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dirty-holy-things · 3 years

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The Space Between (your heart & mine)

Chapter 21 has been posted to Ao3, and below to Tumblr.

Catch up on chapters 1-20 on Ao3.

Notes: This fic is 18+ and explicit. This chapter is smut-heavy, but also delves into some SW lore, including my interpretation / extrapolation of Grogu's history with the Jedi. Overall, a soft, happy, smutty chapter - figured we were due one after an extended absence and so much emotional upheaval.

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Words: 6.0k update.

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“I don’t know much about the Jedi Order,” you began, a look of consternation on your face. “What I do know, is from what I’ve read in the few books that talk about them. The Jedi followed the light side of the Force, what’s commonly considered to be the good side. They had opposition though — the Sith followed the dark side. They continually fought, one side occasionally coming out on top of the other, but there was rarely any actual peace… or balance.”

Balance. You had spoken often about the emphasis that Ixxith placed on balance. Din had heard of both Jedi and Sith, however his knowledge was woefully slim; but he could see how these two powerful religious groups could have brought a shattering, tearing conflict and chaos into the galaxy, each one believing that their ideology was right.

“Grogu trained with the Jedi Order, until they fell. Their downfall seems to have come from their own… pride, or complacency, or something — and the Empire and the Sith took over. Grogu saw…” You paused, looking down to the small green face that was buried in your arms, nestled into the blanket. Grogu’s ears drooped, and he made a small, sad sound.

Din felt something ache in his chest, like a pulled muscle.

“Grogu saw many of his friends, other younglings — or foundlings — killed by a Jedi who had turned to the dark side.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, and Din could hear the tears that were hovering on the edge, teetering and threatening to spill over.

This ship had seen enough tears for today.

"I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time, without interruption, endlessly, even though I feel that here in this world there’s no undisturbed place for our love, neither in the village nor anywhere else. And I dream of a grave, deep and narrow, where we could clasp each other in our arms with iron bars, and I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us anymore.” - Franz Kafka, The Castle

While there had been times in his life in which Din regretted having to remain concealed from you, this was not one of them. He had never had to account for any of his facial expressions before, and the expressiveness that was concealed by the mask had worked out in his favor this time. He had been incredibly nervous and worried when he heard your whimpers and cries coming from the bunk; he tried to wake you up gently, tried to reassure you, but it seemed as though you had disappeared from him yet again — this time into some sort of nightmare that he was powerless to save you from. He could imagine that the look on his face in that moment would have only scared you further, showing all of the pain and worry that had been steadily cresting into a tsunami since finding you in the alleyway. He felt as though he had spent the last several days walking on eggshells, terrified that something, some misstep, might take you away from him — and this was a kind of fear that was new to Din, having never before held anything that would be painful to lose.

When you finally woke up, tears still streaming, he could feel a piece of his heart break for all of the pain that you had carried throughout your life. He thought you had been doing better over the past several weeks and months, as your spirit seemed to grow brighter and more carefree; but it was naive of him to think that the pain had gone away entirely. It had receded, like the tides, but like the tides, it would always come back; sometimes gently, sometimes crashing, but it was a piece of you and always would be.

He had also been surprised to see you wearing a jacket to bed; he didn’t recall having seen it before, and he didn’t recall you getting up to put it on. It was odd, and he vaguely intended to ask you about it at some point, but it was lower on the list of his priorities at this time. His focus had since shifted to getting both you and the kid to Tython safely; while he couldn’t teach the two of you about the Force, he could try and bring you closer to the knowledge and the peace that you were seeking.

Grogu had agreed to this new expedition, after returning to the Razor Crest and discussing the options that were available. You and Grogu both appeared to be nervous, but also excited as you pondered what this could mean for your futures, both shared and independent. The three of you seated in the familiar cockpit of the ship, the air surrounding you all felt somewhat charged or electric, almost as if Din could feel it on his tongue — what was that? Excitement? Hope?

“I don’t know how quickly — how quickly someone may be able to sense us, or find us. Or if we’re supposed to stay in that spot until somebody does?” You wondered aloud, slouching back into your seat in the cockpit. Grogu was resting in your lap, playing with the buttons and ties on your jacket as you bounced your knee nervously, jostling him slightly. He cooed and laughed up at you, and Din watched your eyebrows raise up in surprise. He wished he had some way to participate, to share this communication and bond that you and the kid had.

“Well, I suppose you’re right — we really haven’t thought this through too much, but we can figure it out.” You sighed, your hand coming up to absentmindedly rub Grogu’s fuzzy green ear.

Figure what out?

Din felt excluded from this conversation, being as he could only hear one side of it; but he worked to remind himself that this Force stuff was a unique tie that you and Grogu shared, one that he shouldn’t intrude on. Din knew that the two of you would share many of the same hopes and fears, that would come along with this blind step that you would be taking together. He couldn’t resent either of you for this, and truthfully, he was thankful that he had no such ties to the Force. It was intriguing, but seemed to cause just as many problems as it solved.

Leaning back slightly into his seat, he watched the way you watched the stars, loving the peaceful scene that was unfolding here within the walls of his ship — was it really his ship anymore? You and Grogu had just as much claim to this space as he did. He watched the way that Grogu smiled up at you, leaned his head into your chest, clung to you like a child would cling to its mother. He watched you tuck your feet underneath you, nestling closer into yourself as you often did when you were cold. Smiling to himself, concealed by the helmet, he grabbed the soft blanket that had been kicked to the side of the cockpit so many days ago; he shook it out gently and reached over to drape it across the armrest of your seat. You didn’t seem to notice in the moment, however, as your focus had been drawn away from the stars, and back to the child in your arms.

You hummed lowly, wrapping Grogu more securely into your arms. “No, I don’t think we need to worry about that. They came to the same end that the Empire did.”

The both of you were worried about something, Din could sense it in the room, despite the words of reassurance and confidence that you shared with Grogu. “They?” He asked, gently stepping into the conversation.

Your back straightened considerably at his words, almost as though you had been so wrapped up in your conversation with Grogu that you had forgotten Din was there. “Oh. Grogu is — was — worried about what could happen, if… if it isn’t a Jedi that finds us on Tython.”

Din stayed quiet, allowing you the chance to elaborate if you wanted. His silence seemed to encourage you, as you turned the seat to face him, to better carry out the conversation. The blanket that Din had tried to give to you earlier fell into your lap, and you smiled at him as you wrapped both Grogu and yourself up in it.

He wanted to wrap up in that blanket with you, in bed, feel your body against his — he blinked rapidly, trying to return his focus to the subject at hand. Now was not the time.

Din felt something ache in his chest, like a pulled muscle.

This ship had seen enough tears for today.

He reached a gloved hand out towards you and the kid, and it came to rest under Grogu’s small green chin. Din noticed the wiry white hairs that protruded from it, and he marveled at the idea that something so small and childlike could somehow be older than him. Grogu blinked heavily and a fat tear rolled down his chubby cheeks, landing on the leather that covered Din’s palm. Grogu’s small hands reached out towards Din, his lower lip quivering slightly, and instinctively Din moved forward to pick the kid up, pulling him into his chest. He could feel the small thing shaking against him, and he held him closer, needing to make him feel safe and secure in any way that he could. For all of their travels together, Din had kept him safe, had never left him; and despite his inability to truly communicate with the kid, Din loved him, and trusted that Grogu knew that he loved him.

Din shifted Grogu’s small body in his arms, before reaching out to place his other hand against your knee; he gave it a small squeeze, a gentle reminder that you and Grogu were not alone here. He understood how terrifying it felt, having no sense of what may come next, having little agency in the narrative of your life. He had been in this place before, as a foundling, and wanted to offer you both the support and consolation that he would have wanted for his younger self.

Din watched you smile up at him, a small, sad thing; a shallow breath escaped from his chest as he watched you continually put up a brave and confident front. You always fought to put on a brave face, whether that brave illusion was for yourself or somebody else.

“The Sith fell when the Empire did. They’re gone.” You said softly, reaching out to clasp Grogu’s small hand in yours. “And while I may not have met her, I trust this Ahsoka to lead us to a safe place, not into harm’s way.”

Grogu nodded, his wrinkled skin and large ears rubbing against Din’s chest plate. Din could feel him begin to relax as he continued to hold him closely. Grogu had liked the one Jedi he had met in his travels with Din, and Din had to agree with your declaration of trust. Din hadn’t felt particularly fond of her, but she had proven to be honest and trustworthy so far — and that went quite a ways in Din’s book.

“How about we get you to bed?” You asked, an eyebrow raising with a smile as you looked on at Grogu. “We’ve got a ways to go before we reach Tython, and I think some time to rest may do you some good.”

Grogu gurgled a sound that Din assumed to be positive, or some sort of agreement, and watched as you pushed yourself up from the seat that you had been reclining in. He couldn’t help but notice the way that your pants clung to you, as the blanket fell away from your frame; he bit the inside of his lip as he passed the kid back to you, noticing the way that the soft, sensitive skin of your chest and neck was on display. Maybe putting the kid to bed was a good idea, he reasoned, as he felt something stir in his stomach.

He watched you as you turned to walk out of the cockpit, enjoying the way that your hips swayed with every step that you took; he loved the dips in your hips, loved the movement of your thighs, loved watching the muscles move together flawlessly in a way that lured him into a hot, heady, overpowering trance. His body seemed to take over, take control, and he felt himself rising up from his seat to follow you, needing to be close to you. He needed to touch you, needed to taste you, needed to feel you.

His mind was occupied by explicit images of you, images that stood out in stark contrast against the sweet scene playing out before him; you were humming and patting the kid’s back, rocking back and forth on the same hips that he had just been fantasizing of. Grogu’s eyes were drooping, and Din watched you sneak the wampa into the kid’s waiting grasp. He leaned against the doorframe, watching the saccharine sight unfold, watching the two people that he loved the most share this moment of security and tranquility.

A more primal part of him was trying to rush this scene along, wanting you to place the kid in his cradle so Din could have his way with you; he hoped that you didn’t hear his sigh of relief that escaped when you finally put the whimpering kid into his bed. The way that you bent over, positioning your ass directly in his line of sight, made him think that you had, in fact, heard it, and knew full well what you were doing.

After he heard the cradle close, he couldn’t help himself from stepping forward and into you, loving how your body immediately pressed itself backwards into him; he felt his heart beat pounding with ferocity as he felt the curve of your ass pressing against his thighs and his half-hardened cock. His hands snaked across your body, moving from your waist to trace their way across your stomach and down to your center. He couldn’t help but notice the way your breath hitched in your throat, and he pinched you ever so gently, your shoulders and backside pressing even further into him.

He used the placement of his hands to guide your willing body back to the cockpit, much to your surprise; the two of you had grown accustomed to the makeshift bed on the floor, but Din had another plan in mind. He loved the way that you grinned up at him, trusting him and leaning into this new experience with him.

Din guided the both of your bodies towards his seat in the cockpit; sitting down into the aged and shaped leather, he guided you down onto his lap and groaned as he felt the pressure of your body pressing against his stiffened cock. His hand instinctively traveled up the length of your spine, pressing into you, before coming to tangle into your hair; he gave an experimental tug and reveled in the whimpering sound that he received in return. Your hands moved upwards to rest on the beskar helmet, a subtle request to take it off; but Din shook his head ever so slightly, and he knew that you understood.

You arched your back as you sat up on his lap, your hips driving into his as you grinned wickedly at him. You may not be able to kiss him, may not be able to nip and bite at his neck as you normally would, but the sight of you bathed in the starlight of hyperspace was something otherworldly. His hands moved upwards to cup your breasts, loving the way that he could feel each breath you inhaled; his thumbs pressed into the soft flesh, and you leaned into his touch with a whine. He dragged his gloved hands across your chest, pulling away the soft fabric that had kept you concealed from him, and watched the way that your nipples raised in response the cool temperature of the cockpit.

Din groaned underneath you as he continued to push your shirt down and off of your chest, until it was entirely removed from your arms and resting loosely around your stomach. “You’re the most beautiful thing in this galaxy, cyar’ika.”

You smiled at him prettily, and he loved seeing the way that the stars streaking past you glittered in the depths of your eyes. He let you bring both of his hands upwards, noticing the way that your small hands barely wrapped around his, and then you pulled off the gloves that had kept him separated from the warmth of your skin. You brought one hand to rest on your breast, and another up to your face; he watched you curiously and excitedly as your mouth parted, taking both his index and middle finger into your mouth.

He gasped as he felt the familiar, soft heat of your mouth against his fingers; his hips bucked up into yours, his throbbing cock needing the stimulation; he could feel you smiling as you sucked on his fingers, and he groaned at your devilish and intentional teasing. His hand that was not currently buried within your mouth palmed your breast with ferocity, his thumb stroking the raised bud of your nipple; under normal, darkened circumstances he would take the bud in his mouth, dragging his hot tongue across it, but he had chosen to leave the helmet on this time and would not be able to use his mouth against you. He would just have to explore some new avenues.

He groaned in disappointment as you pulled away, before realizing that you had moved just enough to undo the belt that was slung across his waist. He watched you shift the rough, utilitarian fabric of his pants lower and lower, until his cock sprung forward from the fabric. He loved the greedy and excited look in your eyes, as you gazed on at him as if he was the only sight in your sky.

You sank to your knees before your small hand came up to grasp his cock, and he hissed through the modulator at the sensation; for all of the years he had spent in isolation, with no physical company except for that of his own hand, he relished in the still-unfamiliar touch of another person, of you. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you, to press his lips against yours, and yet he had chosen to keep the helmet on, a piece of him intrigued by what may occur between your bodies in the absence of this type of contact.

Your eyes flicked up at him, a devilish glint present as your lips wrapped around the girth of his cock, tongue tracing across it hotly with a pressure that felt both heavy and unholy. Every inch of you was fucking incredible, and he couldn’t help himself from reaching out to grab a fistful of hair. Din couldn’t deny that he loved the way that your mouth sank down even further onto his cock as his grip against you tightened.

Din felt an undeniable tension and heat spreading throughout his body, and with a gasp he pulled you up and away from his throbbing cock; he had other intentions for you, intended to fill that sweet, beautiful pussy with his thick and lengthy cock, intended to fill you up with hot ropes of cum. And yet — seeing you here, on the floor of the cockpit, saliva dripping down your chin while he held onto you by a fistful of hair — well, the sight threatened to undo him right then and there.

He let his head roll back, eyes closing; it felt nearly impossible to tear his eyes away from you, but he needed a minute to regain some composure before losing himself.

In his moment of respite, you had apparently grown impatient with him, and he felt the heat of your mouth against his balls; you rolled your tongue across them and Din felt a curse slip past his lips. He growled as he felt you begin to suck him further into your mouth, your tongue keeping up its ungodly, torturous movements. His hand that was still fisted in your hair yanked you back with some force, as he gasped desperately for air; and while he had almost felt bad about the way in which he had pulled you off of him, the pleased and preening look in your eye told him that you had played him, that you had gotten exactly what you wanted.

“Up,” he growled, his hand moving away from your scalp to help guide your flushed and burning body away from the floor as he remained seated. You complied, and Din thanked the gods, thanked the Force, whatever was out there, that you hadn’t chosen this time to be stubborn. “Strip,” He commanded, his voice hoarse; he gestured towards your few items of clothing that had been pushed askew. He needed them off of you, needed to see the way your skin would glow for him underneath the stars, needed to see how you would glow when you came on top of him.

You obliged his request, and he watched the last pieces of your clothing fall to the floor — and he was right in his previous assessment about your beauty. You looked positively angelic bathed in the light of the stars, with your body brazenly on display in the windows of the cockpit, and yet with nobody except Din and the galaxy to witness it. You drew your arms in closely around your form, wrapping them around your chest as you fought off the chill; Din chuckled softly, continually amused by how somebody so devastatingly hot could always be so cold.

You rolled your eyes at Din’s laughter, and that irrespective gesture made some sort of red heat flare up in his chest; he sat up taller in the seat of the chair, and despite his seated frame he was nearly at eye level with you. He spread his legs out widely, his cock standing erect, and gestured with an uncovered hand to come here.

You approached with a grin, your legs moving to rest on the edge of the seat, by his thighs, but Din had other intentions. Right as you were about to sit down on him, he grabbed you by the waist and spun you around, until you were facing away from him; and he was treated to the sight of your hair tumbling in disarray, and the sight of your perfect ass pressed against him.

You gasped at Din’s sudden and unexpected movement, and Din felt your body momentarily tense up underneath his hands; he chuckled again, smirking just a bit. He snaked a hand down across your stomach and to your center, pulling your willing body even further into his as he guided the tip of his cock into the tight heat of your cunt. “Relax, cyar’ika.” He murmured, before forcefully pulling your hips downwards to push his entire length inside of you.

You cried out at the intrusion, but Din could feel the way that your body responded to him, could feel the way that you opened up and blossomed for him as you always did. He still marveled at how you managed to take him all, knowing that the sight of your tight pussy taking the entirety of his throbbing cock was one of his favorite sights to see. He lifted you up by your hips, hands gripping into your soft skin, as he shifted your weight before pulling you back down onto him. He loved the way your back arched for him, loved the breathy, needy cries that you exhaled with each thrust upwards and into you.

Din reached a hand forward to spread your legs further, guiding them to rest on top of his, allowing you the ability to ride him and regain some measure of control. His hand found its place between your thighs, his large, calloused fingers tweaking the sensitive bundle of nerves that he had learned how to play like the finest of instruments; he groaned as he felt you tighten and spasm above him, gripping the thick and throbbing length of his cock. You were fucking incredible, more beautiful and perfect and sensual and dirty than he ever would’ve thought he would deserve.

“Do you like that, sweet girl? Like riding my cock right here, in the cockpit? Earning its name, isn’t it? What a sweet, dirty girl you are for me.” Din whispered, one hand continuing to trace pressured patterns into your clit while his other hand came up to tangle itself in the hair at the nape of your neck, pulling your head back towards him, before your hot cheek came to rest against the freezing beskar of his helmet. Despite the barrier offered by the beskar, he would’ve sworn that he could still feel the heat of you against his cheek, as if nothing had been separating the two of you. Whether it was here in the cockpit, or in the casino on Canto Bight, you had always managed to look past all of the beskar to see the man underneath it.

Din loosened his grip on you, giving you the opportunity to choose what to do from here — and as your hands came outwards to rest on Din’s knees, giving yourself the balance necessary to continue to ride him, he knew that he was a goner, knew that he’d do whatever you asked of him. He liked to play, to pretend that he was in control, and yet as he watched your body move against his in the starlight, he understood that sense of power was an entertaining illusion, but at the end of each and every day he was entirely enchanted by you. He would give you any pleasure, any comfort that you asked, he would give you every single star in the sky — he would give you his name, make it yours; he would give you any sight of him that you desired. Any sight, were you only to ask.

He felt his cock twitching as you continued to draw your body back down and into his; there was a tightness and a heat spreading like wildfire through his chest, coursing through his body and brightening and sensitizing every nerve. He groaned and a curse fell from his lips, as his body continued to react instinctively to the incredible sensation of your pussy clenched tightly around him; his hand ripped away from its place between your thighs, and his hand cracked sharply against your ass. He loved the way his palm stung with the impact, loved the way that he watched the soft flesh ripple and quake beneath his hand. This was a good angle, worth repeating.

He could feel your body tightening above his, could feel the way that your muscles were coiling in a familiar way that he had grown to love; he growled in your ear, the modulator making it seem even more ferocious. He offered one more sharp slap against your backside before his fingers resumed their rightful place against your clit, but this time with increased pressure and pace, determined to make you cum before him, determined to feel the way you would soak him with your orgasm before his rapidly-approaching release.

“Din— D-Din, fuck, please,” you whimpered, and he sat up in the seat before wrapping an arm around your chest, pulling you into him tightly, to the point where he wasn’t sure where his breaths began and yours ended. Maybe he couldn’t give you all the stars in the sky, but he could give you this, would spend every day of his life giving you this, making you feel blissful and adored in a way that he trusted only he could.

He nestled his covered head into your shoulder, continuing to hold your burning body against his as he fucked up and into you; his other hand continued to stroke against your clit, each movement making you quake against him in a way that he loved and burned into his memory. His breaths became heavy as he felt you tightening around him; you were positively burning now, your skin hotter than the stars that flew above you, and Din knew you were getting close from the way that you cried and keened at his touch.

“That’s my good girl,” he whispered, working to coax you even higher as the two of you chased that orgasm. “Want to feel you cum on my cock, sweet girl, want to feel you cum for me. You just love the way I fuck you, don’t you?” He fought off the waves of pleasure that were licking against him as he wanted to bring you to that peak, wanted to know your needs were taken care of. He would always take care of you, even though he knew you’d never need him to.

You gasped, your breaths becoming increasingly more shallow and desperate as you continued to burn and tense beneath his touch. “Want — want you to cum for me, c-cum inside me, please, Din — want to, need to feel you cum for me—“

Your desperate pleas for him to cum were going to be his undoing — he had understood that he could never deny you what you wanted, and fuck if this wasn’t included in it. He tried to fight it, the valiant piece of himself wanting to get you there first, not wanting to be selfish in this pleasure. “Gonna cum for you, but please— be a good girl, cum for me first, cyar’ika —“

“What does that mean?” You asked curiously, momentarily drawing his attention away from his impending orgasm. This brief shift in attention allowed for him to catch his breath and turn his focus back to you. He brought his hips upwards into yours with an almost bruising force, continuing to drive his desperately aching cock into your throbbing and clenching pussy as he fought to get you there.

The two of you were gasping and sweating, the previously-cool air of the cabin now burning with the undeniable heat of desperate, loving bodies — and your hands came to rest against Din’s, holding them against your flaming skin, as you whispered a small, simple request to him. “Cum with me, Din, please.”

He groaned and the tension that had been building within his body came to a head, as your body tensed to a shatter point; as he felt an avalanche of pleasure an relief crash through him, he felt your body crashing in pleasure against him, your pussy gripping him tightly and soaking him with the waves of your orgasm. He felt his release spreading within you, loving the way that he buried his spent cock and his cum deeply inside you; there was something primal and instinctual about this release that made his skin crawl with an animalistic kind of satisfaction and pride.

Your body was shaking against his with the combined sensations, and Din’s grip shifted from a constraining, desperate grasp to a more soft and gentle one; he cradled you against him, and as your burning body came to rest against his beskar, he suddenly resented it for the distance it created. He wanted to feel you entirely, wanted to drink in every single second of bliss that the two of you shared, unsullied and undiluted by the anonymity he had fought for years to maintain. He shifted the positioning of his arms so one was cradled under your shoulders, and another was wrapped underneath your knees. He brought your relaxed and shaking form up to rest against his, needing more contact than what he had previously allowed. “Keep your eyes closed,” He murmured quietly.

“Please.” He added softly.

Din watched your eyes flutter closed and while he missed the sight of them, missed the starlight reflected in them, he wanted something else more. He reached upwards to pry the helmet off of himself, having suddenly felt quite suffocated by, it despite the excellent filtration and air quality it offered him. He needed to fully be here in this moment, with you. He dropped the helmet to the floor, the solid beskar setting off a clanging sound that echoed throughout the cockpit, but he didn’t care — all he cared about right now was kissing you.

His lips found yours with a surety and confidence that made his heart soar; he felt attuned to your body, to your desires, and he loved this newfound physical familiarity that he had developed; he had never known anybody this intimately before. He kissed your lips, your nose, your cheeks, your eyelids, your forehead, everything that he could reach, relishing in every second and sensation of contact that he was allowed.

Tightening his arms around you, he pulled you upwards and into his chest as he stood up from the chair in the cockpit; he felt you gasp in surprise against him, but then you relaxed into his grasp, trusting him, and also being exhausted from your previous indulgences. His pants slung lowly around his hips, he carried your naked form forward and into the cabin of the ship, moving towards the fresher. The two of you were a mess, dampened by sweat and the release of orgasm, and there was nothing in this galaxy that sounded better than a shower.

You had kept your eyes dutifully closed until the darkness surrounding you grew even darker, as the light in the fresher turned off. Din couldn’t see hardly anything in here, but the years of familiarity gave him an advantage that allowed for him to turn on the water and guide your bodies into it, without so much as a stubbed toe or a misstep.

“You never answered me earlier,” you said quietly, your voice holding a sort of… nervousness, that caught Din off guard. He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to sort through what had transpired in the cockpit. You seemed to take his silence as an invitation to elaborate, and Din was continually grateful that you often made the effort to speak up and initiate. “You didn’t tell me what that word meant; you called me cyar’ika. I’ve never heard that before.”

Din pulled your body closer into his, loving the way that the two of you fit together so flawlessly. “I thought you could understand almost any language,” he teased, as he relaxed into you and the water that flowed down across your bodies.

“It’s Mando’a, isn’t it?”

Din nodded.

“I’ve never heard anyone speak it before, not until you.”

Din felt a sort of pressure in his throat; being still somewhat unfamiliar and removed from his own emotions, he struggled to allow himself to feelthem, and it was nearly impossible to identify them. He wasn’t sure what this feeling, both physical and emotional was, but… he didn’t dislike it? No, he actually quite liked the idea of sharing a first experience with you, of having something that would permanently connect him to you — even if life someday took the two of you apart, he knew that you would always think of him whenever you heard someone speak his language. “Words in Mando’a often have… many meanings.” He paused, trying to find the right words to share. “It means… Beloved. Darling. Sweetheart.”

Din could feel your breath catch at his quiet admission, and as you whispered a response, he hung on your every word.

“I’ve never heard anybody speak that to me before either.”

***

Taglist: @knivesareout @tanzthompson @stageleftlauren @greatcircle79 @bdavishiddlesbatch @who-is-a-heretic-now @mesmorales

#Din Djarin #Pedro pascal #Din Djarin x reader #Din Djarin x you #mandalorian fanfiction #mandalorian x you #mandalorian fic #the space between

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luciferpens · 4 years

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Nightshade || Harleen

What: Harley and Eve run into one another at Nightshade. Its awkward. Where: Nightshade When: August 14, 2020 Mentioned: Ivy, Vera, Rue, Remi TW: hinted at rape @icarialex

Even though she wasn’t usually someone who went out with coworkers, she couldn’t keep turning people down. So, that was how Harley wound up heading to Nightshade after her shift with two of the other nurses from her department. The blonde didn’t really plan on doing much beyond having a few drinks and a good time, but that went out the window the moment her eyes landed on Eve. The scene that danced before her was one she’d seen so many times before as the writer flirted with a woman. When brown eyes met her blue, Harley wanted to curse herself for how wounded she most likely looked. Instead, she diverted her gaze and immediately ordered a shot of gin at the bar. The nurse wished she could walk up to Eve and explain that the feeling she had coursing through her right then was why she didn’t talk to the woman, but she wasn’t that person. She couldn’t walk up to her best friend being petty and mean just because she was hurt. No, it would be easier to just ignore the situation all together. Just spend two or so hours with her coworkers so they were happy and leave was the best course of action.

After the first shot though, Harley switched to a gin and tonic. Getting drunk on top of being upset was definitely not a good combination. Causing an earthquake was never high on her list of priorities which was why she tried to stay as in control of her emotions as possible. She managed to have some sense of willpower as she sat at one of the high chairs that kept her back towards Eve’s direction. It kept her from turning around to see what she knew was looks of panic, confusion, and sadness. Harley didn’t want to comfort Eve right then because she knew deep down that talking to the woman was a bad idea. Her best friend never did feelings and coping by partying was what Eveleen did. So, the blonde did her best to laugh and joke as she was known to do as time slowly ticked by. Eventually, the drinks and water caught up with her which led to Harley entering the bathroom. As she exited the stall though she caught familiar brown eyes in the reflection of the bathroom mirror by the sinks. Knowing she couldn’t just ignore the woman as they were in such close quarters together, Harley greeted with a, ”Hi,” as she approached the faucet herself. Although, she didn’t know just what else she should say.

---

Nightshade had become Eve’s favorite spot on the isle, with her sister working as a DJ there, her ex-girlfriend owning it… it felt a bit like home, a bit like safety and normalcy. Eve used the place to unwind, to relax and get her fix. She wondered the dance floor flirting up a storm, using her powers to cause a more ecstasy on the dance floor. And that was exactly what she was doing, leaning against poll chatting up with a man a smirk on her face as she lightly brushed his arm, sending a wave of excitement through him and those around her. But as she pulled her hand away, her eyes drifted to blue ones that belonged to Harley. Her heart jumped into her throat and she froze in place. Harley looked so hurt and upset by her presence there, by what she was doing. She had started to open her mouth as if to say wait when Harley turned her attention away and ordered a drink. She saw the woman turn her attention back to two other women that she came with and pursed her lips eyebrows shooting upwards. Fine. . Eveleen would do the same; she started to flirt with more people to send more of an excited, curious and energetic wave out. It influenced those around her to drink more, to crave more wine, more excitement. That distracted her from the fact that Harley was around the club, enjoying herself as well. She finally decided to truly let loose and start dancing. She drank, she danced and then -- she realizied the bathroom was calling her name. . She had just exited a stall and was pausing at mirror after washing her hands to reapply her lipstick. She was leaning forward, adding red lipstick back on when she saw Harley in the reflection. Eve took in a long breath and then slowly let it out. “Hey…” she said letting her voice trail off as she slowly lowered her lipstick to the sink countertop and watched Harley through the mirror. “You look cute tonight.”

---

Harley looked down at her outfit and shrugged a little bit. Out of the two of them she was the one that cared less about what she threw on. As long as the colors didn’t scream in contrast too much she was good. That evening she was standing in front of Eve in tight red pants and a navy dress with a retro leather jacket thrown over it. Everything was tight enough that it gave a good view of her body, and the vest even showed a little midriff too. Still, the fact that it went together so well was more luck than anything else since she’d picked it all when she was half asleep before her fourteen hour shift. ”I can’t take credit. I’m pretty sure my eyes were half closed when I grabbed these clothes and tossed them into my duffle with some heels last night. Only reason I’m standing in front of you instead of napping in some corner is because I caught some shut eye in an on call room before being dragged out tonight.” She had no idea how her colleagues had so much energy. Well, that was until she remembered that she was the only one on call for emergency surgery the night before, so they all had a more reasonable amount of sleep.

Talking about work was easier than dealing with the things that were being left unsaid between the two of them. Harley wanted to kick herself for not remembering that a spot like Nightshade would be the woman’s stomping grounds. Walking into the only dance club on the isle while the writer was trying to sort through her emotions was like asking to be punched in the face with flirtations and debauchery. ”You don’t look so bad yourself though, but that stopped surprising me a long time ago,” she managed to say back with a small smile. The nurse didn’t understand why the urge to add as many people in the club are appreciating, to that sentence was so strong. She’d had feelings for Eve for ages and seen what she saw when she first walked into the club a million times. The only difference was that she’d been asked to put those feelings out into the universe, and that was stupid. Harley moved to grab some paper towels to dry her hands which also provided some distance between herself and the other woman. ”I’m probably going to be heading out soon,” she said with a sigh at both herself and the situation. Not knowing what to say to Eve was definitely new, frustrating territory. Harley was usually the queen of adding laughter to awkward situations, but there she was letting the tension continue to rise as uncertain blue eyes stared into brown. At least she managed to keep eye contact. She’d take the small win.

---

Eve rolled her eyes at Harley’s dismissal of her compliment, “Well even half closed and half dead before your shift you’ve apparently retained some of what I taught you back in L.A.” she said letting a smile slip over her lips. “Though, we’ll have to get you a new belt.” she said, shaking her head at the simplicity of the belt the woman was wearing. Eve was almost tempted to take off her Gucci belt and wrap it around the other woman but decided against it for fear of it all being a bit awkward. Plus the time it would take to unlace from the black sequined miniskirt she was wearing would be a pain in the ass. “And, you need lipstick.” she said, wiggling the lipstick tube she had in her hand around, it was the same shade of red as Harley’s pants. She smirked, and like she had hundreds of times before, back when they lived in L.A. she reached forward and took Harley’s head into her hand and quickly swiped on some lipstick to the girl’s lips before letting her go and returning to where she had been a second before. “Better.” she said with a little shrug.

“I’m guessing they dragged you out despite your protests of being a bit sleepy still?” she asked, realizing that the people she had seen Harley with earlier must have been some of her coworkers. Or at least some of them were for sure. Unless they just abandoned her, in which case she’d have to go yell at someone. After a second she shut down the thoughts she had of misplaced annoyance towards Harley’s coworkers. She knew the isle was… well actually, no, the isle wasn’t truly safe enough to walk around by yourself anymore. At least if the police order she had read was anything to go off of. Her roommate was just outside waiting for her to come back so they could go dance once more. She glanced to the other closed bathroom stall door and paused for a moment before turning her attention back to Harley. “Ah -- thanks” she smiled. Her top was multi-layered; a black off the shoulder, almost tulle like fabric was covered in black polka dots with large bishop sleeves resting over a black tube top. She layered three necklaces over it and added some black heels to complete the whole look. “Don’t leave on account of me,” She added a second later as she slipped the lipstick into her bra, hiding it away. “You’ve not been here very long -- and you really shouldn’t be by yourself with -- all thats happened lately.”

---

”It’s hard to forget anything involving you,” Harley said honestly. There was one moment in particular she’d tried so hard to forget. The kiss Eve had given her when she was drunk off her ass was what she’d been trying to scrub away from her brain. There was no point in holding the memory when the other participant had zero knowledge of it having happened. She smiled and shook her head slightly at her best friend. Harley had learned long ago that there was always something Eve would tinker in her outfits. It wasn’t something she ever took personally. The lipstick did shock her a bit, but she fortunately kept it off her face. It was something they’d done so often, and yet, now that feelings had been thrown out there things were different. That was also why she didn’t want to say anything. Feelings made the air between them shift, and every time she saw the woman she was left wondering if anything that she felt was reciprocated. ”Thanks,” she said with a smile.

Changing the topic to her knucklehead coworkers was much appreciated. Harley groaned and nodded her head. ”I’m often on call because I’m the lead anesthetic work, and I’m needed for any surgeries that happen in pediatrics. So, that can make for funky hours. Still, I’ve put this off long enough that I would have been carried here if I said no again anyways.” Going voluntarily seemed like the much better option. Fortunately, Harley could sleep in the following day since she was off. Her bed was calling her name. Although, knowing her she wouldn’t stay in it for long. Surfing in the morning was her favorite way to start the day. While Harley wished she could stay in spite of Eve being there, she knew it was best for her to go home. ”Really, it’s okay. I’m tired anyway, and I really don’t think I can handle seeing you flirt anymore tonight. You’re single and should if that’s what you want to do obviously. I have no say in that, but I know I should probably head out.” Nightshade could be Eve’s turf to do what she needed to do. That was something she could live with. It wasn’t like hitting the club and partying was something she did often. ”I can text you when I get home if you want. Or you can come with me if you’re going to worry too much,” Harley said with a shrug. She didn’t know how much Eve wanted to party, and the nurse’s mind was obviously a mess. Things were awkward but she still wanted to spend more time with Eve? Love was stupid.

---

Eve swallowed hard as Harley spoke; being confronted with feelings, hell even the idea of feelings made Eve squirm. After all that had happened to her, she couldn’t bring herself to be comfortable in a relationship, couldn’t really bring herself to be comfortable with feelings, deep feelings really. But when she saw Harley smile she returned it and nodded her head. “Any time,” she said with a shrug and cleared her throat. “You’re the lead?” She said her eyebrows shooting up, “I shouldn’t be surprised, of course, you are. I’m glad they’re forcing you to have some fun time instead of locking yourself in the house all the time.” she had been the one to force that back in L.A. and knowing that the woman had friends looking out for her, had people willing to make her go out and relax a bit.

Pursing her lips and frowning she nodded her head. Harley wasn’t wrong but she disliked how this was all headed. She didn’t like how the only thing that seemed to be calming her down was partying; it distracted her, it allowed her to forget what was eating at her soul. And the admission of feelings -- well a good party was the perfect distraction. She glanced to the door, the idea of getting back into the party, but then back to Harley and shrugged her shoulders. It was Harley, she couldn’t pretend she didn’t want to hang out and see her friend. “Come with you?” she asked eyebrows shooting upwards, “I mean, at a bare minimum I want to make sure you get home safe.” She said with a shrug, “I can walk you home.” she added a second later. Its not like Harley could live that far, the isle wasn’t that huge.

---

Eve had been there through it all in the blonde’s education. She’d seen the long nights studying, reminded Harley to eat, and even kept food warm for her when she started her clinical hours which were always crazy. So, being able to tell the woman that she’d done well in her career was nice. Sharing the little things, because honestly to Harley work was such a little thing in life, was one of the many things she’d missed in their friendship. ”Head anesthetic nurse I think is the professional title, but whatever, same thing. I’m just happy I get paid to comfort kids while acting like a big one myself,” she said with a giant smile. It was the best part of her job. Surgery was always a scary thing, but to kids it could be terrifying, so it was nice that she was able to bring smiles to their faces by acting like a dork whenever possible. ”Yeah, I have a few people that stop me from being just a beach head and homebody. Don’t you worry. Plus, with you here, I’m sure I’ll get all my socializing in for sure.”

Blue eyes caught the glimpse towards the door and sighed. Harley was always a pretty observant and emotionally intelligent person. Growing up with a woman who suffered from Bipolar Disorder made her accustomed to noticing little changes in behavior which carried on into her adult life. ”This is why I didn’t want to tell you about my feelings. You asked why I didn’t tell you, and this is a perfect example,” she said calmly. There was no anger or resentment in her words, but rather acceptance of how things would go. ”The only thing worse than having your feelings rejected is seeing them make someone else uncomfortable or unsure of things. I know partying is your default coping mechanism. So, if you’re not ready to deal with this yet or me, you can go back out there. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll ask one of my coworkers to walk me home so you don’t have to.” Harley didn’t want to make Eve feel out of sorts. The only thing she’d ever wanted to do was make the woman happy. Right then, she honestly didn’t know what was the right thing to do, but she didn’t want them to be forced together when Eve was still trying to wrap her head around things.

---

“Head anesthetic nurse.” Eve repeated, “A giant child taking care of other children.” she shook her head and let out a long sigh. How she could always be so childlike -- even at work amazed the writer. Eve had to much going on in life, too much chaos and expectations from her mother. It was either full throttle work which meant seriousness or a needed release of power and then a crash, which meant a party. Childlike wonder and playfulness -- that wasn’t really a thing for her. But maybe now -- maybe being on the isle meant she’d get some of that time. “I’m glad there are others up your butt and making you relax a little. And yes, you will for sure get more socialization with me being around… even if its a little weird.” she said deciding to just call out their awkwardness for what it was.

Eveleen clenched her jaw a bit as she spoke and let her eyes dart around Harley’s face, taking in all the little details, all the little expressions that crossed her face as they spoke. “Because a couple of days of me needing to get my head on straight?” she asked eyebrows shooting up, “You know if we had had this conversation years ago we wouldn’t be in such an odd situation right now.” she sighed. “I’m not rejecting your feelings -- there’s just…” she let out an even longer sigh, “There’s just a lot going on in here --” she tapped at her temple. “A lot I have to -- get over, to accept and move on from before I can be in a good enough place to ever… be that sort of thing for someone.” she said putting extra emphasis on the word, not able to even bring herself to say girlfriend or relationship as she tapped her own chest. She leaned against the wall she was about to open her mouth to say more when two more women walked into the bathroom laughing up a storm. She waited as the two women stumbled into the bathroom stalls, still talking before she looked back to Harley.

---

Hearing Eve’s words made the blonde smile brightly. That was the best part of her job after all. ”Who better to relate to them than someone who can really get on their level?” While the blonde didn’t really have a normal childhood and had to grow up much faster than most, she still could easily access the part of her brain that held the memories of all the things she wanted to do. Perhaps they were at the forefront of her mind so much because she never got to do them, but she didn’t really dwell on it all too much. Harley was happy she was able to turn what many would see as a sad story of her life into something positive. At the mention of them being awkward, Harley shrugged her shoulders. ”This will blow over eventually. You’ll forget about it before you know it and be wanting cuddles from me in no time.” Honestly, Eve had forgotten much bigger things between them before, so Harley was sure it would be fine. There was a decent amount of alcohol and some weed combined in the last time, but still, she firmly believed they’d be fine. Putting her feelings in a Pandora’s box would have to work eventually.

Harley rolled her eyes affectionately at the woman because honestly, she couldn’t ever be really mad at Eve. Well, at least it hadn’t happened yet. ”No, not because you need a few days but because you don’t do this. You haven’t done feelings in forever, and I knew that. I knew it better than anyone. So, me telling you even a fraction of how I feel about you would make things awkward and just be uncomfortable for us both.” The idea that having the conversation years ago would have made things better made her arch an eyebrow. ”Can you honestly look me in the eye and say that three years ago that if I’d told you I wanted to be with you that it would have gone well? We were younger, and you were someone who was still dealing with a past relationship and loved partying. You haven’t wanted to be with anyone since Chester.” Harley listened to the rest of her best friend’s explanation and was even given a pause to digest it all due to people entering the bathroom. Once they were out of sight, all the nurse could do was nod her head because she did understand. ”I didn’t say you were rejecting them. I just said the only thing worse was seeing your feelings for someone make them uncomfortable. Being the person to make you feel so unsure and out of whack isn’t something I ever wanted to be. So, I can just get someone to walk me home. You can stay and party things out of your system until you’re ready to talk to me sometime.” One thing Eve had going for her was that she was dealing with someone that had seen how she coped before, so that saved time with explanations.

---

A small lift of her shoulders and a nod of her head was the easiest response. Because really — it was always easier to work with kids if you could relate to them and act like them. No one was better at that then the blonde before her. But at the mention of forgetting about it she furrowed her brow and pulled her head back slightly “Forget about it?” she asked almost insulted “I’m not gonna forget about what you said.” she muttered followed by a scoff and a long breath out. She shook her head again, sure she was a bit lose, but she wasn’t anywhere near the point of forgetting things. That would require weed and something harder to get to that point. And as far as she knew — only weed was readily available in this club. “What makes you think I’m going to forget about the fact that you told me you had feelings for me? I was sober then, and while I may not be totally sober now that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget it or just — let it go.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and listened quietly to Harley as she spoke a small shiver ran down her spine at the mention of it being a fraction of what she felt and set her mind racing. Eve was lot in that thought, lost in what it meant to have someone feel something for her beyond the want to party or lust when she heard that name. It felt like a hand gripped around her heart forcing her mind and body to freeze in place. Her breathing hitched and she just stared. Her eyes glazing over at the mention of his name. To some, her reaction would look like overwhelming sadness over the loss of love; to anyone who knew her then they might think she was sad over his death; to her therapist? To Ivy? They’d recognize the fear and know she needed to do something to change the subject before her mind spiraled down. She couldn’t have been more thankful for the sound of a toilet flushing and the door opening again in her life. The slight distraction allowed her to try and recollect herself. She couldn’t, wouldn’t answer that question because it would be painful and be to close to a subject she wasn’t ready to talk about yet. “Understand.” she said her voice colder than she meant it, but being reminded of him? Well that usually shut her down more than she realized, “I -- Um -- My friend Remi is probably nearby if you need someone to walk you home. Oh, and Rue is for sure here, she would be happy to walk you.” She said as Vera poked her head into the bathroom and raised an eyebrow “You good?” she heard and Eve nodded, “Yeah one sec V.”

---

Life was a cruel mistress. That was Harley’s conclusion because there she was with the girl she’d had feelings for longer than she cared to admit asking her a question that was hard not to laugh at. What made her think Eve would forget? Well, that was a loaded question, but it all went back to what happened right before she left California. How could she tell her best friend that she hadn’t remembered the amazing make out session they had partaken in? There wasn’t a way without the conversation turning much more complicated. Plus, she doubted that would help their current situation any. ”I don’t know. People forget hook ups and stuff all the time on nights like these. Plus, I just don’t want to make things difficult. I want you happy not stressed out,” she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. That didn’t mean she could resist the urge of slipping a small hint of it in there. .

Everything was fine until it wasn’t. It all gave the blonde a bit of whiplash when she suddenly heard a tone from Eve that had never been aimed at her before. Harley hated Nightshade. The last time she’d been there she’d thought she saw Eve in the club, and now she was actually fighting or something not pleasant with the woman. Hurt appeared in blue eyes as Harley’s body language shifted and shrunk away slightly from the woman before her. Not able to really find her words yet, Harley just shook her head and shoved her hands in her jacket’s pockets. ”I’ll be alright. I’ll get someone to walk me,” she said with a quieter voice than before which she honestly didn’t know if it could be heard over the music. Even when they’d fought about her distancing herself from her friendship, the blonde hadn’t received the tone she’d just gotten. Hell, Eve was hitting on her for crying out loud even when angry. Now, things seemed to be messed up and just confusing. ”Text me if you need me, but it looks like you’ve got that covered with people,” she said with as much of a smile as she could muster as she moved to exit the bathroom.

---

She noted the mention of a hookup and stuff like this and filed it away to examine later when her mind wasn’t playing cruel tricks on her. “Harley, you told me all of that a couple of days ago, before a night like this.” she said staring the blonde down her voice was still cold, still distant, she was lost in her own head and the memories that were intruding into her perfectly normal day. “I’ll stop being stressed out when people stop bringing up Chester to me.” she added a second later feeling a shiver run down her spine, almost as if he was touching her back and pushing her forward. She swallowed hard and wanted nothing more than to go outside and get a breath of fresh air. Something away from the heat of all the bodies dancing and the smell of a bathroom, even if it was clean.

Eve knew she was being cold, knew that Harley was freaked out by it all, and if she had control over her emotions right the she’d comfort the other, tell her its not her fault but memories and fear were roiling in her and she couldn’t seem to calm her body down. She just nodded her head as Vera moved into the bathroom and started to rub Eve’s back trying to calm the woman down. Eve glanced over her shoulder as Harley left and then let out a long breath before saying “I need air V. Can we go outside?” and with a nod from the other woman, they vanished into thin air.

#Eve: c: Harley #Harley #Eve: chats #Eve #Discord

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averentius · 5 years

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Barriers to Feeling

From the article at: http://www.theworldwithin.org/2018/06/25/barriers-to-feeling/

Let’s face it, as much as we might be able to admit the benefits that connecting with or facing one’s feelings brings, there are some serious barriers that can block us from those feelings.

For one, feelings are inconvenient. They tell us things that deviate from any plans we might set, any beliefs we might have, and may require time from us that we’re not ready to spend. They may completely call us to change our lives. And this change is for the better, mind you! But it’s still change.

Fear can also be a factor, and guilt, and various other things. Below I’ve compiled a list of major blockages to feelings that can stop one from really working and connecting with feelings.

Inconvenience

As I mentioned before, inconvenience can be a major factor. In our day to day lives, what is convenient for us can be seen as worthwhile, while inconvenient things are deprioritized or shunned.

Examples: microwaves, TVs, and cars – all things that are convenient and help get us things we want, faster. There can be a cost to these things, but the cost is paid in order to acquire the resulting benefit.

When it comes to feelings, they can be purposefully disruptive. For example, a feeling of unfairness can lead us to confront something that we otherwise could’ve let slide. Feeling lost could lead us into a lengthy process of reexamination and reevaluation, where many activities we relied upon get questioned.

These sorts of experiences get us to reconstruct our life to one that feels more right to us, or they may prompt us to action that actually produces results we feel good about. With the movement and insight feelings bring, many things are possible: breaking free of abuse, seeing through deception, deepening our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, feeling good on the inside, and many, many more things.

The flip side is, in order to experience the benefits of a connection to our feelings, we must be willing to pay the cost. Cost of time, of reflection, of experiencing even the most deeply painful of feelings so as to understand and work with them, till they become something more healed, joyful, or free. We cannot force our way with our feelings, either. Things like stubbornness will often fail, and it can require great patience to truly connect and meet feelings where they are. We have to be willing to put aside the perceived benefits of ignoring them, or at least recognize and confront those benefits. Experiences of immediate pleasure can often distract from the deeper experiences, and we can get lost in addiction to things that only take place on the level of our senses and mind. It takes a certain amount of discipline to see past those lures, and to recognize one’s own desires to escape the inner realities, for an outer distraction.

Moreover, connection to feelings can be an ongoing, multi-faceted thing. It’s not a matter of working through an issue once and being done with feelings, at least until the next major crisis. No – feelings, powerful or subtle, can come up at any time, and unless we incorporate time into our regular lives for opening ourselves to our feelings and listening deeply, we may not hear them, and the problems that these feelings point to, or the questions they might want to explore, might go unanswered for a long time. And neglected feelings can build up over time until you end up having a crisis on your hands, one that could’ve been foreseen and dealt with in pieces beforehand.

A caution: just because we’re listening for one type of feeling and consider ourselves open to it, doesn’t mean we’re honestly being open to all types of feelings. For instance, we can be open to sadness while closed to anger – yet we might consider ourselves “connected to our feelings” given the sadness, and use that as an excuse to avoid dealing with the anger. This could be for any number of reasons, such as us feeling intimidated by the idea of certain feelings, or us rejecting the idea that we could feel those things, but regardless of the type of feeling, if ignored, the damage will continue to build up.

Thus, you can see that, while from a certain perspective feelings can seem “inconvenient” – the changes required to integrate feelings into one’s personal life are still necessary in order to receive the myriad benefits that come from that connection. You need to be able to recognize the real danger of self-deception when it comes to feelings, too. It’s very easy to say “I’ve got that taken care of”, while not taking the time to really reflect and be open to every kind of feeling that may come up in you in the moment. Really, it takes being able to put aside impatience and a love of convenience, and instead commit to listening to the deeper things of life.

If you think about it, in a lot of areas on this site, I try to make it easier to connect and work with your feelings – giving you tools and methods for doing so. That said, they still take action, they still require initiative! This is not something that happens automatically in life, or can ever be provided to you. It must be something you yourself own and tend to, and only you can know, in your honest knowledge of yourself, whether or not you really are. And even then, one can always improve.

Fear

Feelings can be extremely frightening. Not only is there the actual experience of fear, but there are many aspects to feelings that can evoke fear.

Some examples:

Fear of change – feelings can cause you to reconsider your course in life and enact changes that, while they might feel good, are outside the norm. They can get you to consider things you never thought you would, for instance questioning a life situation you’re used to idealizing, whether it be a relationship, living situation, or a career path. The feelings can cause you to consider breaking from the norm, even if for something better.

Fear of loss – similar to fear of change, we can fear the loss of what we’ve come to know or love in our lives – routines, relationships, patterns of behavior, what other people think of us, etc. However, sometimes it is natural for things to fade from our lives, and feelings can alert us to when we’re hanging on to such an extent that we blind ourselves to where things actually stand and what our current reality is truly composed of, when all is allowed to leave if it already has.

Fear of sacrifice – sometimes, working with our feelings can bring us to the realization that something we hold dear has to take a lower priority in our lives than something else we feel is important. This can be scary, even if we can see clearly how holding onto certain things is damaging us. There has to be an element of bravery when it comes to letting something go in the face of such fear.

Fear of that which is not “us” – feelings can surprise us in that they can be feelings we don’t identify with. These can be things that “other” or “lesser” people feel – not us! And yet, when experiencing a foreign feeling, it’s still up to us to be honest about what we’re facing. It may not be what we’re used to or what we identify with, but if we’re feeling it, it’s present, and ignoring it can have serious consequences. We can end up ignoring a side of ourselves, and feeling torn apart in life, like we’re being pulled in two directions, which can produce confused or panicky behavior in our day to day.

In addition, experiencing foreign feelings can lead us to fear a loss of identity socially, as well as internally. If we start to become someone new, how will others love us as they have? How will they react? And honestly, you can never 100% predict that. Even so, part of facing this fear involves accepting that relationships and the perception of you may change. If others can’t accept the new version of the honest you, then that is not yours to control. There may yet be other people who will accept it.

Fear of inconvenience or discomfort – yeah, sometimes we can fear the inconvenience feelings may cause us. We can fear having to let go of other activities in our day to look at feelings, or worse, what we may have to give up in our life in one area, in order to move into something that may actually make more sense for us and feel better long-term.

Fear of one’s self – the feelings we have can cause us to question things about ourselves like our own sanity, our ability to see sense, our ability to be trusted, and so on. Our honest feelings can seem like a threat, and thus we, the feeler, can seem like a threat. Thus, we can get caught in a situation of self-distrust.

Fear of failure – when wrangling with feelings, there can be a definite fear that one’s approach to one’s feelings will yield some kind of failure. Maybe they make mistakes, maybe they listen to the wrong feeling, maybe they mess things up in the whole interaction, maybe they let feelings control them – all these kinds of fears can be there. However, there has to be a certain amount of bravery and willingness when opening up, so that you can pursue success – in things like feeling good, at peace, or balanced – without being held back by a fear of things going badly.

Fear of the experience of feeling – the very intensity of feelings themselves can drive us away. Past, unresolved traumas, especially, can make it hard to connect with certain feelings associated with that trauma. But even without that aspect to it, we can get the sense when thinking about certain things or doing certain things that we end up experiencing feelings we’d rather avoid, even if thinking or doing those things are what we’d naturally want to do. The experience can be hard, but feeling, recognizing, releasing, and letting ourselves flow, even with the most painful feelings, can help us to grow and experience life more deeply and fully.

Fear of conflict – not only can feelings bring us to the realization of the importance of facing certain outer conflicts, but feelings themselves can very often be conflicted. And not only will these feelings conflict with you and your goals, but with each other as well. Being willing to listen to all sides of a conflict, to mediate, to listen, and to fail to resolve things quickly can all be part of facing this fear.

Guilt

In life, we can set certain standards for ourselves for who we want to be, and also what we want to feel. And when we can sense a feeling that doesn’t line up with what we want in that area, we can constrict and turn away from ourselves, even deny that such a thing is there. We become closed, instead of open, and the experience of feeling is lost or obscured.

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with feeling any feeling. It is beyond our control. How we approach and handle feelings is up to us.

We don’t have to feel guilty when we feel something we’re not “supposed to” feel. For instance, a lack of sadness when you think you should be grieving. Or, anger when you “should be” okay with something, or the anger is evoked by a friend’s behavior. The feelings we have are still important and have their own justification, they just not be what we anticipated, or, again, found to be convenient.

In any case, to counteract guilt over feelings, one must be willing to question one’s own moral strictness. Moral strictness can unfairly diminish the reality of a person in favor of some ideal standard of behavior. It is, essentially, close-minded. However, openness allows for a chance to learn, in this case about one’s self and one’s feelings. And through that learning and openness, you share a connection with your feelings and become better able to navigate and work with them on a daily basis. You listen, but choose only when it feels right. You don’t let feelings control you, but you still encourage the information to flow back and forth between you and your feelings. Thus you begin to have a working relationship with them, in which they can help you without directing you, and the whole experience can feel positive for you.

Pride and Denial

If we already have the inner area of our life covered, then what’s the point in looking into it? What’s the point in considering different kinds of behavior?

The trap of pride is such that we begin to resist seeing ourselves clearly, and instead start to feel like such sight is a threat.

Having a sense of undeniable pride in who we are and what we do or have done can be a ripe ground for denial to bloom. When we like where we’re at, including potentially a lack of being criticized or feeling self-doubtful, then we can try to close ourselves off to any feelings that might contradict that idealized state.

We have to be willing to see that who we’ve been doesn’t ever dictate, good or bad, who we are or where we’ll end up. In every moment, we have the chance to experience our feelings. They are ever-present. And the things they can tell us, such as about the integrity or goodness of what we’re doing, can change. If we don’t listen to those signals or engage in an interaction with them, then we stand to lose whatever wisdom they could’ve shared with us, and as such we might blindly head down the pathways to harmful behavior. Indeed, when it comes to pride we might head down harmful pathways while fulling admitting that they are such, reveling in the rebelliousness of it, while missing out on a sense of balance in our lives.

Sensory Distraction

The senses can easily pull us away from feelings. There’s so much to see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. It can be fascinating, mesmerizing! And while it can be fine to explore that space, using it as a means to escape the experiences of feeling can lead to a hollow kind of life. You may feel wonderful on the surface, but deeper down, there may be feelings that never go away, but only get covered. There can be things like background anxiety or impatience. Indeed, impatience can be a good indicator that something else is going on, and that there’s a priority in your feelings that isn’t being met by your current activity.

In essence, taking the time in your life for your feelings, especially when they ask for your attention, can lead to the reduced need to try and escape those feelings through the experience of the sensory or external.

Pleasure

Pleasure falls into a similar category as Sensory Distraction, but is more general. Many things can be pleasurable, even certain feelings or thoughts! Comfort can be pleasurable, but trying to feel comfortable when you have honest feelings of pain, displeasure, discomfort, anger or the like can make you a nervous wreck.

Seeking pleasure only, we can become conflicted and confused. The solutions will seem to exist outside our current situation, rather than as something that can naturally come of experiencing and working with the elements of our own internal experience. Again and again we might react to unpleasurable feelings by seeking temporary, momentary escapes into things that are much more pleasing, as if we can choose our feelings. We can’t. Feelings are out of our control, and thus beyond choice. But as with any environment, we can work with it to make it more beautiful or wholesome. But it must be met on its terms, it cannot be imagined away or chased away by pleasurable sensations.

Pain Avoidance

As mentioned in the section on Fear, feelings can sometimes be seen as sources of great pain. It is the avoidance of such pain that also can lead to an estrangement from the associated feelings. It takes a certain kind of dedication to see through that pain and feel what’s there anyway.

Furthermore, pain itself can be part of your emotional experience, something that needs to be felt acutely and deeply in order to be worked through and released. Sometimes, you have to let pain course through you, send you all of its tattered and crying messages, before it can finally relax. And it’s important we listen to our pains, especially the kinds most severe, since these can help inform us about what isn’t working in life, or guide us towards the strength, passion, or wisdom to find what does work.

Feeling things intensely can truly hurt at times, but you may find that the things you resist due to feeling intimidated by intensity can also be the kinds of things that are most healing to actually feel. Moreover, it can actually be fun! To fully experience pain can sometimes be like riding an intense roller coaster, or even like channeling the energy of a heavy metal concert. Painful heartfelt feelings can sometimes feel like a wet sponge being squeezed tightly, but the release of the water inside can still feel so healing.

Experiencing all feelings, even the most painful ones, can have its place. It is not senseless, it is not a punishment on you somehow. You have to be willing to feel the shadowy parts of life in order to develop a true lightness of being. And the more your capacity for feeling painful things increases, the more resilient you’ll become. You an find yourself capable and ready to feel and experience more than you may have ever thought possible before.

Overthinking

Thinking about feeling is never the same as feeling. The experience of feeling happens without thought. Trying to think your way out of or through feeling can end up just delaying or obstructing the raw experience of feeling. That sense of what is, how it affects you, how you feel. It is part of you, and moves forward as you sense it and come to know and understand it better. You reach understanding, you reach realization, new understanding forms and brighter days come naturally. You don’t have to rely on your mind for everything.

That said, the mind does have its place! You can translate feelings into words as best you can, you can record your sense of what happens in a way that is structured with words and concepts, you can let things happen, then grow your conscious understanding of that happening over time, in a way that supports your life and growth, without holding it back, like some kind of bureaucracy. Your feelings and their interactions, their flow, their conflicts – can move and develop at their own pace, while your mental understanding of such matters can grow with it.

There is a temptation to make everything in life understandable before it’s allowed to happen, and while it’s good to be safe and have a sense of why you’re doing things, on the other hand, some feelings must show themselves and have room to move about first. Some feelings are wild, free, and unpredictable. You can notice the realities of these feelings, and give them a chance at having qualities you can appreciate, rather than conditioning them to fit your expectations. You can learn from them too. Life, its flow, its surprises, even on an internal level, do not have to fit your ideals or expectations – they can be new, and still good. They can present you with an adventure or challenge, and still be most welcome.

Close-mindedness

If our ideas about reality are right all the time, then the new ideas that are presented to us through our feelings might not even be given a chance to be considered. They might be treated as distractions or like a lesser part of our nature. We might think of feelings as “our lizard brain” or “us being stupid” or like they’re from a “stupid” place. But feelings are not as blind or ignorant as we might expect them to be. Those are our ideas about feelings biasing us, rather than a fair judgment of the contents of a feeling itself.

Even the most rampaging, irritable feeling has its place. It can be acting that way to get your attention, knowing no other way it can act to get heard. And if you don’t hear and acknowledge it, that part of your inner world can continue on in pain, or else go into a dismal state, rather than potentially contributing to your overall joy or lightness.

You have to learn to be able to put your ideas about feelings aside, and instead be open to learning about what feelings actually are, or what they have to say. They are a part of you – treat it dearly and you will feel the benefits yourself. Acknowledge that these parts of you travel with you on your journey through life, and that they are out of your control. They are not yours to command, and trying to regulate or dismiss them just makes them feel worse. Would you want to be treated that way? Or would you want people to listen to the things you sincerely hold inside? Considered this way, you may find it easier to open up. To feel. To listen.

Stubbornness

When it comes to what we want, what we believe, or what we want to do, we can be very stubborn, even when a feeling, quiet or loud, wants to point us in a different direction. The thing is, then, our dedication to what we want becomes a detriment, and we end up self-sabotaging while all the while thinking we’re doing the right thing. We can think it’s “good” or what we “have to do”. We fuel ourselves with determination to the point of blindness. And while some feelings do feed off inaction and hesitation, many feelings just want to inform us of different points of view, each of which could enrich the depth and completeness of our choices.

For example, if we’re determined towards comfort and refuse to pay attention to passion, we might live an empty, hollow, or boring life. If we fuel only our sense of adventure and ignore all caution, our adventures could get cut short by consequences from risky decisions, such that we might get injured, sick, debilitated, or killed.

It’s all about balance. Feelings can inform decisions in such a way that those decisions have a sense of balance to them. They’re not too much one thing and not too much another either. There’s just enough of everything, at least according to our own sense of things, on multiple levels.

And as far as things that feed on hesitation, looking at feelings can help with that too. That is, as long as you acknowledge and are aware of them, they can become much less of a threat. You can see what they’re doing and still come to the independent conclusion that action is still the best or healthiest option, whereas staying still and scared can be stifling, and ultimately counter-productive, at least in terms of what you feel would be good.

Conclusions

As you can see, there are quite a few places where we can put up barriers to our own feelings. That doesn’t mean, however, that we can’t endeavor to become more aware of these barriers as well as to take steps to include working with feelings, honestly and deeply, in our day to day life.

I’d say the main steps toward a healthy relationship with your feelings are these:

Be open to feeling – you’re not going to get anywhere with your feelings if you close down to them.

Take time to feel – even if you think you have this area of life covered, amidst quiet, free time you may pick up on new feelings you’d never considered. Also, these things have to have an actual place in your life. It’s an ongoing process and journey, that provides emotional nourishment and assistance across every area of your life. Also, sometimes the process of working through certain feelings and learning lessons takes an unanticipated chunk of time. Shortcuts and procrastination are enticing but ultimately can be counter-productive.

Feel deeply – some feelings go deep, reflect on life as a whole, or can touch on patterns that run through the whole of your life. Spend time with even the most deep or painful things, and you can come out of it stronger, wiser, and more informed.

Have courage – sometimes it takes courage to face certain feelings, which may be painful or raw for you. We have to be able to see past our reactions and fears, and be honest about what steps we feel could yield the most positive results for us, and what we would ultimately feel most at peace with. Without that, we can become hemmed in by fear, and refuse to listen or try new approaches to the challenging or mysterious parts of our experience.

That said, good luck with feeling, and hope you enjoyed the article. Take care! -Oliver

Further Resources

Explore Your Inner World – This is my collection of resources for how to make feeling easier. Basically, a collection of techniques, all having to do with becoming more self-aware and in touch with what is really going on inside of you, such that you can find answers, realizations, understanding, resolution, peace, release, and so on.

You can support The World Within and its content, here: https://www.patreon.com/oliverk

#worldwithin article #selfhelp #self help #feelings #healing #inner balance #inner world

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our-dailyimpact · 4 years

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7 Tips to Make a Positive Change in Your Life

1. Make a detailed listing Of everything you're upset With for your lifestyles

You may fix a hassle, in case you don’t know what the problem is. So step one in reworking your lifestyles is to turn out to be crystal clean approximately what the problem areas are. What are you unhappy with exactly?

Here's a list of possibilities to get you began.

Bodily nicely-being Sleep/strength ranges Workout Food plan Stress tiers Mental well-being Tension Depression Other Relationships Enormous different Children Prolonged circle of relatives Friendships Work The form of paintings you are doing The vicinity in which you work The people you are working with How an awful lot of cash you are making Pastimes & interests What you do for fun How much time you need to dedicate in your pursuits Where You stay Metropolis/city Neighborhood Your rental or house If these prompts don’t get your wheels turning – in case you simply have a vague feeling which you are unhappy, but you aren't sure why – then work on #2 first and come again to this step.

2. Create A imaginative and prescient Of Your ideal existence

You'll by no means be able to construct the type of existence you want to stay in case you don’t know what that existence is like. So the following step is to figure out what exactly you want and create an in-depth vision of your best lifestyles.

How do you want to experience? What do you want to do? Who do you need to be with?

In order to finish this step successfully, here are some matters to maintain in mind:

Self-focus is key You need to find your real self. You need to turn out to be aware of your genuine options, your character tendencies, your strengths, and your weaknesses. This is the most effective way to create a lifestyle that may be a suitable suit for the particular character that is YOU. That is approximately What YOU need The handiest manner to create a lifestyle that you are satisfied with is to focus on what YOU need from life. Permit pass of other humans’ expectancies from you or for you. Allow pass of what you have got been taught you must want and discern out what you truly want. Liking something In principle is not the same as Liking something In practice Liking the idea of something, isn't similar to honestly playing it. Given my interest in psychology and supporting humans, I just like the concept of being a therapist, but I understand that in practice interacting with humans all day long would be way too onerous for an especially sensitive introvert like me. Admiring a person Doesn’t imply you'll Be glad residing Their lifestyles We can have great regard for some people and admire what they are doing with their lives, however, recognize that we might be miserable dwelling their lives. Settling Will placed You proper again To where You began You need to change your existence, due to the fact you're sad with it as it stands. In order you create your imaginative and prescient, let move of self-imposed obstacles with a view to depart you settling for just a specific style of sad. Let move of “normal”. Allow cross of “affordable”. Permit yourself intention high. Permit yourself a dream. You're Allowed To keep Adjusting Your imaginative and prescient As people, we are converting, growing, and growing all the time. We are constantly learning new things about ourselves and the world. Don’t be afraid to preserve direction correcting and adjusting your imaginative and prescient, as doorways open to opportunities you didn’t even recognize existed earlier than. Exercises And Articles For Brainstorming Your best lifestyles For greater help with creating an imaginative and prescient in your ideal existence, test out the Self Discovery phase of my internet site.

3. Placed The existence regions To Be modified Into precedence Order

You genuinely CAN exchange your complete life, however you couldn't trade your complete existence overnight. Every time I have attempted to put into effect too many adjustments right away or on every occasion I have tried to gain too much in too short of a period of time, I've ended up proper lower back in square one: beaten, stressed out, and sad.

So positioned the problem areas in precedence order and work on them in that order.

All of us have our unique priorities in lifestyles and also you have to stay authentic to yours. In my personal life, I have found that bodily properly-being has to remain precedence #1. If I’m tired and now not feeling nicely, it’s very tough for me to paintings on attaining any of my other desires. So enough rest, right nutrition, and everyday exercise are sort of the inspiration on which the entirety else in my lifestyle is constructed upon.

Here are my easy regulations for the way plenty of trade to take on at any one time:

Work On One dependency At A Time In case you are changing a habit, work on ONE dependency at a time. Whilst that ONE addiction has become automated, work on the subsequent one. For instance, whilst my infants weren’t infants anymore, I wanted to begin workout again and improve my food regimen. I centered first on organizing a workout habitual. After some months, it had emerged as 2d nature for me to head for a run-first aspect every morning and best then did I begin making adjustments to my weight-reduction plan. Don’t Compromise Your health Or Relationships That be counted The most When running to obtain different existing goals, most effective take on as a great deal as you may without compromising bodily nicely-being and relationships that are most crucial to you. For instance, I’m operating on converting my career in the interim, however, it’s happening very slowly, due to the fact I’m a wife and mom first and fundamental and due to the fact I make taking care of myself (sleep, exercising, and food) my number one precedence.

4. Learn how to transform Your lifestyles – One vicinity At A Time

Considered one of the biggest obstacles to converting your existence for the higher isn't always knowing exactly a way to move about it. This has been a reoccurring topic of my depression as nicely: I’m unhappy, however I don’t recognize the way to trade matters. And after I don’t recognize how to change things, I start questioning it’s in all likelihood now not even viable.

But right here’s the factor. Anything problem you're struggling with, someone else in human history has struggled with as well. Certainly an entire lot of someones have in all likelihood struggled with the equal problem. And a number of the ones someones are out there talking about overcoming that hassle. Or recording podcasts. Or crafting blog posts. Or even writing complete books.

Take the gain of those human beings. Learn from them.

Start together with your life location precedence #1 and research how different people have managed to make a similar alternative. Google it. Pinterest it. Order an ebook from Amazon. Take a look at out the growing library of existence change “how to’s” right here on answers To all your problems.

A few pieces of advice you run into work for you, but some of it will. Keep what works for you and ditch the rest.

5. Set particular dreams And Create detailed Plans For attaining those dreams

You understand what you want and you know the way different people have gotten exactly what you want. It’s time that allows you to begin taking action.

But motion can be horrifying. It’s new and specific and OMG what in case you fail?!

Here are two matters I've found out to do to make motionless horrifying:

Set smart goals Smart goals are:

Unique

Measurable

Practicable

Sensible

Time-certain

For example, “to get in shape” isn't a clever purpose. “in order to run for 30 minutes three months from now” is a smart goal.

Create Plans With Itty Bitty child Steps Large dreams are frightening, due to the fact they're massive. They are large and OVERWHELMING! But they turn out to be a lot less so, if you damage the whole thing into itty bitty workable infant steps. Allow’s take the “run for half-hour three months from now” example. Here are the primary itty bitty baby steps one should take to obtain this intention:

WEEK 1

Purchase a couple of exact strolling footwear Locate secure garments to run-in Make a playlist of song to listen to at the same time as workout WEEK 2

Day 1: three mins of strolling + 15 mins of on foot Day 2: four minutes of walking + 15 minutes of on foot Day 3: five mins of walking + 15 minutes of on foot

6. Take control Of some time

Making life modifications takes time. If you want to steer a healthier way of life, you possibly want to discover greater time for sleep, workout, rest, and cooking. In case you need to exchange careers, you possibly want to discover time for gaining knowledge of new abilities. In case you need to hook up with your great different greater, you likely need to discover extra time for placing out. And so forth and so on…

Right here are three ways to address the inevitable time troubles:

Start Time blocking Here’s what I imply through time blockading: start planning your days out in advance with the aid of writing down how you may be spending every half-hour block inside the day. It sounds excellent simple, but it works magic in phrases of assisting you to be more intentional about how you're spending it slow. Persist with Your Priorities Always maintain YOUR non-public priorities in thoughts whilst you are putting in place your day by day schedule. While you don’t have time for the entirety, the things that are not pinnacle precedence want to be cut. And yes, because of this you need to start pronouncing no to some humans and activities you used to spend time on. Gradual development Is higher Than No development From time to time you won’t be capable of spend as a good deal time as you'll preferably like on something life aim you're running on in the meantime. When that occurs, simply do what you have got time for. Take into account that slow progress is better than no progress! Although it takes you ten years to get to where you want to be, it’s better to get there in ten years than to not begin in any respect and nonetheless be stuck ten years from now.

7. Preserve your self motivated

Making lifestyle changes is difficult and takes time. How do you stay inspired to keep going?

In my enjoy, right here are the conditions that need to be present in order that allows you to persist with it for the lengthy haul:

You're excited about Your purpose Whilst you nail down #2 – developing the vision to your ideal life – it becomes lots less complicated to discover the inducement to take the steps you need to take. You will be EXCITED to do what you want to do, because this is something YOU sincerely want. More than you have ever desired something else. (And if that’s now not the way you feel about your imaginative and prescient, then it’s lower back to the drawing board!) Your To-Do listing Is achievable The greater you're able to interrupt the obligations in advance of you into child steps, the more achievable they end up. Set outrageous end dreams, but smash them down into itty bitty child steps. You have A boom attitude Make the words yet, but your new mantra, as in “I don’t recognize the way to do this yet, however, I'm able to analyze.” Yes, changing your existence is hard. But it’s even harder to live caught in a existence you don’t like.

Start operating on your new life nowadays!

P.S. Wanna analyze more approximately growing A life You virtually Like? If you are critical about reworking your lifestyles, you are probably inquisitive about my loose video magnificence. You’ll examine:

The secret to creating a lifestyle that maximizes happiness and minimizes strain. The simple 5-step framework for turning your lifestyles round even supposing it appears way out of attain and you don't have any clue how to get started out. The three vital mistakes that maintain human beings stuck in life and the way you can keep away from them.

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wellnesssidekick · 7 years

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How Stress Affects Your Body

Physical stress is the product of overusing the body and mental stress is a product of overusing the brain. In short amounts, stress is not harmful to the body or mind and can actually be a good way to build strength and stamina; in the long run, however, the opposite is true. In our society today, we never really appear to get a break from stimulating our brains in one form or another, and most of us have to go to great lengths to overstress our bodies. Mental stress is a huge problem for most people today because of the added stimulation through technology, less time spent outdoors, and minimal knowledge/priority self-care. Our population is mentally stressed out and that is causing health problems. Many people might not be aware of the signs of being overly stressed; you may feel stressed but you might be ignoring the side-effects of stress.

When the body is under stress it produces the hormones cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine. Cortisol and adrenaline are released from the adrenal gland, and norepinephrine is released from both the brain and adrenal glands; they are all triggered when the brain feels the body is under stress. Adrenaline and norepinephrine are similar. Adrenaline is the body’s flight-or-fight hormone when the brain believes the body is in danger. Cortisol is a little different than the others because it is a steroid hormone. All of these hormones work together to keep you alive, alert, and responsive to your surroundings. These hormones are beneficial when needed; it is not often you’ll find yourself being chased by a bear. Instead, the bear is a metaphor for your job, social media, career, and relationships. Since our brains are overstimulated by our environment all the time it important to understand how stress can affect your body.

The most common side effect of too much stress on your body mind and spirit:

The Mind

Increased anxiety

Unable to turn off your brain, or over thinking

Decreased or lack of motivation

Unable to focus or stay focused

Constant feeling of being overwhelmed or overworked

Easily irritated or angered

Increased sadness or depression

The Body

Frequent headaches or migraines

Increased muscle tension or pain in the body

Chest pain or pressure in the chest, maybe even finding it difficult take deep breaths

Insomnia and chronic fatigue

Change in sex drive

Stomach pain or easily upset stomach

The Spirit (Behavior)

A change in eating habits, whether that is overeating or undereating

Easily frustrated and quick to show emotions, especially anger

Having little to no patience

Withdrawing from doing things you enjoyed in the past

Coping with drugs, alcohol, or tobacco; possibly even overusing them

Being anti-social or wanting to be left alone

Lack of desire to exercise or increase your heart rate.

Stress affects our minds. Over time, the side effects of stress can do major damage to our bodies. Most people try to cure the side effects of stress by taking a vacation once a year or treating oneself to the occasion massage. However, if you’re under a chronic amount of stress, doing this periodically is not enough to avoid the health risks of a high-stress life. Some types of stress require daily stress management in order to keep your stress at safe levels. The best way to get your stress under control is a to have a routine; while I always recommend adding in a daily meditation practice to your life, there are other ways to manage your stress. However, the reason I am such an advocate for a daily meditation practice is because meditation trains our brains to respond to stress in a different way. Meditation teaches us not to sweat the small stuff. Below are a list of other ways you can manage your stress, so that you can avoid putting your health at risk.

Meditation. Reduces cortisol reduction in the body and gets our body in rest and digest mode.

Exercise. Causes the release of endorphins and gets the blood moving, even if it is jumping up and down for a minute.

Sleep is like pushing the reset button on your brain. Is important because a lot of cell repair happens when we sleep. Lack of sleep can cause a major stress spike, so get your zzz.

Self-Care. Getting a massage on a regular basis, acupuncture, taking a bath, dry brushing, hot towel scrub, or just go for that full spa day.

Journaling . Can help get those stressful thoughts on paper. If you have too much you need to get done, then writing out a list can get it out of your head and onto a piece of paper so you don’t have to take up that space “up there.” It is also a great place to vent it out where it doesn’t disrupt anyone else’s happiness or peace.

Animals. Having a pet or borrowing on for the day can do wonders to lift your spirit and lower stress levels. If you can’t have a pet, volunteering at a local animal shelter can make a difference in more than just your life.

Talking it out. There is nothing wrong with sitting down and talking to someone about how you are feeling. Whether it is a friend, a loved one, or a paid professional, talking it out can reduce your stress. Keep in mind there is a difference between venting and talking about how you are feeling. Talking just to complain can be stressful to others so keep that in mind when you feel like opening up. No one likes to feel stressed out by their friends or family.

Doing something you love but might not always have time for. It will bring you back to a happy place and you’ll feel good while you do it. Could be anything from a craft project to playing a video game.

Cleaning your workspace. They say, “cluttered house, cluttered mind.” The more things you have, the more you are weighed down. Having clean space will help clean your mind and reduce tension and stress.

Listening to peaceful music.

Dance it out. It will get you moving and the music will lift your spirits.

Grab a coloring book. Color has been shown to reduce stress and quiet the mind. Who doesn’t love to color!

Drink a warm beverage. Something soothing can help to calm your stress. Warm water with lemon, chamomile, or st. john worts are wonderful herbal teas for stress management. Avoid things containing caffeine because too much can cause anxiety, depression, and dependence.

Get your butt to a yoga class. Even just entering a studio can make you feel more relaxed and relieve your stress.

Have sexy time. Not only will it strengthen your relationship, but you both will get some much needed stress relief.

Aromatherapy. Try using a little lavender, chamomile, or other stress release smells in your workspace. Aromatherapy can also be used to help you feel more focused and energized.

Watch a funny movie or video. Laughter is a perfect way to let all of your stress go.

Practice better time management. Try getting a bit more organized with your time. If this means waking up a few minute earlier, then give it a go. You might find you’re not as rushed and can get more done.

The most important thing about stress management is that you do it daily! Find what works best for you and your schedule and make a habit out of it. Don’t be afraid to make time for yourself because you’re no good to anyone when you’re stressed out.

The post How Stress Affects Your Body appeared first on Wellness Sidekick.

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