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blissfulhighh · 6 years

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I’m gonna vent a little on here because I got some bad news and I’m sad 😞 & no one knows me personally on here. I’ll call this:

The Life of being a Drug Addicts Sister.

I have three brothers and they’re all on meth. Here’s a little backstory to kind of understand what’s going on now.

My dad married his first wife back when he was 28. They had three boys. The oldest is H, the middle one is G, and the youngest one is C. My dad and his wife had a house in Mexico and my dad would go back and forth from California to Mexico. His wife didn’t have papers, and it took a while to fix her papers. They eventually had their first born in Mexico, (H). When everything was all set for her to enter the U.S. they moved and found a home in California where my dad would work. Soon came their second child, (G). A few years later they had their last child, (C). My dad would work 6 days a week and 12 hours a day. His wife also worked but a part time job, so she can be home with the kids. I believe it was September 24th, early in the morning she unfortunately got into a car accident. She died instantly. She left behind her three babies at the ages of (H) 9 years old , (G) 6 years old, & (C) 2 year old. My dad eventually married my mom, and a year later they had me. Honestly, it was not easy for my mom. The kids (H & G) didn’t want my mom there, which is understandable. They knew who their mom was & didn’t want anyone else taking her spot. My mom had no intentions on ever taking her spot or making them call her mom or anything they didn’t want to do. They eventually warmed up to her. My mom raised them as best as she could & treated/loved them as if they were her own kids.

To be honest, I have the best momories with my three brothers. They NEVER made me feel any different because i had a different mom than them. I remember (C) taught me how to ride my bike without my training wheels but I crashed the first time because I didn’t know how to stop lol I remember (G) telling me funny stories one night because I had a nightmare & how to tie my shoes lol. I remember (H) taught me how to not take shit from anybody, to always stand up for myself. We would all play Pokémon ALL day. We would watch rugrats, spongebob, and rocketpower was our favorite. I remember being traumatized after I watched chucky and threw all my dolls away! Lol

My oldest brother (H) eventually started getting into trouble with the police at the age of 14. He had friends that weren’t the best influences, and they would go around town tagging on walls. Not gonna lie, my brothers graffiti was pretty sick. Lol but ever since then my parents have struggled with trying to get him into the right path. He eventually moved in with his girlfriend and had his apartment, a stable job, things were looking good for him.

My other brother (G), is or I should say was the smartest person I knew. He always had good comments from his teachers and always had straight A’s. He had a bright future ahead of him. He would give me and (C) the best advice for school, life, etc.

The youngest of the three (C), was not the best in school. I’d say he was street smart instead of book smart lol. We were the closest, probably because we were the closest in age. He also taught me to not take shit from anyone. They made me one tough cookie lol.

I grew up such a tomboy lol My brothers wouldn’t let me listen to what they would call “little bitch” music lol thanks to them I grew to love a genre of music that people would be surprised that I listen to now because I eventually became such a girly girl listening to fucken Taylor Swift & Justin Bieber lol.

I still remember the first incident that happened. I was 15 years old when I found out that the oldest (H) was smoking crystal. (H) had moved back home with us because it didn’t work out with the girlfriend he dad. I had just came home from cheer practice & I found (H) & (C) fighting because (H) was tweaking it at the house. I didn’t say anything to my parents because... I don’t know why I didn’t but I should have.. maybe things would be different. Ever since that day, little did I know my life would change forever. One year my parents, (C), & I went to Mexico in December. (C) decided he wanted to go to ATL with his moms sister because he got tired of living in California.

I remember crying and telling (H) to stop doing drugs. It was changing him to someone i didn’t even recognize. I thought that was the worst it would get. I look back now and laugh because it got so much worse. He got so bad sooo fast. He would hang out with his little tweaker friends and bring them to the house. He had this one friend AJ, that’s his real name; I’m telling y’all his real name because fuck him lol. He would STAYYYYY going to the house hella on one. My parents told him relentlessly that he ain’t welcome. Aj obviously doesn’t give a fuck because he kept going. My dad didn’t know what else to do, so he bought him a plane ticket to ATL so he can sober up while he was staying with his moms sister which (C) was also there. (C) eventually came back home because he was homesick, but (H) stayed over there. Let me tell y’all. (H) got sooooooo FAT, I was beyond happy because when he was home with us, he was nothing but bones. I thought it was going to be different, I thought he would change his life for the better. (H) eventually came back home also because he was also homesick. Not going to lie, I was skeptical because he was 2 years sober and I didn’t want him to go back to the way he was. He came back Nov. 29 and TWO weeks later... he started tweaking agian. My heart was shattered, I was completely let down.

During this time, (G) met a girl (X) and eventually they were unseparatable. (G) had a stable job, and (X) did too. They lived together in an apartment in the city. They first had a little fubaby that I adored and loved because my furbaby was his brother lol a little down the road (X) gave us the best news, she was pregnant! the first baby in the family! Little baby (P) was about 8 months when things started to spiral out of control.

At this point, (H) was out of his mind. He had literally first fought everyone at the house at this point including my dad, well besides my mom. I remember (G & C) literally fighting him for him to either stop doing drugs or to get the fuck out. This was in February 2017. The cops were called at least 4 times a week. Things obviously didn’t get better but (H) moved in with my dads sister so things were ok.

Here’s when things get weird.. (G) was being really weird, and paranoid. He always kept saying that people were out to get him. He was building this shed for my dad because he was going to school for construction and wanted to build something. He got really paranoid at work also, saying that they were plotting against him to get him fired. So he quit. He started building that shed full time now. He wouldn’t leave the house till like 3 am. Which my dad was really concerned. I also had a bad feeling, he had never ever acted that way. I should’ve seen the signs they were so clear and I’m my face.. I would find globies & baggies in his trailer where he kept his tools which he was the ONLY one that had keys to it. He would always blame (H) but I should’ve known.. I was in denial. (G) could not be smoking crystal, that would be ridiculous he knows better than that especially dealing with (H). The one thing I never thought would happen, happened. (G) was tweaking it too. Little after that, I found out (C) was too.

One day (G) & (C) & (H) & AJ we’re outside and I was inside with some friends. I hear yelling & I knew they were fighting. So went outside. (H) tried to stab (G) in the eye with scissors. If it wasn’t for (G) wearing glasses, he probably would’ve got stabbed. (G) pressed charges, and (H) was booked in jail. It’s sad to say but I was relieved. There was nights I would go out looking for him to come home. Some days I worried if he would even come back. (G) was wrongfully imprisoned because he was at a certain place at the wrong time. There was a robbery at a bar & (G) walked by & they assaulted him & robbed him too. (G) came home and our house got raided at 3 am because they thought (G) did it. He was in jail for about 2 weeks & was let out July 15. & guess what (H) was let out July 16. It was bittersweet to see (H). I have to be honest. My mom & I did go visit him in jail various times & gave him money so he can buy food because I felt bad because jail food does not sound appetizing. (H) was sober and I thought I was getting through to him. Literally a DAY later they started tweaking again. And once again I was let down, completely and utterly disappointed. (C) was changing dramatically as well. There’s things I’ve seen and heard that I will never forget. I’ve witnessed too many traumatizing situations. I’ve witnessed (G) trying to run over (C). They all changed from day to night so quickly. They all fought all the time. It hurt me so much because they were not the same loving brothers that I fondly remember. I tried so hard and far too many times to try to get them to change. The last fight I had got in was with (C). It tore me apart, it broke me. He said foul things to me but the one thing the ONE thing that pushed me over the edge.. “ I have no sister “ in that moment I couldn’t handle it anymore. My depression was at its worst and hearing that since we were so close destroyed my soul. I went into my room completely numb, just defeated. I overdosed on promethazine. I just wanted everything to be over at the moment. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. You know some people wake up from nightmares and realize it was just a dream.. well everyday I would wake up to my nightmare realizing it’s very real. I was transferred to a behavioral center from the hospital which was fucken traumatizing. I was there for 3 days, which were the longest days of my life. But I can say I learned a lot while I was there. I joke about it now, like fuckkkk I actually went to a behavioral center my life is fucken dope. but it all seriousness, for the people that are severely depressed, I recommend going to a center. There are therapist that talk to you on a daily basis & groups that you participate in that you can vent and share what brought you there. Sometimes it’s good to just talk to people that you don’t know who you are and no judgement from what you share. The first thing I did was eat Carl’s Jr. when I was released lol.

(G) was so far gone, he was a completely different person. He would ask us if we were ourselves and ask for our social security numbers to see if it was really us or if we were sent from the government to spy on him. He honestly resembled schizophrenic behavior. I will forever remember what (H) told me.. “HES JUST BEING CREATIVE” (X) put a restraining order on (G) because he was relentlessly harassing her at her home & didn’t want baby (P) to be near (G) because it’s honestly scary to be around someone like that. He violated the restraining order and was thankfully put in jail. During this time I no longer communicated with any of them. I decided that I needed a break from all the drama and sadness. So I bought a plane ticket to Mexico for October 15th. I didn’t tell anyone, besides my parents. (G) was let out October 3rd I believe. It was hard for me but I learned the hard way. I didn’t talk to (H, G, C). I didn’t want to go through the pain again. Because let’s be real. Once you get a taste of that drug and you get hooked on it, there’s not a question if you’ll ever go back on it.. it’s a matter of time WHEN you go back on it. I’m not saying all people can’t sober up from it but from MY experience they always go back.

So here we are December 27. I called (X) and she let me know (G) is back on it. I knew he would eventually but I wanted him to change his life for his daughters. (H, G, C) will never be the same, and I’ve accepted it. My parents, (X), friends, and I have tried numerous times to get them to change but they don’t want to. I learned the hard way that you can’t change people in who you want them to be. I always thought that it was because they lost their mother that they fell into drugs. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, but I know I’m my heart their mother wouldn’t want this life for them.

As for me, I quit my job & I stopped going to school so I could stay home to protect my mother from them just in case they ever did anything. I stopped living my life because I was trying to save theirs. I’m going to try ONE last time to try to get them to go to rehab. But I have to start living my life, I’m 22 years old, I’m too young to be feeling like I’m 40. I’m putting them in Gods hands. Nothing is going to stop me from my plans and dreams. I’m going to work hard, so my parents won’t have to. They’ve been through enough. I am the one who is going to look after my parents when they get old. I can honestly say, this made me a stronger person. I’m no longer in that mentality where I wanted life to just end for me. Life is so beautiful & too precious to be sad. So here’s to 2018, nothing but smiles & happiness.

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