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Recovery is a long and often trying process, and like anything that is difficult and takes a long time motivations can wane and even seem to disappear entirely. I feel like too often this is just brushed under the rug and treated as if it rarely happens. But in reality, I have yet to know anyone going through or who has gone through recovery and not dealt with this. So this is my attempt to put some stuff out there!

First, some reminders:

  • This process is worth it, even when it really really sucks. 
  • You deserve to feel safe, happy and respected. 
  • It does get better from here. 
  • You are more than your struggles. 
  • This process is possible.

Now here are some ideas on how to cope:

Make a “Why I am doing this list” (or read one you have pre-made)

  • This can include any reason, external or external, physical or emotional, small or large. I am a big believer in the idea that there are no ‘silly’ reasons to keep going or recovery
    • My ED specific one I made in treatment had everything from “sit on hard surfaces without pain” to “energy and time for more than just my ED rituals” 

Write down all the reasons you don’t want to go back to your old ways (stop if upsetting or triggering)

  • Again there are no silly things to list 

Write a letter like you are convincing a friend to keep going and trying. Then read it for you.

  • We all need validation and encouragement, this is natural and reasonable.
  • Often what we would say to others is what we would want to hear ourselves.
  • You deserve kindness and that includes kindness given to yourself.

Affirmations

We all need validation and encouragement, this is natural and reasonable.
Often what we would say to others is what we would want to hear ourselves.
You deserve kindness and that includes kindness given to yourself. If there is a time that is most important to use these its when you are struggling. As much as it can seem the last thing you want to do. Hearing yourself speak kindly of or to yourself can help

Talk it out:

  • Reach out to someone you trust or feel comfortable around. (friend, counselor, recovery buddy, Sobriety sponsor, partner ect)
  • If you don’t feel comfortable doing this with a person or someone you know there are still options to try
    • Hotlines/helplines- chances are if you are struggling there is a resource (forum, hotline or text line) devoted to helping. There is no shame in using those
    • Talk to a pet, stuffed animal, or journal about it

The most important thing is to not let yourself sit alone with these feelings. This can lead to apathy and stagnation in recovery. You are allowed to voice your struggles even when its not kittens and sunshine. It gets better, and you don’t have to do this alone.

Getting through moment to moment:

During this time sometimes it can be helpful to distract yourself from discomfort. On bad days sometimes you have to just get yourself safely through a day or week ect. And during these times doing things, no matter how small, to give you moments of calm or happiness and keep you safe is really important.

  • Watching movies, making something, going on a walk, hugging a pet, or playing a game or anything else that is safe and comforting is perfectly valid and can be very helpful (I am working on a list of things like this to post). 

Final message: 

These slumps and rough patches happen to everyone, and it will get easier. You are not alone in your feelings, and it will be okay. You are stronger than you feel and more capable than you could even consider.  I believe in you, stay strong and keep fighting.

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The MaDD Journey Playlist Part II: Songs to Inspire Recovery

Change - Taylor Swift

The battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives

But we’ll stand up, champions tonight

Warrior - Demi Lovato

Out of the ashes,

I’m burning like a fire

Survival - Eminem

Trust me, my skin is too thick and bulletproof to touch me

Stronger - Kelly Clarkson

You didn’t think that I’d come back,

I’ve come back swinging

Younger Now - Miley Cyrus

No one stays the same,

You know what goes up must come down

Fighter - Christina Aguilera

I am a fighter, I ain’t gonna stop

There is no turning back, I’ve had enough

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in 20 years, a poem

TW!!!!! suicide!!


promise me that when you leave you’ll remember me

20 years down the line when we aren’t even friends

you’ll pick up a photo and smile

think about what once was

and what will never be again


promise me you won’t forget me

the days we spent together

all we wanted to do was sleep


if you’re still alive in 20 years

when we’re both 34

will you remember me?

on my birthday?

on yours?

will you think about the times we spent together

laughing and ignoring the world

curled up on my sofa watching a dumb tv comedy


cause if you’re still out there, in 20 years

promise me you’ll find me

cause i’ll be looking for you

what once was will never happen again

maybe we’ve both moved on by then, more mature

to a happier point when we no longer feel the need to send a bullet through our brains


ill remember you if you remember me


i wrote this for my best friend in 2017 during our first ever fight. we’d never fought before and we’ve never fought again.

we’re both in much better places now, when i wrote this we were 14, and last week we both turned 17, a day apart.

neither of us are as suicidal as we used to be, and we’re here for each other no matter what.

in 20 years, i hope we’re still friends, at the grand old age of 37, i hope she’ll be by my side

also i saw her last week a day before her birthday and 2 before mine and we cuddled on the sofa and watched a dumb tv comedy.

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tl;dr, thinspo/pro-ana bad

i want to follow more low cal/recovery blogs but i see a lot of them reblogging thinspo and pro-ana shit and i want to tell you that’s not what we need. please, try not to compare your body to others, do not fall back into those habits because you’re gonna fall harder and harder each time. i know so. i do it, still. i want to build a community of love and recovery. i want us to build eachother up and get better;in more ways then one. i want us to be healthy and happy and have a better relationship with food and our bodies and our self image! but a lot of what i see is tolerance; we tolerate our disorder. and i understand that we do the best we can to cope, but we also can’t get by on just surviving. please, dni with thinspo and pro-ana blogs, lets help eachother, not enable. anyway, i’ll get off my soapbox now. love you

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#UNSTOPPABLE#

It’s very easy to get lost in time,in events keep happening around us,in the sea of problems causing us overwhelming stress that we personally create the moment we open our eyes in the morning.But I am still here..I have made tremendous amounts of mistakes,I still do.I still run away when I feel like I can’t bear facing with some problems or people.I still lose myself in my urges and I am still afraid because I am only human.I still make more out of what people say mindlessly like they could ever define me with their words.

I am not happy,but I am doing better. This is all I ever wanted because I keep pushing back,I ain’t stopped fighting yet.

Every morning when I open my eyes to the sunlight that has filled up my room,shining through the curtains, when my mind and thoughts slip away from the deep and numb arms of sleep, when my worries get ahead of me making my heart pound with that “thud” in my chest while I can’t even process what the hell is going on, I curse at everything, everyone. I feel the anger,sadness,disappointment and a bit of hatred deep in my bones for a nanosecond. Then,I drag myself out of bed. I try to make the darkness and the broken pieces of yesterday go away while I wash my face,as best as I can.

Getting out there feels like dying. With every step my feet decide to take, I feel the stares that are not even there, hear the whispers that are not even said. The hell I paint in my mind puts its dead weight on my shoulders anyway. Instead of stopping and letting go, I am just carrying them with myself. I have pushed past anything and everything,I can handle this too,right?

Tomorrow is gonna be hard,I know. It hasn’t been easy for me for the past 13 years. But I am going to win tomorrow because,in fact, the moment I decide getting out of that bed, I own every damn day..


I am unstoppable.

I’m a Porsche with no brakes.

I’m invincible.

Yeah,I win every single game.

I’m so powerful.

I don’t need batteries to play.

I’m so confident.

Yeah I’m unstoppable today!

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