#i love avoidant personality disorder!

[bulletsfrank]

i just burst into tears reading a totally normal post of one of my moots having a good time with their friends and literally Just Living Life because i want to have that so badly. i am so fucking unfulfilled, alone, miserable... and it feels even worse because im doing it to myself

#i hate how whiny this is . my god. i know its not that serious and the post isnt the issue at all... its me. i get this ache in my chest #when i see people thriving socially #like im locked in a cage and all ive been able to do is watch everyone live their lives #having friends and family and spending happy time with them #i just watch and wish i could ever have that. my only friend group all secretly talked bad about me for years #and ghosting them hurts so badly not bc i want to be close to them but because no i have No One #which is somehow worse than being the butt end of every joke and being shamed all the time.. well it feels like it #and itd be as easy as making friends but i cant even fucking reply to my mutuals tweets or posts without panicking #whenevr i stick my arm out it gets bitten #so im living a life of nothing. completely void and lonely and horrible. because i can't. i cant. i cant #i love avoidant personality disorder! #i just wish i could ask everyone why they hate me and have an actual answer

[bullet-ant]

avpd/szpd culture is experiencing "love" more like a reptile would--in the sense that you are familiar to me and I appreciate you, however I cant feel any deep emotional connection to you.

#the only times i feel love are in limerence or in elaborate fantasies #i remember as a young child i was able to feel love deeply #however i have not i would say felt it in a decade or so #only this rigid familiarity #and i will say i miss it #i miss love #i just cant trust anyone no matter how long i know them for #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #szpd #schizoid personality disorder

[froody]

my dad just texted me today in the middle of my little breakdown (in all fairness he didn’t know I was struggling) and was like “I think I have generalized anxiety disorder.” (I as in him, not me.) like……brother you sure weren’t anxious about cheating on your wife with multiple women. not the slightest display of nervousness, guilt or regret about that one.

#my dad is the least anxious person I know as in he loves to be the center of attention and loves loud crowded places #and doesn’t worry about things he should be fucking worried about #even if he had GAD (which I doubt) the mf refuses psychiatric help #I need psychiatric help because he refused psychiatric help LMFAO #I think he’s extra avoiding it bc they came close to diagnosing him with a personality disorder during the divorce

[astrangerthatlovesyou]

If you have AvPD, something you’re going to have to face is that, yes, plenty of people are going to dislike you. They’re going to hate you, they’re going to reject you. It’s a fact of life that everyone faces.

There isn’t a form you can beat yourself into that’s going to change that. You can’t bully yourself into being palatable to everyone, you won’t ever even be that palatable to most people, nothing is.

But you won’t get the connection you want if you reduce yourself to almost nothing. There has to be something real for people to connect to.

In the end, you have to be a version of yourself you’re comfortable with when nobody is looking. You are the only person you can’t avoid, make friends with yourself, I promise the rest will come if you let it.

You are important! You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to be yourself. You do NOT have to do anything before you’re allowed to show yourself compassion. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you’re allowed to be you. You’re perfect.

I love you, exactly as you are, I’m excited to love the person you are when not hiding.

You’re doing great.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #personality disorder #actually avpd #avpd things #cluster c personality disorder #avpd problems #pd #actually avoidant #avpd feels #self healing #self love #avoidant pd #avoidant #self compassion #pro self dx #self dx safe #i love you #cluster c

[mattodore]

...okay so the b&a of this edit looks a lot less impressive than i thought it would

#i sunk like five hours into this edit all together i think... how......... like where did all that time go......... #well. skdfjnhdkjfhksdgghdfjknghkjndfkhdfkjhdknjfgh #river dipping #ts4 #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ykw is so funny..................... i already have three other screenshots i want to edit 🧍 #i just really love the way their sims look when they're in their thirties and the lighting in this room is so gorgeous #BUT! i'm gonna save that for later. rn i'm just gonna scroll and post some drafted reblogs and then read #i seriously used like all of my free time yesterday messing around in photoshop......... today i'm just gonna do next to nothing #<- person who knows they're incapable of not looking at their ocs every few hours <- i am definitely going to end up in photoshop again #anyway............................ good morning!!!!!!!! <333 i'm so happy i finally answered that ask last night like!! i'm really trying #to be more timely with my responses to people!! that said... i'm definitely behind on my activity again #and i still have mentions i wanted to reply to from last month. eek. #listen........................... Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) is a mental health condition that involves chronic feelings of #inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to criticism. People with AVPD would like to interact with others #but they tend to avoid social interactions due to their intense fear of rejection. #thank you cleveland clinic definition of avpd <3

[sadistic-softie]

Best fewnd

Best bubbie

I wub

#plushie dreadfuls #avpd #actually avpd #avoidant personality disorder #plush bunny #i love this little family business #ive been watching it grow #im so proud of them #they make me so happy #mysterious

[lizzardson]

had the thought that I should talk to more people with avpd but like. if we could talk to people we probably wouldn't have avpd huh

#called avoidant personality disorder for a reason baby #avpd #mental health #but fr i do wish i could talk to someone else abt their experiences with it bc it is in fact ruining my life #in like a cool chill way yknow #anyway personality disorder havers i love you dearly #kal.txt

[yesyesokayalright]

tehe im so silly

#original poem #poem #mine #spilled words #trauma #mommy issues #generational trauma #child abuse #childhood trauma #girlies who get it will get it #child neglect #turned into complex ptsd #yolo we are so silly #girlbossing #cannibalistic imagery #canibalism #poetic violence #how is that not a tag we love materialising emotional trauma into physical violence to convince ourselves that its real and valid #i love my mum #but i hate her also #avoidant personality disorder #this is where it all comes from xoxo #help im stuck in hatred!!! #everyone is fine now but im still catching up on my anger #does it mean nothing that you've hurt me??? #there is something wrong with me being unable to love you #its 4 am and i want to #hang my ribcage on the moon.

[k3t4min5]

'i still love the people i've loved, even if i cross the street to avoid them'

#mentally fucked #venting #actually mentally ill #i hate it here #bpd thoughts #too fucking much #die #depressing shit #love #friendship #situationships #i hate him #deppresing thoughts #bad friend #toxic love #unrequited love #i love him #lovers #people #wrong person #pushing people away #avoidant attachment #actually avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #best friends #friends #missing you #i miss him #i miss you #but still

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[johndonneswife]

not a sad ‘woe is me’ post so don’t send me weird messages but: the thing abt cycling through every ED possible and being bulimic for like 10 yrs & making yourself vomit up to 10x times per day on ur worst days is that your teeth and gums will eventually give out on you (bc it doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been good & it doesn’t matter how well you’ve taken care of your teeth for the last x years) and u will be 30 years old crying to your very sweet and kind dentist when she tells you about the 1 million things that are wrong with ur teeth

#anyway i feel strongly compelled to quit my job and dedicate my entire life to speaking out abt eating disorders #& doing research & writing & advocating for people who are suffering #women who are suffering #i think this is honestly my life’s calling!!!! i just don’t know where to start #you know movies glamorize having anorexia & it’s always like: she is the most beautiful girl in the world…but so sad…she doesn’t eat :( #i need to make movies that have scenes like that one chapter of i’m glad my mom died: #where jennette has been throwing up like 15 times a day and her tooth falls out #and she’s literally just like: yeah i’ll deal with that later #& instead of writing about a beautiful skinny white girl who is upset about eating carrots at inpatient #i would just force people to read/watch the things in this thread: #https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/s/H1C3JZyvFK #because that’s the reality #the one comment in that thread ‘i ate something poisonous because i hoped it would make me puke’ #like yeah same. LOL. & i always thought i was the only one so fucked in the head #anyway society is very cruel to women and i need to do something about it. genuinely whereeee do i even begin #i guess i have been writing a lot abt my personal experience and all the disgusting things ppl like to avoid talking abt #and how my mother made me this way etc #i could def make a memoir out of it. maybe i’ll do that. #i would love to have more options than just. trauma porn. #ah anyway maybe i’ll open a nonprofit. IDK. i just need to make a lot of noise somehow

[bunnihearted]

📚🎀💕

#hmm there's this librarian working at my local library.... #and i know him from before. i was in a bookclub that he was in charge of when i was like 14 #the books he chose are the reason i started reading again after a slump of like 2 years #he was always really nice and i felt an affinity w him bc he seemed to also be kinda awkward etc skksks #a couple of years later i was supposed to be in another bookclub that he lead but i ended up never going #he was very nice and tried saying hi to me and smalltalk etc for a while after #but since i was at that time really coming into my avoidant personality disorder #i was just weird and non responsive so obviously we just stopped interacting #however... he still works at the library and i've been seing him every time im there lately #he is SO cool and he has really grown into himself more and he is genuinely nice to ppl #also he was wearing a t-shirt today and i saw that he has tattoos @_@ #what im getting is that i think that i have a crush on him again skskksks #i did have a crush on him when i was 14 but it feels more appropriate now that im 25 lol #idk his exact age but he's younger. maybe in his early 30s i'd guess #*not younger that me younger than the librarian stereotype i mean lmao #but yeah my crush on him kinda revived and now im so sad bc i could've known him!!! i could've been able to talk to him #but i messed it up years ago 😔 so now it'd just be strange to strike up a convo. + im not sure he remembers me anymore #sighhhh. everytime i go to the library tho im like.. there he is... so dreamy.. he loves books and reading... #he was also very interesting and he just talks in a way that is compelling and like ugh #UGHHHHHH

[thethingsinevergottosay]

Why do I do this? I struggle so much with no contact. I'll delete discord from my phone so I won't have the urge to keep checking but, I reinstall it everytime. I'll leave it there triple check the notifications are on. I'll send a message that will get your attention just so we can talk. I hate that I've allowed myself to be so dependent on someone who doesn't even feel or care about me the same way. The worst part about all of this is that, if you return I'll love you even more. Make me hate you, please!

#long distance relationship #loss of my life #sad poem #sad poetry #sad thoughts #sadgirl #breakup #i still love you #poem #poems on tumblr #the way i loved you #i hate that i love you #i hate that i miss you #i need you #i hate this #older man younger woman #australia #usa #attachment issues #avoidant personality disorder #let me love you

[tqxicfqcility]

trying to find avpd posts on this site is a nightmare bc it's such a rarely discussed disorder yet personality disorders arent (that) rarely discussed so searching for avpd stuff leads me to find 75 percent generic pd/stigmatized mental illness "u r loved🥺💗" positivity posts that slapped avpd in as a last thought bc it's a pd My sister in christ I am trying to find posts from people going through what I go through plsss stop it's starting to feel shallow

#tqxicfqcility #text post #did i have a text post tag i forgot #but like plssss !! i want to find posts about my experience to feel seen. i dont want a random post that says i am seen i want to feel seen+ #through reading the experiences of others that ive also gone through #IF I SEE THAT GOD DAMN BUGGS BUNNY IN A SUIT MEME ONE MORE TIME. god damn #like positivity posts are great!!! theyre lovely!! but when its drowning out everything else they start feeling SO SHALLOW #especially when its clearly intended for a certain disorder or cluster of pds like #i get the point but please dont tag it if its not super relevant #sighhhh i jusy wish more ppl talked abt avpd. whateevr #avpd #avoidant personality disorder

[inf1nyxw0rlds]

i love complexity. except of course if it's about me . hope that helps

#transmission #what i mean is i love acknowleging nuance and intricacies but i hate when i cant neatly compartmentalise myself #i want to know WHY im xyz! a distinct reason! and etc #i was thinking deeply the past few days on why i suddenly got so mad bc i do Not usually talk that way publicly #bc i dont want to be hypocritical in that. i purposefully usually speak in a way where i make myself overly clear and #try to avoid making people feel ashamed in any way. because i KNOW how it feels right #but digging further i think its like. its a rage inducing cycle of mockery in the infinite fandom. the normies make fun of the weirdos #and the weirdos make fun of the normies because hey fuck you too. and ppl who enjoy infinite casually arent inherently wrong #but when they fill the tags with complsints and criticisms on a source material they havent delved into much #it irritates a lot of the people who HAVE because while an opinion is fine critiquing something seriously does mean understanding it #on a bit deeper of a level i think? #and thats what always got me personally #but we just have this system of you suck youre wrong and i think its also because infinite has taken so much shit that #we are VERY protective and defensive. like yeah if people spend years ripping into the thing that you like that happens #idk in just pondering. the ponderer... #i like to analyse not just fiction but how ppls brains work in general and irl stuff #mostly personal dissection bc im obsessive about myself. not in a fun way but more an endless interrogation and rumination way #the disorder fr #not wanting to hurt ppl and make them feel judged bc you know what its like vs carthasis of dunking on ppl who dunk on you #thats what i think it is for me #one of the reasons i wasnt posting for a long time was caring too much abt other people so if im getting the itch again #im gonna keep an eye on it #anyway

[sadistic-softie]

you know what's fun? having a panic attack. crying and hyperventilating freaking tf out over nothing but you cant stop. all while also falling deeper and deeper into self-loathing and lonliness you cause yourself but you can't figure out how to fix. All I want is to be loved but im so afraid of it that i just keep pushing it further and further away the more i want it. All i keep thinking whenever i have a potential friend is, "Either I'm gonna hurt this person on accident or they're gonna hurt me on purpose" and i can't drop the thought. I just wanna be good enough. I just wanna be a good person. Instead I just feel like a pathetic crybaby faliure idiot piece of shit who fucks up everything and makes a fool of themself online by carelessly dumping it all over my shitty horny blog because I'm too coward to say it to anyone in my personal life. I only have one friend and I already hurt them just by being around them. I broke their heart because of unrequited love and I keep not talking to them and just fucking do the bare minimum to "maintain" the friendship. I wanna fucking kms

#panic attack #avpd #actually avpd #avpd vent #avpd feels #avoidant personality disorder #crying #tw sui talk #tw sui ideation #tw vent #self hatred #insecurity #i dont wanna hurt anyones feelings!!! #i just wanna be good #I just wanna be loved #i just want to be able to show people how much i care abt them #“fun” is sarcastic