#when im most vulnerable? surrounded by the trinkets and music and aromas that i spend all of my time with

[trylobite]

i hate feeling like i need to change myself for other people to like me. i hate that when i want to be friends with someone i worry that everything i do and say will annoy them, give them a reason to hate me. i hate that all of this comes so natural to me, almost like my brain goes into autopilot while i scramble to be the perfect person for them. its exhausting and i know it is only hurting me but what i want most in this world is to feel that someone wants to understand me, wants to connect. i want to be someone who is secure with themselves enough that i dont feel repulsed by my own presence.

#just thinking #its been so weird recently. #i feel like ive made a lot of friends ?? maybe?? butwhen im in my room alone i wonder #how genuine have i been to them? would they like me if they were here with me right now #when im most vulnerable? surrounded by the trinkets and music and aromas that i spend all of my time with #would they like me when i get sad as the sun goes down? would they like me if they saw the clothes that have been sitting in the corner #for days waiting to be washed? would they like me if they saw all the clutter in my closet? or all the paint chipping behind my bed that #i pick at while i fall asleep? would they like me if they saw the piles of books i havent read yet collecting dust in every corner? #would they? #do they? #🪲