#avoidant

[aseaofquotes]

Mikel Jollett, Hollywood Park

#Mikel Jollett #Hollywood Park #closeness #attachment #comfort #fear #avoidant

[tumbler-polls]

Please reblog for a bigger sample size!

Submitted by @anon.

#paranoid #schizoid #schizotypal #antisocial #borderline #histrionic #narcissistic #avoidant #dependent #ocpd #psychology #mental health #cluster a #cluster b #cluster c #tumblr polls #tumbler polls

[astrangerthatlovesyou]

Having AvPD is like: I’m so open, everyone knows everything about me. That’s terrifying, everyone must hate how much I share. God I feel so exposed I feel sick. And the last time you opened up to someone was October of 2021 when you told your mom you were a little stressed.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #personality disorder #actually avpd #pd #avpd things #cluster c personality disorder #avpd problems #cluster c #actually avoidant #actually cluster c #avoidant #avoidant pd #pro self diagnosis #self dx safe #endo safe #pro endo #mental health #avpd feels

[avoidantrecovery]

my current avpd theory

i've been thinking and i think i have a theory about avpd based on all the things i've been reading and listening to lately.

i think avpd consists of/comes to be because of these things:

initial traumatic experience (that included some kind of rejection or ostracization)

no healthy way to process trauma or co-regulate with anyone

dissociation from the "real you" (it is associated with shame due to initial trauma, but also perhaps out of self-protection)

coping mechanism to make up for dissociated "real you" (masking, agoraphobia, social anxiety, co-dependency and/or enmeshment ("safe person"),...)

relational self via the "real you" remains underdeveloped or not there at all (so this could be b/c of masking, not engaging at all, ...)

lacking experiences of being "experienced by another person" as described in the infamous article/study as well as this post and this post.

this then spirals into the known avpd symptoms

the dissociation part is the important part though. i think this is key. the reason why people with avpd report this feeling of not being there, feeling invisible, etc... is because of this i think. for me i always felt like i was a robot or running on a "low flame". and when i use the term "dissociation" i'm using it as it is used in trauma and cptsd circles. a kind of detachment and separation from our own true being, feelings, thoughts, etc...

and when you're dissociated, it's hard to truly interact with people and practice that relational self muscle. instead, if you even have relationships with others, they are superficial, involve a lot of masking & mirroring and can only be kept up for so long, because that is exhausting in the long run. it's impossible to be genuine or vulnerable when you're not really there and not really being honest for the fear of repeating the trauma (shame and fear). and the more time passes with us desperately trying to engage others without our "real self" being in the drivers seat, the more we feel out of sync with everyone else and the more the formation of our relational self suffers and remains underdeveloped or not there at all. everything begins to compound into the known symptoms.

i don't know i've been going through old stuff (journals and letters) of mine and i'm so confused, but i'm trying to think through it all in the hopes of finding a way out. as always. 🥲 maybe the theory makes sense to others, too?

#avoidant personality disorder #avpd #avoidant #avoidance #trauma #complex trauma #complex ptsd #dissociation #relational self #avpdrecovery #avpd ramblings

[safe-haven-safe-place]

#mental health #fear #fearful avoidant #trauma response #trauma recovery #perfectionism #avoidant #recovery #healing #work struggles #work anxiety

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

#antisocial #sad #lonely #depressed #isolated #withdrawn #introverted #avoidant #misunderstood #emotionallyunavailable #socialanxiety #depression #mentalhealth #loneliness #lonelinesshurts #alone #isolatedfeelings #antisociallife #melancholy #isolatedsociety #emotionalisolation #lonelyworld #feelinglost

[ina-nis]

So many people seem to think it’s all a matter of “leaving your comfort zone” with issues of avoidance, and social avoidance.

But isn’t the concept of comfort zone a “a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and (perceive they are) in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress“?

What is this “comfort zone” experienced by the avoidant? Is it even one to start with?

Living in a constant state of distress due to anxiety or loneliness; or perhaps in a constant state of dissociation and depression; or anything in between, don’t seem quite “comfortable” or coming from “low stress levels”.

The baseline an avoidant has to work with is a very, very uncomfortable one.

Imagine telling someone with chronic pain (who might have a lower or higher pain threshold than normal) that they should get out of their “comfort zone” and subject themselves to more painful stimuli, to build up resistance or some kind of tolerance - this is an actual form of therapy, and it does work for some people - but see how absurd it is, assuming a person’s baseline condition is any kind of “comfort zone”.

Of course, people who have chronic pain are treated poorly and have their symptoms taken for granted because such is society and the healthcare system is really bad.

It’s a given that a similar predicament will befall avoidants, too.

And they will internalize it - “well, I just need to get out of my comfort zone then, so everything will get better.”

What “comfort zone”? There’s no comfort zone.

You’ve been just coping with discomfort for too long. You become desensitized to it. You grow a thicker skin. You mask. You try the best you can. You involve yourself with distraction and hobbies. You try to not think about it.

But the discomfort is still there, even if you stop noticing it after a while.

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder

[aafiizaa]

My Dear Avoidant

As we get older, we will realise that mutual connection is rare.

So if you do find someone you could connect with, do not sabotage that.

Do not sabotage with “I’m not ready to commit”, or “I will never give you that part of me”.

Or the best one yet, “It is not you, it is me”.

Cause we may never get to experience this again.

And I will wonder if there was something I could have done differently then.

To make you see that you are worthy.

That you too indefinitely deserve love and intimacy.

See, I do not know what had happened to you.

But I will pray that you will eventually emerge through.

You do not have to do everything independently.

It is okay to let others in and embrace vulnerability.

#avoidant #anxious avoidant #avoidant attachment #dismissive avoidant #fearful avoidant

[toddbl4ck]

"Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story."

fleabag (2016-2019), user starpeace, larissa pham, richard siken, taylor swift, boygenius, richard siken, nicole homer, mitski, sarah kay and phil kaye, sue zhao

#yea sooooo :3 lets just say i kin the priest #infj legend #fleabag #larissa pham #richard siken #siken #taylor swift #boygenius #nicole homer #mitski #sarah kay and phil kaye #sue zhao #web weaving #on leaving #do i put a bunch of random tags? #yea i should probably #love #heartbreak #lyrics #avoidant #quotes #.mine #i dont know what should i put next im so bad at tagging PLEASE #i need somebody to tag my posts for me honestly

[miscent]

you say you like me because i am dazzlingly bright, but lover i will burn you [x]

#miscent #poetry #prose #icarus #greek mythology #greek #greek myth #mythology #myths #poem #love poem #unrequited love #romantic academia #dark academia #spilled thoughts #avoidant #avoidant attachment #spilled ink #love poems #caution #cautionary tales

[hel7l7]

What are you so afraid of? 

#i accidentally made this piece twice #oops #vent art #fear #avoidant #avpd

[serenityquest]

#i'm okay #coping #depression #mental health #avoidant

[astrangerthatlovesyou]

If you have AvPD, something you’re going to have to face is that, yes, plenty of people are going to dislike you. They’re going to hate you, they’re going to reject you. It’s a fact of life that everyone faces.

There isn’t a form you can beat yourself into that’s going to change that. You can’t bully yourself into being palatable to everyone, you won’t ever even be that palatable to most people, nothing is.

But you won’t get the connection you want if you reduce yourself to almost nothing. There has to be something real for people to connect to.

In the end, you have to be a version of yourself you’re comfortable with when nobody is looking. You are the only person you can’t avoid, make friends with yourself, I promise the rest will come if you let it.

You are important! You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to be yourself. You do NOT have to do anything before you’re allowed to show yourself compassion. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you’re allowed to be you. You’re perfect.

I love you, exactly as you are, I’m excited to love the person you are when not hiding.

You’re doing great.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #personality disorder #actually avpd #avpd things #cluster c personality disorder #avpd problems #pd #actually avoidant #avpd feels #self healing #self love #avoidant pd #avoidant #self compassion #pro self dx #self dx safe #i love you #cluster c

[avoidantrecovery]

someone on the avpd subreddit said avpd is like being locked in a prison cell, but you‘re your own guard. so true.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actually avpd #avoidant

[prince-of-petrichor]

i've experienced this same type of thing with other conditions of mine, but for some reason this one hurt a lot. and i wanted to share for anyone else that is going through the same thing.

lately i've been trying to work on coping with OCD symptoms that have been becoming more debilitating due to some current life stressors, and i've actually been managing really well. but, when you have multiple illnesses (mental or physical), and you put a lot of focus on one of them, symptoms of something else can start to crop up.

and so i noticed that my AvPD was starting to get worse. im isolating, and feeling like everything i do will be seen as stupid, selfish, or attention seeking. but i've found that opposite action helps the most in these situations, and that in truth i probably do actually need some attention right now, as i haven't been socializing very much. which yes, even us with SzPD/AvPD, are social creatures who need some level of human interaction.

and so i took to the trusty internet for advice on healthy ways to ask for attention. but sadly, whether i focused the search to AvPD or to just avoidant/shy behavior in general, i couldn't manage to find any tips or resources for those of us that *are* avoidant, only for how to deal with us.

so here are a few tips for anyone else that's struggling with avoidant behavior/AvPD*:

Take deep breaths before asking for help/attention (this helps activate our parasympathetic nervous system so we can feel safer while we do this)

Tell the people that you trust exactly what's going on and how they can help (for example, today I went to my mom and said "I am really struggling today with wanting to isolate because I don't feel like anything I do is right. I am feeling really irritable because of this, please spend some time with me today, but understand that I may be short/grumpy to start." this type of dialogue can be really difficult when you have alexithmyia, but i promise with practice it gets easier)

Take a break from social media (when you're already struggling with poor self image, it's really hard to not make twisted comparisons to those we see online, give yourself some time away from screens to recenter and remind yourself of your value)

Opposite action (I mentioned this earlier but it can look like many different things. For example: doing things you know will be beneficial to your mental health despite feelings of anhedonia like playing video games/making art, asking for help despite the anxiety that tells you not too, or spending time with friends despite wanting to isolate more)

*note that these tips come from my personal lived experience, and I am not a medical professional.

#🧠 #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #avoidant

[chronoport]

AVOiDDOLLiC !!

A gender under the genderdollic system related to being both avoidant and a doll !!

@mogai-toybox

#my flags #mogai #mogai flags #genderdollic #dollgender #avoidantdollic #avoiddollic #avoidant #avoid