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I, personally, have recently been very self conscious of certain aspects of my body. As most people out there, I am also insecure. But what gets to me most is the fact that if I really think about what I am insecure about and why I am insecure about it, it’s always leading back to other people. 

I don’t have a problem with my body at all. I generally think that what I have got is great, but for some reason my insecurity about how I view myself, it’s about what other people see. Obviously there is a large probability that I will never know what they are thinking but there is still this guessing game that comes with it all. (Don’t get me wrong i am grateful for not receiving hate up front, but there is always this “what are they thinking.” that comes to mind) 

And i was talking to my dad about how I am worried that if i gain the weight i lost then ill just be that girl who is big and nothing more. And i know within myself that i am so much more than that and that i shouldnt be letting other peoples opinions get to me, but we live in a day and age where everybody shares their opinion whether we want to hear it or not. and i think its great, we are all getting an opportunity for our voices to be heard. 

But as much as i know that what im thinking is wrong i still continue to do it anyway because i know that if i hate myself then once i receive hate i will be ready because  what they say wont surprise me. But i dont want to be like that. I want to be able to love my body and myself so much that if i am faced with hate then i wont even consider it because it just doesnt affect me or bring down my worth. 

sorry i went on a tangent and kind of gave up on grammar. 

thanks, c xx

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