tala-ng-tala

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finding out there's a frankenstein ballet and that it was in october of last year…DEVASTATING

look at this. look at these. im foaming at the mouth

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My Place: Florence Welch

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 The Mermaid and the Red Candles (赤い蝋燭の人魚/Akai Rosoku to Ningyo) by Mimei Ogawa illustration by Komako Sakai

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Pina Bausch - Orpheus and Eurydice - Paris Opera Ballet 2018

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maybe a mildly hot take but i think everyone should be well acquainted w rejection. my goal is to put myself in as many situations as possible, even w the knowledge in mind that it might end w me rejected in some form. bc not caring about that leads to so much growth, & the more exposed you are to something, the more desensitized you are to it. i wanna reach a point where i don’t give even the slightest fuck about rejection at ALL bc i know that it had nothing to do w me personally. things just don’t work out sometimes

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"making white men feel insecure about how they look is fine lol"

"hurting a group a people for something they can't control is fine if I make it sound progressive lol"

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the cruel choice between pdf (free) vs physical copy (annotatable)

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i dont know exactly how to articulate this in a way other people havent but everything is too fast now. 24/7 news cycle, online focuses that last for hours instead of months or years, songs written just so ten seconds can go viral. movies and books churned out to meet some nebulous income quota. idk. im motion sick

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meeting people & growing apart from them & meeting new people & growing apart from them too & meeting other people & eventually growing apart from them as well & on and on and on

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Is it just me or does having a positive interaction with a stranger scratch a very particular itch? I think it's the reassurance that the world is not split solely into people who already love you and people who never will.

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Jeanette Winterson on Substack

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I think we need more radical acceptance that some people dislike us for reasons that make sense for their life experience. and we need to do this in a way that doesn't paint us as misunderstood victims because the fact of the matter is everyone is annoying to someone. you can't avoid that. and if someone is annoyed by you they aren't wrong about you being annoying and unlikable to them. the sooner we accept this the sooner we accept ourselves. we don't even like ourselves most of the time so why should we expect other people to uncritically enjoy every aspect of us regardless of our own internal struggle with our own extreme contrasts

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I hate that the stock response for "I'm lonely/I feel undervalued by my loved ones/I want a romantic partner" is "well do you value YOURSELF? You need to learn to enjoy being alone!" as if lonely people aren't very intimately familiar with being alone. Self esteem and love are important but they're not substitutes for companionship or friendship or romance and pretending that loneliness is a personal failure that can be fixed by self-improvement feels not only delusional but pretty cruel

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i will never stop thinking about this poem my greek professor showed us

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灯燃亮以后 When the Lamp is Burning - 白庆国 Bai Qingguo

那个影子在我眼前消失以后

墙壁上的一盏油灯就亮了

那么小的灯头

不知何时把半个墙壁熏得黢黑

灯影里两个崎岖的头颅交谈了一会

小灯光把他们的影子印在对面的墙壁上很大，很高

但在白天，我从来没有见过他们如此高大

他们谈论的事情，我已经听了上百遍了

总是重复

就像每一个到来的春天

多一棵草叶或少一棵草叶

我在隔壁充满黑色的房间发呆

对于极度熟识的房间不需要灯光

我这样已经度过了三十个春秋

父母的交谈还在继续

他们无视我的存在

如果遇到重要事情

他们像两尊雕塑一样

不说一句话

面对灯光下的一个暗处

发呆

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The Doubling of Self: An Interview with Richard Siken by Peter Mishler

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There is no such thing as an unproblematic piece of media, production team, or morally-pure person. There isn't. There's only "what flaws I am willing to put up with," which is going to be different for every person. If your friend has a different level of acceptable bullshit than you, it's probably fine, actually? The sooner people learn that, the happier in general they will be.