#seeing queer ppl being aphobic is extra hurtful

[sapphicteaparty]

why i’ll be single forever

realizing i was aro/ace was extremely liberating to me. i did not notice how much pressure there was on me to end up in a relationship at some point, like i always thought eventually that would happen. i couldn't even imagine that being single was an option or that i could be happy that way.

on the one hand, the thought of having a gf/partner is, i guess... ok? like the idea of it isn't negative to me in itself. but on the other hand, also i highkey just want to be alone a lot. i love spending time alone. i'm happy when i can just do the things i enjoy. i have hobbies, i have friends/family, i have things i love. no i don't want kids, or a spouse or 'my own' family or to fulfill societal expectations.

amatonormativity is so deeply ingrained in our lives that it's taken me a while to stop thinking that there's something wrong with me for not wanting to be in relationships. it's so pervasive too, like ppl keep saying "oh you'll find someone" assuming that everyone should one day settle down with a partner. almost every piece of media keeps telling me the same thing. over and over and over. there's a huge lack of ace/aro representation so it's no wonder i couldn't even imagine living my life differently.

most ppl my age are already married and have kids, or they are in some sort of relationship or looking for a relationship. but i also have some friends who are single and don't seem to want relationships and that's kinda cool. life can be about so much more than a romantic/sexual relationship and i hate how amatonormativity has basically made that the goal of human existence. like how being IN LOVE is the peak of human experiences/emotions and if you don't experience that or want to experience it then clearly something is wrong with you (that’s a lie).

ace/aro ppl are not missing out. if anything, the opposite is true for all those ppl who settle down with someone just because society demands that from them, sacrificing their own passions, interests, hobbies or dreams for the sake of their relationship. better get married before 30-40 or else your life is over and you'll be alone forever! yikes, imagine being single! (actual things i've heard cishet allos say).

i'm not saying ppl can't genuinely want or dream about being in relationships or getting married and finding a partner (good for you if that’s what you want) but amatonormativity means everyone should want that and that's simply not true.

and it’s ok if you don’t understand every facet of every queer identity or label (i sure as hell don’t), you can still be respectful and accept that some ppl experience the world differently than you and that’s ok. really the only thing ace/aro ppl are missing out on is acceptance and validation because in the year 2021 i still see ppl being aphobic.

#amatonormativity #long post #seeing queer ppl being aphobic is extra hurtful #mp #ok to reblog