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sophcaro · 6 years

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Destiny | WMatsui - Chapter 31

Rena didn’t often find herself speechless, having grown into a composed and eloquent person over the years, yet Jurina’s unexpected arrival definitely managed to destabilize her. Rena’s lips immediately parted in surprise, her heart suddenly hammering wildly against her ribs, until her mouth progressively drew into a slow, steady smile of pleasure. How many times in the past had she hoped of crossing path with Jurina again? Or of simply have the chance to lay her eyes upon her, even from afar?

The warmth spreading through her chest didn’t only serve to reaffirm her unwavering feelings for Jurina: it also made her realize the great opportunity that this graduation concert represented. Could this truly be the second chance Yosuke had once mentioned to her? Much as Rena wanted with every fiber of her being to believe in this possibility, her cautious side refused to raise false hope.

Rena couldn’t foresee what laid ahead of them once this day of September would be over. Maybe fate would decide that a reconnection was impossible after all, and they would end up saying goodbye and splitting ways once and for all. No matter what the future had in store for both of them, Rena had one absolute certitude anchored deep within her: she needed to take advantage of this incredible chance she had been given, and relish every precious second by Jurina’s side.

“Hello, Jurina,” Rena spoke up, trying her best to keep her voice steady when she finally summoned the composure to speak. “How are you?”

“Hi, I’m fine,” Jurina replied, offering her a small, shy smile in return. “I’m surprised to see you here. I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

Taken aback, Rena regarded her quizzically for a moment. “You… weren’t?”

“Your text,” Jurina quickly continued. “You said you would arrive at 2 PM. It’s barely 1 PM… You are in advance.”

“Ah yes…” Rena understood the other girl’s confusion better, indeed legitimate when she recalled the message she had sent Jurina in the morning. “But after seconds thoughts, I wanted to give myself enough time to rehearse the choreographies. I haven’t danced certain songs in years: I lack a little practice.”

“Oh, of course,” Jurina nodded in understanding, turning to the left. “The dancing room is at the end of the corridor: last door on your right.”

“Yes, I remember...” A smile of gratitude touched Rena’s lips. When Jurina brought her attention back to her, their gazes silently lingered, until Rena became progressively self-conscious of all the other pairs of eyes on her, and that everyone was listening to their conversation. There were so many other things that Rena wished to say to her but clearly, it was nor the right time nor the best place.

“I think we’d better get inside,” Rena said, politely addressing the other SKE members surrounding her. “We are a little in the way, here.”

A few heads nodded in agreement and the group progressively scattered, the girls leaving the corridor they were occupying to push the door of the dressing room. Rena quietly followed them inside and, as her eyes fell on Jurina’s retreating form, an uneasy feeling gnawed at the back of her mind. More than anything, she hoped that her presence wouldn’t be an inconvenience, or cause Jurina’s discomfort. As Rena was falling prey to her doubts, Jurina - almost as if she was conscious of eyes peering at her – tilted her head back in her direction.

Rena easily read the nervousness playing over Jurina’s features, reminding her that the younger girl had never been incredibly brilliant at concealing her emotions. Rena tensed despite herself, until she noticed Jurina’s face brightening ever so slightly. The visual interchange was short but enough for now to relax her a little, a smile unconsciously finding its way through Rena’s mask of uncertainty.

As soon as Rena stepped inside the dressing room, she reluctantly averted her gaze from the younger girl to scan the place in search of an empty seat, easily spotting an unoccupied makeup booth further away on her left. Approaching, she removed her vest and settled down, desperately trying to empty her head and slow her pumping heart. Deep down, Rena was conscious that she absolutely ought to control her emotions better if she wished to be efficient during rehearsal, and perform well on stage later.

Leaving her cellphone aside on the table, Rena unzipped her backpack and checked its content with a certain apprehension. When she noted that she had thankfully brought everything she needed - especially her sport outfit and her makeup kit - she breathed a sigh of relief. All morning, she had felt her stomach churning with anxiety at the imminence of her anticipated reunion with Jurina.

It was more than a miracle that she hadn’t forgotten anything.

“Do you need… anything?”

At the sound of a feminine voice addressing her from behind hesitantly, Rena jumped a little and tilted her head to the right, witnessing a familiar young girl now standing by her side. “Ah, Jurina…” Rena stammered. So deeply lost in her own thoughts, she had failed completely to hear or even notice anyone approaching.

Jurina, who hadn’t missed her reaction, shot her a small embarrassed look. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s fine…” Recollecting herself, Rena brushed it off with a tentative, reassuring smile. “Thank you, but I don’t believe I need anything,” she replied, until her eyes lit up in realization. “Ah, yes, I need the concert setlist. But you must be very busy, so don’t worry about it. I’ll ask a staff member to-”

“No need,” Jurina interrupted her. “Just give me a second.”

Rena didn’t have time to add another word that the other girl had already turned on her heels. Rena parted her lips in surprise and observed the latter as she rummaged through a blue backpack a few makeup booths away, before coming back a few seconds later with a document secured in her hand. “Here’s the concert setlist. You can keep it.”

“Thank you...” Rena accepted the paper handled to her. “Wait. Are you sure?” she asked doubtfully after recognizing Jurina’s handwriting: she had scribbled a few notes on it. “No, this is yours. It’s best if I ask the staff for a new one.”

“No, keep it. I really don’t need it anymore,” Jurina shook her head in protest. “I read it so many times already, that I know all the songs and their order by heart.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Rena relented. “Alright…” she nodded and placed the setlist in front of her. As she began to read the document carefully, she was caught off guard when she noticed that the other girl had not left as she anticipated, but was instead taking a seat next to her. Jurina’s sudden move caused Rena to lose focus, and her eyes paused abruptly on the text as they were traveling down the document.

Rena tried to ignore the new presence by her side and concentrate on the list, much in vain as she found herself far too distracted by Jurina’s proximity. At last, when she found it simply utterly impossible to focus on the task at hand, she glanced up from the paper and slowly tilted her head in Jurina’s direction, only to find the other girl watching her.

Jurina was looking at her with something very fragile in her eyes; a certain shyness quite uncharacteristic of her. But it wasn’t the only emotion that Rena distinguished as she held Jurina’s gaze, one that seemed to stare right into her soul. As she got easily lost in those brown eyes that she had always found so mesmerizing, Rena was struck by the incredible tenderness perceptible in the depth of Jurina’s eyes.

“Did you…” Rena felt herself shiver, and had to regain discipline over her voice. “Did you want to tell me something else?”

“Oh, I…” Jurina tore her eyes away, embarrassment creeping into her cheeks. “I just wanted to make sure that everything was clear for you. So, if you have any questions…”

“Oh, thank you…” Rena surely didn’t believe to deserve such personal attention. Nevertheless, she felt deeply moved by Jurina’s kindness towards her. “I think I’ll be fine, but I’ll finish checking the list just in case.”

Rena brought her attention back to the sheet, but soon found herself pausing in her reading once again. In fact, there was an important question that she had meant to ask Jurina before the beginning of the concert: a sensitive topic that she didn’t want to broach earlier on in front of the other girls. Of course, they were far from being alone in the dressing room right now but the other members were speaking amongst themselves and minding their own business, and not paying attention to them in the slightest.

Rena wasn’t sure when or if she would ever have the occasion again to have a privileged moment alone with Jurina before the beginning of the concert, and it occurred to her that this was in fact the ideal moment to voice out loud her concerns.

“I wanted to thank you for inviting me. I’m really touched that you did but…” Rena cut herself off in mid-sentence, glancing back at Jurina apprehensively. “But are you sure that my presence won’t be… an issue?”

“Why would it be?” Jurina frowned in perplexity. “Did you not see the other members’ reactions? They were so happy to see you, and it’s obvious that the fans will react the same way when you’ll appear on stage. Don’t you think they all will be excited to see you?”

But that’s not what I’m asking. Rena felt a tremor of unease, now uncomfortable at the idea and growing possibility that Jurina could not be telling the complete truth, but instead hiding her true feelings for the benefit of others. What if this was a terrible mistake after all? What if she had not thought this through properly before accepting Jurina’s invitation?

“I’m not doing this for the fans or for SKE. That’s not the reason why I accepted to come,” Rena said at last.

Jurina gave her a small, puzzled look. “It’s… not?”

Rena shook her head negatively, a faint smile grazing her lips. “I came for you, because you asked me to. If you hadn’t sent me that text, I wouldn’t have accepted to participate. That’s why I need you to be completely honest with me.” Her expression clouded in concern. “If you’re having second thoughts about this, then please tell me. I will understand and won’t feel offended by it. And if it’s necessary then… Then I will leave.”

Jurina’s eyes widened in alarm. “No, don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave. No one pushed me or forced me to invite you. Don’t ever think that.”

Jurina grabbed her hand without warning, the touch of Jurina’s fingers around hers sending a shock wave through her entire body. Completely taken aback by the unexpected gesture, Rena’s breath caught in her lungs, until she slowly glanced downward to their joined hands. Jurina’s fingers were holding her hand into a tight grip, almost as if the younger girl was terrified that Rena would flee or disappear from her sight at any instant.

The physical contact didn’t last more than a fleeting moment, as Jurina – a flash of realization crossing over her features – abruptly loosened her hold on Rena’s hand and looked down sideways, as if overcome with embarrassment. “I’m just so happy that you could come. Stay… Please stay.”

Rena felt her heart tightening beneath her ribs at Jurina’s last pleading tone. All doubts and any hesitation she might have had before vanished into thin air, having obtained the answer she had hoped and longed for all along. “Then, I’ll be here for you...” Rena murmured. Pondering over her next move, Rena felt the irrepressible need to reassure the other girl and - tentatively reaching out for Jurina’s fingers - gently covered them with her own. Feeling the warmth of Jurina’s skin emanating beneath her fingertips, Rena couldn’t fight the urge, albeit timidly, to brush the back of Jurina’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jurina finally dared to face her, Rena glad to see her eyes lighting up with nothing else but content and relief. A soft and loving curve unconsciously touched Rena’s lips at Jurina’s genuine reaction, feeling a surge of affection for her flowing through her veins. When Jurina laced Rena’s fingers with her own tentatively, Rena’s heart thudded noisily within her, reminding her once again that the number of years and the separation had not managed to alter or diminish her feelings of love for the other girl.

Akane remained studiously focused on the rhythm of the music as she danced in front of the large mirrors in the rehearsal room, scrupulously checking that each and every one of her steps was well synchronized with the song currently playing in the air. Never mind how many times she had performed Cross in the past, she had already graduated from the group back in 2018, and had rarely the occasion to dance on stage since then. In fact, the last time she had performed this particular song was a year ago, when she had been invited to participate in SKE’s 2019 Request Hour.

There was no denying that, with the absence of daily training, her body was no longer as fit as it used to be. When she was still a prominent member of SKE, dance practice was her daily lot, and her body could easily take in hours of dancing and physical effort without protesting. After her departure from the idol group, she irrevocably said goodbye to this demanding aspect of her life, her new career as a photographer thankfully not asking of her more than inspiration and creativity.

That’s why she hadn’t hesitated to occupy the dancing room upon her arrival at the Nagoya Dome, and rehearsed the steps of each song she was going to perform this afternoon, not wishing to take the risk of making unfortunate mistakes once on stage. As the last notes of Cross faded in the background, Akane took a good moment to catch her breath before walking back to the CD player. Taking a peek at the setlist, she discovered with satisfaction that she had gone through all her songs.

After an hour of assiduous dancing, Akane was quite confident to have freshened up her memory enough and have all choreographies well mastered. Yet, she studied the list once again, reflecting whether she should go over a few tricky songs one last time, just in case. She didn’t have the opportunity to make up her mind as she heard the front door creaking, prompting her to look up in curiosity.

The feminine silhouette that had made her arrival made her freeze: Rena Matsui, the former SKE idol she hadn’t seen in three years, was standing on the doorstep.

The shock caused the words to wedge in her throat.

When Akane found out from Jurina that the older Matsui had accepted Jurina’s invitation, she had been completely caught off guard by the revelation. Back then, she didn’t want to sound too pessimistic when Jurina shared her wish to invite her former WCenter, but Akane was convinced that Rena would refuse to come. After all, hadn’t Rena made a point of staying away from idol activities during all these years?

That’s why, even up to that day, Akane still couldn’t fathom the reason behind this strange and inexplicable twist.

“Ah, I didn’t know there was already someone here...” Rena murmured apologetically and took a small step back. “I’ll come back later.”

“No, it’s…” Akane’s voice trailed away uneasily. “It’s alright, you can come in. I was finished anyway. I was going to leave.”

“Are you sure?” Rena asked hesitantly. “I really don’t mind waiting if you need more time to rehearse.”

“I’m sure,” Akane replied, forcing herself to smile as she hastily removed the CD from the player. “The room is all yours.”

Akane turned on her heels and left, moving towards the place where she had dropped her sports bag early on. As she kneeled by her bag and placed her drink and towel inside, she sensed behind her the sound of the front door closing and light footsteps slowly entering the room. Akane felt her stomach tightening and desperately fought to keep her fragile control, closing her bag once she made sure she had gathered everything up.

When Rena’s progression inside the room came to a sudden halt and the place plunged into a deep silence, the unwelcome tension stretched ever tighter between them. Akane took a moment to recollect herself and, still purposely avoiding eye contact with the other girl, shut her eyes close to try and steady the wave of discomfort sweeping through her. Of course, she was more than conscious that they would at some point cross paths today: it was inevitable since she and Rena were going to share the same stage for a couple of songs.

Nevertheless, Akane had secretly hoped that their interactions would stay limited, and under no circumstances they would find themselves entirely alone.

This undesired encounter in the rehearsal room was placing her in an incredibly difficult position. A small voice inside her head was urging her to mind her own business and leave the room without further ado. However, she couldn’t ignore another voice telling a completely different story, nor the sense of frustration growing inside her. A swift shadow of anger swept across her face when Akane shot her eyes open, and glanced over her shoulder in Rena’s direction.

Manifestly, Jurina had been able to put her personal feelings aside for the sake of SKE, but not the same could be said about herself. In fact, Akane was still absolutely convinced that Jurina had made a tremendous mistake by inviting the actress to her concert. It might have already been three years since that fateful day of April, certain painful images were still vividly imprinted in Akane’s mind. It was impossible for her to forget the deep sorrow Rena had caused Jurina, nor the cruel way in which she had shattered Jurina’s heart into pieces, someone who loved her so unconditionally.

Unbeknown to Rena, who was busy preparing herself and already sliding a new CD in the player, Akane’s expression grew hard and resentful.

When Rena had visited Jurina at the hospital after the incident during handshake, Akane hadn’t been able to control herself, and vented her frustration and anger to Airi. Akane clearly didn’t feel proud of this moment and, since that day, decided to keep her thoughts to herself, and not question her friend anymore about Rena’s behavior. Instead, she preferred to focus on what she deemed the most important during this difficult period of her life Jurina was going through: to be a supportive, caring and loyal friend to her.

It had taken a while, but Jurina’s suffering had eventually ended, Akane seeing the light slowly and progressively returning in her friend’s eyes.

Today, Akane wasn’t exactly sure what kind of impact Rena’s presence was going to have on Jurina. What if it only served to rub salt in the wound? No matter the consequences, Akane was absolutely certain that having Rena by her side wouldn’t leave Jurina indifferent: it simply never did. That’s why she couldn’t find the strength within her to stay quiet. Not anymore. “I’m surprised that you accepted to come,” Akane said dryly, pulling herself to her feet. “I didn’t think that you would.”

Akane’s eyes bore sternly into Rena’s back, waiting for a reaction, but the other girl didn’t move nor did she speak, almost as if she hadn’t heard her. Eventually, Rena turned around to look at her directly. “I came because Jurina asked me.”

Akane wasn’t fooled by Rena’s good manners and cordial smile. By the momentary look of discomfort crossing her face, Akane could tell she had managed to destabilize her interlocutor. “I’m afraid that your presence here will affect her,” Akane stated, irritated. “This is her big day: she already has enough pressure on her shoulders as it is. And with you here, she…”

Akane stopped abruptly when her voice took on a new note that frightened her: it had indeed become way sharper than she initially intended. Grasping that she had unconsciously let herself get carried away by her emotions, Akane had time to witness the astonishment touching Rena’s face before she looked away, embarrassed by what she had uttered.

“You have every reason for being angry at me and not wanting me here,” after a pregnant pause, Rena replied lucidly. “But no matter what you think of me and of my past actions, I have no intention of going anywhere.”

Akane frowned and stared back at her in confusion, taken aback by Rena’s confident tone. “I just don’t want her to get hurt again,” Akane said in a voice faint with disbelief and incomprehension. “She has been through so much already, and she will remember this moment for the rest of her life. If anything bad happens today…”

“I’m not here to cause her pain,” Rena said somewhat guardedly, yet decisively. “Believe me, I had the same initial doubts as you. I was afraid too that my presence would do more harm than good. But when I spoke with her earlier on, I realized that she genuinely wanted me here. That’s why I can’t disappoint her, especially not today. I will not leave. I can’t.”

There was such an air of finality in Rena’s tone, that Akane suddenly became conscious than nothing she could say next would change Rena’s mind or turn the tide in her favor. Admittedly, Akane was a little startled to discover that the two girls had already interacted today, and she strongly hoped that this encounter hadn’t left Jurina too shaken by it. No matter the words they had exchanged, it had visibly managed to strengthen Rena’s plan to follow through with this.

Without adding another word, Akane retrieved her sports bag from the floor and walked towards the exit. As she reached the front door and the first notes of Ame no Pianist filled the air of the rehearsal room, Akane stole one last look at Rena and quietly observed her as she began to dance. Akane wished she didn’t find herself so anxious about the outcome of this important day, but maybe she needed this time to have a little more faith in Rena.

#wmatsui #matsui jurina #matsui rena #wmatsui fanfic #takayanagi akane #SKE48 #AKB48 #destiny #Partners sequel #Heartbeat trilogy #chapter 31

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