#nobluesatleast

[plungermusic]

It could never happen here, could it?

Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg’s announcement that he would consider having Phish play at his inauguration has raised speculation over what bands UK politicians would pick to perform at their own election victory balls.

Sources close to Whitehall (the pot-man at The Lord Moon Of The Mall, actually) have given Plunger an exclusive peek at Civil Service provisions drawn up for just such an occasion:

Theresa May - despite her attachment to ABBA, the first choice of band for the current PM is Rage Against The Machine (probably due to the inspiration she has drawn from the closing lyrics to Killing In The Name) with a place on the subs bench for the Rolling Stones, thanks to their incredible stamina and persistence, returning time after time with the same old material as before.

Jeremy Corbyn - Simply Red: with hits like Holding Back The Years, If You Don’t Know Me By Now and Sad Old Red, who else could it be. No substitutes allowed.

Vince Cable - the LibDem leader has expressed a preference for Alma Cogan, or at a pinch Edmundo Ros & His Orchestra… provided they keep it down a bit and don’t go on after 22.30.

Caroline Lucas - sources say the firm stipulation is for no band at all, since tour buses and all other forms of motor transport will be illegal following a Green victory. However if you bring your own comb, ethically-sourced organically-grown fully-edible rice paper will be provided for a mass participation rendition of What A Wonderful World.

Nicola Sturgeon - in legal statutes laid down shortly after the Act of Union in 1701, Jimmy Shand And His Band and The Proclaimers are booked in perpetuity to perform at any SNP celebration.

Heidi Allen / Chuka Umunna - for reasons that are yet to become clear, The Independent Group/ChangeUK (or whatever they’re called this week) have selected The Power Station: the ad hoc short-lived supergroup comprising washed-up stars from a glossier, shallower, more frivolous era.

Plunger understand that there are still ongoing legal wrangles over whether Arlene Foster’s DUP or Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party will have first dibs on their preferred choice of Orange Goblin.

[pic courtesy livemusicblog.com]

#nobluesatleast #UMisntjustfortheundecidedsPete