thiefguild

[thiefguild]

for my own sanity, might have to consider any threads I haven't responded to in a while as dropped-- very sorry! if there's something we had going on that you want to keep going, please let me know and I'll respond or we can make something else!! for now, here's a lil basic starter call! cap is 3 and they're of varying length. you don't count towards the cap if we've interacted before!

#isola rp ad #schoolwork has had HANDS lately #blaming my inactivity on that for sure :(

[thiefguild]

Titus cannot help but make a face while the other man explains the origin of his blindness. placing an eye into someone else's head? it sounded like something straight from a ghost story-- the likes of which always made a chill run down Titus' spine. it's not as though his trauma was much better, though it was much more mundane. a slip up while stealing. a guard with a knife. that knife slicing through his face with no hesitation whatsoever.

how an adult could maim a small child with reckless abandon was beyond him.

"Sorry to hear that," he murmurs, running his hands down his arms as if to smooth away the goosebumps that now lined his skin. "I'm, uh...glad you were able to avoid any infection. That shit can get real nasty real fast." he nods, sparing a brief thought to old friends he'd lost to sickness or ill-healed injuries. the world could be cruel.

"Name's Titus. Titus Ram. And, hey-- I'm sorry again about runnin' into ya in the first place. Definitely turned out to be a real coincidence, I guess. But, uh, I believe in righting my wrongs, so if you ever need anything, I'm a pretty handy guy."

doctor baizhu would probably call it traumatic, these tidbits they're exchanging with half-truths and half-lies. maybe that's why it's hard to talk about it— for the longest time, break's missing eye was a matter of concealing the truth about his origins as kevin regnard. whatever excuse the rainsworths came up with to keep him within their house, and away from pandora's observation, was never really any of his business.

   in truth, he liked coming up with fake stories each time some nosy pandora agent asked him about it. it'd scare them a fair bit, and that's where he liked those sorts of people best. at a distance, mildly afraid of the mad hatter. now, though?

   he's right— what are the odds of that? break feels malleable enough to let some of the truth out. ' what a shame. it's good that you had a doctor do it. mine was stolen from me, a long time ago, and put into someone else's skull. it was only due to my household's resources that i didn't perish from an infection myself. funny how that works, eh? ' not minding the lack of straightforwardness from his conversation partner, break keeps prattling on.

   smoothing a hand back over the bangs covering the left side of his face, he smiles. ' my name is xerxes break. you may call me break. '

#schleckermaul #schleckermaul o1

[thiefguild]

permanent starter call!

been meaning to make one of these for a while now! by liking this post that means that:

We're free to send memes back and forth on meme day

I could randomly toss a starter your way and vice versa!

If you like a rp ad of mine that's over the cap, I'll still write ya one!

We can plan relationships with our muses, pre-existing or otherwise!

under the cut will be some more in depth descriptions of potential relationships your muse could have with Titus!

Friends: this is really easy to achieve! Titus loves making friends and will basically consider your muse a friend after their first meeting (provided it's a good one). After that, you've basically got a golden retriever of a man that will follow you around and bug you (affectionately). But he's a ride or die and will support you forever, so it's not a bad gig, really. Plus, he's basically down to do whatever, so you could drag him along to do anything and he'd probably find a way to have a good time.

Enemies: harder to make, but not impossible. Titus really is a lover at heart, but he's got a darker side that is pretty nasty when it rears its head. If you're just bad in general he'll probably avoid you, but he'll definitely hate anyone who doesn't vibe with kids or animals.

Kids (or anyone younger than him, tbh): Titus will adopt you as an older brother figure or a guardian, I promise. In canon, he took in kids off the street to save them from the perils of being orphans; he and his fellow adult thieves had a good number of children under their care. They call him "The Children's Emperor" or the "King of all Kids" because of his dedication to helping kiddos and teens (despite being a young man of 22 himself)!

Lovers: Titus will eventually be spoken for, but he's still technically single at the moment. So, I won't plan any long term ships but he's definitely into, uh, flings so if that's something your muse is into, too, hit him up! Guys, gals, and non-binary pals--

feel free to pop into my dms or hmu on twitter @/eikwoods if you ever wanna plan anything!

#isola rp ad #kinda #needed to get a permanent starter call out there #it's been at the back of my mind for a while

[thiefguild]

"What is this..."Pride" everyone keeps talkin' about?"

#titus u would love a pride event #sorry class

[thiefguild]

THINGS MY FRIENDS' MUSES HAVE SAID *  assorted dialogue written by my talented mutuals, adjust as necessary

you are stronger than you think.

there's so much you don't know.

sorry to unload this on you. i just don't get to talk about this much.

i'm sorry for misleading you.

you ought to know that. someone ought to tell you.

you really don't tire of this, do you?

i'm running out of patience for this.

you don't owe me anything. i don't think any of us should owe each other anything.

it's... hard to explain, actually.

sorry for waking you.

the opportunity was just too good to pass up.

i know you're just being nice.

i'll take the blame for this.

you're unbearably ridiculous.

i'm leaving after i get my coat.

quit your grinning.

what if we stayed up later tonight?

i'm still figuring it out myself.

you know i'm just gonna keep asking.

i spilled coffee all over not one, but two shirts.

as treacherous as i thought it might be, this journey has been rather... well. interesting, to say the least.

where did you learn to dance?

why the sudden declaration? you're not leaving me, are you?

maybe we should head back to camp.

the stars looked too pretty last night. i couldn't sleep inside my tent.

i love you. i care about you... but you're scaring me.

i hope you don't think you're going to lure me into your bed after a few charming words.

aren't you supposed to offer your assistance with stuff like this?

maybe you could help me from time to time.

you're a heck of a lot cuter than me.

i'm open to suggestions.

what was that for?

you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to.

why the stubbornness?

there's nights i don't sleep easily.

i'll see you at sunrise.

guess it's a good thing you haven't heard.

been a while since i told anyone about that.

what a damn shame i didn't bring a rose.

you're gonna have to be more specific.

i do live to make your life absolutely awful.

wait for me. promise you will.

i'll keep it safe. i promise.

you don't need to say it.

i'm not a bloody mind reader.

haven't you heard?

i know better than to tell you to stay behind.

you can say no. i won't be mad.

you're even sweeter than i remember.

i would have been even happier if i saw you more often.

honestly, i want to get inside before i start to turn blue.

hope you like meatballs.

not being kind. just being honest.

i'm taking us somewhere sandy.

you'll have to hold onto me for a while.

i want to catch up on my reading.

i'm in trouble. it's really bad.

the guest bedroom is all yours.

#.memes

[thiefguild]

MISCELLANEOUS SENTENCE PROMPTS *  collection #12

i'm just trying to figure out stuff.

oh. this is bad news.

don't bother.

you don't know that!

food and sex. those are my two passions.

you don't know my name, do you.

that must have been very hard, losing someone you love like that.

i'm beginning to be very fond of you.

that crap will kill you.

that's a shame.

this is quite a coincidence.

would you care to join me?

you are not a complete idiot.

that's an important part of any relationship.

i never go to funerals. i prefer to remember my friends as i saw them last.

thank you for that.

i sometimes have a silly effect on people.

that's very impressive.

you mustn't take me literally.

why can't people mind their own business?

do you see something wrong?

today was rough.

can i sit in this?

is this about me?

i like spending time with you.

i would love some help.

i really don't care for you much.

don't count on that.

why don't you get settled on the couch, and i'll bring you whatever you need.

i'll tell you how they did that later.

my car's right here.

i always get like this.

does he always wear a suit?

i've been living a lie.

i always liked the circus.

we don't hang out.

i could use some good news.

i can't tell you what a big help you've been.

is there anything that doesn't bore you?

i wouldn't put it past you.

i do a little cooking.

when did you first suspect me?

that can't be possible.

did they love you?

can all of this be true?

now wait a minute.

i was an idiot for giving in.

you and i think the same way. it's amazing.

forgive me for wandering off.

it's almost two o'clock in the morning! what are you doing here?

i do wish people would stop asking me that.

you must never underestimate me.

do you have a picture?

tell me you didn't predict that.

i can't let you get away with it.

i've got my eyes on you.

we're behind you. all of us.

it was a trivial matter.

there's no one i trust more with my life or my death than you.

please give me a hug.

are you sure you want to do that?

i just wanted to ask you a few questions.

i really love my work.

most people want to die in their sleep.

i like the way you wear your hair.

i don't know what you're talking about.

do you understand what i am telling you?

i happen to dress based on my mood.

just remember - it's not a lie if you believe it.

i advise you to do the same.

i couldn't resist trying your pinball machine.

there's just one more thing.

i'm not ready to say goodbye.

whatever it is, make it quick.

just tell me what's going on.

would you dance with me?

when you look annoyed all the time, people think you're busy.

#.memes

[thiefguild]

PROMPTS FOR ORDINARY THINGS THAT FEEL INTIMATE *  inspired by this post. these don't have to be romantic - you can specify romantic or not when you send them. in essence, these are simply intimate, affectionate moments to share with someone you love and care about. adjust as necessary, send 'reverse' for the reversal of the prompt

[ lean ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder

[ shop ] sender and receiver go to the grocery store together

[ brush ] sender brushes receiver's hair

[ tie ] sender helps receiver with their tie, either by putting it on or adjusting it

[ necklace ] sender helps receiver with the clasp of their necklace from behind

[ zip up ] sender assists receiver with zipping up a piece of clothing

[ unzip ] sender assists receiver with unzipping a piece of clothing

[ shoelaces ] sender bends down to tie receiver's shoelaces

[ swipe ] sender notices a smudge of something on receiver's face and gently wipes it off

[ braid ] sender braids receiver's hair

[ jacket ] sender takes their jacket off and hangs it on receiver's shoulders

[ puddle ] sender hurries to stop receiver from stepping into a puddle

[ drinks ] sender brings receiver a drink from a bar/their kitchen

[ feed ] sender feeds receiver's pet/s for them

[ cook ] sender and receiver cook a meal together

[ feed ] sender allows receiver to try a bite of their dish, holding their fork out for receiver to taste

[ teach ] sender, an expert at something, takes time to teach receiver how it works and how they can get better at it, too

[ readjust ] sender comes up behind receiver and readjusts their stance (maybe holding a gun, holding a golf club, aiming for something, etc.) to help them

[ makeup ] sender fixes receiver's makeup for them

[ bathroom ] sender and receiver go to a public restroom together and have a normal conversation in between the stalls

[ aloud ] sender reads aloud to receiver

[ refill ] sender refills receiver's glass without asking

[ massage ] sender notices receiver looks tense, steps up behind them, and massages their shoulders

[ listen ] sender listens to receiver explain something they're passionate about

[ silence ] sender and receiver comfortably exist in silence together, both of them working or reading or focusing on something different

[ food ] sender brings food over to receiver's house

[ hum ] sender hums along to a song receiver is singing

[ see ] sender sees something that reminds them of receiver and texts them a picture of it

[ admire ] sender stares at receiver across a room, silently admiring and appreciating them from afar

[ win ] sender lets receiver beat them in a game

[ puzzle ] sender helps receiver solve/put together a puzzle

[ carry ] after receiver falls asleep in an inconvenient place, sender carries them to a bed and tucks them in

[ kneel ] sender finds receiver sick in the bathroom ("tossing their cookies"), and kneels beside them, holding their hair back and cleaning their face

[ clean ] sender helps bathe receiver

[ wash ] sender helps receiver wash their hair

[ patch ] sender carefully patches one of receiver's wounds

#.memes

[thiefguild]

Sᴇɴᴅ ᴍʏ ᴍᴜsᴇ “Hᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀ (...)”s. Tʜᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ ʀᴇᴘʟʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ‘ʏᴇs’ ᴏʀ ‘ɴᴏ’.

#.memes

[thiefguild]

🍻 + “ do you regret letting me close ?”

Titus clinks the rim of his glass to Zevran's in a sloppy cheers, a bit of liquid sloshing over the top and running over his fingers. he doesn't seem to notice, bringing the cup back to his mouth to drink long and deep. this'll be my last drink for tonight! he had promised.

three drinks ago.

the result was one incredibly drunk thief, golden eye glassy and a tinge of pink visible even on his tan cheeks. a comfortable silence had fallen over the two for a bit, the only sound coming from the sips they took, the tap of Zev's nails upon his glass, and soft hums whenever Titus remembered the song running through his head.

Do you regret letting me close?

his words shatter the silence.

"Wha...? No, of course not!" Titus answers immediately, sitting up from his slouched place in bed so quickly that more of his drink spills on him. he doesn't notice this, either.

he...doesn't regret it, right?

he quiets down, staring into his now near empty cup. he didn't regret letting Zevran into his life or accepting him as a friend-- or even accepting him into his bed, in more ways than one. but, the more he thought about it, he regretted starting something that could never finish.

they were friends. they helped each other in many ways, whenever and however possible. but they weren't made to be together. and when Titus thinks about that, there's some dull ache in his chest that he can't place.

"I...I'll never regret having you in my life, Zev. We're buddies. I just...one day I think we're gonna hurt each other. And I don't want it to ruin us."

#also from last week #corvisque #teehee #to have loved each other even casually is always enough #but it doesnt mean one day it wont also hurt

[thiefguild]

what have you done that people would judge you most for doing ?

all at once do the myriad terrible things he's done in life rush through his mind. some done on purpose, some on accident, some out of sheer necessity to survive. when asked, people would often say that Titus was a good person. before he had become a lord, he had been leader of his nation's most notorious guild of thieves, a position that the aristocracy bemoaned and the authorities hunted after. however, most working class adults, teenagers, and children would all say the same thing:

sure, he's a thief, but he adopts kids off the street and gives them a home, yeah? so he can't be all that bad.

and perhaps the ladies would tack on:

and he's so handsome, too!

although, maybe that's just the drinks talking.

"I dunno what other people consider to be the worst or not, so I can't really say for sure. I just..." he pauses, runs a hand through his hair, and takes a long sip of his drink. he's had too many. he can feel the threat of tears burn as his next words bubble to the surface. "I killed my sister. Not...directly, or anything, and fuck me she would hate to hear me say it like this. It's just the truth. I fucked up and she took the fall for me. And I just have to live with the fact that she's gone because I wasn't good enough."

he touches his eye patch gently.

"Losin' an eye in the process was nothing compared to the loss of her."

#hollowfaith #this is from last week oops #also ouchies!! #i just know that he thinks about what happened when he gets too drunk #truly he knows that Ada would never want him to blame himself #and he mostly directs his sadness and anger at the event towards ppl of authority #but i just know this shit was internalized #he was only eight years old :')

[thiefguild]

"It's hooooot," Titus whines, fanning himself rather dramatically with his hand. he never thought he would miss the chilly air of winter and mild weather of spring. summer was fast approaching and even though the thief enjoyed summer activities, this upcoming one was proving to be a scorcher. "I like bein' warm, but being sweaty? Nah, no thank you."

#isola mini #projecting my hatred for this awful florida summer we're already having

[thiefguild]

getting to replies over the next few days now that my school work has lightened up this week! sorry for the delay ♡

[thiefguild]

drunken confession.

your muse is drinking with mine and has been given the chance to question my muse anything they want to know. some may be triggering, others won’t. send me a 🍻+ the question you want to ask my muse for a tipsy, drunken ( honest ) answer.

“ what’s holding you back in life ?”

“ is everything alright? ”

“ when did you choose to give up ?”

“ what’s the kinkiest thing you have ever done ?”

“ how many have you slept with ?”

“ what’s your biggest secret ?”

“ do you believe in love ?”

“ what’s the meanest thing you have done ?”

“ what scares you more than anything ?”

“ have you ever considered running away ?”

“ do you love me ?”

“ what’s your dirtiest fantasy ?”

“ who hurt you ?”

“ what made you this way ?”

“ is there anyone special in your life ?”

“ why are you always smiling ?”

“ what lie have you told that hurt someone ?”

“ if you could do anything in world, what would it be ?”

“ who are you, really ?”

“ is there anything you regret ?”

“ what’s your biggest regret ?”

“ tell me about your first kiss ?”

“ what is your deepest, darkest fear ?”

“ is there anyone you regret kissing ?”

“ have you ever cheated, or been cheated on ?”

“ what is the most embarrassing thing in your room ?”

“ who have you loved, but they didn’t love you back ?”

“ is there something you have never told anyone ?”

“ when was the last time you cried ?”

“ how come you keep running away ?”

“ have you ever made someone cry ?”

“ if anything, what makes you hate a person ?”

“ what takes for you to fall in love, trust someone ?”

“ do you believe in true love ?”

“ what have you done that people would judge you most for doing ?”

“ do you regret letting me close ?”

“ is there someone you have a crush on ?”

“ what is the strangest place you have ever had sex ?”

“ tell me your most awkward date story ?”

“ do you ever get scared ?”

“ what do you really think of life ?”

add your own for further development.

#.memes

[thiefguild]

Titus stops by his bathroom before he heads over, stepping over empty wine and beer bottles by his bedside in the process. he splashes water on his face, ties back his slightly tangled hair-- pauses. there's marks on his neck. of course there are.

he sighs, lets his hair fall back over his shoulder, and slips the hair tie onto his wrist.

the door is open when he arrives and Titus pushes it open softly, greeted with the smell of freshly baked cookies. it's a comforting smell, one he's grown used to experiencing at her house. sometimes, if he focused really hard, he could smell it out in the hallways between their condos. it was a particular form of torture, to smell the fruits of her stress baking while knowing that he caused her that stress.

"Um...Ari, I..." he looks at her, really looks at her, and it's suddenly too much. he looks at absolutely anything else. the floor, the counter, the cookie in her hand. "I'm really sorry. I didn't...realize that what I said was going to hurt you like that. It played like a joke in my brain, but I realize that my experiences are not universal. I dunno what you've been through and I guess I just...I just really hate that I made you feel like that. I haven't been a good friend."

Ari has been doing the exact opposite- going out just enough to do an odd job or two for money, and then coming back home to bake or practice until it's a decent enough time to go to bed. It's avoidant in the most pathetic way, but it's better than the alternative- if she were really all that angry instead of just hurt, there would be a few more holes in the streets of the city.

When the knock comes, the guitar in her hands almost tumbles right out. She'd almost forgotten how thin the walls can be since Titus has hardly been as... active as usual, and the sound of his voice following is a surprise too. For a few long moments, she stares down at her hands, going over the issue in her head. Her frustrations, at the time, had been for a lot of reasons, but most of them weren't directly Titus's fault. A combination of bad experiences, bad timing and someone who clearly didn't take things too seriously had simply collided in the worst way.

And she, she'll admit, had bit kind of a dick about it.

"...yeah," she says, raising her voice just a bit toward the end, to make sure he can actually hear. "Come on over. I'll get th' door."

Carefully setting her guitar aside, she stands and makes for the door, unlocking it and leaving it cracked. Then she heads for the kitchen, where she grabs a container of cookies and pops it open.

However this goes, she's going to need something to help her stay calm through it.

#panwati #panwati o5

[thiefguild]

CHARACTER SHEET REPOST, DON'T REBLOG!

basics !

FULL NAME. Titus Ram (Shahar Adir) TITLE. Lord Ram, The Great Thief, NICKNAME. Ti, Golden Boy, [insert adjective here] thief GENDER. male (but truly does not care how he is perceived; will dress 'femininely.' has real 'i could be nb but i have a job so idc about that rn' energy) PRONOUNS. he/him HEIGHT. 5'11 AGE. 22 ZODIAC. capricorn (he chose his birthday, though, so take this with a grain of salt) SPOKEN LANGUAGES. latin (implied main language of his nation)

physical characteristics !

HAIR COLOR. golden blonde EYE COLOR. gold SKIN TONE. a tan brown / bronze BODY TYPE. slim, lithe but athletic VOICE. deep but loud, kind of your typical anime delinquent voice. gets kinda raspy when he's tired or drunk. and yet he can shriek like a schoolgirl when he's scared-- DOMINANT HAND. right, though he's fairly ambidextrous POSTURE. not awful, but he does slouch a lot. can't ever sit correctly in chairs, either SCARS. most notable ones are his left eye (always covered by his patch) and left shoulder. he has plenty small ones alone his arms and legs, too. TATTOOS. none BIRTHMARKS. none MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). you'll notice his eye patch first, followed by his plethora of gold jewelry, and then probably his dazzling smile

childhood !

PLACE OF BIRTH. Adir, an island nation HOMETOWN. unnamed city in Lumen. 'hometown' is generous, as he was an orphan SIBLINGS. Ada (adoptive older sister/mother figure. deceased). Lots of unnamed thieves. Hannibal (would have been a close brother figure had their childhood gone as planned). Ewan (sworn little brother...and Emperor) PARENTS. unnamed mother and father (deceased)

adult life !

OCCUPATION. thief (originally), one of seven Lords that serve under the Emperor (current), Prince of Adir (birthright, denounced). CURRENT RESIDENCE. condo 424 (isola), Lumen Castle (home) CLOSE FRIENDS. back home: the lords, his servants, his old thief guild. isola: ari, zevran, ambrose, eiden (idk if he's interacted with you more than once, he considers you close, despite whatever you may think--) RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single (and mingling; he's fond of flings and very actively seeks companionship, shall we say) FINANCIAL STATUS. extremely comfortable back home. doing okay in isola with just a small fraction of his riches DRIVER’S LICENSE. he doesn't have one and probably shouldn't be allowed to get one CRIMINAL RECORD. theft, murder VICES. alcohol, thieving, self-isolation, pushing his own boundaries

sex & romance !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. bisexual LOVE LANGUAGE. physical touch, gift giving RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. he is not well-versed in relationships, but they are treated very similarly to friendships. all he needs is loyalty and honesty, as well as someone to match his energy level and perhaps be able to forgive things he's done in the past. he's much more used to friends with benefits situations, which makes him a little awkward when it comes to true feelings and crushes.

miscellaneous !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. i have a lot but. here's a funny but not really answer [x] HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. sparring, napping, drinking, stealing PHOBIAS. ghosts & other supernatural beings (anything you'd see on halloween!), don't think there's a name for this but he often has nightmares that he's losing more body parts and it really triggers him every time. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. his ego is massive and he seems very confident at most points in time-- but, he's secretly very vulnerable and doesn't think too highly of himself when you get right down to it VULNERABILITIES. physical: half-blind, injured shoulder prone to getting dislocated. mental & emotional: sometimes childish during important moments, prone to withdrawing and bouts of anger, drinks and sleeps too much when he gets stressed. cannot read or write very well.

#.thief #incredibly this is only slightly shaped by headcanon #funny how you can watch a character grow over like 10 years of content :')

[thiefguild]

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

oh, now that was something Titus could absolutely do.

he is quick in pulling his fellow thief close to him, peppering little kisses with exaggerated mwah! noises across his cheeks and nose. affection was something he would never refuse to those he held dear-- 'disgusting', or no.

"Affection is my middle name," Titus laughs, looking quite satisfied with himself. "Only...I can't drown you in it 'cuz we're in public--"

#[titus voice] oh i have SO much affection in my body

[thiefguild]

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

#.memes