#that creates both some extreme problems around self worth (feeling inherently damaged and unlovable) and a LOT of anger

[lith-myathar]

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#say what you will about sera dragon age but they really were nailing something #with the ''sometimes we aren't capable of real change until someone loves and accepts us exactly as we are'' thing #if you've gone through life being told there's something wrong with you from every direction and constantly asked to change and improve #that creates both some extreme problems around self worth (feeling inherently damaged and unlovable) and a LOT of anger #anger that's got no real target so everything and everyone becomes something to resent and resist #you are not enough. you will never be enough. even the people who love you are always trying to fix you in the name of helping #and maybe you tried to be different!!! but it didn't work and so you are a constant disappointment #finding somebody who just loves you and sees you amd doesn't demand that you change is.... unthinkable #suspicious. trusting that is not going to come easily #but if it's genuine? that's a place where growth can really start. because it stops being about fighting back and all the resentment #it lets you start believing that maybe change is not synonymous without capitulation or losing this battle you've been fighting #your entire life against the world telling you you aren't good enough #a part of you believed it but another part also knew it wasn't fair and that's the part #that would rather destroy yourself with self destructive behaviors than admit they're right #ahem. i am definitely projecting here but there's a reason i always felt super attached to her!! #and i think i get it now a lot more than i used to