#not even gonna buy the game huh. just gonna open ur laptop and zone out and act line i’m not even in the room. oh ok. ok ok.

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

me internally when i’m trying to respect and recognise that my dad has unaddressed autism that impacts the way he handles social interractions while also trying to not just excuse the shitty insensitive behaviour that has absolutely contributed to my mental health issues

#it’s like. haha yeah he handled that situation terribly but remember it wasn’t intentional and he doesn’t understand how that came across!! #i can’t be mad at him i can’t take it personally and get upset haha. hahaha. #and also it’s like. being autistic isn’t an excuse to be a dick. being autistic doesn’t mean you have to like. emotionally damage ur kid ✌🏻 #which i AM. growing up with him has fucked me up!!! and i’m allowed to be mad at that i’m allowed to be upset!!!!!!!! #but also oh god is that shitty of ME??? is that insensitive???? do i need to just be more empathetic and understanding #but ALSO also. when ur a kid that shit doesn’t matter. when ur a kid and ur dad is making you cry that doesn’t matter. #and those years of damage stick with you even when ur older and trying to be mature and understanding #literally this evening started with me trying to do something nice for him. trying to give him a gift. actually literally giving him a gift. #and it has ended with me feeling fucking….. shit. #and disrespected. and useless. #i try so fucking hard with this man and with our relationship and every fucking time i try to connect with him he throws it back in my face #like. hey! you’ve been saying how much you want to play gran turismo 7!!! i will loan you my PS5 for a while bcus i’m not playing anything #and i will BUY YOU the fucking car game for you to play it while me and my mum are away on our girlie beach holiday #like i will happily and enthusiastically do those things for you because you have been so vocal about wanting to play this game!!! #so it will make you happy right? it will be something positive for you to enjoy!!! right?!!!???? #i will bring my console down to the family tv room for you and i will send you the money so you can buy the game!!!! #oh. oh you’ve clicked around the main playstation menu for 2mins and then turned it off to watch the news. and then just open ur laptop. #not even gonna buy the game huh. just gonna open ur laptop and zone out and act line i’m not even in the room. oh ok. ok ok. #not even a fucking thank you. not even a HINT of recognition. ok ok. ok. ok. now you’re literally ignoring me when i talk to you. ok. ok. #and like!!!! i know this seems so dumb and minor and insignificant but you have to understand. it has been 25 years of this shit. #25 years of me trying to make this man happy and 25 years of him rejecting all of those attempts. #and 25 years of……. a lot of other shit also.