#so fucking real. it is such a comfort to see so nany lesbians with a similar experience to mine

[bengiyo]

Reveal your watch & Rewatch drama list

I got tagged by @iguessitsjustme and figured I’d update post KinnPorsche

RECENTLY FINISHED

KinnPorsche - I really loved a lot of the vibes in this show, even if I’ll admit they didn’t all come together. Really glad Be On Cloud tried to really make a show with a memorable sense of style. I’m also excited that this is the first show since Lovesick or Make It Right that didn’t feel finished at the end of the first season. We haven’t had that in a while, and I’m intrigued to see what BL can be if it has meat beyond “How Will They Get Together?”

Queer as Folk (2000) - I recently rewatched all of the Showtime Queer as Folk, and I feel like I like this show a lot more now than I did as a teen. I like how specific this show is; it’s a show about scene queens in Pittsburgh and the lesbian couple they’re close with. I have so many positive things to say about this show, so I’ll just say that they understood what we actually need as queer viewers: We need lots of shows about specific types of queer people. We don’t need one show to be everything to all of us. We also need to stop being ashamed of the fact that many of us really like sex. 

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - I’ve been watching Star Trek since I was born, and we haven’t had a season this good in over 25 years. If you want your sci-fi to be aspirational and about smart people who like each other solving problems, then you need to watch this. This is the show Gene Roddenberry would have made if he had the money. I loved it. Star Trek is back!

Old Fashion Cupcake - Because these guys are older, I was hoping for them to return to the desperate kiss at the end of the fourth episode instead of just sliding us into comfortable domesticity, but I still really enjoyed the couple here. I liked the office romance a lot, and I like the idea that someone caring for you can help you see your own life differently. I also liked Nozue running to Togawa. That felt correct and emotionally rewarding. So glad Japan has stepped up their game. 

To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories - I know many of the folks I follow ended on a somewhat sour note with this because of the angst of this, but I really appreciated this show a lot. I love my happy for now and happily ever after shows like anyone else, but I actually didn’t think this couple could really be happy for now. I’m glad we got to see how difficult things were for them. I know BL is escapist for some folks, but damn do I love seeing queer people overcome our own fucked up heads and get back to each other after we really screw it up. This wasn’t for everyone, but it was for me. 

Koisenu Futari - Thanks to @kyr-kun-chan and her determination, I finally got to see this drama about two aromatic asexual people trying to build a household together. This was a pretty packed show, but felt so real for much of what I’ve experienced for myself and with some of my friends. I really loved this, and have as much praise for this as I do for Kinou Nani Tabeta?

Plus & Minus - I must admit feeling rather mixed about the end of this, even if I liked the laundry couple, and the Wayne-Chun Chih cameo. I feel like impetus and overcoming of the breakup happened offscreen. Like @heretherebedork I didn’t like them both running to each other at the end. It felt like the show misunderstood itself at the end. I liked the performances, but there are a few big emotional moments with the main couple that didn’t translate correctly for me. Still, a solid outing from Taiwan. 

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But To Kiss! - I really loved this show, but feel like we should have gotten a parting kiss initiated by Fukuhara Kota to complete the yin and yang imagery they went for at the end, and to live up to the name of the show. I also need Japan to stop having the boys flee when one of them gets overwhelmed with gay feelings. It reads a bit homophobic to me, and I no longer find it cute. Otherwise, a fun outing and a show I could absolutely rewatch. 

CURRENTLY WATCHING

Senpai, This Can’t Be Love! I am enjoying this a lot, even if it seems to feel a bit off. I enjoy mutual pining, and I am a fan of adults. I’ve been desperate for BL to leave high school and college, and I’ve been having fun with this.

Minato’s Laundromat - Maybe it’s because I recently finished Queer as Folk (2000), but I’m less bothered by the age gap here than maybe other folks are. Minato knows where the line is, and is pushing Shin back. However, many of our first experience as newly minted queers is with older queers when we go to queer spaces or see them living their lives openly. I don’t think there’s inherent wrong in exploring that. 

Love Mechanics - LAWD THESE KIDS IS MESSY! Decent performances and good cast chemistry overall are holding this together, but I’m not always keen on this level of messy. Whereas other people struggle with angst, I struggle with mess.

Sky in Your Heart - If I wasn’t almost at the end, I would drop this. I’m not feeling the chemistry with anyone here. This discount 1000 Stars show is not working for me. It’s like someone had 1000 Stars poorly explained to them and tried to make their own spinoff. Fah is manipulative and messy. I’m just not having a good time here, folks. 

I recently dropped My Secret Love and Check Out. I just can’t do it with those shows. I don’t care about anyone’s crushes in My Secret Love, and Check Out is too slow and boring to have characters this hard to like. I like the cast, so I’m really disappointed that I just can’t care enough about this show to spend over an hour with each episode. I also dropped Even Sun because I’m having a hard time caring about the premise, and struggled with the subtitles (something I’m not used to saying about Studio Wabi Sabi). 

I hope to start Triage and Oh! My Sunshine Night soon, but I’m feeling kinda pissy with AIS Play and their games around access. I even ran into trouble even trying to subscribe to their YouTube channel to watch legally. I’m sincerely over it with them. 

REWATCHING

Rainbow Prince - I just finished showing this to my friend who I’ve been showing BL to since early quarantine. She loves camp, so we had a great time with this. I plan to show her Old Fashion Cupcake and To My Star 2 next. 

Stranger Things - I was fairly sick yesterday, and ended up half asleep through the first season, so I guess I’m rewatching?

What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Honestly, when am I not rewatching this? 

LOOKING FORWARD TO

Gameboys 2 - I love Ciaro and Gavreel and their friends so much.

Vice Versa - Ohm and Nanon are selling this kinda weird concept for me.

The Eclipse - I really hope Khoatung and First find chemistry with each other, because I think it could be really special. 

Moonlight Chicken - Excited to see Earth and Mix playing in something complicated. 

War of Y - I’m sure this will be a mess, but I love Seng Wichai. 

Between Us - Maybe? I feel like I’ve gotten over Boun and Prem in all these years of waiting. 

I’m sure there are others, but we usually have so much to watch that I just cannot remember much beyond the GMMTV offerings. 

I guess I’ll tag someone this time… @elnotwoods, @shortpplfedup, and @kyr-kun-chan, what are you watching now that KP is over?

#tag meme #what I'm watching

[marvelost]

Okay so I really don’t know?? What to do with my life

I started studying at university recently and I didn’t know anyone here at first. Like none of my friends study in the same city as me (most of them are still in school actually) and I was so fucking scared. But that was a month ago and in that month I got to know so many cool people! Well, the thing is ... I have a huge problem connecting with people, building friendships ... idk it takes time I need time. And I feel like all those cool people I met already formed this group, already have kind of a bond between them, and I feel a bit left out?? It’s ot their fault, it’s mine for not really being good at social interaction lol but I hate it. I want to belong to them too but I don’t know how?

Oh and yes, let’s not forget I’m actually studying now. Which is cool, because I’m getting to know more about the things I like (I study English Studies and Sociology), but I can’t really concentrate. Which was already a problem back in school. University is supposed to be harder and I’m trying my best to study every day, but I feel like I’m already fucking up lol.

I feel so weird always being the only one in the group who never had a boyfriend, girlfriend, datemate, who barely has any ... experience in stuff like that. I hate it so much but I don’t know how to change it lol ?? Like. I wish I would’ve been in a relationship while I was a younger teenager, to have at least a bit of that experience, but that never happened and I have no idea why. I mean, okay, as I already said, I’m really bad at social interaction, so that might be it ?? But other people can do it. Other people can find love, no matter how awkward they are. Why can’t I?

And there’s also this thing with my sexuality ... From age 15 on I strongly believed I was a lesbian, no doubts, but at age 17 I started to, well, doubt it. I was like, why limit my attraction to only one gender? So I started identifying more with being bisexual/”confused” again and shortly after I fell in love with some body ugh, but that’s an old story. What I wanted to say is, I’m still not sure. I don’t know if I only like boys because I feel like I “have to”, but I think it’s really more than that. I think back when I identified as a lesbian, I had something to hold on. I knew who I was. It was part of my identity and I loved it. Now, I don’t really feel 100% comfortable with the word “bisexual” idk, I feel so unsure and confused and my sexuality isn’t that “fixed” anymore, I can’t hold on to it anymore. It’s so weird.

On the topic of sexuality, last thing for this post lol, I have a crush on some body again. We’re really good friends and I sometiiiiiiimes feel like there miiiiight be more than friendship from his side too? But I don’t want to give myself hope. Anyways, the thing is, he still lives in my hometown and goes to school there while I live 2-3 hours away and we only see each other on weekends. Even if it worked out between us, even if it turned out he likes me like that as well, it wouldn’t really work out. Idk. I feel like there can’t be a happy ending for us.

That’s it. I felt like, after not reblogging anything for a month, it was time for a real blog entry on my blog. I know nobody will really read this lol, but if you do, if you did read this, I love you. I love you so much for caring. ♥

- Nani

#nani talks #personal #long text #diary #blog entry