curious to know what the quarrel was about. “what's poppin gayboy!” She loudly asked, slapping Jake's forearm strongly. “i am in peril and shaking and crying” “daddy issues” “yget?” He explained, gesturing towards the Russells.

“ah. please clarify what kind.” Rachel said, knowing Jake has a very questionable taste for fictional middle-aged men, such as Sigma Overwatch and the guy from the cowboy game. “the fuckin. family one rachel” “look at em just vibing and simply being gay”

Rachel and Henderson gave eachother a look that questioned whether Damon and Jake were going to be a thing or not, since Jake's technically still with Andre. “Considering the fact that they adopted Damon, they could probably also adopt you if you wanted to.” Henderson suggested, knowing Jake wouldn't like this and would stupidly unknowingly accidentally confess his love for Damon to them both right then and there.

“what?????” “ew no thatd be fuckin incest or some shit what the fuck” Jake said, being grossed out. “what would be the incestuous part, jacon. we did not say or hint at anything related to incest.” Rachel asked, making Jake's hair stand up in panic. “fuCKIN NOTHING DUH” “BUT LIKE YKNOW I GET CRUSHES REALLY EASILY YEA??????” Jake explained weirdly.

“So there's a new one right now, huh…” Henderson asked… feeling like she was in Ace Attorney. “no!!!! no wait” “well yea– no.. but i–” “fuck You but yes” Jake grumbled. “ah no, we won't tell, obviously. it was just getting way too obvious, so we just wanted to hear it from both sides.” “WH” Rachel said mysteriously, getting into the driver's seat of the pickup truck. “okay guys let's go!!” She yelled out, starting the engine. “THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??????” “BOTH SIDES???”

chapter dos

two four trucks

The journey to god knows fuckin where idk didn't plan i guess a fuckin cabin or smth idk was long and torturous, especially when Rachel said that cryptic-ass thing before going. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, bro.

sudden interlude for seating arrangements !!

truck 1: Henderson, rachel, whitney, CYPRUS

truck 2: jake, damon, marge, Andre, Aaron

truck 3: ace, Nova, Dennis

truck 4: sarah, ORC, Shaw, viper

truck two.

Jake awkwardly patted Marge's head in the backseat of the truck, avoiding eye contact with Damon and Andre. Of course he had to go on a three-day trip in the same car with his ex, his crush, AND his crush's father. God, he was pretty sure this was the lab rats' doing.

“cows.” Damon pointed outside, earning Andre's attention. “Holy– what are those?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off to admire the beautiful little cows. “Cows… we drink their milk and wear their skin as jackets…” Aaron explained, his eyes drifting from the road momentarily. “They can have best friends and stuff. Really nice guys. Also, they're expensive as hell.”

“Y–You do what. Their skin??” Andre asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “yeah and we rate them based on which layer it is. also, like their meat, expensive as hell. but still very cool.” Damon said, confusing Andre even more. “they also give us cheese and ice cream and whipped cream and stuff. underrated little babies. they deserve better.” “they also have nose rings which are punk as hell–”

“Wait, why the nose– cheese?! Cheese?! AND ice cream??!” Andre asked again, his mind attempting to comprehend the greatness that cows are. “Oh man, you are not ready to hear about pigs.” Aaron said jokingly. “What the fuck are pigs???” “Sausages, ham slices, bacon, lard, leather too, rotisserie–” “aaron please i'm gonna throw up.” “Oh, right. Sorry,”

Jake sat quietly in his seat, just now realising how much of his world Andre's missing. Sure, his world was much cooler, but do they have sheep? Palm trees? Penguins? Thought not, bitch. “andre do you know what a kangaroo is” He asked, breaking his silence like that one YouTuber.

“A what?” “kangaroo. some of them are buff as shit and they move by hopping. they cant hop backwards and they also keep their babies in little pouches attached to them and their bones and guts are exposed on the inside of said pouch. baby kangaroos are about the size of a jellybean, and the adults can box you”

“They what” “yea they're weird as fuck.” “its from australia so” “That sounds fake.” “oh man. wombats bro. quokkas. fuckin drop bears and flying foxes. PLATYPUSES!!!” “wombats poop in cubes and quokkas are always smiling” “Koala bears hold onto tree branches and eat their mom's shit, which is the leaves of said tree branches.” “Please stop what the fuck” “ohoho fucking GEESE” “GET IM JAKE MY NEIGHBOR HAD FUCKIN THREE OF THOSE BITCHES”

truck three.

The three sat silently, with the exception of Dennis, who was swearing at random times. “You call that a fuckin’ turn, old man?! HUH?!!” Ace's shoulders jumped, the sudden exclamations preventing them from sleeping through the trip. “This Is Probably The Last Time We'll See Each Other Alive.” Nova stated calmly. “i slept for like two minutes last night… didn't even get to wear conditioner today. unrelated but just sharing my struggles with you.” Ace said, shifting into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Dennis overheard the two talking, and opted to stay quiet for the rest of the trip, before stumbling across a strange sight. “FROG!!!” he yelled, waking up the duo. “he said fuck! he said the f” Ace yelled out while rubbing their eyes. “Are We Aliven't” Nova asked, stretching. “Sadly, no, but the good news is, I found a frog!” Dennis excitedly said, opening the car door.

“WHAT” “THAT SHITS GONNA POISON US WHAT THE FUCK” Nova yelled out, unfortunately not loud enough for Dennis to hear it. The man kept walking towards the creature that was technically an alien to them, and picked it up with watery hands. “DENNIS YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING KILL US ALL!!!!!!! DENNIS!!!!!!”

“So, you kids know how to handle a frog?” Dennis asked in a wholesome tone, alerting the two even more. “KILL IT KILL IT FUCKING KILL IT” “Oh, are you guys allergic to this little guy? Sorry, I'll put it in the dashboard instead.” “GET ITBOUT WHAT THE FUCK DENNID JESUS” “… Huh?” “POSIOJ DART FOGR” Nova shouted, hiding behind the passenger seat and being pushed by Ace, who was also going to hide there. “BITCH”

Dennis and the frog stared at them in confusion, hearing their horrified screams. “This is… a wood frog… not a poison dart… that one would probably die in this climate…” he explained plainly, his hands gently cupping the newfound friend. “oh. ok” Ace muttered quietly, while Nova maintained an awkward silence. “You can… pat them very softly if you want.” Dennis suggested. “Or spray the shit outta them. That could work too.”

Nova nervously held out her hand to pat the frog, then smiled in succeeding to do so. “Death Quivers Before Me” She said, proceeding to pat it even more. “can i do the spray thing.” Ace asked, their voice quiet as a whisper. “Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.”

*the frog was going to die so technically they didnt like fuck up the ecosystem or smth. do not attempt this irl.

truck four.

“What jolly tunes d'ya have on this here truck. Fellas.” Shaw asked, observing the radio. “uh, really, i don't think it'll be necessary!!!!!” Viper nervously said, only to be ignored. “NONSENSE! ONE'S TASTE IN SHANTIES PROVES TO BE A WINDOW INTO THEIR LIVES.” Orc said wisely, patting them on the shoulder. “i guess that's good advice, but really–”

TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. MY MUSCLES. MY MUSCLES. INVOLUNTARILY FLEX.

“I SEE. A MATING SONG FOR YOUR SPECIES?” “my truck f### playlist,.,.,.” Viper tried to mute the speaker to no avail as most of the buttons on the control panel were very much broken. “I'm. Very sorry for this, pardner. But this doesn't sound so bad. I could put this in a jukebox…” Shaw consoled, only making them panic more. “im so f#ckig sorry” They said, before smashing the radio with a briefcase.

They all paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. “i have spotify…” Sarah croaked, holding up her phone. “they have lemon demon too, if you want…” She muttered, scrolling through the song choices. “does anyone want to listen to wet a–” “no.” “okay.”

The truck grew even quieter for a while, until Shaw gave a suggestion to pass the time. “Wanna play 20 questions?” “I'll start: how many folks have y'all killed?” Viper gave the assassin a horrified look, confusing her. “I think mine's around 150. No… 145…” She confessed, rubbing her chin. “Wait, or was it 160?”

“like six. do you like girls, and, follow up question, do you also coincidentally like short girls with long hair.” Sarah said without hesitation, stopping Orc from answering the first question. “Yes! I literally have a wife!” Shaw shouted happily, rolling up her sleeves to show Sarah her tattoos. “This one is her setting herself on fire and me getting inspired–” “ah, yes–” “That one was a total cover-up! Previously, it was the names of my exes, all thirteen of them, but now, it's my cat!”

After some time of receiving a bit too much RexShaw lore, Sarah finally got the answer she so desperately needed from Viper. This was the verdict that determines whether she could make a move or not. This answer could change– “i am gay and do not get attracted to women. thank you.” Ah. Back to more hunting. “I am a lesbian! High-five!” Shaw exclaimed.

And finally, the first truck.

truck one.

Loud country music blared in the truck as they drove by the snowy mountains of uhh. Winsnow. Like winter and snow. They had all chosen separate routes in order to cover more land and see if there were any new developments in the area.

“BRANDY!!! FETCH ANOTHER ROUNF!!!!!!” Rachel screeched as she drummed on the dashboard. “AND SHE FJSJS” Henderson kept driving, searching every inch of land for a rest stop to stretch her legs and also listen to something else.

“hendy.” Rachel said, getting her girlfriend's attention. “do you wanna buy that slime that cleans cars and stuff?” Henderson stared into the distance, pondering. “Hm. There's always the possibility of the slime disappearing under mysterious circumstances and turning up in the trash can the next day covered in saliva, so.” Whitney looked away, feeling attacked.

“yeah, that's a problem.” Rachel muttered, her hand instinctually moving to Henderson's. “Please don't crash the car.” She begged, looking sadly at her. “is there a domino's nearby. i heard they have that new peanut butter chocolate lava cake.” Rachel asked, cupping Henderson's face gently.

“Rachel. There's fucking mountains.” Henderson pointed out, gesturing towards their surroundings. “That shit will freeze.” Rachel put her head down in disappointment. “yeah. damn.” “MORE FLESH!!! MORE FLESH!!! MORE FUCKING FLESH!!!”

Oh yeah, Cyprus was here the whole time. “why does the metal say fuck?????” And Whitney too! “MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS. FLESH NEEDED!” Cyprus yelled out, resembling a hungry toddler on a road trip.

“do you want like a burger or something......” Whitney asked, judging the spirit. “FLESH” “like are you more of a kfc or a mcdonalds guy” “NEED FLESH” She gave the couple a look, one that was kind of undecipherable due to her lack of normal face details like eyebrows, visible pupils, etc.

“So, three peanut butter lava cakes and one meat lover's… what else?” “ah!!!!!! no lava cake for me, i'm on a diet!!!!!! dirt and dirt only!!!!!!!!!!! also fish bones as a treat” Whitney corrected, her eyes searching for a nearby body of water. “Or, we could get Cyprus the fish meat, and Whitney the bones.” “sounds good to me!!!!!!!!” “FLESH”

…

“welcome to domino's! can i get your order?”

“three peanut butter lava cakes, please. that's all. thank you.” Rachel said, her seat switched with Henderson's, who was too nervous to order. “okay but they each take like three hours to make” “what.” “yea you can stop by like the grocery store up ahead” “fuck you for ordering this” “i–” “fuck off”

the grocewy stowe

The truck stopped by the front of the building, Rachel telling them to go in first while she searches for a good parking spot. Much to Henderson's disappointment.

“My lover…” Henderson said with fear in her voice. “it's okay… go along… i… i have to do this for you…” “for you all… i won't forget the good that you've done to me and everyone i've ever known…” “Rach, please don't go, I lo–” “you all are the kindest people… heaven may wait eagerly for you, but as for me, the ground trembles for its latest meal. fresh from the oven, i will enter the furnace…” “why the fuck would they cook you again” “because i'm TOAST!!” “haha”

“Kill Ronald Reagan while you're at it… I forgot which one he is but I'm pretty sure he's a total bitch…” “i will meet you doomguy” “heeeeeeeh” Rachel whined weakly as she slowly drove over to the spot she wanted.

MOTHERFUCKER.

A silver Honda Civic quickly made its way into there, angering the scientist. “not on my watch, fucker.” Rachel muttered, sliding the pickup truck across the road. She slammed her palm onto the car horn, which terrified even a murder of crows.

“huh wonder who that is” “hm anyway which fish do u like ???? :-)”

A woman who seemed to be in her late 40s exited the Honda Civic, throwing a rather large and flashy boa around her neck. “Jesús, ít's cold in hère,” The lady commented, putting on a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. “Márie, come along, ma cheghhy!” (i forgot how to spell it)

oh, son of a B I T C H .

it's the french lady who smells weird.

Of course, seeing your enemy in any circumstance that wasn't planned was clearly a little scary and will probably be your last day alive, but bumping into them at a Target was kinda… awkward.

Both the hazelnut and the dolphin were less armed and armoured than usual, and there weren't any bodyguards or security. Usually, if a top leader goes anywhere, the standard protocol was to do thirty separate background checks on the location and have it guarded up somewhere in the three months before their arrival.

So, obviously, someone in Top 50 driving around town in a decades-old car buying groceries isn't very safe, or probably even legal. Hell, she hasn't even seen them wear anything this ridiculous ever. Could this be a distraction? Or is it an opportunity?

Ah, wait, they're both wearing their stupid little marriage bracelets.

It's the middle of October.

This is their anniversary vacation.

Shit.

in the store

Henderson strolled through the aisles with Whitney at her side, hugging Cyprus's jar. She examined the cereal boxes to make sure they didn't contain any food colouring that could potentially kill her.

Whitney, on the other hand, zoomed over to the meat section, licking her lips at the sight of a raw cod. “cyprus…… do you feel that? the need to devour a being???? the uncontrollable desire for energy that it transcends all laws and regulations placed on mankind?????? the growing hunger for power, one that's so strong it controls your every need????

a natural, primal instinct to become such a brutal being that no one, not even you, recognise yourself anymore. you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel like you want to destroy that, to put yourself onto the pedestal you belong on, to wreak havoc on the cosmos of all beings, living and dead, real and mythical, walking and extinct.

you know that you're the only who understands this instinct, the only one who follows it to this distance. everyone else may underestimate you, but in the end, you'll rise above them all. man's natural instinct is to become the ruler of all.”

“What the fuck, Whitney. Anyway, I talked to the deli guy and he said he could pay you to eat up some scraps if you want. You down?” Henderson asked, her trolley already full of snacks. “yea fuck it man” Whitney replied, walking over to the ‘staff only’ door. “im hungy as fuck”

parking lot.

Despite the growing need to kill the woman, Rachel was managing to control herself. Even though this was the perfect opportunity to eliminate one of them, she knows she'll be replaced by someone much crueler. So for now, she'll just stick to watching this lady consider which can of tomato sauce is better than the other.

Rachel parked the truck near the entrance and the Honda Civic. She kept an eye on the couple as she quietly made her way inside through the back door.

“So thàt's when Í saìd, ‘that's not a cactùs, that's a lámp!” Karén playfully said, her hand entwined with her wife's. Rachel was unsure whether to stalk the two or join her friends in shopping.

WELL, FIND THAT OUT IN THE NEXT PART,

B I T C H !! !! !!

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