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okthatsgreat · 11 months

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that reblog about asking random questions about fics..... hmmmm. ive been curious for a while now - what's your thought process behind opddmh? any particular theme you've had fun exploring, or a potential overarching idea? i love hearing people explain the intricacies of their writing processes

ohhhhh my god oh my god. you have unleashed something within me ohhhhh my god. something cringe is awakening something very cringe is happening to me right now

referring to this post, talking about this fic :]

(im gonna put all of this under read more for the people that dont want to read this LMAO)

OKAY. TIME TO GET SO STUPID. IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

at the core of this fic is trauma-- it's a story about emerging from indescribable pain and horror, only to walk into a world that treats you as a spectacle and your pain as entertainment. so much of opddmh's themes come from trauma, as every character's pov deals with it in distinct ways, none of which are particularly healthy LMAO. going into each characters pov, my thought process is always concerning how they would react to the situation in front of them, but always keeping that trauma over them as another deciding (often overpowering) factor. makoto at his core is still a caring man, but he has been so deprived by the company that has kept him there for so long that his natural response to unpleasant emotions or thoughts is to bury it in sake of putting on a show. mikan has always been very timid and regretful, but now many of her actions are sincerely doubted as being selfish or secretly evil, a temperament only aggravated by her status as blackened. akane's desire to "be strong" has only worsened to an extreme degree, as her first instinct is to drop anybody that could possibly remind her of weakness or the killing game.

these are killing game participants who are no longer the children they were when all of this started, people who did not sign up for this but have to keep going anyways-- and i LOVE exploring the implication of that postgame it is like a drug to me. theyve gone through unimaginable horror, most of them dont have families they can return to, and everybody in the world knows them as a beloved tv character. the only way for them to survive is to adapt, a strategy that not all of them have mastered. makoto, whose title as ultimate hope has been watered down sooooo so much, is the POSTER child (literally) for adapting, while characters like akane have still been significantly silenced by danganronpa but are unable to adapt entirely. it was important to me that i had povs which were different yet cohesive, and were able to convey the range of survival that these older participants have :] and this includes the secret fifth pov that hasnt been introduced yet >:)

these are no longer people in the public's eyes as much as they are entertainers (which by the way, i love writing this aspect of postgame dr lololol the PERFORMANCE of it all). my friend lily made such a good comment about it at one point and i dont remember her exact words but it was something along the lines of "the audience doesn't want the performer, they want the performance" which is soo true of this universe in particular. so when i write these different people i like to keep in mind the person they are and they person they present themselves as. so many of the older participants are so jaded its insane

but then theres v3!! there are NEW kids here. trauma is so important as a theme when it comes to how these characters interact with each other, and ESPECIALLY how the older characters are able to see themselves in the younger ones. a lot of the character dynamics were chosen deliberately so that the v3 kids mirror the older participants!!!!!!!!!!!!! v3 hasn't been desensitised just yet, they haven't lost touch with their anger and sadness and fear like a lot of the older participants have. i find it important while writing to remember how NEW these kids are, especially when it comes to writing people like miu, who isn't ready to give in to danganronpa conformity just yet and is trying her hardest to be better (or at the very least, not the same miu iruma, ultimate inventor that everybody watched on their television screens). and then of course you have characters like angie and rantaro, who are DEEEEEEEEP in denial and unable to properly move out of that first stage of grief just yet lmao. they are fortunate(????) enough that the journey they go through is a lot more private than some of the other characters can say theirs were. a lot of the time i write about the newer v3 participants i make an effort to refer to them as young or as children/teens because they Are. theyre so Young and it definitely effects how they handle themselves !!!

so much of this fic is about trauma but so much of it is finding strength in others as well, even if its moving slowly towards it lol. it's important to me that there is hope in the fic, that even though it feels like they are very isolated at the moment they arent entirely alone. things get worse before they get better but they do get better and i wanted there to be peace in the relationships they build with each other

also fun fact this story was originally a one shot where miu jumps into makotos car they chat and then he drops her back where she came from lol! would have really cut this story short!

n e ways thank you anonymous i love you <3 so so sorry for being so serious about my own fic ghfdjhgsdjhgkfdjhgdksghfskjghdj </3

#THANK YOUUUUUUU THANK YOU!!!!!#IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING!#i have got to calm down this is a danganronpa fic.#need to practice restraint #ask lee #opddmh #anonymous

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koffiekrimmy · 2 years

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KOKONUI Angst one-shot

Disclaimer: heartbreak; angst; kokonoixinupi; differentau but akane dies; him and koko are 17 and 18; don't ya all cry pleaaaseee; blue for inupi and green for koko and orange for others

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S P L A SH

Seishu woke up to water being splashed on his face early in the morning.. only to see a familiar face.

"Koko?! Why would you do that??! He yelled

"You weren't waking up and we were getting late for school.. soo yeah!" He said as he dropped the bucket and stepped out the door.

"I will be waiting for ya outside school! I need to accompany Akane!" He said mentioning a certain blonde.

'Ooh yeah.. being woken up abruptly in the morning to see my dreams shatter.. how amazing!' Seishu internally thought as he jumped out of his bed and walked straight to his washroom to freshen up.

________________________________

Seishu fixed his tie as he opened the door and stepped outside of his house. Oh noo, he got late.. but does he care? Naaaah..

He gets on his bike and turns it on, wearing his bag firmly on his shoulder and then fixed his hands on the handles.

He enjoyed the breeze of air that hit his face as he drove to school. It felt quite refreshing and he wished this were to never end.

He got to the gate of the school..

'The gates are already locked huh.. now I need to make my way in like I do..'

________________________________

Seishu walked in his class and bowed to the teacher. He glanced across the room to see all eyes on him.. along with some certain ones as well.

"Why are you soo late, inui?" The teacher questioned him

"Miss... my vehicle had broken.. so I took it to the repair shop on walk.. I am so sorry miss... I hope I have not disappointed you.." His blatant lies and his apologies were enough to melted her heart and welcome him to his seat.

This had become a routine for him.. staying awake all night and sleeping for an hour or two.. he spent these sleepless nights crying or filling his journal that he kept locked in his cupboard.

He sat in his seat with the all so uninterested look on his face with complimenting eye bags. His health had been deteriorating and he turned skinny each day.

He glanced to the oblivious person seated a column away from him. Why doesn't kokonoi love him.. huh? He had done so much for him.. it broke him almost .

He spent the lecture staring at the board hopelessly.

_________________________________

It had been 7 months since Akane died and it seems seishu got what he always wanted! His koko!

They sat on their couch interwining their fingers while watching a soap.

It was Akane's death anniversary today.. and kokonoi started behaving quite weirdly..

" honey.. do you want me to prepare some Ramen for the both of us?" Seishu questioned him.

"Sure hun.." kokonoi replied monotonely... which was unlike him..

___________________________________

It was bedtime and seishu had already closed the lights and huddled into his... no no.. their blanket! He laid in there waiting for koko.

The door jolted opened as koko walked in with a red face. Seishu wanted to ask him what was wrong, but koko had already bolted for the washroom till then.

He walked inside the room and stared at seishu, Unbeknownst to him that he was awake. He hovered over him and got near to his face.

His red eyes clearly visible as he runs a hand through seishu's hair and says with trembling lips.

"Akane.. I love you... it hurts me to the core to even think about another person.. I will always love you.. I don't even know why am I dating your brother.. perhaps to lighten the pain of you leaving me."

This had broken all of the last hopes of seishu.. he couldn't believe any of his words that left his lips.. how could he say this.. so... when he approached him saying.. 'I need you.. I have realized I have truly loved you'... he meant.. this?!

He said nothing as he laid silently in the bed and watched as kokonoi laid beside him and huddled closer to him..

________________________________

Hello ya all! I hope you like this kokonui angst one-shot!

Comment or like for part 2!

#tokyo revengers #kokonoi hajime #inui seishu #kokonoi x inui #kokonui

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starlight-time-machine · 6 months

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Week in Review

10/22/2023 – 10/28/2023

Sunday

Once again, it’s Manga Sunday: I think I’m going to check out of MamaYuyu at this stage – what drew me into the first chapter was the interesting emotional connection between Corleo and Mamama, but now it seems like the story is moving into a regular shounen battle manga structure with Mamama nowhere to be seen… And I really couldn’t care less about the power system of this world either… And Corleo’s internal motivations are so vague and generically “I wanna be a hero”, which was succinct and fine enough for the first chapter but now I don’t feel it propelling the story in any way other than giving him a reason to fight, which is like every other generic reactive shounen protagonist… I’ll probably check back in when the series ends, but as of now my general opinion is that it should’ve been an oneshot.

Y’know what. I’m genuinely invested in the Handsome Must Die final fight. It’s just high campy fun, with Ban’s tragic backstory and Inukai’s enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-ally turn. I’m sure the final chapter next week will be pretty explosive…also wow Ban-kun…your skills…

Undead Unluck: UWOOAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANDYYYYYYYYYYYYY also I love seeing Fuuko’s strategic mind at work, trying desperately to think of a solution with all of her members’ powers at her disposal…and once again I think about how amazing Undead Unluck would be as a video game.

It definitely feels like Ichinose is finally reaching its emotional core and wrapping all the twists up in preparation for the ending… I find the light bit of intergenerational trauma theming interesting, I can appreciate that it was a more nuanced relationship than the typical “my dad was mean to me” situation. But even then, it feels slightly surface-level, since Taizan 5 always likes to move things along briskly. I feel a little robbed of a real conversation between the parents, but I do like that Sachie is stepping up. But even then (again), I would’ve liked a bit more insight and depth to this final (?) confrontation beyond flashbacks to show Kakeru’s motivations and then Sachie being like “hey stop that, we actually are proud of you” and Kakeru relenting. Will we get a satisfying conversation between Sota and Kakeru next week? I can only hope.

Oshi no Ko: Gotta say, Kana is super cute in that costume with the panda bow. I’m enjoying the detail of Ruby having stars in both of her eyes when she embodies Ai, though I’m not sure how professional the director’s shooting strategy is lol.

Man, Dandadan always has the most fantastic spreads. I’m looking forward to seeing what supernatural power-up Rin will get, probably something like an idol? Or specifically, an idol duo sort of situation, to fulfil her promise to Mai? That’d be cute.

Marriagetoxin: I think Ureshino and Himin-chu should just date instead. Internally I’m bracing myself for another like five chapters of action that I won’t care about that’ll end with Himin-chu feeling fond of Gero for realises before we move on to the next girl. Also what in the hell is this marriage ceremony. This mangaka can definitely make some stupid over the top creepy gimmick villains, but it’s hard to take it seriously when they’re also trying to write genuine romances between well-rounded characters. Ugh…you know what…maybe I should just drop this series now and check back in at the end to see if Gero and Kinosaki get together…yeah I’m gonna do that.

I’m starting to come around a bit on shady eyepatch investor guy (Magilumiere). I always love a suit jacket over the shoulders look… AND YES HE SERVED AS A CONDUIT FOR EVERYONE’S FORMAL WEAR LOOKS AHHHHH OH MY GOD NIKO???? I SCREAMED OUT LOUD WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE ARISTOCRATIC BOY AHHH Thank you Eyepatch Man. I accept you wholeheartedly now. I don’t care enough to learn your name though lol

The Akane-banashi chapter was fun, I always relish being able to see my favourite character, Karashi.

AGHHHH the little orange on Tayutan’s chibi in Cipher Academy is sooooooo cute and YESS THERE IT IS THE RETURN OF HARSHLY SHADED TRAUMA CREATOR TAYUTAN WOOO I fear that she’ll lose this battle though…we’ve had it too good for too long… Awww DDR and taiko games, that’s so cute… AND BYU’S ONE POINT LESSON BEING UPSIDE DOWN SDKLFSDF I really really really love how Cipher Academy plays with its pages and isn’t afraid to get silly with it. I know there was that kerfuffle about how “untranslatable” Cipher Academy is and how that’s apparently a bad thing, but I actually really enjoy seeing the original Japanese wordplay in these sorts of Code Battles, and I don’t think having to leave it in is a failure on the translator’s part. I don’t need or even necessarily want translated media to be scrubbed completely bare of its original context, after all. Kubinashi is definitely nasty for starting off with that word, though. Interesting, so that’s Tayutan’s weakness… I’m getting more scared for her. I love the chain link imagery, it’s so fitting for shiritori. AGHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ANOTHER WIN FOR TAYUTAN WOOOOOOOOOOOO and in such a dramatic fashion… I’m starting to think Tayutan will just never ever lose, which is completely fine by me because I love her. There’s something so cool about a character who has to restrain herself in order to not hurt others…uwagh. Tayutan the character of all time.

Because my library deadline was rapidly descending and I couldn’t renew it, I finally continued reading Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters on my quest to find a contemporary adult fiction novel I enjoy (the quest being named, succinctly, Am I The Idiot Or Does Adult Fiction Just Suck). And because this is the first time this has been brought up in a Week in Review, I’ll go a bit into my weird book tastes:

For some reason I hate reading 99.9% of adult fiction, and most of the ones I do like are classics I had to read for my English degree. I probably have less than twenty adult fiction books in my entire book collection (totalling 148 books, not including digital), and the thing is that I really enjoy the idea of buying books and I would like to do it without having to shamefully walk into the kid’s or manga section. (And also I’d like to read a good book that still allows sex and swearing lol). But I don’t know man, I look up popular books and books that seem up my alley and every time I read them I just get so bored by the story progression or lack thereof or the writing style or the dialogue that I can’t relate to at all. I try following BookTubers and reading their recommendations, but it drives me a little bonkers crazy because most of them share the exact same milquetoast opinions and they’re all mood readers who love thought provoking books about exploring the human condition and they all love the same Booker Prize or Women’s Prize or whatever other prize winning book du jour, and absolutely none of them share my tastes, which makes me feel a little bit like an alien freak with no one to talk to or get recommendations from…

I’m being a bit dramatic. It hasn’t all been terrible – some contemporary adult fiction I’ve enjoyed are Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (which I own) and Dark Matter by Michelle Paver (which I greatly enjoyed, but the ending made me so sad that I know I’ll never want to reread it, and therefore I won’t buy it). And I’ve generally enjoyed the non-fiction books I’ve read, so I could always buy one of those if I really love it. But nevertheless, I embark on my lonely quest every time I try an adult fiction novel…

Detransition, Baby is fine. I dropped it lol. The messy dynamics between the main trio is an intriguing premise, but I don’t like all the off-topic tangents that are just saying things at me and the dialogue feels so stiff and unnatural. And to be fair, I’ve been around normies sometimes and they actually do talk like that, it just freaks me out because it sounds fake and so unlike how I talk with my friends, and I can’t get invested in characters who seem fake to me. So this one is going to be a pass, just like all the other novels I’ve tried whose premises were “explore the human condition with these messy characters who say a lot of things but nothing really happens.” I should really learn my lesson by now.

Monday

Finally back on the House marathon train. This episode had a fun set-up, being the one where a guy takes people hostage in order to get a diagnosis. I always like the episodes where the challenge isn’t necessarily the diagnosis itself but the situation around the patient. There are some fun parallels between House’s obsession with the patient’s obsession and how it endangers others, and also a solid kick to Thirteen’s apathy towards her own life. Solid episode all around.

Watched episodes 2 and 3 of Kusuriya, and I’m starting to lose the faith a little bit. And by that I mean I think that maybe Kusuriya’s structure just doesn’t lend itself well to anime…at least, for the first few mysteries that have very little action. But in general Maomao tends to solve mysteries with just a little bit of looking around and thinking, and the mysteries themselves don’t require too much set-up either, so in anime form it feels like 20 minutes of stasis. There’s a lot of exposition that needs to be done too, and I think they should’ve used that Narrator they established in episode 1 instead of having the characters awkwardly talk at each other about things they already know. Of course, I’m still going to watch it, but if I were to separate out the scores for the manga and anime, the manga would be a 10/10 while the anime is about a 7/10 so far. I’m hoping things will pick up when we get to the Garden Party, but for now I’ll just enjoy seeing Maomao and Jinshi in full color and with voices and accept that it’ll be a somewhat clunky adaptation. But it’s fun getting to see Maomao be a little kitty cat poison freak.

Kakegurui is another series where I don’t really get what’s going on anymore but I stay to see what happens anyway (plus the art is gorgeous). Yumeko as a protagonist feels a little one-note, and it’s funny that it even carries into her backstory, so we basically didn’t get any new insight to her character in chapter 105 other than external information about her family. In terms of characters I’m actually invested in, I hope we can get back to Mary soon, since she actually has to struggle and claw her way to what she wants.

Koko wa Ima Kara Rinri desu 38: This is a manga I picked up on recommendation from a classmate, and it’s been decently enjoyable so I’ve stuck with it. I do enjoy the “teacher helps a class of students” structure (Assassin Classroom being a favourite), and I appreciate that this manga hasn’t shied away from real things that teens deal with like sex and gender. This chapter was wholly uneventful, though.

I don’t know if I would call Scary Campus College University “good”, per se…but it’s definitely entertaining. This beauty contest is really…well, it’s absurdist fun. I liked that bit when the other beauty contest winners were given some pathos beyond being over-confident, and I like that Chigarashi eked out a victory by herself…even if it was because of a stupid ridiculous rap LMAO. Feels very Sakura vs Saki rap battle in Zombieland Saga. With Fujimiya being the crux/final boss and all of the exorcists in play in this Cultural Festival arc, it feels like the manga might be wrapping up as a whole soon.

Sousou no Frieren 115: Frieren is a bit of a weird series for me. It’s so universally praised and emotionally affecting for a lot of people, but I don’t feel all that strongly about it. To be honest, most of my investment is from seeing the shy blossoming romance between Stark and Fern, and I shamefully admit that I kind of don’t feel anything about Frieren’s wistfulness for her past with Himmel. I care even less so about the action scenes, so this current arc is doing absolutely nothing for me. I’m going to force myself to watch the anime since everyone’s raving about it, but I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it. And it’s like, I’m down for some quiet fantasy stories, but this one just doesn’t grab me.

I’m really happy to get another chapter of Yuria-sensei no Akai Ito. This manga has just been so refreshingly messy and human, and I love the complex web of atypical relationships that this manga has woven. In the first place, it’s so rare to get a protagonist like Yuria, and her age and practical personality shines through amongst all the chaos she has to deal with. This Christmas chapter was super cute, and a glimpse into the non-nuclear queer-adjacent living situation that these people could have together…not to mention how all the characters feel so layered and real. This was the kind of ambiguous messiness I wanted from Detransition, Baby, to be honest. And I just found out this got a live action show, which is so fitting for this manga, so I’m looking forward to watching that and I hope they do the story justice. (Although I’m a bit tentative… Because the thing about Japanese live action adaptations (that I’ve seen, anyway) is that they tend to be a little too…clean and perfectly choreographed to a science. To the point where there’s this veneer of fakeness to it. And I want MESS. And hnrghn I’m looking at the preview images and already I feel like the actress for Yuria is too young and neat and why is her hair so perfectly shiny and straight, I was imagining like Evelyn Wang from EEAAO’s levels of frizz…I’m going to be disappointed, aren’t I).

Two new chapters of the Kusuriya manga, what a treat. We get a nice denouement for the hunting arc and some more progression between Maomao and Jinshi, with rumblings of perhaps some political conflict ahead. Possibly three high ranking consorts being pregnant at the same time is such a juicy plot thread…I really look forward to seeing how Maomao protects Gyokuyou and how the babies will change the political landscape.

I had meant to leave Kusuriya for last in my manga binge, but I missed that Kono Bijutsubu ni wa Mondai ga Aru had a new chapter. Absolutely nothing happened though, which is a little baffling but whatever.

Yeah okay I had to quell my curiosity so I watched the first episode of the Yuria-sensei live action and yeah. It’s just as I thought. Everything’s just too neat, too polished, too rehearsed for any real emotion to come through… The camerawork is uninspired, the lighting is so whatever, the acting is a tad overacted… It’s crazy to me that even the hospital and the movers and Yuria’s home are just. Pristine. There’s just zero verisimilitude to be seen, which stings more when the manga is so uniquely real. Goro’s mom’s actor is spot on, though. I don’t know, maybe an anime would do it justice…but I don’t even know if anime production companies would go for a story like this, and also I feel like the scratchiness of the manga’s art doesn’t lend itself well to animation. But that sort of roughness does lend itself well to live action, which is why I wish the live action was good and had good actors who could actually emotionally fill out the roles…it’d be such a rich piece… basically I want this to be shot and directed by anyone who actually has a creative vision and isn’t beholden to just making a beautiful pristine product.

Tuesday

Watched two more generally uneventful House episodes with my friend. The House/Cuddy plotline is soooo boring and juvenile to both of us, but we liked the Foreman/Thirteen plotline.

I finally continued reading Sammy Keyes and the Hollywood Mummy, and god it’s just so good. The change of scenery from the previous books is a welcome change, and the book kicks off right in the midst of the action as Sammy and Marissa travel to Hollywood to see Sammy’s mother. Seeing Sammy and Lana finally interact is so rewarding, and their relationship is so nuanced and layered – Sammy’s constantly wrestling with her own anger and sadness and empathy towards this mother that she doesn’t even recognize anymore. And reading this as an adult, I can also see Lana’s sadness in her single minded ambition in this horrible industry. I love that the Sammy Keyes books aren’t afraid to delve into complicated subject matter, despite being kid’s books. And wow, our first murder case of the series, and it’s looking like Lana is involved somehow…all of the set-up is just pitch perfect.

Wow Marissa’s getting some real standout moments in this one, which works because Sammy is so frazzled about her mother being involved in the case. But Marissa’s emotional maturity is great to see. The tension is just racketed up tenfold throughout this whole book in comparison to the ones before, since Sammy has a big personal stake in the mystery and she’s a fish out of water and it’s a murder. Wendelin van Draanen is definitely good at creating a cascade of chaos.

Wednesday

Finished Sammy Keyes and the Hollywood Mummy and wowwww. So many good misdirects but also clues being dropped all along the way…and a very dramatic intense ending that Sammy takes charge of…and also themes about the pain of seeing your mother as her own person and letting go…genuine emotional moments between Sammy and Lana…everything just works so well. This is definitely my favourite book of the series so far. And oh no now I’m a third of the way through…it’s so hard to stop myself from ploughing through the whole series.

Thursday

Couldn’t help myself and started the next Sammy Keyes book, Sammy Keyes and the Search for Snake Eyes, but I’ll probably stop here for a bit because it’s not as electric as Hollywood Mummy was. Having a baby dumped on her is chaotic in a stressful way, and it just feels like everything is going wrong for Sammy. I like that at least Officer Borsch has grown enough to see Sammy as more than a juvenile delinquent though, and can get her the help she needs.

New Skip to Loafer chapter! Makoto saying she has a crush on a senpai makes me a little sad, since I’m a Makoto/Yuzuki shipper… also we got a glimpse of Sousuke’s somewhat complicated home life huh… Overall just a solid chapter.

Friday

I couldn’t wait until Anime Saturday so I watched episode 4 of Undead Unluck and I cried. Everything is just so perfect, I love the quick cuts both for comedy and for drama, Yuuki Aoi killed it as Gina, the comedy was great, the action was great, the lighting and color grading was amazing, I even love the sound editing and sound design, I love the video-gamey sound effects and also the general sound editing of the fight and the sci-fi elements and the UNCHANGE cut-in, fuck that was insanely stylish, and I love Gina and Andy’s kiss in her final moments… This is what makes Undead Unluck so refreshing, and what hooked me onto the series in the first place. Introducing a girl who’s a romantic rival for the main girl is so common in shounen manga, but they would never let her actually get close to the main guy, let alone share an actual intimate moment or a kiss, since they’re so set on preserving the ‘purity’ of the main couple’s relationship. But to get this moment of real connection and tragedy in Undead Unluck was so amazing, and I was shocked that Gina actually died when they’d endeared her to us so much. Undead Unluck truly doesn’t pull its punches, and I just love it so so so much. I think what was always holding the manga back a little was its art, which is lovable but still a bit rough around the edges, so seeing it translated so beautifully and even elevated so highly in the anime with just perfect production on every aspect of animation makes me so happy. If they can keep this up, it’ll be an easy 10/10 for me, and another entry into the Starlight Time Machine Awards.

One more Houseki no Kuni chapter before we head into hiatus again. The quiet but stirring emotions that Ichikawa conveys in their artwork is so moving, even if I don’t remember all the granular plot details that got us to this point. Once Houseki no Kuni ends, I’ll have to go through and reread the whole thing.

Two more chapters of Gakuen Babysitters, which are just like cotton candy in that they are sweet but ultimately lacking in substance. Seeing Kotaro interact with a bird was cute, but the rest was just whatever.

A pretty action packed chapter of To You The Immortal. I don’t really know how I feel about this future arc, but I suppose we have to follow Immo to the very ends of time so the adventure still has a ways to go. This is another manga where I binge-read the whole thing and fell in love with it, but now that I’m reading it only when it updates, it’s hard for me to remember everything that happened. (And I hear the anime was…clunky). So I’ll have to reread this when it ends.

Kemono Jihen chapter 64: A pretty fun fight! I’m not really one for fighting tournaments though, so this arc hasn’t really grabbed me. But hey… Inugami/Mihai ship fodder… I’ll take it.

Saturday

Spent the day making soup with my friend and then rewatching Over the Garden Wall for peak autumnal vibes. I love the different vignettes we see every episode, the music is just absolute perfection, and I love the unique voice acting. OTGW just really knew what it wanted to do and didn’t overstay its welcome. Also Greg is soooooo cute.

The new Kusuriya episode had a welcome style change from the previous three episodes, with a looser style of animation that added a lot of character to the more mundane scenes like eating or feeding. There were some clunky bits, like when Maomao waved goodbye at Xiaolan, but overall I really enjoyed the experimentation here. The slap and the overall confrontation between Maomao and Lihua’s lady in waiting was fantastic, and I also liked the subtlety of Lihua’s embarrassment when Maomao tells her about the secret technique. Some other little moments I liked were the brothel ladies playing with Maomao’s hair, and Lihua petting her head when she was asleep. Also the return of the narrator! I thought the pacing throughout was just perfect. Judging by the preview, the next episode will seemingly be a return to form, but at least the Lihua arc was a knockout.

A pretty chill slice of life SpyFam episode today. The segment about macarons with the Damian/Anya moment was cute, but I physically could not make myself care about the Franky and cat segment. Even reading that chapter in the manga for the first time was such a slog because of how much of a foregone conclusion it was, and I didn’t find the comedy good enough to justify it. I hope maybe someday we’ll get a Franky arc with real stakes, because his position as an informant can actually be pretty perilous and ripe for drama, but I digress. But! Next week we start the cruise ship arc! Which is my favourite arc! So I’m looking forward to that!

#week in review #2023

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littlethingsaround · 4 years

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i (was) fallin in love with pain

Aku tumbuh di sebuah desa di Riau, dimana aku memiliki relationship dengan sinar matahari, dan keringat adalah sahabatku. Mengingat nenekku dan penyakit psikisnya membuat segalanya terasa sangat menekan dan mencekam di dalam rumah, aku menyukai berlari bebas jauh, jauh dari rumah. Bersama kengkawan dari desa sebelah, kadang menantang diri mengganggu soang soang.

Saat keadaan begitu mengancam dan aku tidak boleh pergi jauh, pohon adalah tempat teramanku. Berada di atas pohon, berdiam diri. Tersenyum saat melihat nenek tak dapat mengejarku keatas sana. Aku bahkan memiliki meja tempatku belajar atau menggambar di atas pohon mangga itu, batang tempatku dapat tertidur pulas, dan bahkan batang Y tempatku mengintai di tempat yang tak terlihat. Pohon adalah tempat teramanku, saat tak ada manusia yang dapat melindungi, rasanya alam sangat menenangkan dan selalu bisa membantuku, selalu bisa diandalkan.

Hingga saat pergi ke pesantren dan ada kebiasaan hiking rutin, aku selalu senang sekali. aku selalu menawarkan diri memikul tas kelompok yang besar lagi berat. aku selalu pergi dengan bernyanyi dalam hati. makin hitam, aku makin percaya diri. makin basah (pergi ke sungai sungai atau lumpur), aku makin menikmatinya. makin jauh, aku makin mencintai otot otot kakiku.

Hubungan dengan otot ini berlanjut hingga kuliah. tapi pelariannya ke korea korea an. menghapal dance laki laki yang susah susah, memilik kosan yang jauh biar bisa jalan dua kilo sehari (berangkat dan pulang). aku menyenangi saat badanku kelelahan, saat mulai nyut nyut karena pegal, seolah olah disana ada rasa comfortku. rasa comfort yang kudapat saat lari sekencang kencangnya dari nenek di rumah, rasa comfort yang kudapat saat aku memanjat pohon tertinggi dengan giat. rasa sakit itu, menyenangkan.

saat kerja, it getting worse. karena di kerjaku di pemerintahan dulu, you have to look soo good. sehingga aku workout tiap hari. makin sakit makin menyenangkan. lalu aku jalan kaki ke kantor 2 km jauhnya. bahkan saat kantor pindah ke tugu tani kesana, aku berjalan kaki dari st juanda pulang pergi. dasar aku. tapi dari rasa sakit itu, aku temukan tubuh yang benar benar kuat. yang teruji saat kami lari pagi di UI bersama. yang teruji saat kami jalan bareng nyari nasi goreng sepulang kerja. yang teruji saat aku berkali kali over power dirumah. sesering itu, buka bungkusan sampe tumpah semua karena kekencengan. mixer tangan yang dibeli kawatnya lepas karena kupakai.

lalu itu makin menjadi dengan mengikuti kelas olahraga di studio dekat rumah. makin menjadi saat pergi ke kantor naik sepeda 14 km pulang pergi. makin menjadi saat dumbel di store terasa sungguh tempting, karena jauh lebih berat dari dumbel yang biasa kugunakan. sakit, rasanya. berat, hati dan jiwanya. namun rasa perih itu, otot yang lalu gemetar itu, kesakitan di seluruh badan karena pushing too much itu, terasa sungguh memuaskan.

lalu aku ikut HIIT. wah jangan ditanya, ini lebih menyiksa lagi. namanya juga ZS* ZS nya itu kepanjangan dari zona siksaan. wkwkwk, ya. standar atlet. yang pertamakali ikut langsung muntah, tapi habis itu malah nagih banget banget :) Pas ikut itu, lagi rajin terapi ke ibu. Ibu berkali kali nanya, “lututnya kenapa?” “perutnya kenapa tegang banget?” aku cuma ketawa, bilang olahraga. ibu lalu nanya, “is that what you body want, or you just excessively train so that you deny that your body needs relax? is this another way for you to get to that tension again?” pertanyaan ibu saat itu bikin mikir.

bener ga ya, ngerasa puas dengan rasa sakit ini? yang makin sakit makin dinikmati, makin merasa kuat, makin merasa aman? aman dari mana sebenernya?

dulu working hard banget, cuma buat antisipasi. antisipasi kalau nanti suami abusive (yaallah ini masih punya mental illness parah makanya work out buat jaga diri dari banyak hal). terus pas udah rasional, working hard buat ngerasa kuat. kuat dari apa sebenernya? ngerasa ga aman karena apa ya?

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it made me think so hard. apalagi suatu hari sepulang dari camp qur’an aku mendengus. nyubitin lengan. “abi, ini masa lengan kakak lembek, udah ga keras lagi. udah ga workout hampir dua bulan..” terus abi senyum, bilang, “loh kan kakak perempuan. ya perempuan kan emang badannya lunak sayang.. emang kakak laki laki?” terus disana mikir wkwk

aku ini kuat pake standar siapa? kenapa selalu mau being that too hard dan selalu mau maskulin? kenapa ga gampang merasa aman sama banyak laki laki karena dalam hati ngerasa jauh lebih macho? --

ini sebuah issue yang aku find out lately. jarangg banget nemu orang macho dan ‘maskulin’ dengan standarku. bahkan sering jalan sama group of men dan dalam hati ngerasa aku yang bakal jagain mereka. sering banget digonceng banggojek dan ngerasa ga aman sama abang yang badannya lebih kecil. dulu sih ngerasa fine aja, tapi makin kesini makin mikir, kalau gitu yang bakal jadi mahrom aku nanti standarnya harus kek apa? dan kenapa harus kek gitu, apa punya tujuan tertentu yang begitu?

ya misal mau bangun keluarga buat bikin fitness bareng ya okelah. tapi kan engga. terus kenapa harus maco banget secara fisik dan mental?

lalu pelan pelan akhir akhir ini, aku melembutkan diri. wkwkwk. banyak banget yang mengira aku selembut itu-- ngga tau gimana aku sesering itu ‘noel’ adik adik atau abi dan mereka kesakitan dengan telunjuk atau jempolku hzzz. Alhamdulillah so far ngga pernah nonjokin orang, tapi dulu bikin diri lebam lebam sendiri pernah. alhamdulillah udah insyaf.

jadi aku melembutkan diri dengan, yoga! yaallah selama ini ngeliat yoga itu olahraga abal abal mba mba yang ngga punya power dan core strength yang baik. ternyata oh ternyata :”) pada titik rendahku di ramadhan kemarin, aku dengan cepat menghubungi aliya temenku, yang senang olahraga dan akhir akhir ini lagi hobi yoga dan meditasi. lalu kami beryoga bersama di sore ramadhan.

lalu usai ramadhan, aku mencoba yoga lain dan ternyata se ga gampang ituu wkwkwk tapi aku sangat menyenanginya. sangat mendukungku membedakan mana yang milikku mana yang bukan. mana yang energi orang lain jadi gausah diserap. mana yang hidup orang lain jadi gausah dibandingin. mana yang tubuh aku mau makan mana yang engga. tau prioritas, dan ga wajibin diri sama banyak hal-- and it feels great!

ternyata ga harus workout tiap hari. ternyata dua kali seminggu cukup. ternyata bisa juga yoga malem malem sebelum tidur. ternyata meditasi itu menyenangkan.

do i want to let go of those exercise? of course not. nantinya akan jadi istri dan ibu yang kerjaan rumahnya banyak. dengan exercise bisa ngerjain banyak cuci piring dan beberes tanpa lelah dan pegel pegel. apalagi nanti gendong anak kemana mana yakan, perlu banget dilatih.

but, i really want to let go of the satisfaction feeling when my body feels pain.

makanya akhir akhir ini banyaknya yoga, karena ga sakiit. ga kaya men workout yang biasanya aku jabanin sambil meringis sakit wkwkwk. I really, want to get the standard of strong that I am. bukan standard of strong seolah olah mau melindungi diri dari marabahaya yang gimana gitu, bukan strong standard karena takut dan insekyur.

alhamdulillah Allah bantu recognize ini, akhir akhir ini. bismillah, semoga konsisten ga ‘nyakitin’ diri lagi ya, considering this is how I trained my body for almost 17 years. ah :”)

bismillah. yoroshiku onegaishimas!

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majalahforbes-blog · 6 years

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10 Tahun Berkarier, Ini 12 Lagu IU yang Meraih 'Perfect All Kill'!

Forbes - Lee Ji Eun, atau yang lebih dikenal dengan nama IU adalah seorang solois muda dari Korea Selatan. IU memulai kariernya pada tahun 2008 dan pada tahun 2018 ini IU sedang merayakan anniversary yang ke-10 tahun sejak IU memulai debutnya di industri musik. IU adalah solois yang terkenal dengan suara yang merdu dan lagu-lagu yang enak untuk didengar. Tidak jarang lagu-lagu IU menempati posisi nomor 1 di beberapa tangga lagu musik di Korea Selatan. Di Korea Selatan sendiri terdapat beberapa penilaian tangga lagu, yang pertama adalah All Kill, yaitu ketika sebuah lagu menempati peringkat 1 di semua tangga lagu secara real time yang dihitung per-jam. Lalu yang kedua adalah Certified All Kill, yaitu ketika sebuah lagu menempati peringkat 1 di semua tangga lagu secara real time dan tangga lagu harian (daily chart). Sedangkan yang terakhir adalah Perfect All Kill, yaitu ketika sebuah lagu menempati peringkat atas, di semua tangga lagu, secara real time, daily chart, dan pada Instiz Weekly Totals, yang diperbarui per jam dengan menambahkan poin-poin per jam dari lagu tersebut menjadi poin kumulatif mingguan. All Kill, Certified All Kill, dan Perfect All Kill dinilai berdasarkan peringkat Instiz yang memonitori Major Music Charts di Korea Selatan, mereka mengalokasi poin dan menyusun peringkat dari lagu-lagu tersebut. IU adalah penyanyi yang memiliki daftar lagu Perfect All Kill terbanyak di Korea Selatan, berikut adalah ulasannya. 1. Only I Didn't Know (2011)

Lagu Only I Didn't Know dirilis sebagai single berjudul Real+ dan didistribusikan oleh LOEN Entertainment pada 16 Februari 2011 dengan 3 buah lagu, yaitu Only I Didn't Know, Cruel Fairytale, dan Only I Didn't Know with Kim Gwang Min. Single ini adalah lanjutan dari Extended Plays IU yang berjudul Real. Penyanyi Lee Eun Mi dan K.Will pernah menyanyikan lagu ini masing-masing pada acara I'm A Singer dan Singer Game pada tahun 2013 dan 2014. Selain meraih Perfect All Kill, lagu ini juga memenangkan Song of the Year - February pada ajang penghargaan 1st Gaon Chart K-Pop Awards dan mendapatkan nominasi Digital Bonsang pada ajang 26th Golden Disc Awards pada tahun 2012. 2. You and I (2011)

Lagu You and I adalah lagu utama dari album IU yang berjudul Last Fantasy yang rilis pada November 2011. Lagu ini memulai debutnya di puncak Gaon Singles Chart dengan penjualan digital minggu pertama yang besar, yaitu sebanyak 1.129.761 unit. You and I bertahan selama dua minggu dan juga mencapai posisi atas di Billboard Korea K-Pop Hot 100 selama lima minggu berturut-turut, menjadi lagu nomor satu terlama di tangga lagu. Lagu ini mendapatkan enam nominasi di berbagai ajang penghargaan yaitu 1st Gaon Chart K-Pop Awards, 6th Cyworld Digital Music Awards, 4th Melon Music Awards, dan 14th Mnet Asian Music Awards dan memenangkan dua di antaranya. Selain di ajang penghargaan, lagu ini juga menempati posisi pertama di beberapa acara musik di Korea Selatan, seperti Music Bank, Inkigayo, dan Music on Top. 3. The Red Shoes (2013)

Lagu The Red Shoes ini dirilis pada tanggal 8 Oktober 2013, bersamaan dengan albumnya yaitu Modern Times. Lagu ini terinspirasi dari dongeng dengan judul yang sama yang ditulis oleh penulis Denmark bernama Hans Christian Andersen. Lagu ini mencapai nomor satu di Gaon Singles and Download Charts pada minggu ketiga bulan Oktober 2013. The Red Shoes juga menduduki puncak Billboard Korea K-Pop Hot 100 selama dua minggu berturut-turut. Lagu The Red Shoes adalah lagu digital terbesar ke-42 tahun 2013 di Korea Selatan. Hingga Maret 2014, telah terjual sekitar 1,2 juta salinan digital secara nasional. The Red Shoes memenangkan Song of the Year - October pada ajang 3rd Gaon Chart K-Pop Awards dan mendapatkan nominasi BC - UnionPay Song of the Year dan Best Vocal Performance - Female pada ajang penghargaan 15th Mnet Asian Music Awards. Lagu ini juga memenangkan tempat pertama di beberapa acara musik seperti Show Champion, M Countdown, Music Bank, Show! Music Core, dan Inkigayo. 4. Friday feat. Jang Yi Jeong (2013)

Lagu berjudul Friday ini ditulis sendiri oleh IU sebagai lagu utama untuk album Modern Times Repackaged - Epilogue. Dalam lagu ini IU berkolaborasi dengan Jang Yi Jeong, seorang anggota dari boy group bernama History. Lagu ini dirilis pada 20 Desember 2013, dan video musiknya menyatukan kembali IU dan model Jang Ki Young, yang sebelumnya juga membintangi video musik The Red Shoes. Lagu Friday juga mencapai posisi nomor satu di Gaon Singles and Download Charts dan menduduki puncak Billboard Korea K-Pop Hot 100 selama dua minggu berturut-turut. Tanpa promosi televisi, Friday memenangkan tempat pertama di acara musik Inkigayo, Music Bank, dan Show! Music Core. Meskipun dirilis pada tahun 2013, Friday adalah lagu digital dengan penjualan terbesar ke-enam tahun 2014 di Korea Selatan. Sejak dirilis, lagu tersebut telah terjual lebih dari 3.130 juta salinan digital, mengalahkan pendahulunya, The Red Shoes. Friday mendapatkan 4 nominasi seperti Song of the Year dan Music Style Award - R&B/Ballad di 6th Melon Music Awards serta UnionPay Song of the Year dan Best Vocal Performance - Femaledi 16th Mnet Asian Music Awards. 5. My Old Story (2014)

Lagu My Old Story terdapat di dalam A Flower Bookmark, EP yang terdiri dari versi cover lagu-lagu nostalgia K-Pop yang dipopulerkan dari tahun 1980an hingga 1990an termasuk My Old Story yang dipopulerkan oleh Jo Deok Bae pada tahun 1985. Lagu utama dari A Flower Bookmark adalah My Old Story dan Meaning of You. Lagu My Old Story mendapatkan nominasi Song of the Year - May pada ajang penghargaan 4th Gaon Chart Music Awards dan Digital Bonsang di 29th Golden Disc Awards. 6. Léon (2015)

IU dan Park Myung Soo tergabung dalam tim God-G dalam acara Infinite Challenge. Lagu ini ditulis oleh IU sebagai bagian dari misi di acara TV Infinite Challenge, di mana Park Myung Soo adalah anggota reguler. Dalam misi ini, para anggota Infinite Challenge berkolaborasi dengan penyanyi yang kemudian mereka ajak bersama di festival musik dua-tahunan Infinite Challenge. Terinspirasi oleh Léon: The Professional, sebuah film populer pada tahun 1994, IU digambarkan sebagai ‘Mathilda‘, seorang gadis muda yang dilatih oleh ‘Léon‘, seorang pembunuh bayaran profesional. Léon menduduki peringkat nomor 1 secara real time dan daily chart di tangga lagu MelOn, Mnet, Bugs Olleh Music, Soribada, Genie, Naver Music, dan monkey 3. Pada 25 dan 26 Agustus 2015, lagu ini mencapai Perfect All Kill. 7. Twenty-Three (2015)

Twenty-Three adalah lagu utama dari EP Chat-Shire oleh IU. Lagu ini menduduki puncak tangga lagu musik nasional. Lagu ini mencapai Perfect All Kill, sebagai lagu nomor 1 di semua situs musik utama Korea Selatan secara bersamaan. Selain itu, lagu ini juga menduduki tempat pertama di acara musik Inkigayo dan Show! Music Core dan mendapatkan nominasi Beat Pop Song pada ajang penghargaan 13th Korean Music Awards pada tahun 2016. 8. Through the Night (2017)

Through the Night memulai debutnya di nomor dua di tangga lagu digital Gaon sebelum mencapai status nomor satu seminggu setelahnya. Hingga Oktober 2018, lebih dari satu tahun setelah dirilis, lagu ini tidak pernah keluar dari 100 lagu teratas tangga musik utama di Korea Selatan. Lagu ini mendapatkan 8 nominasi dari beberapa ajang penghargaan seperti 7th Gaon Chart Music Awards, 32nd Golden Disc Awards, 15th Korean Music Awards, 9th MelOn Music Awards, dan 19th Mnet Asian Music Awards dan memenangkan 4 di antaranya. Selain itu, Through the Night juga menempati posisi pertama pada Inkigayo dan Show Champion. Video musik lagu ini disutradarai oleh Lee Rae Kyung, dan merupakan video musik solois wanita Korea yang paling banyak ditonton di YouTube pada tahun 2017, setelah lagu IU lainnya dari album yang sama yaitu Palette. Lirik lagu ini membahas kerinduan seseorang di kala malam. Menceritakan seseorang yang takut cintanya akan menghilang dan melalui lagu tersebut secara diam-diam dia mengakui cintanya dan berharap akan memimpikan sesuatu yang indah. 9. Can't Love You Anymore with Oh Hyuk (2017)

Can't Love You Anymore dirilis pada 7 April 2017 dan memulai debutnya di nomor tiga di Gaon Digital Chart, di bawah Through the Night. Lagu ini menjadi nomor satu di Korea Selatan pada minggu berikutnya. Lagu ini menampilkan penyanyi utama dari band Hyukoh yaitu Oh Hyuk karena IU mengagumi warna vokalnya. Secara lirik, lagu ini membahas hubungan dua kekasih yang telah kehilangan api dalam hubungan mereka. Lagu ini menjelaskan bagaimana meskipun keduanya menyadari masalah ini, mereka berdua berusaha untuk tidak menghiraukannya. Can't Love You Anymore adalah lagu kesembilan IU yang meraih Perfect All Kill, dan dicapai hanya dua minggu setelah Perfect All Kill untuk lagu Through the Night. Lagu ini juga menjadi lagu Perfect All Kill ketiga untuk Oh Hyuk. Lagu ini mendapatkan nominasi Song of the Year - April di ajang penghargaan 7th Gaon Chart Music Awards serta nominasi Song of the Year dan Best Collaboration di ajang 19th Mnet Asian Music Awards. 10. Palette feat. G-Dragon (2017)

Palette menerima feedback positif dan melampaui semua situs musik utama di Korea Selatan. Video musik ini disutradarai oleh Lee Rae Kyung, dan merupakan video musik solois wanita Korea yang paling banyak ditonton di YouTube pada tahun 2017. Secara lirik, lagu ini terasa seperti pernyataan mengenai siapa IU sebenarnya. Lagu ini menggambarkan bahwa sekarang, IU percaya diri dan meskipun dia masih memiliki pertanyaan tentang dirinya sendiri, dia setidaknya bergerak maju dengan keyakinan pada dirinya. Majalah Billboard menempatkan Palette di nomor enam pada daftar Best K-Pop Songs of 2017. Majalah The New York Times menempatkan lagu tersebut pada daftar 25 Songs That Tell Us Where Music Is Going, menghargai kemampuan IU sebagai penyanyi serta penulis lagu. Lagu ini memenangkan nominasi Song of the Year - April pada ajang 7th Gaon Chart Music Awards dan menempati posisi pertama pada acara musik M Countdown, Show! Music Core, Inkigayo, Music Bank, dan Show Champion. 11. Autumn Morning (2017)

Autumn Morning memulai debutnya di nomor satu di tangga lagu digital Gaon, menjadi lagu nomor satu IU yang ke-17 di Korea Selatan. Lagu ini dirilis empat hari sebelum album A Flower Bookmark 2 dirilis, bertepatan dengan ulang tahun kesembilan IU di industri musik. A Flower Bookmark 2 terdiri dari versi cover lagu nostalgia K-Pop yang dipopulerkan dari tahun 1960-an hingga 2000-an, termasuk Autumn Morning yang dipopulerkan oleh Yang Hee Eun dan Lee Byung Woo pada tahun 1991. Lagu Autumn Morning meraih status Perfect All Kill dua hari setelah rilis. Autumn Morning juga mendapatkan nominasi Song of the Year - September pada ajang penghargaan 7th Gaon Chart Music Awards. 12. Bbibbi (2018)

Bbibbi dirilis pada 10 Oktober 2018 dan menduduki semua tangga lagu utama di Korea Selatan, serta memecahkan rekor untuk lagu yang paling banyak didengarkan dalam 24 jam di layanan musik Melon, dengan 1,42 juta pendengar. Kemudian memulai debutnya di nomor satu di tangga lagi digital Gaon. Lagu ini dirilis untuk memperingati 10 tahun sejak debut IU pada 2008. Lagu Bbibbi dianggap sebagai peringatan untuk para haters IU. Bbibbi mengacu pada pagerdalam bahasa Korea, representasi dari suara yang dibuat pager sebelum orang meninggalkan pesan. Lagu ini menempati posisi pertama pada acara musik Music Bank, Inkigayo, dan Show! Music Core. Lagu IU mana yang menurutmu paling kece dan bikin semangat? Read the full article

#idntimes.com

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