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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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I’m reading OT (Deuteronomy), considering race-wars, ‘international relations,’ commerce, family trees. I am sad to think of all these giant-bones in Mexico and what-not, ‘dinosaur’-bones, outer space, the center of the Earth, magnetic field generated by iron core or something - I wish I never learned these things or ‘Chinese way of war’ or a bunch of word-roots or how F-4 Phantom Vietnam-era aircraft would try to evade SAM’s; I wish that I knew good things as well as the destined interactions of different races. All I care about is reaching this distant Other and if I will have failed or become irrelevant in this I could almost say that I have a death-wish which is life-affirming although I have not decided to caper or act like a zombie. The slowing of the tempo in Milwaukee makes me think of something I read about (Pres.) Jimmy Carter’s childhood in which his little town closed businesses early so that people could get home [sigh]; maybe I should play piano. The world is sad. Let us turn away from neighbor, friend. Don’t call your mom. I see the girl at H-mart, ‘Someone To Love,’ ex-Marine, ust get married, pass on seed before WW3. Me too; the main character gets stoned in ‘Cheonan Sky’ I get the electric chair and no one gets me, like ‘The Executioner’s Song.’ It is like ‘illicit love.’

I had these dreams of women in a certain shade of clothing; I read ESV always opening to pages about brides, then this morning about how Jesus appears to be born with no protection or armor or walls or bodyguards. The little people close to the heart of Jesus live in this killzone; who will bring gifts of honor? Where? I feel like I’m trapped i Studs Terkel aul Bellow Walt Whitman; I lost my ‘political vision.’ I just see idolators(?). ‘Want.’

Thou makest me... winding river, the gently turning guitar like laundry; I had this dream; I hate ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ for an army group of reasons but the director as well as Ang Lee films and his ‘cinematographer’ have a great sense of the cleaning of things and the scene in which SAyuri does the wash in the cold mountain river means something though IDK whether CW2 or WW3 brings out the best in everyone; with some people it just ‘cooks off’ whatever munitions are loaded in their magazine; when the piece gets hot all the bullets just pop pop pop. Ppl everywhere with fireworks. I had felt it was all Acts for a while or that my Black eighbors ould be promenading well-dressed outside, ‘Let u take back the Earth; let’s be together.’ I had FDR dreams of JRBJr. ‘bind up the nation’s wounds.’ It feels like flesh-fair demolition-derby Lords of Misrule - people are really educated by movies and here I go again from praying for the deliverance of the pure in heart and theirs to being Chris Hedges who is like, ‘Let’s make the stupid and depraved just incrementally less so to make the world more comfortable’ Before UBreakiFix decided to go on paid strike against my SS-9 I was writing about the Whitefish Bay PD since I like their old chief but is anyone holding any line?

I used to be that person in the 1990s who loved action-movies if only because heroic knightly violence appeared cleaner than [AfAm pop-cult / self-keep-down-religion / Mao-subterranean-submarine revenge-machine against America]. Like, hopefully there is just a bad guy. Marcus Aurelius said if you find something better than a decent ordinary life or sth the sell all you have to buy that field which is what I tried to do with S’hai-1 but I was just 14-15 and before and after that the thing I liked was ‘moral clarity’ and ‘being right.’ In retrospect the Platonic ‘no to evil’ but then I do all kids of things; I started to believe in assassination like many do but IDK now, it seems like everyone is insecure... I feel like everyone is powerless now and those who do have power use it as an entertainment or I don’t even know. Put in mind of the final scene of ‘King Lear’ where he just lost his treasure-daughter and he’s chuckling to himself about how great he was at fighting - ‘biting falchion make ‘em skip.’ Then turns to Cordelia, this ‘eclait(?)’ of what I can only take to be a theophany or augury of Resurrection or the world to come, massive shutdown. Korea-dad from the lesbian rock-climber memoir, why do you play so much soccer then smash wifey?

I want to be the President of Russia... writing future history. Everyone loves Paganini Variation 18, the composer said it’s for his agent, his pay-pig number. To me it is kind of, the limits of male care or male capacity to form another. Looking at a infant in bed or a sleeping kitten and not disturbing. The Russians have left Milwaukee that I can tell; ‘Ton’ fixed my favorite Korean leather messenger-bag which was the simplest one. It was a long time ago. I remember reading in the NYRB about Biden as the ‘designated mourner’ for an era of dashed hopes and missed chances but now I feel he’s just tossing out reactions. ‘Social media’s killing people’ - yeah, and the Gutenberg press, and language, and giving female children names instead of numbers. He’ll say anything and it just makes me rage against myself for the times I would say shit. WH Auden said that men’s problem is sometimes uttering ‘aesthetic’ utterances for the sake of aesthetics. My parents are still sure they re Trump-o-caust-survivors and all our woes came from Trump - IDK if that’s eventually gonna turn out to be the case but HRC was a pedo-protector, typical Chinese First Wife (like ‘Raise The Red Lantern’ I’m goddess and other women I empathize with smash), deplorables, not reading complete document, napping. UKPM May I guess in retrospect Trump’s problem was just assessing everyone at eye-level but not arranging or processing deeper more thorough or purpose-targeted tests. But that’s America! How is Gen. Mattis in love with the Constitution; it seems to me like at this point like the steps of some complicated dance, it’s Kafka’s Gates of the Law, it’s ‘playing the game.’ 20,000 SF on motorcycles and it’s over; a whole new mazurka - not ‘rough justice’ or ‘lex talionis’ but ‘trust righteous Judgment.’ Who is still trying to govern? 2nd Amendment? Militia? Everyone in America thinks they’re a militia from YAL and ‘Red Dawn’ and my AP Euro talking about the common man ‘it’s gonna go nuclur’ [if we don’t sif out Kim Jong Il’s hiding-place in Tikrit]. Self-incrimination? My greatest regret is becoming associated with this civilizational meme-machine instead of doing everything from my own hands... Just believe everything! Step out and don’t step back ppl are like, ‘Excuse me have you seen my past?’ People ere mad about the America middle class Dream fading but now maybe it’s just me but like what When did I go ‘hyper moron’ or beyond my own appointed fate, I want to walk by the water. ‘I Need Thee Ev’ry Hour.’

For a long time I was taken with ‘The Gift of the Magi,’ I like stories in which people ed up giving too much and broken people who come together; IDK why I had a dream of happiness a few times and then started thinking about dreams of homecoming. I lost my brother first when he burned this girl then I feel I made him clinically depressed by something evil I did long ago, when as some people do I had a preference about burial-location, that I don’t quit feel anymore.

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crabbiestseaman-blog · 7 years

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character questions

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? No direct siblings! But if I app to DA7, my character will be around Adachi’s age and related to him. This is true no matter which of my top 2 choices I go with, really.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? Very positive! She babies him a bit too much, and he gets a little annoyed with this. That’s about the extent of the negativity in their relationship.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? Adachi’s dad had a heart attack and then quit crab fishing, divorced Adachi’s mom, and fucked off to who-knows-where. What a weird mid-life crisis!

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? I’m pretty sure he’s watched someone else drown on at least one occasion but I regularly forget about this like a good roleplayer lol

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? keys, phone, (unless he’s at sea, in which case why even bring your phone if there’s not gonna be reception) gun, ammo. his coat has a specially designed concealed carry pocket. i hate this.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? who tf knows

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? now? lots of nightmares of suddenly falling ill and dying. thanks, chou! (dis a Joke i personally stan for chou. seriously go have your OC interact with her, hear her out, and you’ll stan too)

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? sIFUISGHJDGKSJGSGhskJGSHJKSDGKJHGSDKGJHUGJKHSGK yes, but he only shoots large animals because they’re larger, easier targets. (also, birds + rabbits are too cute to kill.) first target was probably a rabbit at the insistence of his peers and he cried afterwards.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? not really! adachi’s dad may have fucked off to the middle of nowhere, but he inherited his dad’s job. so they’re still making a comfortable middle class income.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? well i mean he grew up in alaska and prefers not dying of hypothermia so

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? ch8 lol

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? who kno

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? no

Does your character remember names or faces easier? both fairly easy. he notices small things about people easily.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? he’s preoccupied with making an income, on account of uh. being forced to be the primary breadwinner of his household for a while there. but for that same reason, he’s also preoccupied with not spending it recklessly. he prides himself on keeping a fairly large rainy day fund in case of emergencies. he’s probably legitimately saving up for retirement at the age of 19. i hate this

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? success, because you kind of have to uh make an income if you want to be happy and not a homeless bum like his dad lol

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? guns

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? both are important

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? what the fuck is tact or making an effort to be friendly and agreeable ever. tbh the crab fishing didn’t help, because it’s a REALLY REALLY toxic working environment. consider it a less-organized military setting, in terms of toxicity. adachi pissed off his irl friends back in alaska and now they’re not friends anymore. now he’s living in japan and well, if you’re rude even by american standards, you’re not gonna get along with people in japan either

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? “iiiiiii’m the best” - captain kaito adachi, 2017 (in all seriousness he’s somewhat more inclined towards self-reflection these days)

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? “FUCK YOU EVERYONE IS TO BLAME BUT MYSELF” -capt. kaito adachi (unless it was very very VERY clearly his fault in which case he’ll fess up quickly b/c he’s an honest man. he’s not tactful, but at least he’s honest.)

What does your character like in other people? drive, work ethic, honesty, not being a goddamned moron, sharing his basic philosophy towards this whole murder game thing

What does your character dislike in other people? being an idiot, laziness, dishonesty

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Not Very you have no idea how many kids in this game he didn’t trust right off the bat LOL

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Very fast, he has a tendency to jump to one conclusion and stick with it tbh. But he’s not 100% unreasonable surprisingly

How does your character behave around children? you know when you go over to your friend’s house and you get weird vibes from their dad, but it feels more like they’re Just Like That rather than that they’re actively going out of their way to antagonize you. it’s like that. for the record, he grew up in a fairly conservative household where men weren’t supposed to have “caretaker” roles, so he’s kind of internalized that a lot. it’s more that he thinks this is how he’s “supposed” to act around children than anything.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? he doesn’t “deal with it” he starts it LOL

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? actually usually pretty slow believe it or not. but he’s in a. murder game setting. so there’s that. for the record, at the moment he’s not going to resort to violence anymore except in self defense/defense of people he cares about.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? a crab man. he is now a crab man. thanks, life.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? not much considering he’s a pretty disgusting person himself

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. The Sea

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. The Land

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? surprisingly willing to improve if the point is driven home hard enough but if you don’t get to that point, he’s just going to be defensive.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? keep trying the solution/method that didn’t work the first time. no his first guess was right damnit

How does your character behave around people they like? surprisingly agreeable

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Hiss

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? status

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? whatever’s most practical for the objective of self-preservation (and the preservation of those he cares about). much more inclined towards removing the problem/threat tho

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? one time he got run over by a moose he failed to shoot and that’s his traumatic backstory. he doesn’t trust those damn things anymore

How does your character treat people in service jobs? neutrally. it’s the manager’s job to determine if the employees are doing a good job or not, not him. when back home in america, usually tips well but will only leave an 8% tip if the waiter is clearly being exceptionally rude.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? Earn Your Keep, Greenhorn. I Had To, Why Can’t You. (kill this man)

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? he has a step-dad does that count

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? nah

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? very very difficult. adachi cannot say it without meaning it.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? adachi’s parents are irreligious - they’re not Rigid Atheists, it’s just that they grew up in japan in fairly secular households. by contrast, adachi himself grew up in a rural american town that was mostly christian. throughout his childhood, adachi’s friends were fairly pushy about their christianity - and to be frank, he found this culturally insensitive. as such, he’s a bit averse to traditional christian ideas of heaven/hell/etc. as for what adachi himself thinks happens after he dies, he’s not totally sure, but he’s also not sure he cares. he’s determined to live life to the fullest, and whatever happens afterwords is not something he needs to worry about right now.

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evilelitest2 · 7 years

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In answer to your follower question, I'd LOVE to see more Alt-Right Debunking. I personally would also be interested in you elaborating on "the hell that is high school" and how that messes people up, since from my observation, a lot of Alt-Righters, even ones who are adults in their 30s and older act like everyone in the world still thinks in terms of high school cliques and pecking orders. What say you?

That is as always a very good question, and yes it is very true, a lot of the Alt Right mentality is based upon a high school mentality, which makes sense honestly, a lot of the Alt Right are emotionally maladjusted men, and high school is where the seeds of that are set up. I mean in most of the world, HIgh school is a land where we systematically traumatize our children for shits and giggle, and it sets the mental standard for a lot of people in terms of social interaction. And high school is a really really hostile place, you are constantly beset by parental pressure, teacher pressure, administrative pressure, work pressure, sports/team pressure, the beginning of romantic pressure, potential college pressure, and of course pressure from your peers, who are the absolute worse. All happening as you are going through an extremely awkward phase, suddenly experimenting with sexuality, potentially experimenting with drugs and alcohol (and if you aren’t, hearing a lot about other people doing so), getting a degree of independence from your parents, and suddenly finding yourself devolving preferences and tastes and learning to be a human beings. and then to make matters worse in most of these countries the education system is based on fundamentally flawed assumptions, and in the Us it has this awful problem of no funding and designing the system to be as dehumanizing as possible. So a lot of people come out feeling very tramatized and very scarred by the experience, and for young straight men, this pressure mostly comes out in a sense of helplessness. Now obviously women, GSM people etc do get it worse in high school, i’m just talking about white straight men cause that is who makes up the base of the alt right. FOr my demographic, the constant societal pressure is to be manly, to be sexually successful, and that if you behave in an appropriately macho way, you will no longer be insecure, awkward, uncomfortable, socially isolated, and cripplingly insecure. At my high schools, there were basically two forms of Nazi kids, the people who were on the verge of dropping out and turned to Nazism as a form of ideological comfort, in a “Sure I failed at school, sports, nobody likes him and I am likely to spend the rest of my life in this piss ant town working menial labor, but damnit, I’m white and part of a group” sort of things. The other Nazi kids (Though they didn’t openly call themselves Nazis” were primarily nerds who honestly bothered me more than any of the jocks at my school. These people were somewhat smart, but they were unpopular and extremely insecure, and they basically assumed that because some people didn’t like them due to them being into nerdy things or dressing funny, that was true of all people who didn’t like them. When in fact, a lot of people didn’t like them because…they were socially maladjusted assholes, who never fucking thought about other people when they talked. All they bloody did was talk and never really let you speak, it was extremely frustrating. also they were somewhat smarter than average, so they kept assuming they were the smartest person in the room at all times, but of course they were not and knowing more than the average moron doesn’t tell you much. For example, I remember one of those chaps being all like “Well contrary to popular opinion, the Nazis had a lot of allies among the local population in Eastern Europe because to them they were fighting communism more than they were oppressing Jews” Which is true and that isn’t exactly taught, But then when I pointed out that A) A lot of the locals in Eastern Europe were more than happy to participate in the mass killing of jews themselves and B) The nazi cruelity to the slavic peoples was so great it actually lost them all of the support they gained C) The nazi disorganization and utterly incompetent leadership structure made any formation of a longer term Nazi Empire impossible and this guy was like “That isn’t true you are wrong” And within a few mins I found out he wasn’t reading primary sources on this shit, but was getting this on message boards and games about the nazis. BIt of a ramble, but my point is these people are losers in both instances, and society is telling them that if they can just act macho then they aren’t losers and if that the reason why they are losers is because they aren’t sleeping with enough girls/getting in enough fights.

And i think a lot of people get this hyper defensive socially withdrawn thing going on in high school and never leave it, which of course makes them even more maladjusted which makes Neo Nazism even more tempting. Also if you are really insecure and constantly emotionally upset, then anything that is saying “hey your behavior is kinda not cool” or “hey the way you conceptualize women as nothing more than something to help you win is kinda fucked up” they take as the greatest attack upon themselves.

I find it really noticeable that Pick up artists don’t actually seem to like sex itself, they mostly seem to just want to be able to tell themselves “look, i’m a real man, I had sex with women” which more comes out of a lack of that in their earlier life.

Whats worse and at the exact same time high schoolers are in the midsts of this sense of mass dehumanization, pop culture makes teenage boys the center of pretty much everything, and speaking as a former teenage boy, the shit that is meddled to us is fucking awful, every time a movie or comic book showed up for me I was like “Wow, popular culture revolves around me and isn’t that a massive implied insult” But all of it is anti intellectual, pro violence, and just encouraging the type of simplistic reductive self indulgent world view so many of these alt rightists gravitate towards, these people take being mentally shallow as a badge of honor. Also they are all based on emotions and symbolism rather than reason or nuanced thinking, like 300.

This is to say nothing of the fact that you have the Dunning-Kreger effect

Which John Cleese explains nicely and is rampant in high schools

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XF-5-5MMpGw

ANd I am sorry I didn’t answer this question sooner, I have been sick and since this is a very good question, I wanted to answer it in full

#Ask EvilElitest2

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