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belaborthepoint · 4 years

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Nevada Debate Transcript

HOLT: Good evening, everyone. Since last time, Bernie seems to be winning, but also he is still a socialist? Don't know what's going on there. We have a new addition to the race, a Republican who spent millions of dollars to run as a democrat despite being universally hated by the left and most everyone else. The first question goes to you, Senator Sanders. Why should we choose you as the Democratic nominee rather than the racist and misogynistic Republican who paid to be here?

BERNIE: Because he has attacked like any marginalized group you can think of and no one will want to vote for him and my policies will help people who aren't just rich white men.

HOLT: Mayor Bloomberg, what's your take on that?

BLOOMBERG: I know that Bernie is in the lead right now, but there's literally no chance that he can win. You can't win by taking away people's insurance and then giving it back to them for free, that's ridiculous.

WARREN: You're a billionaire who calls women "fat broads" and "horse-faced lesbians" and you call trans people "it." You're a racist and you sexually harass women and no one wants to vote for you.

KLOBUCHAR: I was going to welcome Bloomberg here tonight until I remembered who he was and then I was like "wait what?"

BLOOMBERG: Look. I'm a New Yorker. Pizza, fuhgeddaboudit. I'm from New York City and there are black people who live in there and I know how to deal with that. Remember 9/11? I was there for that. I was all like, "this is bad and everyone who isn't white is a terrorist." I have spent a lot of money on my campaign.

BIDEN: NBC thinks I'm going to win despite the fact that Bernie is clearly winning. NBC said it. So there you go.

BUTTIGIEG: Come on, people, wake up. Because what if Bernie and Bloomberg are our only options? Then we'll have someone who likes capitalism and someone who thinks that it's bad. We need to elect someone who thinks that capitalism is sort of okay. I know that it's destroying the lives of 99% of the country, but I'm pretty out of touch with those communities so it doesn't really matter to me. I do live in a middle-class neighborhood though so sometimes I see middle-class people on the sidewalk.

HOLT: Bernie, are you polarizing?

BERNIE: I care about the working class if that's what you're asking.

BUTTIGIEG: Blah blah blah I'm Bernie and I looOOOoove poor people!! Look at me!! I have class consciousness!! Blehh!!! Guess what?! You're not special. Lots of people want to empower workers. Just because you're the only person on this stage who will seriously advocate for them doesn't mean that, uh...well...the Culinary Union doesn't like you!! No one likes you!!

BERNIE: ExCUSE me, we have more union support than you can even imagine in your wildest dreams. Unions will always like me better!! They will never love you!!!!!!!!

JACKSON: One time a Bernie supporter said mean stuff on the internet though. Everyone else's supporters are all Buddhist monks who are volunteer dentists in the Peace Corps. Every single one of them.

WARREN: Bloomberg is still a racist.

BUTTIGIEG: But WHY did a Bernie supporter say a mean thing? We really need to think about why this is happening and why Bernie is the only person who has supporters who are not volunteer Buddhist dentists.

BERNIE: I don't know if that's-

BUTTIGIEG: IT IS. You are responsible for everything that any of your supporters say on twitter.

KLOBUCHAR: But if we nominate a woman, sexism will end.

(APPLAUSE)

KLOBUCHAR: We need to show our stuff. Sweat and blood. And that is the truth.

TODD: Senator Sanders, will everyone lose their health insurance and die if you are president?

BERNIE: No. We have the worst healthcare of any major country and I want to change that because healthcare is a human right.

WARREN: We should talk about everyone else's "plan" for healthcare. Mayor Pete doesn't have a plan, he has a PowerPoint. Amy's plan is like a Post-It note, "Insert Plan Here." Biden's plan is like some doodle he did on the back of a receipt. Bloomberg's plan is an ethnic joke that he heard on a cruise ship once and wrote on a napkin. Bernie's is actually sort of okay.

BERNIE: I feel attacked.

TODD: Okay, your turn.

BERNIE: I just want the goal to be actually providing healthcare to people and not just creating profits for the pharmaceutical industry and drug companies.

BIDEN: OBAMA. OBAMA. I WAS VICE PRESIDENT UNDER BARACK OBAMA.

(APPLAUSE)

TODD: Senator Warren, go ahead.

BLOOMBERG: What am I, chopped livah???? I'm from New York.

WARREN: Amy, the plan on your website is two lines from a self-help book.

KLOBUCHAR: That's IT!!! I've HAD IT!!

HOLT: This is getting juicy! Let's talk about Bloomberg being a racist. Mayor Bloomberg, your policing policy was to put all the cops in minority neighborhoods because you said that's where all the crime is, and that we should throw kids against the wall and frisk them. What do you think that says about you being vehemently racist or not?

BLOOMBERG: Yeah, it is unfortunate how it turned out, and frankly, a little bit embarrassing. But I just didn't want people of color to murder everyone, and I think that's fair. Stop-and-frisk was essentially a good thing, it just happened too much.

BIDEN: No one cares if you're sorry, you still did it! The policy was abhorrent.

BLOOMBERG: But I APOLOGIZED. This is just a complicated issue and there's no easy answer. It's like, should our criminal justice system target black and brown people? I don't know. But yes, it should. Look, nobody's perfect, okay?

WARREN: That was the shittiest apology I've ever heard.

TODD: Relatedly, Senator Klobuchar, you haven't really done much about police brutality and you prosecuted a black teenager who was sentenced to life in prison despite serious doubts about the evidence. Why should black and Latino voters trust your judgement?

KLOBUCHAR: I actually have strong support of African-Americans. Because I earned it. Because I am a leader and I have done the work.

JACKSON: Let's talk about transparency. Senator Sanders, why are you hiding the fact that you're too old and frail to be president without dying from being old?

SANDERS: Um. What?

BUTTIGIEG: I am young and in good health. I do so many planks every single day and I honestly think that I'm the hottest candidate on this stage tonight. I think Bernie should do the responsible thing and admit that he will die from being so old. He's like a million years old.

JACKSON: Bloomberg, why won't you release your tax records?

BLOOMBERG: It's hard to do taxes when you're so rich. And math takes a long time. Not everyone is Andrew Yang, not everyone loves math. It's hard to add up numbers and do charts. And I should not be penalized for that. Also, I give all my money to charity. I don't know why I still have billions of dollars, it really just appears and I don't know where it comes from. I keep giving it all away but somehow I'm still rich. I don't know, okay?

JACKSON: You've sexually harassed women and many former employees have said that your company was a hostile workplace for women. Should we nominate someone who isn't a misogynist?

BLOOMBERG: I might be hostile towards women, but the main point is that I HIRE women. We have tons of women in my company, and they do things and get paid for them. There are lots and lots of women, and some of them even had leadership roles and got paid the same as men. Hashtag me too.

WARREN: Are you serious? You've gotten dozens of women to sign nondisclosure agreements for sexual harassment and gender discrimination. Would you release them from the nondisclosure agreements so we can hear their side?

BLOOMBERG: There are only a few of them.

WARREN: How many is that?

BLOOMBERG: Let me finish.

WARREN: How many is that?

BLOOMBERG: None of them accuse me of anything other than making a joke that they didn't think was funny because they have a bad sense of humor because women aren't funny.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TODD: Let's talk fracking. Senator Sanders, I know that fracking is bad, but it also creates jobs, kind of like how sweat shops create jobs and that's why they're good. What do you say to the people whose employment is contingent on destroying the planet?

SANDERS: That I don't want the entire world to collapse? Do you like, get climate change, Chuck? Also, the Green New Deal will create 20 million jobs. You can work in sustainable energy and still have a good-paying job.

TODD: Senator Klobuchar, you don't really mind fracking, right?

KLOBUCHAR: Yeah, we can get to carbon neutral eventually. No rush!

WARREN: I wanna reiterate that the Green New Deal will create jobs. We need infrastructure, we need manufacturing-

TODD: But what if we stop fracking and everyone loses their jobs and they're on unemployment for years and then they die? What if we can't employ people in renewable energy until 2050 for some reason?

WARREN: We can have those jobs now.

HUAC: Vice President Biden, you said you might put oil and gas executives in jail. Which companies are you talking about?

BIDEN: I'm going to go far. I'm going to eliminate subsidies and help the minority communities affected by climate change. I have a plan. And it will change -- look, my point is, and here's my point, before my time runs out, my point. My point is that I know about international relations and I will get them to up the ante in a big way.

HAUC: You didn't answer the questions.

BIDEN: I thought I did.

HAUC: Nope.

TODD: Mayor Bloomberg, are you a fan of red-lining?

BLOOMBERG: I am the only here that started a business.

TODD: Okay? You said that stopping red-lining has somehow contributed to the financial crisis, can you speak to that?

BLOOMBERG: No. I did not say that. That is wrong.

TODD: Would you like to clarify what you meant then?

BLOOMBERG: I have always been against red-lining. I hate red-lining. Red-lining is my least favorite thing. I don't think it is cute or sexy at all and I don't wear a t-shirt underneath all my clothing that says "I love red-lining" or even own hand-embroidered pillows with sonnets I've composed for red-lining, because I do not like red-lining even a little bit. Some people practice red-lining, and I'm just like "cut it out!" I think the main point is that I'm the only one that's ever started a business. Is that fair? Is it? Hello?? Okay. The point is that we need to teach young businesspeople how to start banks.

TODD: Senator Klobuchar, Senator Sanders one time said on twitter that billionaires should not exist. What do you think?

KLOBUCHAR: I like capitalism. We should just regulate it. But also a few people should be able to hoard the wealth of half the country and I think that's fine.

TODD: Senator Sanders, do you think we should systematically drag rich people out of their homes and publicly execute them in the town square and do weird things with their entrails? Do you have a fetish related to murdering rich people?

BERNIE: No...I just think that there's something wrong with half a million people sleeping on the street while Mike Bloomberg owns more wealth than the bottom 125 million Americans.

TODD: Mayor Bloomberg, do you think your mother should have aborted you so that you never existed?

BLOOMBERG: Billionaires' lives matter. I've made a lot of money and given it all away to make the world better.

TODD: Should you have more wealth than 125 million people combined?

BLOOMBERG: Yeah, of course. Unlike most Americans I actually work up to 40 hours a week. That's a lot of hours of work. I deserve every cent.

JACKSON: Mayor Buttigieg, Senator Sanders thinks that workers should have some ownership over the profits of their own labor. Is that like the most effed up thing you've ever heard or what?

BUTTIGIEG: Stop forcing corporations to do things that they don't want to do. They're people too. And you know, I'm the only person who's not a millionaire and I represent all working-class people.

BERNIE: I just think that workers should be making money from their own work. Bloomberg, do you think your workers played no role in making all that money? Workers should share the benefits and have some agency in what happens in their lives.

BLOOMBERG: Having a more equal distribution of wealth in this country will appeal to absolutely no one. That's absurd. The only alternative to capitalism is the specific way that communism played out in Soviet Russia. Communism clearly didn't work and capitalism clearly does work, as evidenced by the way a few billionaires have benefited from it at the expense of the rest of the country. Literally no one wants anything to change.

HOLT: Senator Sanders, it's true that socialism makes a lot of people uncomfy. Most people are all like "ack!" Ya know? In the polls?

BERNIE: The polls show me winning. So no, I don't know. And let's go over a very basic concept that you could understand in one google search. Democratic socialism is not the same thing as communism. And we sort of have socialism right now, but just for the very rich, and rugged individualism for the poor. We have to subsidize Walmart workers who are on Medicaid and food stamps because they get starvation wages. We need a government that works for people besides Bloomberg.

HOLT: But what about how socialism makes me uncomfy?

BLOOMBERG: HE OWNS A CABIN!! BERNIE OWNS A CABIN!!!!

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JACKSON: Mayor Buttigieg, why is Mayor Bloomberg's money a problem?

BUTTIGIEG: Oh, it's actually mostly just who he is as a person and his values and his personality and everything he represents and everything he has said or done.

TODD: Okay, we're almost done, so last question. Should the person with the most votes become the nominee?

SANDERS: Yes...???

BLOOMBERG: No.

WARREN: Nada.

BIDEN: Nopedy nope.

BUTTIGIEG: No siree.

KLOBUCHAR: Nah.

HOLT: Alright! Thanks, folks! That's all for now! Bye bye!

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