#this is deeply sappy but ive been really emotional with the news lately and just thinking about how

[hecksupremechips]

I’ve only met one real life actual gay adult once in my life. He was my math teacher when I was 16. He wasn’t open about it at all, and I’m slightly relieved he wasn’t because of where we live. Perhaps that changed after I left, but at the time, no way

He took over the new school gsa club, something that had literally no support from staff or students and was highly highly protested. Nevertheless he did and I joined it solely because I was deeply closeted and confused about myself, and because he was my absolute favorite teacher. Hardly anyone came to the club, most times I was the only one who showed at all, and I didn’t even get along with those who would come at all given how they were often there as a homophobic prank. But he raised his voice for the only time there, because if there’s one thing he wasn’t gonna take it was these asshole kids kicking down the very few queer youths in an already shitty community

Now, I had suspected he was gay for a long time. Obviously I wasn’t gonna say a goddamn word to anyone because that’s both really shitty and dangerous given how bad the stigma on queer teachers is. So I just kept it to myself and was grateful that either way there was at least one person at that place that would’ve protected kids like me. It wasn’t like it was even remotely obvious, in fact most people would definitely assume he’s straight, but I had a gut feeling and a mental gay connection akshsjks

Then one day, like the only time ppl actually came to that club and were actually good ppl, he came out to us. Just me and maybe 10 other students max, but he did. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget that moment because without that I don’t think I’d still be here honestly. It blew my fucking mind. Deadass the rest of the day (at the weekend tbh) I was shaking and on the verge of tears. Never, and still never, have I had someone in my life be gay. Be like me. And be allowed to have a job, friends, a stable life. I didn’t even know gay people could be teachers, or any casual job like that. And even though I was the closeted kid and he was the adult, I never felt more proud of anyone in my life. He said that to these kids, some of whom were naive or ill intentioned and likely would tell everyone they could, with the terrifying possibility that it would reach parents. And it did, there’s no way he didn’t face awful backlash for daring to step foot anywhere near teens as a gay man. But he did it for the kids like me who hated themselves, who were scared, who had never been protected by anyone. I was able to come out to him and feel supported, genuinely seen for once. I owe this man everything 😭

Happy pride to him 🏳️‍🌈

#the klock keeps ticking #this is deeply sappy but ive been really emotional with the news lately and just thinking about how #how fucking hard its been #im not perfect now in terms of self acceptance. hardly at all #but it was so much worse before #i dont even know how to talk about this honestly #this guys class was literally the only time i ever felt safe in any teachers classroom #because i knew he was family and that he was the only person to not put up with it #he was a bro too i painted him waluigi once and he said it was cool but he preferred luigi so i added luigi for shits #theres a lot i could say about this guy honestly #but like. hes like the closest thing to a father i ever had. which is funny cuz he wasnt even 10 years older but its true #i miss him so much i need to see if i can email him 😩 #im totally not crying rn btw

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

it's loving my friends hours, folks

hi so. i hit 1.5k a bit ago and while i dont want to do a follow forever (did one for 1k, it took so fucking long), i do want to like. talk about my friends! because i love them. so here we go, time for emo hours here at james jamesvanriemsdyk dot tumblr dot com

to all of the people ive met and talked to in the past few months: i am so grateful to have met you. i am so grateful to be your friend, whether we talk every day or not, and it is such a huge fucking gift to know you and be known by you. i would give you all a little paragraph but then i would get out of control and this post would never end because i have a lot of fucking love in my heart okay??? i love yall a whole hell of a lot ( @goaliehugs​ @farfrombucky​ @andrewcogliano​ @couturriere​ @brockmcgrinn​ @boesersson​ @steadyfreddie​ @nicolasaube-kubel​ @alexvass​ @beauvilliers​ @girouxes​ )

to all the mutuals i see in my notifications a lot (and the ones i dont), the new followers and the old ones, all my super sweet anons, anyone who’s tagged a post with a lovely comment or who’s messaged me with sweet words: thank you. for just like - existing in the same timeline as me, and being wonderful, and choosing to be kind even though im a clown. i love you all a lot.

to @heckeyleague​ @iceburgh87​ and @assistantcaptainmitchmarner​ : im so grateful we still talk, if only every once in a while, and if only through streak snaps. it’s been, what, how many years? four? more? i look forward to snaps of your pets and the little glimpses of your lives i get every day. i love yall to pieces.

and here we go:

@fireworksatdawn​ : hi jayc. its, like, really hard to believe that ur essay comments on my fics led to this but - im really grateful. just, really fucking grateful. youre so kind and so loving and such a wonderful presence in my life and im so grateful that once c*vid has died down, we’ll, like. be able to see each other? fucking wild. thank you for all the fic convos and the tswift tiktoks, and the memes when im sad. i love you a ton, and im so, so glad you’re my friend. shoutout to philly as, like, a concept for giving me all the emotions i needed to write my heartbeat fics. (im still emotional about the fact that you tell me ‘its late for you, go to bed’ every time i stay up past 10pm. its the being known for me <3)

@pencilhoarders​ : my favorite flyers art witch. what an incredibly kind, talented soul you are. what a beautiful heart you have, really and truly. i love listening to you talk about your ideas and seeing your art process, and i love that your mind works like mine does, and that we really do understand each other. i love that you’re going after your dream and i know you’ll be incredible at whatever you decide to do post-grad - you’re simply too amazing not to be. thank you for sending me those anons about the canes what feels like forever ago; i am so fucking glad i get to call you my friend.

@majorpenalty​ : you are, without a doubt, one of my most favorite people ive ever met on this site. your life is fucking wild and you are so funny and kind and resilient, and i never want to not be your friend. i love losing my mind with you for five to eight hours on zoom, i love just being able to just exist with you even though we have half a country between us. you are so intelligent and strong and lovely, and you deserve every single good thing in the entire world. thank you also for sending me those wild ass anons, and for sending me all the videos of you singing trap bunny bubbles and tswift on snap (we have the yellow heart now uwu) and for just - being there and understanding. you are so brilliant and i cant fucking wait to watch you continue to grow and succeed. i love u so fuckin much.

@softgrantaire​ : hi, alex! kiss the cats and your baby for me and tell your husband i said hey. also, sorry in advance for how long and sappy this is about to be, because im already choked up thinking about it! so: i would not be the person i am today without you. its been a literal month since we became friends, but i literally have never felt more immediately loved or accepted by anyone in my life. you are, probably, the reason i felt comfortable enough to change my name in public; youre the first person i told i was deeply uncomfortable with my name and you changed it immediately, without fucking blinking, and i knew trans friends hit different, but i didnt realize how different it would hit til i met you. and its not just that, either, its the kindness and the trust and the mutual respect, and the pics and vids of jules and the cats all day, its being genuinely excited to see your name pop up on my phone screen, its the voice messages on my way home from work and its the sound of you laugh and the comfort that exists in the little space we’ve carved out for ourselves. i love being your friend, and i love that you’re my friend, and i want us to be that for a long, long time -  ill always be the nolpat to your g. i love you so fucking much, dude.

@codyglass​ : ngl, i typed your url and just like - froze, for a minute. because like. how do you talk about a friendship like this? how do you put it into words? how do you describe all of the laughter and the tears and the years we’ve had together? its the kindness for me, its the communication and comprehension for me, its the unconditional love for me. there isnt a place i feel safer than our friendship; there isnt a person on earth i love like i love you. thanks for all the late nights, all the massive fic concepts/outlines we’ll never write but always find solace in, for all the nolpats roasts, for all the hockey tears and all the real life tears too. for listening to folklore with me for the first time when it dropped, for understanding when i couldnt turn it off for weeks after, for getting the days i send you 30 messages in a row and the days i cant get out of bed. it’s so fucking insane that we’re friends, still - how fucking incredible is it that i met my best friend, who lives 1846 miles away from me, through fucking hockey of all things? youre the best gift life ever gave me, and its such a fucking blessing to be alive at the same time as you, much less to be your best friend. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

#aaaaand im crying lmao #follow forever #kinda? its loving my friends hours babey #j.txt