#shout out to Frizzie for inspiring this drabble/headcanon list

[crymeariveronceagain]

alvar vacker's low quality life story

He's Fitz before Fitz is born. Alden's golden child. The perfect Vacker heir.

He's perfect. He's seamless. He's brilliant. He's Alden's favorite son. It tastes like smothering yourself and becoming a statue. It's everything anyone could ever want. It tastes like bile in the back of his throat when he says the wrong thing at a party. It's everything everyone wants. Alvar isn't a person but a doll. But Alvar doesn't care. Alden has his perfect son. His favorite son.

Then again, Alden doesn't have anyone to compare him to.

Alvar is proud to be a Vacker. He's proud to be himself. Sure, his father gets this look in his eyes when he manifests at age ten. Sure, it burns deep in his chest because he knows what his parents were looking for and it wasn't him. But he's fine.

He's Alden's favorite son. Alden doesn't have anyone to compare him to.

He's Della's favorite child. Della doesn't have anyone better.

And then, when he's eleven, Fitz is born. And his reality shatters. He slowly, slowly, softly, carefully, loses absolutely everything. Because Alvar is only good enough if there's no one to compare him to. He can no longer impress his father. Not with Fitz right there, teal eyes, smiles, smarter, brighter, fiercer, more like Alden. How did Alvar ever stand a chance?

And so he resorts to the next best thing, staying out of the way--- away from his parents' anger or manipulation and attention and it works and he's fine and it's okay.

And then Biana. And Alvar is out of a place again. Because when Biana turns three, she's the invisible child.

Fitz is golden, Biana is invisible, that leaves only one option left for Alvar. It's not a very good one.

He feels eyes on him at every turn. It's been three years since he's been seen, and it feels like violence every time his father hisses at him, his mother scolds him, his parents' friends laugh at him. He gets pushed around some. What else are they supposed to do with him? He's no one's favorite. He's not invisible.

He's horribly, horribly seen.

None of the Vacker children get the right kind of love. They get cheap replacements. Each one is cheaper than the next. Fitz gets praise and a box he can never move out an inch out of. Biana gets freedom and never being thought of. Alvar gets noticed and the pain of being seen without the warmth of being loved in the way that knows along with sees.

Alvar moves out the second after he finishes school. He never looks back.

Never.

He goes somewhere he'll never be seen again.

It all goes downhill from there.

#kotlc #kotlc headcanons #kotlc alvar #alvar vacker #kotlc thoughts #fitz vacker #kotlc fitz #kotlc biana #biana vacker #all the homies at least mildly dislike alden #shout out to Frizzie for inspiring this drabble/headcanon list