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bamboowrites · 2 years

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SAGAU Work 34

Nanno Villain God/Goddess!Reader, crack

Tw: Slight gore but not much, since it’s our platonic bae @weakestpoint who’s gonna write the hardcore gore ehe~ New AU let’s goooo~ Characters: Morax, Barbatos, Raiden Shogun, Zhongli, Venti, Ei

“Please, you guys are so uninventive! That’s a boring execution. Such despair.” You swing your legs on the high roof ledges of the Shogun’s mansion and shout below.

“Wha-“ the massive following of cultists look up as they flinch from the all-too-familiar voice.

Hadn’t they cut off your tongue already? No, you should be dead, you are finished, and their eyes were witnessing the mangled corpse they were beating the shit out of. Then where and who was the voice coming from?

As they crane their necks looking up to no avail of locating you, you leapt down.

You have unlimited spare bodies to use anyway. You picked the right body data plan, after all. That was expensive, so it’d better be worth it.

You accessed your anemo power to lessen the fall damage and stood right on top of ‘your’ dead body. “Hi!” You grinned.

The crowd cowardly shrunk away, as usual, some crouching down, kneeling, and some of the foolish ones were pointing their weaponry towards you.

One of them shot their arrow straight to your head. ‘You’ died again, and the crowd released their held breaths.

“Hoorah! Am I right?” You chortled like Santa Clause in the Evil AU. You reappeared on the rooftop, but then decided to teleport again.

This time, you teleported right to face the back of the one who ‘killed you’.

“Well. That was rude.”

You put one of your ghostly cold hands on his shoulder and whispered breathily, like a howling wind spirit, into his ear. He fainted, and so did some of the crowd.

✨Pathetique✨. They could’ve been more aesthetically-pleasing with passing out. Hmph. The disrespect.

You dislocated both of the offender’s wrists, feeling somewhat merciful from your almost giddy mood. They were like a babble of clowns that amused you.

The asshats apparently didn’t learn anything, because Baal immediately started pulling out her booba sword. You turned to her and unequipped her weapons, including her sister’s sword. “Step the eff up, Raiden.” You said, mocking her (in the same way Kyle was mocked in the legendary vine).

Baal was left stunned as she sees herself no longer holding a weapon. You also snatched all of the Archons’ weapons, talent books, artefacts, everything. Maybe you would loot the other vision-bearing acolytes later.

Equipping yourself with those times, you visibly noticed your attributes/stats go up.

“Ei. I’m confiscating your Dango desserts and milk bottles.” Doot doot. You yoinked it and noticed Raiden’s puppet façade fade away, in place for the true Ei herself.

“🥺”

“I don’t speak in bottom. (Not today. I would but I’m kind of pissed, you know?)” You then switched from the valley girl accent to a booming Chad accent. “Speak up, Raisin Ei.”

“😭” Again, she attempted to guilt-trip you as she did to your first body. That was not very fetch of her.

“Nawww girlie, you killed me. I’m not amused right now. Hand over your vision.” You continued to speak in a very ‘manly’ way.

“I… don’t have a vision?” She attempted to fool you with her cat-like eyes and submission.

“You very much know what I mean. Your gnosis and the visions you haven’t returned yet. GIB ME VEE SHIOUN.” You deadpanned in a serious voice. You changed your tone to sound like a disgruntled history teacher.

You noticed Sara flying above, aiming an arrow at you. Ah, the crow-like general.

“I SAID, BE CREATIVE-“ you teleported Sara next to you and promptly disabled her wings with a snap of your fingertips.

“Huh-? My wings-“ You flicked your wrist idly. “Honey, you’re lucky I just locked them inside your body. They’re still here.” Before she could fully let out a sigh, you continue. “For now!” You loved how surprised and horrified she looked. It was almost worth the times your other bodies suffered, from her carrying out Baal’s orders.

“Y’all- I’m mad just because you guys didn’t even bother to kill me in a fun way. I’m disappointed. I’ve seen better in other worlds.” You’re straight up lying about only being mad for that reason, but that’ll make things more fun.

You sighed in the iconic drama kid font and twirl around to face Ei.

“Raisin. Gib me veeshion. Nawr.”

Zhongli took the opportunity to lunge at you with a spare shard of glass, this time aimed at your heart. You knew before he struck, but you mock-gasped instead of ducking from the attack.

“The betrayal! But the clapping of your booty cheeks had alerted me already. Such a shame.” ‘You’ died dramatically again.

They heaved as ‘you’ finally died, ‘your’ eyes fading out of focus. You’d feel bad for the cheering crowd if you weren’t slightly iritated.

“Oh dear, it’s getting boring~” you whistled. Your unlimited body package deal worked like a charm. It kind of is one, but it’s ingrained into your soul. You’re now reformed and standing on top of Zhongli’s head.

It was almost fun feeling him tense up under you, his fists visibly clenched like the Arthur meme. His geo colour scheme would’ve worked if his sleeve was yellowish. Pity.

The crowd felt invisible and that’s because they’ve been giving you unsurprising reactions. They’re starting to bore you.

“What the fu-“ Eh, classic Venti. You revelled in your twisted sense of humour, as you gazed at his dropped jaw.

“No, not the archon with the Wendy-ass haircut swearing at me.” He opened his mouth but you reached out with your electro powers to buzz his lips and hold them shut.

“SHUT. No. That’s an off-topic question. Permission denied. NEXT.”

You floated up and formed a skyscraping geo structure stronger than any of Zhongli’s attacks. You stood there menacingly, t-posing. Zhongli was tall, but not enough for you to see the whole scene with a bird-eye view.

‘It’s over, Anakin. I have the high ground. You underestimate my power.’ You think to yourself.

You continued your ‘speech’.

“Raisin. Visions now. Ven-tea, your apples. Shlong-li, your osmanthus wine. If I have to hear you wax about your wine again, I will bonk you in the face with Guizhong’s lock.” You paused as they attempted to absorb the absurd events that happened. Zhongli almost looked traumatised, as if he didn’t abuse your other selves. Your compassion had been going on a hiatus and it won’t be coming back anytime soon. Reasonably so. It didn’t help that the other times you tried to care resulted in your untimely demises.

“Oh, and kill me in creative mode this time!” You gave them encouraging thumbs-ups, reminiscent of a parent encouraging their toddler. You clapped mockingly when they finally managed to step forward under the increasing pressure of your now negative aura. “Good job! Don’t trip, little ones!” You sat on the geo tower and watch in amusement. If they could prove themselves to be fun enough, maybe you would let them try out new killing ideas on your body, before you ‘return the favour’.

You hope they would invent new death methods in your honour. Ehe~

A/N: not sure about this but ayo I hope y’all enjoyed it ehe~

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