#watching dissection videos and the complexity. the way theyre structured. skin and muscle and viscera all working in perfect order until

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#my brain is not very good at solidifying concepts so im just going rant a bit until i can made sense to myself #the conception and evolution of life is so fucking cazy. its a self assembling machine. building and building and building #without direction. traits flow like a river. branching. halting. repurposing parts for new adaptations #what we see now was not the goal. what u see is an assemblage of traits that avaided death #the creatures u see are not always reflective of their total evolutionary history. somtimes the organisms that survive originate from the #group of weirdos compared to their sister species. the freak survives to confuse paleontologists #paleontology has infinity elevated my appreciation for the study of animals and plants. ive never been very interested in either but the #way they change over time. the creeping of traits. animals are organic machines of flesh and blood. i cant not see them that way. ive been #watching dissection videos and the complexity. the way theyre structured. skin and muscle and viscera all working in perfect order until #theyre not. robust and impossibly fragile. and they came to be as they are by the tumble of genetics thru history. a record of which we #have below our feet. pressed flat. years and years and years. and all that started with a tiny assemblage of molecules that didnt even take #that long to manifest on this plant in the grand scheme of things. it seems impossible that life couldnt be common under the right #conditions. there's so much we'll never kno. we have a limited record but with what we have we can see so much #its just so... its so fucking profoundly interesting. leaning abt paleontology has profoundly changed how i see the world. im so fucking #glad i started listening to common decent bc its warmed my fingers just a tiny bit and i was so so cold. im still cold #im so tired. my brain is exhausting. i wish it understood that if i slept for more than like 4hrs i could focus better #bc i wanted to spend my weekend learning. not stuck in a fog making myself miserable. and yet i dont let myself sleep. i could if i tried #but my brain wont let me try. in my cells is a history of life for a single lineage. my Brain is so remarkablely complex that its capable #of self awareness. introspection. and the intentional inflation of pain upon itself and it's host body #robust but fragile. another aspect of life i find most interesting is where things start to break down. what are the limit? #at what point do things start to come unspooled? and why? what does that say about our history? #sometimes i have a thought thats very unproductive. we humans are destroying the planet. our actions will and have perpetuated vast amounts #of suffering and death. but at the same time life has crept around so much death and suffering. a world without us would continue to #proliferate. we cant kill literally everything. something will survive to stretch across the surface of rhe earth once we're gone. change #continuing. unproductive as i said but also somehow comforting. a nearly empty world filled with now useless information abd only things #tbat creep and crawl. or thats what i like to think. we could prob kill everything if we tried #complex brains capable of infinite destruction #unrelated