#they tell me i should t bottle evrything up and i too should get angry whenever i am angrg

[ienvieu]

and just like that I suddenly don't have the will to live anymore again

#i love my parents but i lost all of my desire to stay alive because of them #they tell me that i can tell everything to them #but when i start opening up even just a little bit it's like they dont even listen #all they do is fucking try to lecture me #im sick of this #they tell me i should t bottle evrything up and i too should get angry whenever i am angrg #but when i do show my anger they just yell at me to stop being angry what the fuck do they want from me #bye vie suicidal era back again the only thing stopping me from committing again is the fear of jahannam hah #today was supposed to be a good day #sick and tired of breathing #every time i think im getting better something happens and im drowning again #what a coincidence that each time its my parents pulling the trigger #had a big headache and did the chores they wanted me to do before heading to bed #and then suddenly im yanked awake bc of another fucking guest they brought over. sick and tired of catering to people i couldnt #care less about #served them food cleaned the house and tried to go back to sleep bc of my pounding head #and now they want me to clean the kitchen. #and then they ask me why i dont like living with them #its bc every two fucking days another random person is crashing at our house and i get no say in anything #and i have to clean after their shit and feed them and im tired of this #i never asked to care for them in the first place #god im so done #if my willpower and fear of Allah wasn't stron enough i would have fucking ended everything ages ago #it would have been so satisfying to finally end it and make them all suffer #i would have loved it #they constantly move around every single year and me and my siblings never had a sense of stability anywhere #messed me up real good hah being pulled every fucking continent #people say its a blessing to be able to move around a lot and experience new things every month #it's exhausting. i envy people who live in the same place they grew up in #idek where i consider my home idek who i am or to which place im supposed to feel the most attached to or who im supposed to miss and love