#probably wont post it if i dont just post it now so lets goooooooooo projecting time

[purplehoodiesimon]

In a thrilling twist of my usual projecting shenanigans, I will be projecting onto Simon tonight 💜

Just hear me out on this one. It's after the video. The dust has started to settle but those few weeks of terror are still so fresh. And Wilhelm is out of it. It's not his problem anymore. It's just Simon in the video, it's just Simon that has to deal with the reporters at his door and the articles picking apart his life. He may not have slept with the Crown Prince anymore, not to the public, but he's still the boy that momentarily held that title and people still want to know about him and his life at Hillerska. And he deals with it. He deals with it, it's fine, it's not like his entire life imploded just a few weeks ago. He deals with it, that's what he does.

And it's just a small thing at first. Just a momentary blip of panic when he goes to the store and there are people whispering, and he stands in the snack aisle and for one fleeting second his entire body seizes with this place isn't safe, it's not safe it's too far from home, what if something goes wrong in this unsafe place? And then he dismisses the thought, because it's ridiculous, it's fine. This is the store he goes to daily, it's not unsafe. But there's still that too fast heartbeat and weird weight on his chest as he walks home, that only goes away once the door is safely shut behind him.

And then it gets worse. And honestly, he doesn't see it happening. When Rosh and Ayub ask if he wants to go to the movies and he feels uncomfortable at the thought, it's nothing. When he stands at the gate of Hillerska after Linda's dropped him off and has to work up the courage to keep walking, to just keep his feet moving forward until he's up the path and in his first class of the day trying to calm his heartrate, it's nothing. When he realizes it's his third weekend in a row not leaving the house, it's nothing. It's all just weird anxiety spikes and nothing to worry about, he's dealing with it and it's fine.

But then it's the end of a school day and Henry asks if he wants to hang in the common room with all the guys, a subtle gesture of inclusion probably born of pity, and Simon's throat closes at the thought of walking all across campus to the Forest Ridge dorms. It's too far from his path to the bus. It's Sara asking him to walk to the store with her and him making excuses about having homework. It's too far to the store, anything could happen in the 10 minute walk. It's Ayub asking if he wants to come over to play games and Simon barely making it down the street to his house as his stomach rolls and his heart pounds. It's so far, too far, 13 steps from his house 14 steps from his house 15 steps from his house...

And Simon can't keep lying to himself about it, he's scared to leave the house and it's getting worse.

Wilhelm asks if they can hang out in Bjärstad one day, a few months after, well, everything. He's asking just as friends, trying to rebuild some of the tentative platonic layers under the love that drove them to each other's arms, and Simon wants to. But he can't have Wilhelm at his house, not so soon after the last time, and he feels his pulse spike at just the thought of being anywhere else with him. It's that thought, that realization that it's Wilhelm, who he loves (though he can only admit it in his head) and he can't hang out with him in Bjärstad because there's nowhere safe besides his house, and he can't hang out at Hillerska because it's too far away on the weekends, and where else is there to go? And it's him turning the offer down with a lie about not feeling well and a "maybe next week" that sends a different sort of sickening jolt of cold fear down his spine.

Simon knows he needs help. He needs to sort this out, fix it before the summer holidays roll around. Because honestly, he's not sure he'll leave his house at all once they start. It's the only place that feels safe, that doesn't leave him shaking and counting the minutes until he can return home. And it's a terrifying possibility that once he loses the sole reason of school to leave, he just. Won't.

#woo woo me projecting my agoraphobia onto simon woo woo #my phone is about to die im just going to post this now as is #probably wont post it if i dont just post it now so lets goooooooooo projecting time #young royals #young royals netflix #simon young royals #simon eriksson #simon yr