#realized im never getting over my ex. time to play apt 502!

[strawbebyjam]

:)

#realized im never getting over my ex. time to play apt 502! #HDJDJDJDJDJ #i’ve gotten better at not like. giving in to the part of my brain that begs to talk to them or ask about whether we’re still gonna stay #in contact / be friends / keep checking in #like. i’ve realized that i’m no longer doing it for the good of anyone. i havr no way of knowing whether it’s making things worsr or better #for them the more i do it but i feel like hearing from me at all mudt feel gross or repulsive on some level #so i’m doing my best to like. fight my brain JDJJJDJD #hurts! but if i give in to my brain’s demands it’ll go from hurting to stabbing. likr i’m making things worse for everyonr #need to focus on like. not failing another semester and getting my degree for once HDKDKDJD #but. i can treat myself to a little well written interactive fiction. even if i dont really deserve it. HDJJDJDJ #mano.mindtalk #neg #i keep yhinking im handljng yhings better and im always wrong. just yhis morning i thought i was doingbetter than yesterdayand now im doing #so much worsr and everyday jm further behind. and jm terrified. and im sl heartbrokenand i dont know what im trying yo do anymore #and i sre family and ftiends and everyone getting so muchjoy and i am so happy for thembht it breaks my heart #and i wannatry to get help but its so hardand all the times i have tried it hasntworked #i wanna get better so badly. i wanna be good so badly. and i keep getting furthe and further from it and saying horriblethings yo myself and #veing so hopeless and it makes me so sad i dontknow how i endeduo like this again