#or when I'm distraught or panicked or really upset or other strong negative feelings I have two that help.

[goldshykitsune]

Gosh it's so werid right now...

My school gave out awards for the graduating class, with of course only those who got awards and their family can go (or friends if they got it approved by their family.)

I got two of them and it just hit me...

I didn't do the most that I could have.

I know why. I know how I could have improved and what outside factors stopped me. But overall I look and I see what I did get and I just think to myself... like... wow.

I actually made it to getting two awards...

Like... two awards!

I mean I believe some only got one. Though quite a few got more then two. I knew most of the people. A few I couldn't quite recognize or remember if I knew but the majority I did.

And that also made me think. Like I knew so many amazing and successful people and I managed to be up there in rank with them!

It was really cool.

However with this said it also reminded me about the fact that soon I will not be a minor.

Soon I will be an adult.

Very soon, in fact it's only a matter of days.

... 5 or 4 days...

It kind of scares me. Like I will not be a minor. I'll be going to college. Likely will get a job too. I have to clean my room. Make sure I pass one single class or I perish because this one class will determine if I graduate. (I'llget it but like I'm gonna explode with stress.)

I got a bunch of tests this week into next. I got a few projects that aren't done and I got very little time.

However I know I can get through it. I just... mentally might not be very good right now.

#I started hallucinating #I do that sometimes #probably not good but I can't afford to go talk to anyone and I don't trust asking my family for help signing up for this one online thing #it says you must be older than 19 to sign up on your own and like... I definitely ain't there yet. #I also gotta say I've been feeling lonely lately. #I got a voice/fictional person I have who comforts me and forces out bad things and tries helping me tackle the mental issues I got going on #I honestly dunno what to call this one as it only shows when things get pretty bad. #I got multiple fictional people/voices that go around in my mind helping me. #or not helping #like how I have a few of them which I associate to intrusive thoughts (and yes I mean intrusive not compulsive but I got some for that too.) #I even got some for emotions for when I dunno how to feel. sometimes I dunno how to feel sorry for someone or empathic/sympathetic and so #I got a person made up to help in situations. I just pretend I'm them. #or when I'm distraught or panicked or really upset or other strong negative feelings I have two that help. #one of those two will stay even after #However that 1 is the one I mentioned earlier that generally comes at extreme times when I need them most #though I have “seen”/“heard” them without being that way before too. #but by a year of school I can get distraught at the end because of everything being due and it's pass or fail moments so I panic a lot #I also get distraught and upset #and lonely and really a lot of negative things which takes toll on my mental health meaning that's were the one person comes from. #anyways I got off topic. if people want though I might elaborate what these tags mean and are talking about. #so I guess I should go #but I mean I would congratulate my friends here but I dunno their tumblrs/they don't have one. #so instead I will congratulate everyone who got a reward at school ever in their life for whatever reason #even if it's something silly like having the messiest desk. #or something about community service cause that is a great thing and even if you ain't got a reward for it I congratulate you.