#shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

the way they sometimes introduce fish to lakes cracks me the fuck up because they literally will just drop a bunch of them out of an airplane

imagine that happening in the warrior cats universe. dudeheart, respected warrior of riverclan is trying to chill and enjoy the five minutes of peace he has today. his new apprentice is a dipshit. the deputy is on his ass. thunderclan is up to something weird. he just wants five minutes. five goddamned minutes to himself to sit and organize his thoughts.

and then a giant metal bird screams by and dumps a fuckton of fish into the lake

what do you even say after that. what do you even do. it never fucking ends for dudeheart. it's always fucking something

#like is it an omen. should he tell the medicine cat. #dudeheart does not know but he knows it's going to be an almighty affair when he gets back to camp so he just sits there #pretends he didn't see it #warrior cats #warriors #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

so the thing about english is that people think it's so divorced from other germanic languages based on like. words. I've even heard people try to insist that english is a romance language. because of that whole messy business in 1066 with out-of-wedlock willy and his band of naughty normans. and now a good chunk of the vocabulary is french or whatever and they're prestigious so not using them makes you sound like a rube and this and that and the other

and yes william the conqueror will never be safe from me. I will have my revenge on him. he fucked up a perfectly good germanic language is what he did. this will be me in hell

but the thing is that most words in, say, german do have a one to one english equivalent. not all hope is lost, for those who still dare to see it. it's just that you 1066pilled normancels aren't looking in the right place

dog (en) ≠ der Hund (de) but der Hund (de) -> hound (en)

look with your special eyes. that one was easier. not all of them are this intuitive because of semantic narrowing and broadening and waltzing and hokey-pokeying and whatever else. I'll give you a few more

animal (en) ≠ das Tier (de)

aha! you think. I've got him on the ropes now.

but then

das Tier (de) -> deer (en)

nooooo!! you whine and cry in gay baby jail. the consonants are different!!! listen to me. listen, I say, putting both my hands on your shoulder. /t/and /d/ are the same sound. you just put your voice behind one of them.

nooooooooo!! you wail. deer are animals but not all animals are deer!!! listen to me. LISTEN. they used to be. animals used to be deer. that's just what we called them. it was a long time ago. it was a weird time in all our lives. it's okay.

let's try for a verb this time

to die (en) ≠ sterben (de) but sterben (de) -> to starve

same principle with the consonants, we're just changing a stop (where we completely stop the airflow and then let it through) for a fricative (where we still let some air go through. idk where it's going. maybe to its job or something.)

to starve used to mean generally to die, not just to die of malnourishment. we do that a lot. we take one word for a lot of things and make it mean one thing. or take one word for one thing and make it mean a lot of things. this is common and normal.

"okay but roland," you say, suddenly coming up with an argument. "what about tree? trees are super common. I don't think we'd fuck around too much with that. the german word is baum! what about THAT?"

"when did you learn german?" I ask, but then decide it isn't relevant right at this very moment. but fine.

tree (en) ≠ der Baum (de) but der Baum (de) -> beam (en)

beam??? you ask incredulously. beam???? BEAM?????? you continue with the same tone and cadence of captain holt from brooklyn 99.

yes. beam. like the evil beams from my eye I'm going to hit you with if you don't stop shouting.

but the vowels!!! you howl.

listen. listen to me. the vowels mean nothing. absolutely nothing. they're fluid like water. it got raised in english.

"WHAT DOES RAISED MEAN"

it doesn't matter right now. they were raised better than you, at least. stop shouting. open your eyes and see what god has given you. they're the same word.

"they're NOT the same word. they mean different things!"

we've been over this. they didn't used to. a beam was (and is) a long solid piece of wood. much like the long solid piece of wood I showed your mother last night.

FAQ:

Q: could english be some kind of germanic-romance hybrid?

A: do you become a sexy thing from the black lagoon just because you dressed up as one for halloween? english may have gotten a lot of vocabulary from norman french, but its history and syntax are distinctly germanic. that's what we base these things on.

Q: okay but what does it matter? this doesn't actually affect my day to day life

A: you come into my house? you come into my house, the house of an autistic man living in vienna austria and studying english linguistics and you ask me what does it matter? sit back down. I was going to let you go but now I have powerpoints to show you

Q: you're stupid and wrong and gay and a bad person

A: I know it's you, Willy

#I don't know what came over me #it was the devil #linguistics #english linguistics #etymology #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

can't believe firestar was only 18 moons old when he became leader. he should've been at the club

#warriors #warrior cats #wc #firestar #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

"tradition statt multikulti" mein bruder in christus if you're really gunning to go back to the glory days then the habsburgerreich was one of the major multikulti empires of the day lmao

like. that was literally the whole point homs da ins hirn gschissn

#grad wien war schon immer “multikulti” #schleichn sie zurück in ihr kaff #franz josef if you can hear me #franz josef please set him straight #like I know that's the whole point of right wing populism but it's an inherently ahistorical take #so says the man who's been a maria theresia stan fifteen years running #help. the autism beams #they're affecting me #anyway fuck övp but that goes without saying #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

literally having a huffy little moment because I was invited to a party at the end of the month with the dress code being kidcore. how am I supposed to pull that out of my wardrobe. I'm a deep winter, you utter buffoons. fucking crisis situation

#I don't own a single thing that saturated #maybe when I was 19 and still wore brights #calling for IMMEDIATE backup #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

fashion bros on tiktok are right unfortunately. shirt and tie with denim jacket hits

#my tie is rakishly loose as well #it's giving ambiguously gay catholic school boy running to the gas station immediately after class #presumably to buy cigs off his best friend's burnout older cousin who works there #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

tigerclaw finally revealed as redtail's murderer and he just does this

#warrior cats #warriors #wc #tigerclaw #tigerstar #redtail #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

Liebe Hurensöhne und Hurentöchter,

#is this anything #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

ich hass das wort klamotten. sorry. dadurch werd ich komplett evil. sorry. jedes mal wenn ichs höre verliert mal ein engel die flügel. sorry. eines tages wird sich das land auflösn und wir werdn alle ins meer geworfn. sorry. darf ich trotzdem zu deiner geburtstagsparty kommn

#style boutique verwandelt mich in eine beaft oder gargoyle #ich spiel nix auf deutsch weil der piefke dialekt bei mir körperliche schäden verursacht fr #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

thinking about Problematic Queen Leopardstar because why is the warrior cats writing team so viciously misogynistic and willing to paint women so horribly at every opportunity yet they refuse to just commit to the bit when it comes to her??

leopardstar's whole thing was that she girlbossed way too close to the sun and helped establish a fascist dictatorship and the only reason she ever regretted it was because it turned out badly for her. who's this self-conscious hesitant npc-ass bitch in leopardstar's honor. I Don't Know Her. where's the scheming. where's the power plays. where's the throwing her weight around because nobody can touch her. where's the THEATRICS. the DRAMA of it all. you've got a former cat fascist (catscist, if you will) lounging around in charge of riverclan for multiple arcs and you're just?? not gonna do anything with that??? nothing at all?????

and then she gets taken out by CAT DIABETES? I Refuse. leopardstar died bloodily and gloriously in combat resulting from shit she probably started her whole-ass self. just like she would have wanted.

and then she went to cat hell.

#warrior cats #warriors #wc #leopardstar #leopardfur #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

they're making me do my job at work for eleven hours today but at least I look handsome

#I STILL desperately need a haircut #all in due time #still don't have a selfie tag #'you're just posting these for attention!' insert chad yes image #I was wearing a sweater but took it off bc it's too hot #it's bc of all the övp arschlöcher hier #they're bringing the fires of hell with them #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

kane ahnung warum mans 'verkühlung' nennt

fühl mi ziemlich warm

#geposted beim billa @ halb acht #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

truly no post like "girl help they're making me do my job at work". nightmare scenario. cataclysmic event. worse than any form of torture. violation of the geneva conventions. adam ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and god made mankind work forevermore because he couldn't think of anything worse to do to us. horrible 0/10

#they have me here for eleven fucking hours today #like sure it's garderobe and I get to sit at my little desk with my little coffee and my little tv shows #but why pray tell must i gard the fucking robe for ELEVEN. HOURS. #excessive #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

so I really like one of my jobs, which surprises people because it's working like ten hours a week in the garderobe of one of the most övp places on earth. but it's really fine because these people are more... enchanted by me than anything else? I'm like a peacock to them. I come in when I have to work in my thrifted (usually all black) blazers and scarves that make me look like a chubby gay fashion designer from a 90s movie. they give me food from the catering. they bring me coffee. they let me do whatever the fuck I want as long as nobody actively needs me, so I'm either drawing or writing or folding little origami cranes or reading a novel. but also like. it's the most övp place on earth. everyone there is a businessman or a lawyer. upon meeting my boss for the first time (I got the job through a friend so they took me on without ever talking to me first lmao) he looked me dead in the eye and went "ah! sie haben pronomen!". they literally ripped off the signs on the bathrooms near my desk and made them gender neutral so they wouldn't have to ever talk to me about Anything. all that doesn't bother me.

what Does bother me is that none of these cheap fucks will give me cigarettes. "oh roland, you shouldn't smoke. you sing, don't you? you have nice skin, don't ruin it with smoking." you're all hypocrites. you all just don't want to share. unbelievable.

#I am the scantest of gelegenheitsraucher #I only smoke socially #Usually only when I drink and only one or two #But goddamn of all the places to give a man a damn cigarette this would be it #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

every so often I go on r/dph to see what the people determined to ingest cataclysmic amounts of benadryl are up to

#they want to know the hatman biblically #but marx failed to consider whether the hatman wants to know them #hat man #hatman #benadryl #shitpost nach sacher art

[sachermorte]

yes yes yes The Horrors™ but consider that I'm sitting in Stadtpark this afternoon sunning myself like a lizard and drinking hand-mixed mimosas out of teacups with poppies painted on them while watching the ducks

yes yes yes the despair is endless but I'm daydrinking in good company with beautiful surroundings and we're going to go thrifting later while tipsy

#I've got shorts on and little round sunglasses that make me look like an Indiana Jones villain #the other week I was hanging out with a friend up in flodo and she told me with all love that I dress like a burschenschaftler #but that was winter roland #summer roland dresses more goth-forward #shitpost nach sacher art