#so im living a life of nothing. completely void and lonely and horrible. because i can't. i cant. i cant

[bulletsfrank]

i just burst into tears reading a totally normal post of one of my moots having a good time with their friends and literally Just Living Life because i want to have that so badly. i am so fucking unfulfilled, alone, miserable... and it feels even worse because im doing it to myself

#i hate how whiny this is . my god. i know its not that serious and the post isnt the issue at all... its me. i get this ache in my chest #when i see people thriving socially #like im locked in a cage and all ive been able to do is watch everyone live their lives #having friends and family and spending happy time with them #i just watch and wish i could ever have that. my only friend group all secretly talked bad about me for years #and ghosting them hurts so badly not bc i want to be close to them but because no i have No One #which is somehow worse than being the butt end of every joke and being shamed all the time.. well it feels like it #and itd be as easy as making friends but i cant even fucking reply to my mutuals tweets or posts without panicking #whenevr i stick my arm out it gets bitten #so im living a life of nothing. completely void and lonely and horrible. because i can't. i cant. i cant #i love avoidant personality disorder! #i just wish i could ask everyone why they hate me and have an actual answer