thecatgirrrl

[thecatgirrrl]

After so many years hearing i'm uncapable

Seeing them whisperily mocking me

I thought that people's approval was the certificate I needed

I thought that it would make me feel realized and complete,

Capable, vanishing all my insecurities

But even now that I was recognized by him

The one everyone seek approval from

The one I never dreamt of complimenting me

O feel as stupid as always

Or even more

Because now I don't know what I need to feel secure

Because I wasted so many time aiming for the wrong solution

And something that didn't depend on me

When security is something we build,

We feel

We work on and reward ourselves

[thecatgirrrl]

I had wished so strongly for the time to stop that it did.

In my mind, the universe I can control.

There's this me frozen in time

And there's the this authomatic response me.

Although I'm both, I actually am not fully.

[thecatgirrrl]

Ecstasy

Quiet

Peacefull

Joyfull

Overflowing

Pregnant

Love

Rest

Present

[thecatgirrrl]

While you pretend, talking to me,

That you feel great and amazing

I can see through your eyes

That you're not alright.

And I'm done with facades.

Don't get me wrong,

I'm no better than you,

I'm just done.

[thecatgirrrl]

What am i doing really

In the pursuit to achieve people's goals i lost track of why i wanted to do that in first place.

I got where people told me to be. But i'm extremelly lost in this place.

Never felt more embarrassed. It's like being in a place i don't feel like i belong to.

I hope to find my way back soon.

[thecatgirrrl]

Labels are important for us to unit, but there's no need to worry and rush into fitting in any !

Be kind to yourself and be sure your private life is only your business.

Mind no one and be happy!

Ah, also fight for your and everyone's right of that too ;)

it’s ok to be unsure of your sexuality

art by liberal jane

[thecatgirrrl]

I wish someday I'll have time to live

[thecatgirrrl]

I'm really trying to not care about people's judgement about me

I'm really trying because I know they know too little about me, if anything

But I've been taught you're what people perceive for so long

Some times I menage to fool myself and some people around me that I'm confident

But truth is I'm every day, without even noticing, aiming for everyone approval

I wish I could hear myself and finally reach redemption

As long as I hear myself I'll feel the lightness of freedom some day

[thecatgirrrl]

Dear me,

stop waiting for someone to save you.

You're enough. More than that, you're incredible! Be and do what you think it's right and apropriate. Do your best.

[thecatgirrrl]

Dear girl friend,

I should warn you: be really cautious with your (love) relations.

I know you probably dream on having a beautiful love story, we girls are all lead to it since day 0.

Maybe you don't dream on a flashy declaration with a lot of flowers now and then. Maybe just on a good one with a respectful, kind and thoghtful partner.

But let me tell you, my friend, and please so listen because no one tell you this and it could have saved many lives:

Men crave for power, for control, for dominance.

"All relationships are a power contest", once told me a researcher on woman's murder.

Sure not all power contests will lead on murder, but even in those you think you're (physically) ok, with complaints you think are normal to have when you're in a relationship, you can be in severe danger.

A partner can destroy you inside our without even touchin you and you won't realize. You'll change who you are and stop listening to yourself to start caring about your partner's thoughts on your life, on how you should behave.

Do not do this never.

Do not let your guard down never.

Not even with this charming prince that came into your life to solve your problems.

You are your own precious companion for your whole life, till the end.

Treasure yourself because if you do, you will be happy no matter what.

[thecatgirrrl]

People speak what they don't mean.

People do what they don't want to.

People believe in lies because they are told to.

People live an illusion shared with almost everyone. This illusion is called society.

[thecatgirrrl]

Welcome back

I want to never lose again this courage of looking myself in the eye

I don't need to hide the dark, but to see the light bright inside

I feel so content now that we are finally reunited

How long has it been? I can't believe I forgotted my best friend

How are you? You know I can confide that to you

Gosh, I've really missed those silly jokes that only we both laugh

It feels great to return to my belonged place

[thecatgirrrl]

Most of the time I feel lonely.

And I see people around me saying they feel the same.

How can we stupid so stupid to the point where we live among millions and billions of humans and still feel alone?

Should we just stop and look at each other a little bit?

But I've been convinced that what we actually need is to be our own companion.

[thecatgirrrl]

For many years I didn't understand why people would misjudged me and praise those who brought them suffer.

But then I realise: most people are trying to become the one who oppress. Instead of not oppressing nor being oppressed, they want to oppress instead.

It's really sad, but I know people think "it's better them suffering than me". And it makes the cycle endless.

People also don't pay attention to them nor the others, I think. It appears to me they're rather attached to empty words instead of the value of action. What is the meaning of love if respect isn't there?

Humans are acting illogically thinking they're logical. We make no sense.

[thecatgirrrl]

Today

I had a nightmare and woke up feeling bad, sad and a bit anxious. That's not unusual for me, unfortunatly.

What was unusual was that somehow I got out of my bed and did all I had been planning to do in the mornings for months but never could. I cleaned my bedroom, exercised a bit, took a shower and ate a delicious breakfest that I made myself.

Today was supposed to be one of that days that I would stay in bed trying so hard to distract myself with social medias to forget those desperate feelings, those sad thoughts that I would be one more day that I would have 'failed' to do all I've been wanted to do for so long and up until today I couldn't.

I'm extremelly happy and proud of myself. At the same time this odd and beatiful day made me think that there's never the right time. You don't need to be happy nor sad, It doesn't need to be a sunny day nor a rainny neither, and it's not because tou haven't done it for months that you can't do it now. The right time is whenever you can and you do. And also, just do what you want, don't overthink It too much and don't sabotage yourself.

I want to remember today and I want that so I can do what I want to do everyday. I want to remember that I have the strength to regardless everything.

[thecatgirrrl]

It's really sad to feel incompetent.

Specially when I know and always knew I'm not. But I just can't help and feel that way.

It may not appears to others and, right now, to myself even, but I'm pretty smart, clever, wit, wise, hardworking and like to do my things well done.

I don't know why I'm unable to reach mine and people's goals. It's been so many flaws in this trajectory that I don't know if the problem is me, these really unreachable goals or both of them.

I know I'm capable of great things, but results and people tell me otherwise. I guess that so many years hearing and seeing this made me believe.

Is it worth it to keep on? Do I need to change my mind and return to believe in me again regardless everything? Do I need to let it go?

I've been struggling with these questions for a long time now and I don't see an answer. I'm just trying to make life better and I just hope it will.

[thecatgirrrl]

I miss those times when I had dreams

When I could fly into imagination

When I could be anyone and do anything.

I want that ALL back.

My peace, my criativity, my love, my goals, my rules, my dreams, my imagination, my happyness, ...