#you don't know me and you are DEFINITELY not medically trained keep your fucking opinions to yourself

[marypsue]

If you're going to reblog my (admittedly very ADHD) post about, to borrow someone else's excellent summation, bees in the brain, to say 'OP check your medications', have you considered:

not doing that

#listen. you may think you're being helpful. #can you just. please. for five seconds. consider the words you say to other human beings. thank you. #anyway I block people who smugly diagnose me on that post because #it's not somehow fine and not rude as hell to tell someone they have a mental illness based on one paragraph they wrote #just because the mental illness is ~fun and ~relatable #you don't know me and you are DEFINITELY not medically trained keep your fucking opinions to yourself #(note: this does not go for 'this can be a symptom of ADHD'/'I experienced this and then I got diagnosed'/'OP have you looked into' #just the smug 'yeah it's the ADHD' #why don't you fuck off into the nearest pond with that) #(real alive people on the internet are not fictional characters for you to project onto and headcanon about) #(and we are not friends for me to take this as a fun jokey thing. you are a stranger. and you are being INEXPRESSIBLY rude.)

[aquarianlights]

Still the anon about airport security. What would you do if you had to take a flight? Would you go through the full body scanner? Or if don't want to, you can opt for a pat down. You know the pat down has to be done by a officer of the same gender as yours. Would you be worried about being misgendered? I was misgendered once, so I am really unsure if it's better the body scanner putting your biological sex to avoid to find anomalies or the pat down where they could misgendered you.

Well, I’m most definitely going to have to take flights in the future. Idk when or how soon. I’m guessing it’ll be 2019 so I’m guessing they’ll not make any progress by then and they’ll not have made any advancements past full body scanners.

Just saying now, most trans people are not going to align with my views on this, but that’s perfectly fine. I have very specific views and very specific reasoning and very specific quirks. And that’s all perfectly okay. So. . .don’t worry about how weird this is all going to sound and how this is all going to be exactly opposite of what most trans people would think. Trust me when I say I am not most trans people. When I first came out about being trans on tumblr (a year or two after discovering I was trans), the LGBT community literally attacked me (trans people specifically) trying to tell me I wasn’t trans enough to be included. Lmao. So don’t worry that I’m going to be the opposite on most people. It’s not you, it’s me. Haha. I’ve come to learn that I am a seriously awesome individual and that I just have very unique quirks and that I just don’t align well with the LGBT community like majority of my fremily, who are all LGBT. Which is perfectly fine. Coz no one needs to. As long as we are all comfortable with ourselves. And as long as you’re comfortable with yourself? You don’t need to worry about being misgendered, honestly. Which is why I’m not.

But anyways. . .

If you’re asking my PERSONAL opinion like I THINK you are, like I said, on a personal level, I don’t worry about that stuff because I don’t have anxiety attached to my dysphoria like most people do. Public anxiety isn’t an issue for me and it never has been and I’m a 200% attention whore. I do worry about being misgendered but I take the opportunity to correct everyone and anyone I see as long as it’s not medically oriented. And since this isn’t a medical issue, I would already have been correcting them from the start and if someone dared pulled an attitude with me (ESPECIALLY a police officer), I’d be talking over them. As I normally do. I correct people on my gender already unless I want something from them (ie; I’m not really outing myself to my professors at school until I can feel around on whether they’re transphobic or not unless they specifically ask. I only make sure to correct them on my name. As for pronouns, I’m only going to tell them about it eventually. Whereas, in a PUBLIC situation where I will only be seeing these people once and it’s a one-time incident? Nbd).

I mean, I’ve seen that people normally tend to dwell on bad social interactions. You mention that you’ve been misgendered once as though you remember in vivid detail this one instance. I just don’t get those effects from negative social interactions. It’s generally intimate, private, negative interactions that have vivid memories for me. I don’t tend to really have vivid memories of negative, public interactions because they don’t stick with me and I think I have less than zero amount of social anxiety. I’m less than neurotypical when it comes to social anxiety. I’m whatever the opposite of social anxiety is. I enjoy the spotlight. I don’t tend to ENJOY it persay in a negative way but I’d rather have it than not have it. I don’t want the spotlight BY CHOICE. But I want it... by chance. If you get what I’m saying? Idk how that exactly works. So if I get picked out for a pat down... I guess that’s all the better?

As for pat-downs...Well, I’m a 200% brutally honest person so here we go. If a male officer were called to pat me down, I would have a hard time not having a breakdown. I have had so much sexual assault and rape history that has lead to PTSD and panic disorder that even if I didn’t have a female officer, I would request one and wait for one. If I had to have a male, I would specifically request that he not be white. All of the males that have sexually assaulted me have been white cis males (and to my knowledge, heterosexual or claiming to be bi and lying about being bi to manipulate me).

Also, if you know anything about me and have followed me for even 2 seconds, you know I’m the brattiest of all brat subs. And I quite enjoy toying with my dommes. So if a female officer were to just COME to me, it would make things a LOT easier, because then I would be able to just automatically avoid all the flashbacks and heart racing and feelings of fear that would flood back from PTSD. And I wouldn’t have any of that to deal with so I would be able to be my normal self and would be able to toy with her and tease her like I normally would and enjoy myself. If you’ve followed me for 2 seconds, then you’ll also know I’m ace. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. But I do appreciate the female form and I am romantically attracted to females. I consider myself biromantic (or panromantic, I really don’t know) because occasionally there’s a male or other person thrown in there, but it’s heavily leaning towards females. Always has been. But I quite enjoy when females of authority pat me down because it brings out my bratty side and gives me the chance to make snarky remarks and toy with them under my breath and it’s just a lot of fun for me, tbh.

This is all my personal opinion, though. I’m really not your average transguy, as you can probably tell. I’m quite the opposite and no one should ever follow my lead coz I’m a bad example. I mean... I’m your typical brat sub but I’m not your typical person. Like I’ve said many times before, I live the bdsm lifestyle, but I’m not a sexual person because I’m ace. I’m not into bdsm sexually at all. I just live the lifestyle. Which a lot of people don’t understand unless, y’know, they’re in the lifestyle, too, either both sexually/fully or just fully.

I get misgendered on the daily so it’s all part of daily life for me. It’s part of the norm right now. When getting misgendered becomes odd for me---I mean, really odd---then, we can talk. But that probably won’t be for long down the HRT line if it’s all even safe to do what we’re talking about and, er, whenever BRCA testing gets done and the state can pay for my surgery. But that’s hopeful thinking. I doubt if we try out what the doctor and I are talking about, it’ll work. I don’t wanna give out details because if I type it out, I will get my own hopes up and I don’t wanna do that. Coz when I get defeated and have to continue doing what I’m doing, that’ll be really sad. And BRCA testing will probably come back positive, but even if it does, I won’t have the time to go through with the surgery until, er. . .who knows when. :| The only thing that will happen FOR SURE is a name change. Maybe one day I can do what my doctor and I are talking about, but probably not. Ergh. I don’t wanna get my hopes uppppp. Do not want. But if my BRCA test comes back positive, at least I can keep it in my file so that I have it as evidence.

But honestly?

The machine wouldn’t bother me and a surprise pat down wouldn’t bother me. I’m 200% comfortable with how other people see me and how I hold myself. And I’m ALMOST comfortable with how I see myself. Almost. . .

You know what WOULD bother me? A strip search. You know why? Because it’s EXTREMELY uncomfortable to take my binder off. I even wear a sports bra to bed. I take super short showers simply because it’s uncomfortable to not have something binding the girls down. They’re fucking annoying. I barely have a B cup. BARELY. They don’t even really fit into B cups, but they’re slightly too large for A’s. But they don’t fit any A’s. So it’s hard to judge. But then again, any bra that isn’t a sports bra is too loose, imo, coz I’m wearing a binder as long as I can all day, but I wear a sports bra at night. I mean, ever since I started wearing training bras, I started wearing bras to bed. You know what’s also uncomfortable for me? People seeing my belly. That bothers me. That scares me to death. Because of my parents growing up. Which is why I turned to ana when I was a child and didn’t even know what ana was and still keep ana in my life. But having to take my shirt off in front of someone and not cover my tummy with my arm? That terrifies me. Hell, even when I’m sitting down or laying down, there’s always a pillow or blanket or stuffed animal or SOMETHING over my tummy. Even when I’m driving, I keep a jacket or something in my lap simply because it bothers me to not have pressure on my tummy. The only time I don’t have something is when I’m walking, working, exercising, or taking a test. Even when I’m sleeping, I have a long stuffed animal that I keep between my legs that I keep up close to my tummy that I keep pressed to myself because it scares me to not have pressure on it. Because of my parents. Again, thing in the shower. And also why I hate summer. Fucking can’t do layers that help with that feeling of pressure that helps keep my parents voices in my head at bay.

So THAT is the only thing that would bother me. A strip search. A pat down and a machine? Nah. Wouldn’t bother me for reasons stated above.

That is all going on the fact you just asked my personal opinion, yes? At least, that’s how I read it. I’m hoping I explained that thoroughly enough that it all made sense.

I know all my reasoning is kind of weird and I have very, er... specific reasoning for every little thing but. I tried to explain everything without going into too much detail. So, uh... yeah. Not gonna apologize for being me, but I am aware that I am a very specific character with very specific quirks about me and that most other trans people are not going to align with my views on this. And that’s perfectly okay.