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#mental health

If you’re ex caused you to have a traumatic flashback at a school dance causing all your progress towards being mentally stable to collapse and sending you into a deep depression because trauma keeps hitting you like a train and now you use food as a coping mechanism but at the same time feel guilty about it even though you are still skinny and eat very little most of the time and so you decided to confront your ex and now you have to talk to them and despite it all you still have feelings for them because you don’t know how to let go of toxic people and you kinda just want a healthy relationship with someone who cares for you and your wellbeing but that’s to unrealistic clap your hands 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

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2/16/2020

Today started off pretty well but went downhill quickly after the sun went down. I was feeling great after getting lunch with some friends but then I got his with a wave of depression and dysphoria. Thankfully, I needed to eat a lot for dinner so I got to scarf down my left overs and it scratched my emotional eating itch.

Lunch/Dinner: a baked potato w/ grilled chicken, broccoli, corn, butter, and cheese

Snacks: popcorn, dried pineapple, and an apple

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Apparently caregivers, especially people providing care for disabled or elderly family, are more likely to develop depression. I can understand why, watching people you’ve looked up to loose their strength and ability is hard.

It’s important to remember that you have value and that what you are doing is appreciated. Family caring for family is always better in the long run, and you are making a difference in their lives. Take some time for yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. <3

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Sorry for the hiatus on posts, my mom passed away a few weeks ago and shit’s been rough. I miss her a lot and it’s hard to keep creating art when I’m sad.

Please, if you or anyone you know or love is in a abusive situation, try and get help for them or yourself. I know that’s easier said than done most times, but it’s still so much better than dying at the hands of your abuser or taking your own life. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is this number, 1-800-799-7233, and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.

Sending love to all those who may need it ❤

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I think one thing people don’t consider about anxiety is that it’s just another of the brains defense mechanisms. The problem is something goes wrong and it becomes overkill. Anxiety is your brain being so afraid of any pain that even the slightest stressors can cause a complete breakdown. Anxiety makes it so you can’t just heal with time, no matter what you’re healing from, you need more to heal. Anxiety is your brain being so terrified of something that it always needs to be close tk a flight or fight response to feel even somewhat ok.

So that leaves you constantly running, fighting, and shutting everyone out. It leaves you unable to really trust anyone because if they make a big enough misgake, your brain will panic and see it as a complete betrayal. People with anxiety aren’t always introverted and shy like we may seem. Lots of us strive for human connection, for friends, hell lots of us would go to a party.

If we could. But our brain had strong shields and it won’t put them down. If someone with anxiety cuts you out, please ask them why. 9 times out of 10, they’re afraid of something out of their control, and need help if they want to be able to connect to you.

And if someone with anxiety reaches out to you, whether it be for help or just to talk, please respond kindly. Please respond, even if it takes a while. Because if you don’t, our brains will just strengthen the shields. To us, harsh words and being ignored say you don’t want to talk to us. And if we don’t think you want to talk to us, our brains try to block off thoughts, memories, anything related to you. Our brains instinctively try to cut you off, no matter what we want, because fear controls us the moment things get bad.

Please give us time to connect with you. And please put in the effort to keep that connection. Someone with anxiety can’t carry the entire friendship. Our brains literally won’t let us carry the whole friendship, because if you stop putting in effort out brains take that as complete rejection, and once our brains think we’ve been rejected, you’ll likely end up cut off no matter how badly was want to stay friends with you.

If someone with anxiety cuts you off, unless you’ve done something terrible and unforgiveable, I promise they’re trying their best not to. Sometimes our anxiety doesn’t give us a choice.

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Conversations I have with my brain:


Me: If I go to sleep I’ll have to wake up and start a new day

Brain: Yeah that’s how life works

Me: I don’t like it.

—————————————————

Brain: you’d be happier if you put more effort into your life

Me: am I not putting enough in?

Brain: have you ever

——————————————————

Brain: you were really annoying last night, and quite frankly you’re just a burden

Me: but I had fun. No one seemed to mind me

Brain: that’s valid because they probably don’t like you and were ignoring your existence

Me: I don’t think that’s true

Brain: clearly you do

————————————————————

Me: I’m not feeling like myself

Brain: go jump off the bridge

Me: no no I’m sure I’m just tired

Brain: you’re always tired. You’ll never get better. As time goes on it just gets worse.

Me:

Brain: jump off the bridge

Me: jump off the bridge.

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Talking to you has got me feeling like this again,

The pulling feeling in my chest because you’re far away and I can’t call you to meet me when I need you,

The shivers everytime I think of not ever being able to be with you,

The cold chill that comes over me when I think of all our memories,

That tingle I get when I realize you probably don’t know, or care, that I feel this way,

That lump in my throat as I realize there’s nothing I can do about it..

🤍 - D

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Ate three meals today and still feeling myself. Kicking Mr. ED in the ass.

Anyways, the flower button-up’s from H&M, leather jacket from ???, basic jeans and grommet belt, chain was a necklace from Hot Topic that I put on keyrings, and the boots are Docs.

{He/him/they/them}

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I gave myself anxiety by filling out the Depression and Anxiety questionnaire for my counseling appointment tomorrow. 😳 It’s currently 9:56 pm. My appointment is at 1pm tomorrow (02/17/2020), how am I supposed to sleep now. 😫

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One of my honest to god coping mechanisms is daydreaming about my future dream life, living in a little rambling house in the middle of who knows where, canning my own peaches, owning a couple chickens, maybe I’ll mess around and plant some wildflowers, idk. 🌻

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