#so refreshing to see a boy raised in such a toxic patriarchal environment

[celestial-sapphicss]

I'd like to chime in with my opinion on the Pat/Pa sibling dynamics.

I'm an older sibling (we're both girls, though) and I can confirm that "bossing the younger sibling around" is a thing that happens. In my case, I definitely did it when we were kids and when I was in high school, for example. I mean, it wasn't to the extent where I'd tell her to do my chores all the time, but still. So I didn't see Pat's behaviour as strange or entitled at all.

On the other hand, Pat did make me roll my eyes a few times because we can't ignore the fact that he's a guy that wants to delegate what should be his housework onto a girl, which is not uncommon when it comes to men (anywhere, not just in Thailand/Asia). Also, with the way Pat's family is quite patriarchal (his dad really has a lot of those "toxic masculinity" traits, lbr), it stands to reason that Pat would pick some of that behaviour up (because that's just what kids do and as they grow into adults, it stays with them and they have to unlearn it). However, to say he's treating Pa "like a slave" and imply that their relationship is somehow unhealthy is way too harsh/not true.

Sure, he tells Pa to do his laundry but when she's upset with him (for not keeping his promise about Pran) and tells him "do your own laundry" he doesn't object and go pester her to do it. He just sighs and lets it go. He's not forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to. When she moves in with him, he lets her take the bed and a bigger share of the bedroom. But what really showed me that he respects her as a woman (and didn't pick up his dad's mysogyny) was when Wai asked him for permission to date her and his response was "I'll let her decide." I'm bringing this up because SO many times in media we have this portrayal of guys asking the girl's father or older brother for permission to date/marry them and having to get their blessing first. Again, this isn't just an Asian thing, it happens in American/European shows and movies to this day (actually, just today my parents were watching an American movie and I happened to catch a scene where a guy was having dinner with the "in-laws" and asked the father's permission to marry his daughter and it was treated as totally normal, which infuriated me). So the fact that Pat went against that notion and was instead like "it's HER decision" (as it should be, because no man should speak on behalf of a woman's decision on who to date) made me love him even more than I already did by that point.

Anyways, I've rambled on for too long already. 😅 Like you said, Pat has flaws (as does every character) but to say he was horrible to Pa is just untrue.

hi anon! thank you for sharing this!!!!

first of all, never apologise for rambling i appreciate it! all that you said 💯

"On the other hand, Pat did make me roll my eyes a few times because we can't ignore the fact that he's a guy that wants to delegate what should be his housework onto a girl, which is not uncommon when it comes to men (anywhere, not just in Thailand/Asia)." - this, yeahh. not only is it very common, but this behaviour is often encouraged. like some of the reasons I've heard in defence of men avoiding their part of the work and putting it on the women in their families are bizarre. and women are expected to pick up that slack.

and while that discussion is very important, like you said, it's not completely applicable to pat & pa because they do share a relationship where both of them have equal footing, as you already mentioned!

also talking about "I'll leave it to her decision" honestly just blew my mind away because the "approval of older brother trope" is SO PREVALENCE and SO TOXIC i literally have never seen a piece of media where the older brother actually leaves it up to their sister's decision, let alone say it 🤦

i can't really comment on it everywhere else, but in India, this trope is glorified to an extent that it gets violent. not to ignore the fact that it's very real. elder brothers feel entitled to make decisions for their younger sister's lives.

instead of being approachable and a confidant for their younger sister, they try and act like a parent, and yet another person young girls have to hide their lives from.

but pat & pa are definitely not that. not only pa trusts pat to no extent (he was literally the first person in the family she came out to) but also they have that trust and affection for each other that goes beyond just "older brother protecting younger sister"

pat & pa share the burden that their toxic family puts on them and do try to protect each other from it and i think that's beautiful

#it really would have been easy for pat to ask wai to just back off #especially since wai is an asshole #but he literally trusted pa's judgement enough to decide what's good for her #and didn't try to coddle pa or invalidate her feelings #or say stuff like #you're just a child you don't know #or #you're a girl you don't know how boys are #and other bs #truly best boy #bare minimum? idk but #so refreshing to see a boy raised in such a toxic patriarchal environment #and not turn into one #instead be a golden retriever sunshine boy #really goes on to say that yes you can unlearn toxicity if you make an effort #vi's inbox #bad buddy