#sidenote: even outside of religion‚ beating children is extremely accepted in rural appalachian culture

[yardsards]

i think one of the most evil aspects of fundamentalist evangelical christianity is how it (and the general culture of those who follow it) encourages parents to treat children

first off, it treats having children as something EVERYONE should do, regardless of if they actually want and are capable of raising said children. in more extreme cases you get shit like the quiverfull movement, wherein couples are encouraged to have as many children as physically possible

and then, those children are referred to like they're their parents possessions, like they are just objects their parents were "gifted" with by god. they're not treated like their own human beings.

AND a core tenet of their religion is that humans are born inherently sinful. they think newborns, who can't even fully control their bodily functions yet, are automatically full of sin. an infant's crying for its basic needs to be met is seen as a sign of their inherent selfishness

a parents' main goal is supposed to be to "purify" that child's soul by any means necessary, the child's actual wellbeing is secondary to "saving their soul"

and, of course, free thought is discouraged in favour of obedience. they believe in a hierarchy: child < wife < husband < god. if you are to disobey the one above you, then you are considered to be disobeying god himself- even if the thing your parent or husband is commanding you not to do is not a sin in of itself. "honor thy father and thy mother"

and again, parents are taught that the best trait for a child to have is *obedience*. obedient to their parents and obedient to the church and scripture

parents are taught to force that obedience by corporal punishment. physical abuse (and yes. "spanking" is abuse. if you disagree then, well, i'm sorry that someone convinced you that raising a hand against someone so much smaller and weaker than you is anything short of abusive) is ENCOURAGED

in fact, if you DON'T hit your kids, you are seen as A BAD PARENT, who is failing to properly "train" their child, and who is dooming their child to a life of wickedness, sin, and suffering ("he who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." or, put more simply, "spare the rod spoil the child")

parents are told to ignore their own despair and revulsion towards the idea of harming their child, and to hit them anyway. hit the kid and ignore the voice in your head that says hitting kids is wrong. remind yourself that this is for the child's own good. remind yourself that this is god's will.

you're also supposed to remind the child that you are hurting them for their own good, because god commands it. teach them that people hurting them is a good thing.

and many suggest that after you beat them, give your child comfort (comfort from the distress caused by being beaten by you, who is supposed to protect them from harm) and to give them affection (to drive home the point that hurting them is how you show love). which, if you know about the cycle of abusive relationships (tension, violent incident, reconciliation, calm) then you can see how this is pretty much a mirror image of that

it's fucking evil

look up the book "to train up a child" if you want to see this taken to the extreme. even many fundamentalists thing the methodology is too extreme, but they generally agree with the ideology/principles behind it

#eliot posts #exvangelical #abuse cw #christianity cw #religious trauma cw #my parents weren't even that religious compared to some others i knew #but they had thoroughly absorbed the abusive ideologies peddled by that specific belief system #i was only beaten a dozen or so times that i can remember #my sister had it way worse #but even still. it fucked me up #wooden spoons still make me uncomfortable tbh (i also got the belt or the hands but the spoons were the worst and most common) #i still get a little bit afraid that people are gonna hit me when they're really mad at me and i shut down #sidenote: even outside of religion‚ beating children is extremely accepted in rural appalachian culture #and there's just. a lot to disentangle with that #i'd read some pretty good pieces about like. unlearning abusive ideals that were normalized in your culture #whilst not like. fully rejecting or belittling every part of your culture even the good or harmless stuff #though most of those were written by people of colour so not a 100% overlap with my situation #cuz y'know. we don't have racism against us just for being ''rednecks'' or whatever #but we do have our own smaller cultures that have formed outside the mainstream because of geographic isolation and bc poverty #but it's not the exact same situation #SIDENOTE my parents never rlly did the comforting me after beating me thing and were very blatantly beating me out of anger #so i kinda benefited there cuz there wasn't that level of manipulation so i realized it was wrong of them pretty early on #i didn't know it was abuse but i knew it was cruel