#thak you for allowing me to vent tho. ill be super embarassed after i sober up but im just in pai rn haha

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Hi hun! I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. You shouldn't ever feel like that (nor should you ever feel like this isn't a safe place for you to vent). From what I've seen after following you for quite a while, you are endlessly supportive of everyone you come across on this site and deserve that back. I was getting into writing this message (had why you are great points and was ready to write up support arguments) but tumblr cut me off before I could get too sappy. In short, love you!!

hahaha well i super appreciate it thank you! i also super auper appreciate the fact i CAN vent here at all and retain some (relative) anonymity vs ya know fb ♡ i just dont get it, this isnt the way i was raised so why do my prents act this way? why didnt they listen to me over a yearback when i said the cat had tumors and they didnt wanna spend the money to check but at the end they were ready to do ANYTHING it took (we dont even go to the doctors ourselves... thanks amierica) and now dad is SUPER dep[resed over ‘killing’ the cat (it was mercy, i know for a fACT It was but he wasnt unable to use the litterox or jump ike the cat we had to put down last year...the sweetest cat too, I had to be doctor death because my parents couldnt do it and my poor younger siblings (im eldest) couldnt do it) so i had to be the one to technically kil him and that has stuck deep with me, i dont deal with death the same way other people do, i know i dont,, and he was so scared and cried when we brought him and he peed in the cat carrier and i didnt want to do it i wanted to go back home with him, and i made my siblings swear nt to tell my grieving parents, and then THIS cat couldnt been avoidable but they didnt listen to me and now he had to be put down and just im frustrated over what didnt need to hapen even with a 20yr old cat had they LISTENED To me im just upset about a mutlitude of things but htak you for putting up with my venting and nonsense.

i know it makes people feel weird and awkward, and some feel olbgated to say something (plz never do! i would hate to put things on others or emotionally manipulate anyone in any way, i just want to vent nd know it had been ackonlwgned i guess) and i just dont underatand why peopel dont listen (esp. my parents).

I mean, i am the ONLY one of my entire extended family to ever go to colege nd complete a degree. I was technically a diplomat in japan. I have the brain skills to be a CIA operative. i speak and understand mutliple lanagues (i wanna get to ten) and other than that, we grew up homeless until i was about 16? maybe 13 i dont etirely recall, but i have street skills as well and i have live din two foreign countries (cant see the forest through the trees and all that) and yet my opinions still count for shit, or my relaive youth (im over 30, letys make that official i am no child) but my dad keeps saying i dont have the years he has (and i NEVER will while hes alive its a moot point) but my paents are xenophobves and ive WORKED for a foreign givenemnt and lived in two foreign countries but im a woman and bisexual and this goes against everything they undersand as normal, and then where the poor cat is concerned like im not a doc, i got a BA not a BS, so my opinons count for shit, and i just want everyone to be nice qnd take proper action with things and not cause others pain and have empathy towards those who have less (i grew up homeless and we were poor until maybe five-7 years ago?)) and just everything huRTS SO MUCH and i am TRYING so goddamn hard all the time but im ultimately at my parents mercy (i live at home because california is too expesive to live in a real9tively safe place alone) and work is fucking me and im trying so damn hard to be a good person and do whats right and help others when i wouldve wanted help and just looking at the bigger picture and it just hurts because there is no room for good in the world o matter how hard you try and every time i try to gte ahead i just for balls .

The good part is, i have two kittens who will be one year come april(or march i dont remember) and my kitty Scratches LOVES me just for me with no other expectaton, so i mean, i have that much. Basicallt i am just really really hurting and i will probably bounce back in full force rather quickly after this pity party but i am very grateful for the chance to vent and also feel heard so to speak, ya dig? :D

ANyways, thank you anon, i love you, you rock, and sorry for alk the serous spelling errors, i am on my 8th beer of the hour trying to hurt myself and/or make the pain go away BAHAHAH XD aint working yet but i havent brought the weed into the mix yet..... that usualy makes me happy. The xanqx stopped the full blow paic attack over helpless feeligs i am powerless against, but i am not happy but trying to get comfortably num. I am on my 8th beer of the hour tho so HEY lets see!! XD

...i am  a mess. DISCLAIMER do not try any of this at home, i am a 30something queer sad sack with adhd and panic disorder who no loger destoys items but instead tries to destroy herself becaus eit will hurt no one but me LOLOOL

....also i feel SUPER guilty about waiting to update ALL sales final and also the new commission i need to get done solike, bear with me, i am trying SO fucking hard right now and i feel like i am supr letting everyone down but i will get there i promise! I will probably be riht as rain tomorrow and i am sorry for ,lll the maudelin nonsense i know plenty of you are not interested and we wil back to our our regularly scheduled bullahit after i bury it all haha

much love, posonjack

#poisonjack answers #sorry ill delete all this bullshit later i am just hurtng rrlly really bad right now nd it feel beter to ge it out and express myself abd' #then be emabrassed by it tomorrow about how much i lsot control and let all this bulllshgut be witnessed by so many #anyways we all have dayd like this (i am assuming? hahahah) and im very sorry to expose you to mine'i #i just cant do this on facebook ...iam tryong to get laid from an ex-bf i have been on agaian off again with for the past ten years aHAHAHA' #he is HOT #and i am A sad sack right now haha im really really very sorrry for this maudelin nonsense i truly am #it mebarrasing i know and i apologize for that #thak you for allowing me to vent tho. ill be super embarassed after i sober up but im just in pai rn haha