#why don't you think i'm sexy?

[invinciblerodent]

going slightly feral today for characters who don't think of themselves as being "~into~" touch and physical intimacy suddenly discovering that they actually are, in like an embarrassingly huge way

"oh fine, I'll indulge you, but I'll have you know that I'm not exactly cuddly, darling. 🙄" (proceeds to wrap themselves around their partner in their sleep like a boa constrictor) (yes this becomes a regular occurrence)

"no dear, I don't like hugs" (does, in fact, melt into each embrace with a soft sigh and eyes sliding shut, all gooey inside like a person-shaped fudge brownie)

"how juvenile. I'm not ticklish, I'm not a child. 😒" (starts convulsing with stifled laughter if their partner as much as wiggles their fingers in their general direction) (no they are very cool I promise)

"don't touch me 😒" (secretly pouts when their explicit wish is respected. no wait come back i didn't mean don't as in don't, i meant it as try harder. yes i know that's counterintuitive. no you should read my mind exactly. how is that even hard--)

"*makes a longing 🥺 face every time their partner is doing something just out of their reach, wanting to touch them but not wanting to come off as ~needy~*" (scoffs and turns away when asked if they want a hug) ((that means "yes please"))

"ugh, fine, but if you ruin my hair--" (all but tears up at having their scalp gently scratched. finds that they do not give a solitary shit about their hair now, actually.) (yes, they will now regularly plop their head in their partner's lap as a silent request for scritches. they're not cuddly, though.)

will not hold hands. will, however, knock shoulders while walking. (it means try again. it means please never stop trying.)

#yes this post is in fact vaguely about #astarion #no yeah i have yet to crawl out of that hole #i'm thinking.... act 3 but before his quest #but listen. i am so far up that man's ass i can see his tonsils #for someone whose most commonly used voice line is “don't TOUCH me” #there are like. 4 or 5???? lines that I know of in which cuddling him is referenced #yes i know it's an old bone to chew that this man is beyond touch-starved but what can i say #i love denial. and lying #v sexy traits in a fictional character #but tbh this can apply to any character u like actually so. no specific tags beyond that #squirrel writes #bc why not #you know what now that i think about it? i can see Shadowheart in most of these too #but i don't exactly know yet yknow

[sciderman]

You have the astounding ability to make me consider liking things that I previously did not. Cable and Wade. Shiklah and Wade. Johnny and Peter. I’m a stubborn Spideypool obsessor, I’m sure I’ve mentioned, so pat yourself on the head for being SUCH a stan that you’ve broken through my OTP walls and gotten me to glance at other ways for Wade and Peter to he happy and loved.

i think if you truly love a character then you want them to get some no matter where it comes from

#i think it kind of really reduces a character if you're limiting them to One relationship solely! #a person is the result of every interaction and every relationship they've had. that's how you get a fleshed out human. #i think that's why i like to explore all of wade and peter's past relationships and stuff. it informs who they are. #it informs why they have all their baggage and their short-comings and it's just fun and interesting! #i think it's very easy for spideypool to become very flat and one-dimensional if you're focusing squarely on them #and there's no outside factors or additional lore giving them depth beyond. i don't know. sexy vigilantes. #like yeah it's hot. and that's fine. but it's kind of not why i'm here and why i'm so invested in them. #it is nice to see a hot drawing of them kissing on a rooftop yes. but i don't know. it doesn't tickle my pickle anymore. #i'm so much more interested in hearing them talk about their history and their relationships #and getting a better understanding of each other as a result. that's so freaking sexy to me. that's tickling my pickle. #sci speaks

[meownotgood]

I want to grab onto the straps of his sword harness thing and pull him in while he's..... while we're..... when the..... you.... the........ yeah

#I can't say it. #but I trust you all know what I'm thinking #clutching onto them for dear life #WHY IS THE SWORD HARNESS SO SEXY I DON'T UNDERSTAND #IT JUST DOES SOMETHING TO ME I SWEAR #yeah you guys definitely know what I mean #this is the type of behavior you would only expect from user meownotgood #aki <3

[maddy-ferguson]

i saw someone say they were hoping noah would apologize and it's just kinda fascinating to me...if he thought zionism was sexy on monday (or i guess on sunday probably and for many days and weeks before that) why would he suddenly think it's an awful ideology on friday?

#and like i say: brf slt #i think people found out what zionism was like three weeks ago and think it's a slur or something when like #no it's an actual ideology it doesn't just mean killing and displacing an entire people that's only what ends up happening when you...put #the plan into motion. but yk #i would say zionism can mean one of three things: supporting the establishment of a jewish state. supporting the state of israel #specifically. supporting whatever awful thing the israeli government/army is up to that day #i saw someone get yelled at in the replies of a post because they were saying this when they were literally right? it was a post about noah #so again i'm assuming people don't know what they're talking about because. they don't. lol #and like obviously proudly being a zionist rn and being like zionism is sexy while israel is bombing people in the name of zionism after #killing and displacing people for decades in the name of zionism can only mean that you condone all that. but idk. i didn't like the way #people talked to that person WHO WAS LITERALLY RIGHT when they were probably the same people who were saying no going to israel and saying #you love it there doesn't mean anything at all this summer #and about the apology. lmao. i've seen people say the same thing about timothée chalamet on twitter and like yeah if he thought the hamas #joke was funny on saturday why would he be like omg nooooo this is really unfunny on monday. i'm not saying you can't expect anyone to #apologize for anything ever but celebrity apologies...................lmao. even when they do apologize it's always like i'm sorry #you're offended not i'm sorry for doing it #and explain to me how or why you would expect noah to be like sorry i didn't mean that zionism was a good thing. like what about his track #record would make you think he'd change his mind😭 if he ever realizes how wrong he is it definitely will not be now #and people saying that video should get him fired is like. brett gelman posted something about how if you don't get called a racist on the #internet once a day you're doing something wrong and you think they're gonna fire noah for being around stickers that say 'this ideology we #the creator+producer of the show subscribe to is sexy' and 'this organization we have decided has beheaded 40 babies and we're so #sure of that we repeated the lie in our open letter thanking the president who corroborated that lie is isis'. like they agree with him #i'm not defending anything btw i'm just saying why the fuck would you expect him to be like oh my bad you're right and apologize😭

[the-acid-pear]

It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.

#luly talks #i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho #like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure. #but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off #like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother #and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all?? #like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate? #and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more) #yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know. #like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally. #but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie #r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk #like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour #off to go to therapy. just a thought. #like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry #although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different #maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general

[fuckmeyer]

i like to think that anything i put in a post is Fuckmeyer Lite™ & for y'all to see all the premiere batshit content i manage to shove in the tags you gotta smash that like & subscribe button. call that Fuckmeyer Pro™

#no tags here besties #this one's a freebie for all the vanilla users out there #see this is how you nab 'em #they look at these innocuous tags & they think 'oh THIS is Fuckmeyer Pro™ PLEASE i puke in a post and hit send this is nothing' #but then why would i say it? with a name like fuckmeyer you would think one has to be a little unhinged right? quel mystere.... #so the curiosity niggles at them. like 'hm maybe there's something i'm missing here' #they scroll through some of my posts. surprise bitch i powerwashed these bad boys before posting this #you think i don't know how to play 4D chess???????? rook to d7 how bout that #i am GNAWING away at you like flesh eating bacteria #that's how i weed out the incurious anti-intellectual weaklings #the strong ones know. they hear the whispers from the moots. 'gotta go back & read fuckmeyers tags so raw so unhinged so profound so sexy' #they follow. they stick around. they hear nothing from me. i am a rock. i am an island. i am a simon & garfunkel reference. #weeks later. BAM. 2-line post with a 1k-word shitpost essay in the tags. surprise motherfucker. bet you thought you seen the last of me #welcome to the circus fellow clowns #honk honk bitch

[aeide-thea]

god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—

but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:

holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into

holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??

like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.

#in all honesty—i've framed a lot of this as political/ethical critique‚ and like‚ it IS‚ but also— #i'm just really frustrated because like. the whole 'what if people were shockingly nice to you' thing feels like it SHOULD be better for me #but in actual fact i find myself totally turning up my nose at it and i can't totally work out why #i mean i guess part of it is that this author's Traumatized Love Interests are always really innocent victims #which i can't identify with emotionally because i feel like a piece of shit #so i need a story that's more like 'person who's been told they were a monster for so long they believe it gets convinced they aren't' #'(lovingly and sexily)' #but also i think a lot of it just. isn't subtle enough. like i need to have to put pieces together so i'm implicated in my own catharsis #being constantly told 'wow it's so amazing i'm not being abused by this person who COULD abuse me!! that's so sexy of them!' #is just. not doing it for me. like. 'not abusive' is not actually sexy to me‚ unfortunately. i need some character traits. #and unfortunately the ones this author tosses in for flavor ALSO don't convince me #because they never actually manifest in the story. it's like 'oh this character is so prickly—but never actually offends the LI.' #'oh this other character is so gruff—but the LI understands that about them from day one and doesn't take it personally.' #like. if the hero's 'flaws' don't actually cause any problems—they aren't flaws #anyway. i've definitely complained about this exact series multiple times on here at this point #but that's the thing—it's compelling enough i keep going back to it‚ so i get extra-frustrated by its flaws #whereas like. there's a lot of stuff that's much worse that i've been much less frustrated by #because i never had any particular hopes for it #anyway. thx for yr patience in this fully self-inflicted Trying Time‚ lmao #i guess this can get filed under #bookblogging

[reginrokkr]

If you cover your monstrous part, then why so smexy? Wriothesley do not interact.

Source!

#◟༺✦༻◞ What lays behind the mantle of faux stars ┊OOC.┊ #I'm sowwy I know it's not sinday #but I was just done tweaking the header a bit #and I thought why not share the original #and how nice Dain is— #for a very long time #I've been using a sexy Dain header #would've you have told #I don't think I ever will change it #it's /gorgeous/ #I love his light lashes and plump pink lips— #ahem #I will leave it at that jfhjg

[thebleedingeffect]

Damn I sorta feel bad about this fact but like, I just gotta be honest with myself and admit that I just do not like my step-brother, which is kinda sad to me. There used to be potential for something there once upon a time, but he's just gotten so nasty, demanding, and rude, as well as some other stuff, that I just find myself not really caring anymore. I don't know, it's just sad cause I remember caring not even a couple of years ago, but now I just... don't. Ah whatever, I grew up my entire life as an only child so I know I won't be losing anything, it's just sad seeing how he's gotten

#he's only 17 and I know that teenage years are extremely hard. moreso for him for other reasons #but I just don't think that's a reason to be super mean :( like I understand you're going through a bunch #but that doesnt mean I just have to deal with you being mean! #there's only a 5 year difference between us but he constantly brings up that I should be self reliant. out of the house. totally independent #ignoring the whole fucking economy and the fact that I dont want to leave my mom! and we help each other financially! #like I'm sorry you kinda burned your bridges. doesnt mean I have to burn mine. #and I know he looks down on me cause I had a much later start into adulthood due to several reasons #I dont care what his arbitrary views are towards adulthood and when someone 'should' be independent #because rly? he's just wrong and ignoring the VAST list of why people need help or choose to have help #whatever. there's less than a year until he's 18. and its been like this for a couple years now #its just. uugggghhhhhh whatever whatever im cool im sexy .

[unholyhymns]

i fucking hate those cooking tiktoks where someone sensually fingers their split chicken breast like nothing could make me celibate faster than that

#IT'S NOT SEXY ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT NOW IS SALMONELLA #I KNOW YOU DON'T WASH UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS #someone blazed one which is why i have to express this now

[bylightofdawn]

I finished ME3 and whelp that end game was a fucking SLOG. OH MY GOD. It never ended. I ended up going with Control because I am a weak-willed paragon player at the end of the day. I will probably reload my save if I can and experiment with Destroy tomorrow though. Even though I did a shit ton of side-missions I guess my military assets still weren’t enough. I blame the fact I didn’t know the Reapors would breed like fucking lice and I prolly should have spent the first day just scanning for as much materials as I could because I did 95% of the side-missions that didn’t require scanning and I was only like 6000+

Fuck. My. Life.

Okay so my hot takes are as follows: I still love Shepard/Garrus. I was very heartbroken to break Kaidan’s heart by picking the sexy velociraptor over him.

Also, Garrus never gave me shit for picking up with Cerberus and I get why people dislike Kaidan. I still think his pluses outweigh the minuses and I am thinking of doing a m!Shep only trilogy playthrough where I romance him cause fuck I love war buddies falling in love and watching a friendship shift into something more trope. -cough cough- I’m looking at you Cortez and Vega. -cough cough-

Garrus also kinda reads as ver young and emotionally immature in a lot of ways. Like Shepard was definitely the first serious relationship he ever had. Fucks sake, this man’s idea of a date was to go and shoot things on top of the Citadel. And he cannot be smooth to save his poor Turian life. 

But that’s part of his charm, if I’m being honest. However compare that to the heartbreaking and emotionally vulnerable moments Shepard and Kaidan have, you can definitely tell the developers were more invested in that romance.

I ABJECTLY REFUSE to acknowledge they did my bae Kal’Reegar like they did and fucking offed him in a fucking email. N O P E. Sorry, rumors of his death are greatly exaggerated and he will drag his wounded ass home and surprise Tali by being alive. I will accept no other canon.

I fucking ship the hell out of Liara and Javik even though Javik is a super not-cool colonizer/ at times outright misogynist and I don’t know how I feel about this. It makes me uncomfortable but I guess that’s why you have problematic faves. So long as you are willing to acknowledge and accept that the shit they pull isn’t kosher and don’t try and defend it then it’s up for you to find that balance of on your morality scale.

But yeah even Citadel DLC hinted at that being a thing and yeah I ship it.

I don’t mind Garrus/Tali as much as I thought I was when going into ME3 and I know I kinda rudely labeled it as pair the spares but the more I think about it, the more I can see it. I mean, they have been with Shepard for years and I can totally see them building a bond. I would also be completely down for a Garrus/Tali slow-burn where Shepard/Garrus was a thing and now Garrus needs to find a way to conduct his life in a world without her being the pendulum on which his orbit revolves.

And I feel like Tali and Kaidan/Liara to a lesser extent are the people who would understand what it’s like trying to live in a world without her larger-than-life presence. I am also 1000% open to the idea of Garrus/Kaidan finding second chance love with one another with them grieving together over the loss of Shepard and HAVE in fact read some really awesome fanfics with that theme.

I’ve been reading SO MANY FANFICS during this playthrough and I have a shit ton of pairings, both crack and otherwise. I’m compiling a list of ME fanfic recs right now that I will gush about in ad nauseam later.

I got boned because I didn’t import from ME1 onwards so it felt like a personal attack and failing that Eve and Miranda died. I also didn’t have access to Kasumi or Zaheed which made me sad.

I just don’t think I’m up for sinking another 100+ hours into this series right this moment. I am debating buying Andromedea but the amount of bitching and whinging I’ve heard about it, I don’t know if it’s just fandom being a whiny titty baby because they ‘broke it’ or if it’s legitimate criticism.

I’m darkly amused that I am 2/2 in the talking at people long enough they would rather shoot themselves than listen to me pontificate any longer. First Saren and now the Illusive Man, Shepard really do be talking people quite literally to death with her care bear stares Paragon energy. 🤣 And yes I am dating myself horrifically with that reference.

I’m also debating picking up Dragon Age. I bought it on disk for PS3 I think but I’m not breaking that shit out to play a horrifically grainy near 20 year old title. Hopefully it has a remastered edition.

I’m glad I finally finished this series. I’ve legit been picking it up and putting it down for like 10 years at this point. Do I think it’s worth the hype everyone has given it? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh no? It’s serviceable and definitely a fun ride. I am super both confused and impressed with BioWare rehauling the gaming mechanics THREE DIFFERENT TIMES. Like, I respect the grind but why? I know everyone hated the Mako and none of use were sad to see it go but jeeze. I’m assuming there was a gaming engine difference between the three of them but still it’s not usual to have the gaming mechanics changed three different times and it gives it a bit of a haphazard vibe because of it.

I actually REALLY MISSED the hacking games in ME3. I suspect I’m prolly in the minority there but I would much rather have that fun code matching/icon matching memory style game over mashing buttons in ME1 or just having to sit there watching Shepard wave her hand around for 10 seconds while bypassing doors in ME3.

I hated only having access to three/eventually four weapons in ME2 but I liked it’s leveling up system the most. Class restricted weapons just didn’t do it for me. Being able to build your paragon/renegade level in ME1 is just weird and I’m glad they got away from that. I do feel like ME1 and ME3 were more similar in how they did their level scaling and I really liked being able to earn a special ability from one of your teammates if you invested enough time and effort into building a rapport with them. Whereas you could just buy it in ME2.

NGL I got Flare and didn’t look back at all. LMAO. What a stupidly OP ability. Banshee and Brutes? Eh toss some grenades and Flare at them and it ain’t a problem anymore.

There are other things but I think I’ve spazzed out long enough over this stupid video game trilogy.

#mass effect trilogy #garrus vakarian #or as I call him #stupid sexy velociraptor #tali vas normandy #kal'reegar #I will die for this man #kaidan alenko #commander shepard #mass effect romance #because that's really the reason I was pushing through the slough of an end game at the end #fucking garrus and his fucking calibrations though #this man blue balled me at every corner #I don't think you're invested in our romance as much as I am sir #have you seen commander shepard? #why aren't you taking her against the normandy's main batteries 24/7 #next time I'm romancing the sexy canadian #or the doomed to die creature from the black lagoon #look at me starting shipping wars in my tags #don't come for me because of my shitty tastes

[elytrafemme]

there are some pros of having parents who are doctors but i have to say. the way that my parents particularly my mom do NOT understand how therapy works... 

#nightmare.personal #don't rb #just had to explain to her why there are confidentiality rules in therapy and i don't think she got it by the end #she wants to meet with my therapist and i've told her in every conceivably possible way #that it's not going to be satisfactory because her and my dad are looking for problems and solutions and answers #but she's still like yeah i know ^_^ <- face of a woman who is about to get so so pissed after talking to her #fucking. my sibling having mental health issues and a therapy experience VERY different to mine doesn't help too #because he goes around saying ohhh im cured now and my parents go ohhh why don't you have a wife and i'm going around like #hahah please don't medicate me or force me into goal oriented therapy or else you'll take me out of it you're so sexy ahah #also my mom thinking that she knows more about me in my day to day life than my fucking therapist... laughable #anyawy. okay that's all thanks

[lowcursedmg]

Punk aesthetic blogs are cool but they're almost exclusively filled with pictures of white people :/

#they should post pictures of me #I'm punk!!!!! #not visibly .... but still #hm wait im thinking about it and id look saur sexy in like one of those jean vests with the buttons?? #and the doc martens????? #huh wait wtf .... why don't i dress like that #i mean aside from poverty #unironically i think punk is the closest you can get to describing my mind and the way i think with a single word #hm much to think about #isaiah speaks