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I.

When I was fifteen
I lost my heart to a girl.

She didn’t really need it,
But it was too big to fit elsewhere,
So I let it roam the world.

In the end
It did come back, yet
Rather shriveled and cold;
Depleted.

II.

When I was twenty-five
I dared give this heart to a girl
Who held it in her hands.

Her precious piece of coal;

A diamond
In the rough, at least,
Of some sorts.

She could make
The darkest cold
Sparkle.

It was by virtue
Of her incandescence
That I found my soul; we shared it –

For a while, I had the brightest
Heart and soul.

Didn’t get either of them back though
When it all ended.

III.

When I was thirty there was a girl,
And I tried to give her
My lungs,
My diaphragm,
My floating ribs, and
Esophagus,

But these things
Don’t really suffice
When it comes to love.

Then again,
Without love, I’ve found,
They hardly serve any purpose.

I tossed it all in the wishing well
By lack of a penny;
Learning flesh and bones
Will only taint the
Water.

IV.

Age, it’s been
A journey of becoming
Unfit for love.

All that’s left
Is an all-swallowing darkness
And these hollers of anguish
Reverberating throughout the
Vast emptiness.

It is done. I surrender.

I’d rather stay alone
Than end up becoming
Someone else’s
Corrupter.


18-7-2019, M.A. Tempels © “… surrender.”

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Aunque no hablemos, aunque hayamos salido de la vida de la otra tan rápidamente, estoy muy orgullosa de la persona que eres, de tus ganas para aprender y mejorar constantemente.

Sé que tienen razón con eso de que el primer amor no se olvida y yo estoy segura de que a ti te voy a querer por siempre.

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Close up:


A little bit diva, self titled queen, always laughing. Always looking so strong, so confident. But always been sensitive, with way too much love to give.

Too emotionnal, too impulsive. Got dumped many times for it, hurt too easily.

But what can i say?

I am whole. I am me, and i am far away from being perfect, but i am my own kind of perfection.

Today is my birthday, it is not how i expected it so far, not what was planned.


But isn’t it the most beautiful gift on earth to be twenty three, and to be alive?

I am proud to be me, and i know i am incredible and unique, and writing my first book is the most incredible thing about me at twenty three. And i am so proud of all of this, so fucking proud of me.

💫

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His Grace is Sufficient – Even For Type 2′s!

So I never thought I was someone who was “obsessed” with the enneagram, but considering I have talked about it in virtually all of these blog post, I suppose I am. 

I recently listened to a podcast where they discussed how Type 2′s (me), are “Helpers” and how that fit in with the body of Christ. 

(This is NOT a blanket statement, but something I deeply relate to, and I am going to try my best to explain my thought process here).

As a person who thinks like what the enneagram has characterized as a Type 2, I believe I need to earn love. I hate it. If you take to long to respond to my text if you walk by without smiling, or something small like that – I automatically assume that you a. hate me and that we are b. no longer friends. There will be times when I am home and me, and my mom is watching tv, and I will look at her from across the room and ask her if she loves me or if she is mad at me. 

I have been doing this for years so she will usually roll her eyes and say, “For the last time, no, Jordan Daye, I am not mad at you!” And then I usually ask if she is sure, and then she does actually get frustrated with me. 

I internally know these are crazy assumptions, but I long to feel loved, and I will do my darndest to earn some peoples love and affection. I will ask them questions, surprise them with things, or be the best host I can be. Honestly, I cannot decide if this is a selfish attribute or not – how can making people feel comfortable and happy be selfish? I genuinely do want them to feel this way.

I digress. 

So, how does this affect my relationship with the Lord?

Well, unfortunately, I lump God in with everyone else. How can I earn His love? How can I make Him comfortable? 

Funny enough, the last few weeks as I have been trying to work on my relationship with the Lord, I have been reading Hosea, the Psalms, Job, Romans, and 2 Corinthians. 

In these books, especially my favorite book – Hosea, the Lord has reminded me that His grace has nothing to do with me. It is all Him. He chooses to love me. His grace is sufficient – in my weakness, it grows and gains power (2 Cor.). 

That wrecks my very enneagram Type 2 heart. 

There is literally nothing I can do to help with this whole “grace” thing. Jesus took care of that two-thousand years ago. He loves me and pursues me daily despite my impurity and shame and self-depreciation and sin

You know how I know?

He told me. He spoke to me. I looked into the eyes of a stranger, and the Lord humbled me and told me, 

“Do not be too hard on yourself, child. I love you, and while you are beautiful on the outside, you are even more beautiful on the inside. Your heart is beautiful.” 

(But, that is a story/blog post for another day.)

So, I mostly wrote this to comprehend what has been on my heart lately. To put it into related words and sentences. To put a little bit of light into something that can be so dark. 

Type 2’s (and 1’s, 3’s, 4’s, 5’s, 6’s, 7’s, 8’s, 9’s) you are loved, and there is nothing you can do about it. Your debt is covered :)

Thank Jesus!

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if you’re lgbt can you help me!!!

would you be able to DM me or just respond to this with how you think social media has either helped/hindered you personally, or society as a whole (e.g helped with law change/political progress)

This is for my sociology research project - you will be kept completely anonymous obviously!! All the love💕💘💕💘

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