#so you're stuck with only this <3

[smultronviol]

Ppl going "waaahh unpopular opinion but Alice is kind of annoying and obnoxious and I don't think I'd like be her friend irl" is so funny to me bc like.

God forbid a cast of characters be multifaceted and have actual flaws and unpleasant aspects other than "grr angsty hero" and "whoops i'm so clumsy". Sometimes character dynamics and arcs need to be prioritized above "who would i personally be niceys with irl"

2. bro just WAIT until you hear about season 1 jon lol

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #season 1 jon was obnoxious and sometimes a straight up ASSHOLE and you were supposed to find him kinda grating!!! #yes alice IS a bit annoying and too much sometimes (esp in the first episodes) and i love that <3 #like. its p obvious that she uses the over the top-thing as a shield (to push ppl away/as a defense mechanism/to avoid being vulnerable) #we see her drop the act sometimes w ppl like teddy and sam who she actually feels comfortable around (and who know and understand her) #but like. she's stuck in a job she hates and is kind of afraid of (she KNOWS smth abt the horrors and is keeping her head down to survive) #(shes obviously afraid of sam going to far bc she KNOWS its dangerous) #so yes her act gets too much sometimes and yes sometimes she crosses the line into straight up mean (esp against gwen) #(but their dynamic is a whole other can of worms) #but like. i'm pretty sure its supposed to be seen that way. the audience isnt supposed to just find her kooky funny #the facade is supposed to be dismantled by the viewer etc etc #kind of like SEASON 1 JON the obnoxious bastard!!!!!!! #like. if you ever think alice is too mean towards gwen pls listen to s1 jon again and how he speaks abt martin?? #from a position as his boss no less? ngl i wanted to throttle him sometimes #you kinda forget abt it in the later seasons and if you only engage w fandom content. but like. go back and listen to the shit #he actually says. jesus christ man. i remember kinda hating him in the beginning #and to be clear i love jon! i think hes a great character! #and like. its almost as if his early season personality and facade was an important setup for his character development #and relationships with the other characters??? #but anyway 'alice is kind of annoying' is not an unpopular opinion its literally the FUCKING POINT #and both her and jon are my sweet baby angels <3 #alice dyer #jon sims #(and obviouslyyy you're still allowed to dislike a character ppl can have their own opinions etc etc etc. i just personally find it funny)

[lyxchen]

@karin-in-action requested Pia and Esther dressed up for Halloween and it gave me ideas so here you go <33

#i had the song 'my girlfriend is a witch' stuck in my head the whole time while drawing this so do with that what you will #also thank you so much for that request because as you can see it very much inspired me <3 #ohh look at them so pretty!!! #i'm very proud of that color combination i think it looks very nice :3 #like the purple and orange i mean #spatort #tatort saarbrücken #pesther #pia x esther #lyxchen's art #pia heinrich #esther baumann #(i know october only starts tomorrow but i really wanted to post this now soo you're welcome)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

not to out myself on main but Katsuki Bakugo continues to make me fucking insane

#there is a REASON he's in my list of top five fav characters #that boy makes me RABID- #literally hes the only reason ive kept up with the manga. that and ive stuck with it for so long i wanna see how it ends #anyway just finished pacing and ranting and Decimating an apple bc. be cause. #i saw someone go 'wait bakugo is save to win?' #YES! YES! HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SAVE TO WIN HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER IS SAVE TO WIN #HIS ACTUAL BATTLES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOCUSED ON SAVING #I HAVE BEEN SCREECHING THIS AT MY CEILING FOR YEARS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SAVE TO WIN!!!! #marking him as Win To Save is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character IM SORRY IT IS. IT IS #he has ALWAYS focused more on saving while izuku goes straight for the enemies' jugular #god. hes just. FINALLY BAKUGO GETS TO SHINE and Everyone gets to see who he really is im feral #the moment i saw him i was fascinated and over the years his character has aged like a FINE fuckin wine #its so rare to find a character with such stellar development. like damn. fuck. hes catnip to me #he started my love of analyzing the fuck out of characters and striving to understand them the best i can #punching a wall and wailing YOU DONT KNOW HIM LIKE I DO #honestly if i ever did a video essay it would be on him. and why he's such a good fucking character #say what you will about bnha but god damn he's phenomenal. horikoshi really went tf off with him #BAKUGO BBY IM SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK ITS BEEN SO LONG <3 #absolutely unprompted #i literally. i literally got a bkdk charm keychain #both bc yeah theyre iconic but also i could not resist the bakugo on it. hes too cute #i finally feel excited for the manga and the story again bc MY BOY IS BACK IN THE GAME LETS GOOOOOO #cant wait to see him absolutely slay serve Steal The Spotlight #stg hes gonna save all might AND take down afo while broccoli boy handles McCrusty #lets go bakugoooo LETS FUCKING GOOOOO #WE ARE SO FUCKIGN BACK BABEYYYYYYY #bakugo? no. bakuback!!! #BC HES NO LONGER DEAD ON THE GROUND YEEHAW HAWYEE

[son1c]

who is gonna save you now?

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic au #infinite the jackal #bad ending art YEEHAW!!!!!! #project nova dlc #scribbles #tfw u are having a BAD TIME because it looks like the past is going to repeat itself #and you're going to lose the one (1) person who has managed to befriend you since your old friends all Died #because the magical rock in his chest is going to Burn Him Alive with its overwhelming energy #but wait! your boss stuck him in a battery chamber to siphon away all that energy so he's safe... for now #but he doesn't want to stay in there obviously. so your boss slaps a MIND CONTROL COLLAR ON YOU to force you to #make sure he stays in there . and that sucks. but also it's kind of the only way to prevent his demise that you can see #so you're not even really fighting it . because then what? you stop and HE DIES??? #somehow that has become the worst case scenario and you hate yourself for being weak AGAIN and CARING but it's too late . you care </3

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[von-karmas-a-bitch]

me, playing tgaa1: ok so this stronghart guy is obviously evil-

stronghart: london is the centre of the modern world. objectively best city. we have AAAAALL the cool technology you WISH you had our technology and public transport don't you ohhhh you wanna be a londoner so bad aren't you jealous of our trams

me, a rural english bitch and certified london hater: well now it's personal. it is on like donkey kong. i am going to have so much fun obliterating this man.

#words cannot describe. my seething hatred. for london. and everything it represents. #they steal like 99% of the resources and infrastructure meant for the rest of the country and for what #to have a public transport system that is so overly punctual that it's hostile to human life?? #no i don't want your stupid trams. but an hourly bus that actually shows up on time or at all would be nice #london bus driver who closed the doors on my sister while she was in the doorway on purpose #bc you were mad that my sister knew you were gonna not let me on so she stood in the doorway to protect me #from getting stuck alone in my personal hell for the crime of needing a second to get my debit card out #all because heaven forbid you be 0.0000002 milliseconds behind schedule #and be humiliated by showing up at the same time as the 3:04pm bus when you're the 3:03pm bus #because londoners are that fucking privileged i guess #oh london bus driver how i loathe you #don't even get me started on london underground don't get me STARTED #every time i am offered to go see a musical or whatever but i have to make my way there alone without someone else to help me #i decline. i have to. me + london = recipe for disaster. i am not navigating that shit alone absolutely not #i only did that once when i was running away/being kicked out (it's complicated) and had no choice but to do it to get to my grandma's #(which is why i lived near london for a few years bc i went to live with my grandma) #and like. i barely made it. bc why are there two stations with the same name right near each other #and why is the international one the one i have to go to even though it's supposed to be for when you're like #going through the channel tunnel to france or whatever #st pancras international train station i hope you explode #with the rest of london #i am going to look at a map of england really hard so i can explode london with my mind #anyways haha oopsie time to tag this ''properly'' #text post #mael stronghart #sophia's soliloquies #tgaac

[aberooski]

If I take a second to breathe and think and 3 seconds into it someone calls me over the radio to come clean something they could do themselves again I'm going to actually scream

#like god I knkw I'm the only usher here rn cuz im the opening usher on saturdays but FUCK #give me a second tk fucking BREATHE #I HATE when I'm doing something and one of the managers calls and is like actually can you stop what you're doing even though what you're- #-doing is more important and come sweep up this like 3 cernal popcorn spill literally right next to us that we could get ourselves but won' #I hate this job so much I want to quit so bad #somebody else hire me right now so I can leave this shithole #and also have a real job that pays mlre than 10 bucks and hour so I can actually pretend to be a semi functional adult #I can't even pretend right now #I've been stuck in limbo for the last 2 years at least and I really don't know how I'll ever get out #I probably won't let's be honest because I wasn’t born into a world where that's possible anymore #and my mental health has only been slowly but surely deteriorating for even longer than that but it's really crashed and burned lately #but i'm trying #and I honestly don't want to try anymore #I'm so tired

[nihil-ism]

Renting contract for new apartment: signed

Anxiety things will get worse instead of better when living there: thriving

#I'm super excited but also nervous 😵‍💫 #landlady said a lot of negative things abt other tennants??? (she only rents my apartment so she isn't their landlady) #she just lived there herself #like ma'am wdym one of the tennants has mental problems don't we all?? #trying not to stress abt it too much bc hey maybe she's just a bit stuck up. she did appear a bit snobbish but #if you can afford to let a whole ass apartment you own stand empty for 3 years?? you're a snob to me sorry 🤣 #ah well I'm channeling positivity and good changes #it'll be alright I'm sure.

[schakira]

you can't talk about "escaping the matrix" while still cultivating a world that takes advantage of everybody else around you. you can't tell people to "get off autopilot" when you do nothing to allow others to have that luxury. you just want to "break away from the matrix" by having people doing your labor for you, reenacting centuries of power dynamics that are fairly recent in humanity's history and fairly parasitic to our beings.

#anytime i make a post like this i feel like i sound pretentious. im like should i write less words #i also feel like i said the same thing 3 times to some degree but eh #i just can't fathom seeing posts about BEING SO ACTIVE and WHAT HAVE YOU ACCOMPLISHED IN YOUR LIFE and MATRIX BE PRODUCTIVE #the only thing i've accomplished in my entire life was allowing myself to be human. allow yourself to feel that luxury please be nice #and stop guilt tripping yourself into doing shit like none of that is going to work in your favor you nitwit #you're not broken you're not in need of healing you're just stuck in an unfortunate situation so let's go one step at a time to walk it out #.odt

[slippery-minghus]

hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.

and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.

i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.

where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).

but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?

#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady #but i don't ACT on it #and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human. #and at work we're stuck together #the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness #that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever. #bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't #i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention #i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you #you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it #it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments #to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy #and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you #that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit #like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to #modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind #and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill #3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO. #i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen #and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way #and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her! #'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!! #and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused?? #like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ? #personal #*exhales* okay i feel better now #i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!! #but until i process it i can't let go #and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow #it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!

[leatherbookmark]

an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.

like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.

#thinking back to my early c/q/l days where i reblogged this dumb ass meta abt how jgy FOR SURE pushed lxc away because he WANTED HIM #to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing #i was like oh... THIS IS SO RIGHT... because it felt bittersweet and painful and i am Still guilty of accepting/agreeing with headcanons #or interpretations that aren't 100% what i think because i have this ingrained idea that other people are always more mature and #sophisticated and smarter than me and so they Know Better #the person (i think?) later went on to write a meta abt how jgy is a badwrong narcissist. so #(this is also the reason why i spent months praising and getting excited abt a fic where jgy was dating nmj for like a decade despite #not loving him; and why he cheated on him many times with lxc Just Because. i didn't think jgy would do something like that but everyone #else was like omg this is SOOOOO good so i was like shit i guess it is! IT'S SOOOO GOOD OMG;;;;; have i mentioned i have no brain on #my own? yea) #anyway i'm not gonna paint myself as this genius from the first watch because I Too had wgxn goggles fucking ON and didn't even notice #the box hand touch during my first watch. (have i mentioned i am not very smart or observant) and when wwx was whistling ghosts at jgy #and jgy was clearly Going Thru It in the guanyin temple i was like 'haha good for him' #but iirc i Was nonetheless drawn to him (although xy was first <3) and it was like. well he's evilbad but maybe he felt bad when he murdered #his child? --> well maybe he's not 100% evilbad... maybe... --------------> a-yao did nothing wrong and i will kill you if you even suggest #otherwise. (<-- a joke.) #anyway a whole bunch of antis seem like kindasorta stuck in that initial wgxn-centered; everyone else either has 2 personality traits Max #or is either wgxn allies (good) or wgxn Haters (we hates them forever!) just like. unwilling to accept any new viewpoints At All #and then there are Types of those jgy antis because you have people who hate him for Other Reasons and people who hate them because they. #honestly seem like they've only read moralistic books for young children where the brave kind hero is the one you're supposed to cheer for #and want to be like; and the villain has all the traits you're supposed to know are Bad (mean greedy selfish lazy etc) AND NOTHING ELSE. #its like that *man who only saw boss baby watching another movie* damn this is giving me some serious boss baby vibes ! meme #anyway. love it when the tags are 3x longer than the post. cheers #shrimp thoughts

[kangaracha]

wips list

nevermore (120k)

queenmaker (3 chapters)

lyre lyre (1/4 done)

FNF (dear fucking lord keeps i hate it here)

what the water brought/pirate au

boxer!minho? dlc? something

pretty ch 4

the gone and the gathered ch 3&4

valleys (66k)

torture fic x3

tgbyb ch 4

tsotl end part 1

darling don't wake up x4

goldmine goldmine (landmine) all of it

soul is yours to keep/zelda fic

draculas

heart rewrite

where the river bends

rabbithole/angel/the stars in your eyes

all that is good/holy

#roo writes #just wanted to see what i was half planning to finish #a lot of things is the answer lmfao #but i did cut the zombies list down to passion projects #goodbye wyliza fic you would have been a very sobering and poignant piece #poor tgbyb too still stuck on chapter 4 #poor goldmine rewritten three times for nothing #poor heart five years older than nevermore and 20k shorter #i almost forgot about fnf too keeps i know you're looking at this and laughing and it isn't funny #anyway i did this so that i could stop looking at the finale of pretty #2k extra words just to justify 500 words of smut smdh #never again #you know i can't stop myself babes #and then i'm just going to pivot straight to this GOD DAMN LIBRARY SCENE for nevermore #and Do Not Worry people who are only here for queenmaker #she's at the top of the list #i did half of chapter 3 today #the texts for chapter 4 are right there in my brain #if i didn't insist on getting it edited i would have posted more by now but alas #rain does such a better job than me

[gaydogmarriage]

#like a fucking idiot i keep checking on these fics believing this time they might be normal about it and not a single fucking time are they #youd think if people can grasp 'vagina doesn't make you a woman' they wouldn't struggle with 'birth doesn't make you a mother' but nope #thats apparently a super advanced logic leap that doesnt fucking occur to these people #the title of father is a special unique title only given to people who nutted in their partners if you've got different anatomy sorry you'r #stuck with mom mother mommy mama forever <3 because that's what you are no matter your lived reality #and like whatever if an mpreg writer cant be assed to do trans rep and wants to bend over backwards to justify why in this au or with this #species their blorbo is cis men can carry i'd still say read the fucking room about the gendering but i'm not getting the pitchforks #but jesus christ if you make the deliberate choice to make your character trans and put it in trans tags maybe consider trans people will b #reading it and won't appreciate a misgendering jumpscare #god this fandom is so shitty to trans men

[larrythefloridaman]

captains! with a little bonus Casual:

#updated design for val. ive drawn him before but am no longer satisfied with it #and listen i know its sacrilege to not give valentine the heart shaped tiddy window. and trust me i am allured by it. #but if i could get pretentious about character design for a sec i dont think its all that in character for him if im honest #smthn that always stuck with me wrt val and quad is ryan saying 'val is like a rollercoaster. quad is like skydiving.' #val is a dedicated and professional showman. all about the buildup and mystique amid the exciting ups and downs #so i simply think he'd leave a little more to the imagination. hence a formfitting but not exposing costume #and a nice comfy turtleneck in his downtime <3 #i think about val a good bit and i like him a lot but i feel like sometimes people have a very different read of him vibes-wise than i do #val is a showman through and through but i think he's kind of awkward outside the routine and distant spectacle of it. #when people catch him off guard in intros it shows and just listen to him stammer his way through that serious talk with heartbreak #he's percieved publically as The Perfect Man to some extent- order says so #and between barry and kakyoin i dont think thats a matter of her personal taste. #and he does want a significant other but when you're thought of as the perfect man only people with obnoxious egos think they deserve you #and to circle back to the conversation with heartbreak. #theres sometimes a compulsion to compare val and crimson to quad and order for Red Trauma reasons but #i think its interesting that one of the only times Val's ever talked about his experience with crimson he compared him to cupid. #especially since. like cupid. Crimson expressed similar obliviousness to what he'd done wrong in cpuk orange #seemingly genuinely not understanding why Valentine refused to be around him #anyhow. i also think Quad's helmet was attached and didnt come off until J0hn got to fiddle with him #for the Symbolism of revealing the face = him gaining access to all of his feelings he wasnt allowed <3 #cpu kerfuffle

[vermillioncrown]

a wild minion² appeared! he ain't my problem again until next week

#my poor friend was stuck w him + 20 other ppl like him in this giant thesis formulation discussion #why i do not attend those giant circlejerk meetings #academic jerky #he had the audacity to msg me after yesterday's shutdown 'I feel like we are not quite on the same page right now.' #as if it's a semantics error and not just being wrong #(ofc i didn't fucking bitch him out and was very diplomatic in my reply but definitely had to pass out after that) #when you're wrong and you get to learn that's fine #when you're wrong and you 1) make other people confused #2) create more work because of the wrong approach to a problem #3) stubborness of understanding multiple explanations (not just from me to be quite clear) #i'm a pedantic bitch but there are only so many hours in a day and i only have so many spoons #i'd rather we all be correct and just get stuff done #but surprisingly today is good

[tittyinfinity]

Depression/PTSD recovery is wild because you could be doing greater than you've ever been in your life but then one small thing happens that reminds you of "that time" and suddenly all of the past emotions flood back into you and you feel like you're back to being the kid who's crying and shaking in the corner wondering if the people closest to you would be so much happier without you

#im being accused of faking my disabilities again and having them used against me #my mom hasnt talked to me for 2 days because of a shower chair being in the wrong spot #and said i use my adhd as an excuse to be stupid #and then i conftonted my partner about how he broke his promise to call me 3 days in a row #and he was drunk and saying things about how i cant understand how exhausted he is working 12 hr days (valid) #but then started calling me privileged for ''being able to sit at home all day and do nothing'' #(he knows that im only stuck in bed on my bad days and that i definitely do not do ''nothing'') #so i asked him to call me back the next day(sunday) when he was sober. he never called me so i had to call him. he was drunk #so i got mad that he couldn't even stay sober for a COUPLE OF HOURS to talk to me #when hes sober hes super understanding and will take my feelings into consideration immediately #but he kept taking me confronting him as an insult and started calling me names like lazy and a crybaby #and this is the person who has always treated me perfect otherwise and does everything he can to make me feel better #and his personality COMPLETELY SWITCHED and he sounded exactly like my abusive exes #i sent him recordings of the call and he sent me 2 messages saying hes sorrh and hes gonna work on his drinking and was gonna call yesterday #then i didnt hear from him again and while he was ignoring my calls he made a post on fb (that he never uses) that he wasn't going to be #talking to anyone for a while because im the only person who cares about him #and i commented and was like hello??? im that one person and you're actively ignoring me?? and he deleted the post???? #he didnt even send a message saying he wouldnt be able to call me #he never answered but when i called him today while he was at work he just responded ''cant talk im at work'' and i was like yeah ik but #im trying to get your attention because you wont tell me whats going on #and begged him to call me after work #hes acting like a completely different person now and i have a strong feeling that it's because at the place he works at in texas #they're made to work all day in a 110° warehouse #and with his insomnia and having to be at work between 3-5am he's barely sleeping while doing all of this #so im hoping his behavior is just a symptom of heat exhaustion and lack of sleep #because this isnt like him at all #im begging and begging for his attention and affection the same way i did with my abusive exes and my mom #i dont know what's going on