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#no circus for halsin

elunee · 7 months

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Astarion

Astarion: Oh good, puns. Because clowns aren't enough of a horror already.

Player: You love the spotlight, don't you, Astarion? Here's your big chance. ['Astarion -1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minsc 2', 'Halsin 1']

Astarion: What? No. Don't you dare. This isn't funny.

Clown: Ooof - my heart! The enthusiasm is… too much! Now, up, up - double sharp! Or poor Buddy will think you don't like him. Right there - perfect!

Player: Go on, Astarion! ['Astarion -1', 'Gale 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 2', 'Halsin 1']

Astarion: Of course, what fun! I'm going to fucking kill you.

Gale

Gale: Hmm. Not to my taste, but I'll take a clown over some hack magician pulling peonies from his breeches.

Player: Gale, you're good at tricks, right? Up you go. ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Gale: Truly? I might as well go mount the gallows.

Player: Go on, Gale! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale -1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Gale: You truly are testing the patience of a man who could level a city if he wished, you know.

Shadowheart

Shadowheart: Gods, I hate clowns. I'm not even sure clowns like clowns.

Player: I think my friend Shadowheart will make a far better assistant.['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 2', 'Shadowheart -1', 'Gale 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Shadowheart: Are you quite sure you have a friend called Shadowheart? Not an enemy?

Player: Go on, Shadowheart! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 2', 'Shadowheart -1', 'Gale 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Shadowheart: I'd advise you find someone to taste your food from now on.

Karlach

Karlach: Oof. No. Sorry Dribbles.

Player: Go on, Karlach, up you go. ['Astarion 1', 'Gale 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 2', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Halsin 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Karlach: Hang on now, soldier, I'm not paying for your sins.

Player: Go on, Karlach! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 2', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Karlach: This had better be violent, sexy, or both.

Lae'zel

Lae'zel: Can we not find a more pleasant amusement? Gouging out our own eyeballs, perhaps?

Player: This is your time to shine, Lae'zel - up you go. ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel -1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 2', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Lae'zel: Tsk'va. You can't be serious.

Clown: Ooof - my heart! The enthusiasm is… too much! Now, up, up - double sharp! Or poor Buddy will think you don't like him. Right there - perfect!

Player: Go on, Lae'zel! ['Lae'zel -1', 'Astarion 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 2', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Lae'zel: Chk. And here I thought ceremorphosis was the ultimate torment.

Halsin

Halsin: Why is that daubed fellow being forced before a crowd like so? Is he being punished? Ritualised humiliation?

Player: Lend him a hand, Halsin. ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1']

Halsin: The local customs are... veiled to me. Are you sure this is wise?

Player: Go on, Halsin! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Gale 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Halsin: Very well... Oak Father, shield me in the trials to come.

Wyll

Wyll: Between you and me, I love a good clown - and Dribbles is the best.

Player: I think this is a job for the Blade of Frontiers, don't you, Wyll? ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Karlach 2', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Wyll: I'm no so sure...

Player: Go on, Wyll! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 2', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Wyll: Well - if you insist.

Jaheira

Jaheira: Heh. What? Shut up.

Player: Well, Jaheira? Care to make your debut? ['Lae'zel 1', 'Astarion 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 2', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Jaheira: You think I haven't mounted a stage before? Though be warned, clown - if you mean to throw knives, I will throw them back.

Player: All hail the High Harper! ['Astarion 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Gale 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira -1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Jaheira: You understand the nature of a secret organisation, yes?

Minsc

Minsc: Heh. HEH. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Player: Minsc would be honoured. ['Astarion 2', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Minsc: Honoured is Minsc! But be warned, jester - none may juggle my hamster but me.

Player: Go on, Minsc! ['Astarion 2', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Halsin 1']

Minsc: On closer inspection, Boo, this clown does not much look like the jolly sort...

Minthara

Nightwarden Minthara: Just give the word, and I will kill the clown. We would be praised as heroes.

Player: My good friend Minthara is the funniest person I know. ['Lae'zel 1', 'Astarion 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Minthara -1', 'Halsin 1']

Nightwarden Minthara: Am I indeed? Perhaps I will tell my favourite joke. It is about you, bleeding to death.

Player: Go, Minthara! Tell the one about the man who married a drider! ['Astarion 1', 'Gale 1', 'Shadowheart 1', 'Wyll 1', 'Lae'zel 1', 'Karlach 1', 'Jaheira 1', 'Minthara 1', 'Minsc 1', 'Halsin 1']

Nightwarden Minthara: It was a beautiful webbing.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 circus #astarion #wyll ravengard #gale dekarios #shadowheart #karlach #jaheira #halsin #wyll #lae'zel

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good-grade-in-cleric · 3 months

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youtube

wanted to see what would happen if benji sniffed someone tadpole-free

#bg3 #halsin #circus of the last days

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 months

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Oh wait oh no... Astarion is in his 200s, Halsin is in his 300s... Astarion is destroyed by no one saving him sooner... Halsin is tormented by his own inaction and inability to have saved the Shadowlands sooner... exactly the sort of guy to eat the exact pain Astarion is radiating and become tormented that he was alive that whole time and somehow didn't magically know to fly to Baldur's Gate and save him in all that time...

And I'm here getting ready to smash the barbie dolls together with no remorse about the 1000 psychic damage Halsin might take on acquiring a mean little vampire boyfriend...

Oh well :)

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #i messed up some nonsense in the circus and save scummed but my last save was ages back #so I redid Orin's little relationship trial with Halsin #since Wyll is so stupid in love with Astarion his approval is maxed out #and I could get free relationship points with Halsin #anyway that man is tormented by not being able to turn into an even LARGER bear #if only.... it could have saved everyone long ago....#sighhhh #staring blankly at the ceiling time #Orin sure commits to that bit #i think she could have been a great relationship guru in another life

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princesstiannah · 5 months

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I don't know how to share a screenshot cause I play on PS5, but I got my team all covered in blood (Astarion looks sooo good covered in blood) and then put on clown makeup. I thought they'd wash their faces first, but nope. It's disturbingly hot. Then I got my Halsin cut scene, yep, still in clown makeup!

#astarion #halsin #bg3 #circus of the last days #its very elegant clown makeup

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littlegalerion · 9 months

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....Moon took her friends to the circus only to find out that everyone present considers themselves "intimate" enough to take a "lover's test" with her...

Moon and Gale, at Karlach and Halsin:

Karlach and Halsin, in response:

#she is exclusively with gale #i havent even had halsin confess to her yet #kharlach hasnt even confessed #NONE OF THEM HAVE CONFESSED SAVE FOR GALE #moon is not happy #the ONE TIME she ignores her sheer hate towards something like a circus and opts to take her friends out #and this happens #my oc harvest moon #gale of waterdeep #halsin #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #karlach

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mlkmart · 11 months

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thinking about...thinking about tav (bg3) just... fucking spine broke coochie broke hole broke and bruised probably i dont know i cant imagine having a 500 pound bear on top of you somehow wont end up with you coming out like you just got out of a massive fight all black and blue and bruised like.... how are they going to explain to the rest of the party that the reason theyre limping and sore and have fucked up scoliosis and ulgy forming bruises on their legs and thighs all of a sudden is because...because.... well how are they gonna have that conversation larian?? like "oh yeah i fucked a bear with a massive cock! split me right in two!" while their companions just stare at them in horror like:

👁👄👁

there is no coming back from that now they will forever be known as the bear fucker you cant come back from that im literally loosing my mind

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #larian studios #the whole scenario is a clown circus taking over my mind 😭#they try to explain it was actually halsin so it was okay actually but none of their companions look at tav quite the same after that 😭

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wildspaceyokel · 6 months

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Take us very, very seriously

#baldur's gate 3 #the circus of the last days #halsin #astarion

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agent-jaselin · 2 months

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Calem traumatizing poor Halsin and annoying Astarion by both of them coming to a rock concert in Eorzea with him like “it has never been so obvious who the youngest member of this polycule is”

#i like to imagine the boss songs being in the world #like we have electric guitsrs why not #Halsin couldn’t handle the circus metal rock is beyond him #halsin x tav x astarion #wol as tav #ffxiv x bg3

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fkitwebhaal · 3 months

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Sometimes you put scenes into your fics that have absolutely nothing to do with the plot but you think are too amusing to leave out:

“I’ve been trying to convince Gale to let me be his wingman if he decides he wants to get back out there,” Rune mused. They knew they had the perfect topic when Astarion snorted, bubbles coming up on the tub. The conversation of Gale’s post-Mystra rebound was a topic of the camp recently, and for good reason; Gale seemed to have finally realized his former relationship with the Goddess wasn’t a healthy one. Recently, Wyll saw him trying to flirt with another wizard from Sorcerous Sundries, use of illusions included. Given the amount of dark topics that dominated camp these days, the party had jumped to gossip over such low stakes.

Gale thankfully didn’t mind and appeared a combination of amused and touched by their collective interest in his happiness. He’d indulged them by offering to consider letting one of them play wingman and Lae’zel, Wyll and Rune had all jumped at the opportunity. Wyll had offered because he was deeply enamored with true love and romance. Rune had offered because they hated Mystra.

Lae’zel had offered because Astarion offered her a nice amount of gold pieces to throw her hat in the ring. That, and she was determined to prove that her direct “I want to taste you” approach did actually work on more than just Shadowheart.

#Iz writes #for those wondering: Karlach has teamed up with Wyll #Shadowheart is content to watch this circus play out #Jaheria cannot be bothered #and Halsin doesn’t want to wingman FOR the wizard he wants to sleep with the wizard himself #Gale dekarios #frankly I’d put my money on Laezel the direct approach works

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speed-demon-doodler · 4 days

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Now, aside from the fact that Astarion looks so damn proud we pieced back the dead clown (maybe because he loves them so much, maybe because I just recently discovered you can toggle off helmets and he's been smiling this whole time (I was under the impression he usually smirks?))

but anyway, I love when the game checks with my own headcanons about characters.. if anyone should, makes sense that fey and fey adjacent people would see through Orion's facade! He's a "vintage" alright (His patron granted him theoretical immortality, he's atleast 500years old which is a lot for a bg3 tiefling).

#oops i forgot i had halsin and not jaheira on the way back oh well #tav #orion #circus of the last days #lucretious #archfey #warlock #karlach #jaheira #dribbles the clown #necromancy #original patron #fey #halsin

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yangcherie · 5 months

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bathing.

𐀔 pairings: cast (astarion, gale, wyll, lae’zel, shadowheart, karlach, halsin) x female!tiefling!tav (reader).

𐀔 content warnings: suggestive, everybody is a little freak, non-consensual voyeurism, implied scent kink (gale), mentions of scars, afab anatomy. tiefling anatomy.

𐀔 sypnosis: what is a warrior to do when all their companions are peeping toms?

𐀔 author’s note: they are freaks and its been very long since i’ve written. please forgive a lady if what she’s written is unappealing.

“Can you keep it – fucking quiet?!”

Astarion whisper-yells at the entire party of people hiding within bushes and treelines, all fighting tooth and nail like rabid animals for a peek (and taste) of their ragtag, frustratingly attractive leader’s curves.

They didn’t even mean to stumble into eachother, each to their own blindly traversing through the thickets of the woods towards the nearest river. Tav simply mentioned having to retire early to take a bath (much to Gale’s dismay), and they all hungrily jumped towards the opportunity like dogs to a meatless bone, the one of the hopefully many chances they’ll see you naked, vulnerable, and shivering – even if it’s only due to the lack of warmth in the river’s streams.

It’s wrong, debauched, even. Hells, even literal devils, Karlach and Wyll, wear faces ridden with shame. Of course, they (namely Astarion and Lae’zel) poked at the others stalking as if they weren’t shamelessly doing the same.

The tension in the air was thick, each a barrel on the verge of explosion ready to wipe out the recently discovered possibility of rivalries and competition – but they couldn’t blame eachother; there was just something about you that made you so very enticing. They all thought it was incredibly silly to think only one person would want you.

“Well,” Astarion clicked his tongue in displeasure, having his private time foiled. Still, he smiled sardonically. “we’re all degenerates, it seems. We’re all looking forward to having a... fun time.”

A deep rumble came, and it surprisingly did not come from the forest ground. It was simply Halsin, all too polite and calm smiles. Astarion groaned; he was sick of this big fucking oaf with hearts for eyes and a log of wood for brains. “We are not depraved for simply yearning to admire our friend in a state of tranquil—”

“Oh, please! Don’t act like a saint in front of me!” The vampire spawn huffed, hands on his hips. “We’re all here for the same reason, we all want to see Tav fucking naked, no point in lying now!”

Tints of red and pink all rushed to everyone’s faces, and even Shadowheart was reduced to fiddling with her fingers together. Though awkward coughs ensued in the air, not a single word of denial was uttered.

Karlach is first to speak up, ever brazen. “It’s true!” She says with her signature sharp smile. “I wanted to see her tits!”

(Lae’zel and Astarion nodded approvingly to Karlach’s honesty. Halsin and Gale quietly shared their sentiments on their preference to your ass. Shadowheart and Wyll could not disagree to both.)

Amidst their busy conversation and debate regarding your body’s fine qualities, the alarmingly close and approaching noises of branches snapping and leaves crunching had rendered them silent, panicked shivers and goosebumps on their skin. With shared glances and only a few split seconds to react, the party floundered and flailed for whatever they could use to stay hidden.

“Settle down, you circus; Tav’s coming!” Wyll is the first amongst the party to silently and comically dive into a bush with Karlach, clutching their tails to avoid it rustling about in excitement. Halsin had thrown Gale and Astarion atop a tree’s thick branches before joining them. Lae’zel, disappointingly, camoflauges just well with the greenery, watching Shadowheart flounder about and settle for lying on the ground with grass over her face.

“All you filthy ska'keth.” Lae’zel hisses, letting everyone know of your now visible presence, the halting of your footsteps along the other edge of the river. “Enjoy the show.”

Across the distance, their focus had been shifted to you and now solely you.

You quietly groan, trudging towards the river you’ve been searching to no end, you set down your basket of fine oils, herbs and waxes as your armored limbs ache and practically cry for a dip in the clear stream. With no haste, you take in the cool night air, this little moment of peace, away from prying eyes you’ve fought long and hard to obtain. Sweat trickles down your throat, your tail swaying in contentment in the calm atmosphere.

Quickly deciding you’ve had enough of the crisp air, you reach towards your body to unclasp and unfasten the many buckles on your durable armor – starting with the iron top, quickly taking it off to reveal your bare, battle-worn chest and hastily discarding the metal on your legs, throwing them aside in favor of letting the cold air bite at your naked, scarred body before you go into the water; allowing your body a little moment of respite from the suffocation and heat of tight, bloody armor – even letting your tail sway around freely instead of being constricted to being stiff. A content smile creeps its way onto your face.

You lightly step your way from the sand to the edge of the water, continuing to walk until you’re trembling from the cold, until you’re hips-down in the water. A grateful sigh is pulled from your lips as you start to wade about, your hands subtly working to wash the dried blood, gore and grime off of your body and hair – using the oils and wax soaps of sweet woodruff and wine from your basket, even scrubbing your horns. A little part of you finds this normalcy almost unfamiliar, uncomfortable; it’s been quite a while you’ve taken care of yourself. Your thoughts start to drift; prior to your abduction by the Nautiloid ship, were you ever taken care of, like this? By other hands, even?

(You hope so.)

Another sigh is dragged out of you, though wearier as guilt treads within you. Just a little moment of peace, of indulgence before you go back to the dreadful task of keeping your companions and yourself alive and fighting. Just a little more time. You think you deserve it.

A silence was washed over the forest, and the party as they all beheld you and your battle-worn body. It felt almost sacred, like doing this would have them damned to the Hells and below but it was simply too captivating. Your bodice was a web and a product of war, and they were caught mesmerized – with only the dense forest and one another to witness their quickly unravelling need for you. But even then, they felt some semblance to pity. What they wouldn’t give to the gods right now to be by your side and give you some tending to.

The ridges down your back, the swaying base of your tail, the alluring image of your hips and ass teasingly disappearing into the water below, the silhouette of your horns – that untroubled smile on your lips – they all drink it in with their eyes in a fashion similar to Astarion’s throat would with your blood.

They savor it for as long as they can, before stepping out of the trance as Gale himself not-so-quietly attempted to clamber down from the rough-bark tree he was settled in, dropping down to the dirt and crushing the leaves loudly and ungracefully. Shadowheart gaped with mortification at him from the ground, everyone wishing to every god above you would have mistaken the sound as a particularly large animal, perhaps an owlbear and not a wizard along with an entire party intruding on your privacy.

“Gale! What in the Nine Hells are you doing?!”

Astarion had settled for whisper-yelling once again, pointing at him accusingly from his position atop the tree’s branches besides Halsin. Gale waved his hand, silently telling him to shut the fuck up, before urgently pointing at your discarded armor and clothing, then proceeding to give him a big smile and two thumbs up.

Surely enough to the mortification of the party, he quickly cast Misty Step over himself to travel to your area and hastily swiped (stole) anything soft – including your unattended bandages and undergarments, taking a small moment to put it to his nose and re-casting the spell to return below the tree within a few seconds. He wallowed in his pride before with a swift motion, tucked the newly acquired materia into the pockets of his robe much to the discomfort (and mild envy) of all of them.

“A man has to do and take what he can.” Gale reasoned to nobody in particular, nodding solemnly as if he just shared a piece of wisdom. He suppressed a yelp as Lae’zel then threw a rock at him, followed by another as Astarion thwacked a small branch straight to his forehead from above.

“Just leave it.” Wyll snidely commented, fighting with his life to tear away his eyes from your moonlit form, breaking out of a trance. “We should leave, go back to camp. It’d be suspicious if everyone just disappeared.”

“Ugh, you are such a killjoy, Wyll.” Astarion rolled his eyes but complied, scaling down the tree quietly, much unlike Gale earlier, who was still fiddling around his pockets with your intimates. “A party pooper, even.”

As repulsive the idea to leave you was, it was reasonable. Begrudingly, everyone quietly sat up or climbed down and quietly attempted to find their way through the dense, dark forest, sharing little observations and hushed chitchat along the way. And soon enough, the party found themselves in familiar territory, now gathering around and settling down near the campfire like they previously had before you announced your leave, as if they didn’t just claw their way through eachother earlier to see a scrap of your vulnerability.

The fire cast a warm glow over the party as they immersed in chitchat, a few (namely Shadowheart and Astarion) pestering and even offering a bargain to Gale for the underclothes he had nicked earlier. The wizard was not deterred; fair and square, he wagged his finger as if to say nuh-uh to the seething two. It was only shortly after, that you came stumbling back into camp like a lost fawn, hair and body language calm and loose but the armor remaining stiff on your body.

Karlach coughed to let the others know you had arrived from your personal time. “Soldier! You’re back!” You greeted her with a nod, before raising a brow and sweeping your eyes amongst them. Gale swallowed, placing a protective hand over the pocket that held your garments.

“You would not believe what happened.” You sighed in utter distress before plopping yourself down besides Halsin and Astarion on the log to let the fire embrace you with warmth, piquing everyone’s interest and attention with intense ease. “A wandering owlbear ate my clothes.”

They all collectively either guffawed or choked on their spit, Lae’zel scoffing and Astarion groaning amongst them. Right. Of course, you would have thought it was a fucking owlbear. Thieving owlbears that take normal, musky clothes instead of shiny armor.

“Ah, owlbears.” Gale tutted and sighed with faux sympathy, nervously chuckling and shifting to hide the lump in his pockets. “They’d eat almost anything, really.”

Astarion shot him a bewildered look, as if to ask, don’t you? You swallowed two of my books last night!

“You can borrow my clothes, for the night.” Shadowheart butted in, suddenly slotting herself behind you and setting a reassuring palm on your shoulder. You smiled at her, gazing up at her gratefully. “Thank you, Sha—”

“Well, you can have my clothes!” Karlach and Lae’zel shot up in unison.

“Sharing your old filth, I can sew them new clothes!” Astarion argued, until everyone started refuting eachother and proposing that you take theirs and whatnot.

You sighed with exasperated fondness, immensely troubled but somewhat used to it as you watch your companions pointlessly banter, having little doubt that by the end of the night, you’d have a fair share of everyone’s wardrobe into yours.

Still, you hope to the very bottom of your heart that the “owlbear” that stole your clothes had a full tummy, at least.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x reader #astarion x reader #wyll x reader #shadowheart x reader #karlach x reader #lae'zel x reader #gale x reader #halsin x reader #tavrem #as they say #this was fun to write #this was very lame actually #sorry but its been so so so long since ive written a fic much less published it

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