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twenty-three: act my age

In case you don’t know me or you’re new here, this is my birthday tradition to post a reflection on my past year, along with a birthday playlist, since 2016. Here's the link to this year's birthday playlist, too: https://sptfy.com/2023actmyage. Hope you like it!

Now that I’m 23, I’ve realized how coming of age is easy but acting like it is the hardest part. Throughout my life, I sometimes never really felt like I acted my age—either I was too old or too young. This essay is a collection of twenty-three years of introspection from the outside looking in and a reflection on where I want to go in the future.

Going back to where it all began, around my nuclear family, the firstborn usually gets to teach the parents how to become one. Growing up, it's always a case of being the responsible and better person. To add insult to injury, being a son of church pastors isn’t necessarily easy either. You’re sometimes subject to other people’s expectations of holiness and goodness and even more from your parents preaching on it. Isn’t it that we’re just all the same too–falling short of perfection from God?

Things change quite differently when I'm with my extended family from my mother's side: I'm at the other end of the spectrum this time. Being the son of the youngest child, I'm also one of the youngest of the bunch. This meant that I had to look up a lot of times to my ates and kuyas and this felt quite nice for a very long time. It’s quite true when they say, “When you are young, they assume you know nothing.” There were no expectations and you’re always taken care of, but it wasn’t the case until I decided to be the family's overachiever.

Then back at elementary and high school, getting ahead of the curve sometimes requires you to fit in. This time, I'm also the youngest of the class, and finding someone you're older than (or the same age with)  is much harder than a needle in a haystack. I sometimes wonder whether this shift had me acting well beyond my age: that I thought I was older than I thought and that I had to act like them to fit the status quo. Suddenly, Club Penguin and Poptropica were child’s play when they became pivotal to my middle school life. One of my favorite (short-lived) phases of my life was college. I think that was the only time I found myself slightly acting my age—but not quite, though. Classmates of the same age became common and everyone was in the same blurry space of adulthood and youth altogether. Then again, you're at the national university, so what you once thought was the top of the world was just someone else's footing. Fun and happy it might have seemed, you were just an anchovy in an ocean full of whales.

It’s also one of the things I’ve learned growing up: getting older feels scary and overwhelming every time. Things start to change, you begin to question your place in this world, and you even lose the glimmer you have all this time. Taylor talks about this in her 2021 Seth Meyers interview on “Nothing New”. She says, “[They] have their breakthrough moment, and then, the moment after that is really hard for them because they’re just not getting the same [acclaim].”

One of those big changes came to me early this year: I got a job. Currently at one of the country's largest developers, aligning your behavior with your age seemed a bit harder than I expected. As a recent graduate, I thought people were more lenient to someone starting out their careers. Turns out, when you're just another cog in the system, people tend to forget your place in this world—that sometimes I feel like I’m a 29-year-old worker who's supposed to know the ins and outs of real estate after 5 years of experience. It was the most grueling time of my life in the last 9 months at work, but I guess that’s another story for me to tell.

Oh, it’s interesting that the world's also a bit harsher for people in their 20s. "Acting your age" suddenly becomes ambiguous too: some friends are off traveling the world setting to find their own selves, some getting married and settling down with families, some getting their licenses and post-graduates, and you’re still here. You question not only your place in the world as a lost 20-something trying-to-be-an-adult person, but what standards societies have placed on responsibility and adulthood altogether. Is adulthood even a social construct?

But who cares? I’ve long imprisoned myself towards other people’s expectations of me and put myself in roles they wanted of me, but this time I’m going to live by my own expectations and from people who mean the world to me. For me, being twenty-three means being free—especially from other people’s expectations—like the seagulls flying over the ocean. I won’t promise that I’ll “act my age”, but I promise to be the best version of myself regardless of what age I might be. This means being more mindful of myself and of everything and everywhere from now on. Simply put, I promise to put an extra worth on myself, seize the days to come, and be grateful for everything and everyone. As told by my hero, “I think it's important that you know that I will never change. But I'll never stay the same either.” 

Thanks for coming along with me and now we’re onto the next. I’m so excited for whatever lies ahead, and I really wouldn’t be here if not for all of you. 🙂

Time to run free, be me, and turn twenty-three.

[ACKNOWLEDGEMENT SECTION]

A massive thank-you to these twenty-three(+) people who made this year the absolute best:

Thank you, Mama, Papa, GG, and Mei-mei, my forever stronghold and (literal) home.

Thanks to the entire Solis and Ibañez families, for always supporting me behind my back in all that I do.

Thanks to the best-est bestie one could ever ask for, Kyle—no way I could ever make it sane today without you and your delulu-ness.

To my ever-faithful constants, Errol, Jang, and the rest of Team Squammy (Ge, Fel, Mark, and Jaubs), thanks for always being there rain or shine for me. Always grateful for you guys.

To my college boomer bestie, Hannah, to more chika with you soon! Absolutely love you from the moon and back.

Giyay, Ry, and Gellie—forever my idols and people I look up to in college! Thank you for the bond we made outside of org work and you’ve changed me forever always.

To my senior high school best friends, Hazel, Sefa, Anne, Edlyn, AM, Ed, and Jeriel, I feel like sometimes I’ve known you guys for a lifetime—forever my SHS treasures.

To my work family, Sir Elton, Ms. Jen, Ms. Jessa, Ms. Jane, Ms. Steph, Ms. Sah, Ms. Krissy, Ms. Keith (and Sir Rayn), and Gian, no words could ever amount to the kindness you’ve shown me in the last few months at work. Wouldn’t have made it sane and alive without you guys too. Thank you so so much!

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twenty-two: you’re on your own, kid

As of this day, I turn twenty-two—an age I once believed would be the time of my life. (I still do, though.) While looking forward to what’s ahead of me, I look back at the steps that led me to where I am today. That usually comes in the form of my birthday tradition: a birthday mixtape and a reflection.

Allow me to explain this year’s theme through a short blurb before the reflection: You’re On Your Own, Kid. 

In case you don’t know me or you’re new here, my friends regard me as the biggest Swiftie, and it just turns out that Track 5 from her new album perfectly encapsulates the past year. This year reflects on the things that I’m terrified of, thoughts that keep me up at night, the ghosts of the past and the future creeping on me, and the stories that led to today—basically adulthood. It’s not entirely solitary or depressing as you think it is, but rather reflective and reassuring too. 

An ode to the new and old/ a new story will unfold/ two poems and thirteen tracks/ reminisces and looks back. 

Check out this year’s birthday playlist while reading through the poems! https://sptfy.com/yoyoktwentytwo

Hope you like it. - Gab :)

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three poems from home | keitai

Reposting old poems from my notes app on my phone or old works sent over to friends. Here's the last poem from an old three-part poem I made in 2017.

Fun Fact: Keitai is Japanese for the flippable mobile phones used in the early 2000s. This poem parallels how hard communication was and how it still is today.

Oh, and the capitalized letters in the three poems have a secret code about who I was writing the poem about. 😅

have you ever heard of a phone ringing so loudly?

from the kitchen, one finds the sound so audible.

how come have you not able to aNswer it right away?

let me ask you this query: was it that so impossible?

has your mother called a few more times than you expected?

you find that they’re perturbed of where you have been

you then answered the phone so swifly in a blink of an eye

were you high on ephedrine, or were you with your twin?

many times have i been asking you to pick up the keitai

but the voicemail speaks and yOu had nothing to reply

then i dial once again to seek of what you’re about to say

still, no reply; i drop the keitai and lie and cry and then die.

but one morose day i had called once again to ask of you

it was six-thirty of the clock, you finally picked up the keitai

but what i heard from the other line is that you were really tired

it was just the right time for me and you to part and say goodbye

then i tried calling you again: how life’s been treating you lately?

however, reaching my hand to the phone sWathes me with doubt

i never forget what you had said the last time we had talked like that

sorry i never picked up the keitai now; it’s never going to work out.

?

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three poems from home | traffic

Reposting old poems from my notes app on my phone or old works sent over to friends. Here's the second part of an old three-part poem series I made in 2017.

Fun Fact: Traffic was inspired by Lorde's Green Light from Melodrama in 2017. This poem explores the symbolism behind each color of the traffic light and the horrors of public transportation to a relationship or friendship at some point. Happy (early) birthday, Ella!

the day has yet to begin, yet i am restless the people are taLking, murmuring their thought cars pass by as if them all were just fleeting by what have you done to me, to have such wrought? i felt like i should sit down and lay for just a while but then the cars came, beeping and honking their horns the street was now stuck in traffic; stuck in that time all i could evEr do is to weep, to let out so i can mourn i was taught to count every car that had passed by to ease my time; my thoughTs in my mind were free still the traffic rages so long, cars stuck bumper to bumper i can’t free myself from this caged feeling of ennui. there was a stopliGht; it hadn’t moved ever since there were three different colors: red, yellow, and green i now have seen why the vehicles had not moved at all: there was a commotion by the street; an event unforeseen. still i wait by the traffic light, waiting for it to change from a crimson red to flaxen yellOw then a virescent hue when the lights had changed, i was nowhere to be found if you’re going to ask me why; i…i had no apparent clue

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three poems from home | haunted home

Reposting old poems from my notes app on my phone or old works sent over to friends. Here's the first of an old three-part poem I made in 2017.

Fun Fact: Haunted Home was partly inspired by Taylor Swift's reputation in 2017. This poem metaphors a person to a haunted house that once was home and is now frightened by everyone. Happy Halloween! 🎃

be Careful of the home within the woods some people say it’s inhabited by a ghost now the door has been there: wide open you began to enter; you have left your post inside you find a dark and desolate plAce, the eclipse outside shades the whole home now you’re being blinded as a little bat, can’t see anything; yet you began to roam what surprised you Next was an unexpected turn as you walked around in the dark, you did see a corpse buried within the home, its sitting room things we always do, we always do run flee you ran and ran until you became quite jaded not until a fearful phantom has followed your track an apparition before your very beWildered eyes it began to wail aloud: “there’s no more turning back” the phantom left; so fast in a blink of an eye you didn’t bother to look around the dark area but as you were going to go, you open the door everything flashEd; it was just a phantasmagoria.

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twenty-one: getting older

Hey.

In case you’ve ended up seeing this letter, I am not dead. I’m probably just off somewhere and have turned off my internet just for the sake of my mental health. Kidding. This is my personal letter to myself: an annual tradition of some sorts I do every year.

It’s quite a whirlwind ride how I end up writing these things in the craziest of circumstances: sometimes I write these things down on my phone’s notes months (or a year) in advance or maybe I write it down really late that I forget to do it. This year, I’m sitting down here on my chair writing this 15 minutes before the clock strikes twelve. (And no, I am certainly not pulling off a Cinderella right now.) Weird anecdotes aside, I actually had the hardest of times coming up of what to write with. It’s probably because of the fatigue or our really messed up government so it is political, haha.

This year has actually been more insane than it was last year. I really don’t know if people have accustomed themselves to this situation but I think I’m certain that I haven’t still—and we’re almost two years in this hellhole we’re living in. Maybe it’s the quarter-life crisis coming in really early or probably just being lethargic of everything but here we are. I just can’t believe that I actually turn twenty-one today and it felt like it was just yesterday that I turned 20 or something.

To be really honest, wasn’t really excited to celebrate today. Kind of felt that with all the backlogs I’m having and probably ignoring all of it in the course of things, I’d rather just lie down the entire day, get some sleep, level up my Prinplup to an Empoleon, and probably listen to Red (Taylor’s Version) as a celebration. Well, I guess that’s how I imagined it would be. Let’s see tomorrow if it ever goes that way.

But yeah, this year’s letter was borne out of “Ribs”, “Getting Older”, and some Mitski songs. I know it’s weird and bear with me if you can. I guess sometimes growing up means that you look at the world differently than ever before. It probably includes accepting that there’s a world out there with people struggling their everyday to just get through, people ailing in poverty, people clamoring for power when they shouldn’t in the first place, or people just stuck wondering where their lives will be. I guess I feel myself as the last one of the bunch.

Nonetheless of how horrid and worse the last year probably was, I kind of just want to leave an inner monologue in case my future me reads this:

Let me quote Lorde on this one with her 25th birthday message that says, “THE PRECOCIOUSNESS IS IN THE PAST BUT SOMETHING BETTER’S COMING UP / LIKE A FLOWER / COMING UP.” I know you’re scared and riddled with anxiety not only because of the sem but with the future that lies ahead of you but I wanted to know that I’m actually proud of ourself for still standing and making it this far. Life remains to be an oxymoron but there’s still a lot to celebrate: we move to Tito Roy’s house and had a space of our own (though a robber came in and took some stuff a month after we moved in), Lorde and Taylor released new albums and re-recordings (SP is the bomb and let the critics say it’s otherwise. Taylor too has been raging on even better than she had did before.), we also turned into a University Scholar for the first (and probably the last) time so that’s a dream come true, and you also became CAP’s AVP for Communications too (quite the hard time with your boss at first but you’ll get through). Whatever happened in the past year, good or bad, take it with you and let it be a part of you. Feel whatever you’re supposed to feel as long as you don’t get to hurt anybody n the process. You’ve made it this far because you believed in yourself and you’ll continue to be. This year’s theme actually was supposed to be called “looking forward, moving forward” but the truth is life’s become a spiral and every day just feels the same. I’d rather be slapped by the truth for now that we’re getting older than putting our rose-colored glasses on and pretend that the world’s not ending outside. My birthday wishes for you this year is that you vote the right candidate for the 2022 elections. Take care of yourself and your mental health never at the expense of whatever that is. I hope that you don’t give in to what other people say about you and the pressures that come with them because you have your own timeline and you are your own life’s captain. Enjoy every single moment of your life with your friends and family—then appreciate them for how they love you and value you beyond society’s standards of measurement. Hope you also get a new phone and finally get rid of that old iPhone 4 that you struggle to work with for 5 years now. Right now I just wanted to ramble on and on like you always will that you’ll always be okay. You got the Lord behind you and in everything you do. It’s going to get more weirder and zanier as you go so I hope you never lose yourself in the process. I’m always believing in you even if you don’t do and self-sabotage yourself. Nonetheless, enjoy the life of being twenty-one and have everyone important to you by your side. Excited for what lies ahead, and it’s certainly a brand new blank slate for us. Hope you’re doing well in the future ‘cause I’m sure you are. Give yourself a break, and have a little faith.

In case you go back and recover your old Spotify playlists, here’s your annual mixtape on getting older. Hope you like it. Stay awesome.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Gqt3ujrcCAljWX2E626JJ?si=34fed7440280482c

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twenty: better

Just in case you’re definitely new here and this just happened to show up on your timeline, welcome! This is my annual birthday tradition to recline, reminisce, reflect on what happened the past year for me. If you’re reading this, I just wanted to send off a really huge “thank you” for making it with me this year. We’ve been through quite hell and back, but we still triumph and yield on.

Anyway, according to my birth certificate, I turn 20 on the 38th-minute of the ninth hour in the morning. It just feels so crazy to have come this far ‘cause a part feels half of my age while the other feels I’m twice of it. You know, it’s always definitely crazy up ahead and I really don’t know what to feel--I’m excited and very nervous all at the same time.

So to cap off my teenage years, here are 20 things I learned by the time I turn twenty—’cause it’s fun and sharing is caring.

People change.

As that naïve little kid at thirteen, I often dreamed of the “ultimate best friend” like those things you see in movies, but I was dead wrong. The people you trust and depend on for so much can change in an instant (sometimes even overnight) and that’s what scares me the most. I guess that’s just life. We just need to accept it as it is.

People change people.

Although people can change in a blink of an eye, I’m really thankful for those who stayed and had my back. These are the people who change you and have you through thick and thin. If you’re reading this, you’re one of those people and I’m really grateful to you. There’s always a difference between lasting relationships and “situation-ships”.

We can always change for the better.

Change is something really hard to comprehend. As we go through many of these changes in life, always choose to change for the better—and not for the worse! These things may not be easy to grasp at the moment, but I know that if we only have the will to do so, can have cosmic implications and change the world forever.

It’s okay not to be okay.

One of my favorite songs told me that “a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories” and held that lyric really close to my heart. Sometimes, we could and should feel sad—and it’s perfectly fine. When we’re not okay, we’re allowed to feel all the feels because that’s what makes us human. Bad days make us appreciate the good days we’ve had.

Take a break.

With all the humdrum buzzing around us, we become constantly strained and drained from everything we’re doing. Sometimes it’s also good to chill for a bit, clear out your mind, and maybe take your time with how things are. Never push yourself to the extent of burning out; sometimes, all we need is a little timeout to get back to what we’re currently doing.

Rejections come with redirections.

“You can never get everything you want.” That’s something my mom usually repeats to me when I was younger but understanding the real thing would really hurt—in fact, it’s soul-crushing. When rejections and failures come, take the time to cope with it but the thing is: never let it get the best of you. It’s just temporary. 

According to a Reddit thread that I’m reading, “Look at it as not gaining something rather than losing something. You have exactly everything you had before getting rejected, except maybe you learned a lesson. So actually maybe you're a little better off.”

Get disconnected.

During quarantine, one of the best things I’ve ever done was to get disconnected. I don’t know about you, but I enjoyed having the internet cut off last May. I was able to connect with people I care about and really focus on things I don’t usually do or notice with the Internet around! (Plus, my devices get a timeout too.) I took on two social media breaks this year and I was surprisingly able to do it and if only I had not applied for an org, maybe it could’ve lasted for an entire month, haha! Social media breaks are amazing, take it from me. 

Cut off the drama and toxic people.

Another thing I’ve learned to “cut off” this year was to cut off people and the drama that comes with it. This comes after realizing that people change...but not for the better. Sometimes people can cross the line, drain the energy out of you, and no matter how you try to keep up with them, the more they cost you everything. We try to, but it’s just better to let them go, don’t you think? Although, if it can’t be avoided, maybe just distance yourself and avoid feeding their negative vibes. It helps too. :)

Block off the noise.

Another addition to the series of things I’ve been “distancing” with this year is learning how to block off the noise I hear from other people. There’s a fine line between criticism and just being mean. I’m also learning how to not need validation from people I don’t really care about. It reminds me of the time when I was in a church camp where I need to listen to the “right voices” around me and not entertaining them all so much.

Learn to be sensitive.

One of the things I really loved trying to learn this year is how to read the room. There’s this Korean concept of Nunchi to mean a heightened sense of social awareness. Sometimes, we can learn a lot by testing the waters and observing our surroundings before we go and dive in headfirst. In a sense, privilege checks are important too! Let’s not discredit other people’s plight and let’s learn to recognize how things work differently for other people. It’s basically empathy.

Be accountable.

Thirteenth lesson. One of my favorite poems tells us that “we are masters of our own fates and captains of our own souls” which sometimes translates to life being a series of choices that we can take. I’ve been trying to learn to not point the fingers when mishaps occur but rather reflect on how we might contribute to such mistakes. Maybe then, instead of sulking on the blame, it’s also our responsibility to turn things around for the better too.

Seasons come.

Our life comes in seasons according to Ecclesiastes 3. I learned that God—the unchanging God—makes the seasons of our life. Maybe sometimes we need to wait for that season or maybe work very hard for that season to harvest on time. With these seasons, may we grow and become who we are with the help of our ever-faithful God. :) 

Be grateful for your blessings.

A Harvard study once published that being thankful makes us happier and I’m really thankful for the Lord for giving such a wonderful life. An amazing family and the best set of friends along the way. There’s nothing more than I could ask for so if you’ve made it here, I just really am thankful for you as I consider you one of the blessings in my life.

Speak up.

With all the injustices happening around us, it’s no debate that we should always speak up. Now is not the time to remain silent. Hold the line and speak up. #MagparehistroKa! Let this quote from Desmond Tutu suffice: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

Trust the process.

If there’s something that resonated with me this year is to trust the process. People might savor the destination or the end product of everything, but no one really cared so much about the process: the grit, the toil, the work to make that happen. Maybe for the years to come, I’d learn to appreciate the chase—never the capture—in the things that happen around me.

Go for the long-term.

In one of the classes I’m in last semester, there was one thing that stuck to me: always choose the long-term over the short-term. Whenever it’s a big or small decision, it’s important that we consider its effects not only now but years later. Choosing the long-term implies that you’re not settling for a band-aid solution or something that wouldn’t last for long. There’s so much more for you: never settle for the short-term but always the long-term.

Enjoy your teenage years.

As I write this, I bid goodbye to my teenage years and welcome a new decade in my life. Although this time it would be an entirely new experience, I’m thankful for the growth and change I’ve gone through these past ten years. I’ve gone through hell and high water (and I’m sure there are more) but we made it alive, still—that’s what matters. Definitely excited and thankful for all these years. :)

Never lose yourself.

There’s this quote from Taylor Swift I’ve always loved. She said, “I’ll never change, but I’ll never stay the same either.” I’m wishing the same for myself as I turn twenty: that I would love every inch of me and my body, that I would find myself as to where I’m going, that I would enjoy every moment of my life, that I would always continue to grow in the years to come, but not really losing that same old little Gabrielle you used to know. I’m not really selfish or selfless; I just consider myself less. But I hope that this time around, I’d come to choose myself. 

If you’re ever reading this, thanks for making it this far. Every birthday is special to me because it’s a new start, a new set of experiences and adventures, and just a whole new world that’s out there. Even though we’re not exactly at the best time to celebrate, my birthday even became more special: it’s the end of a decade and a start of an age. Now that I’m twenty: I’m thankful for my friends and family, wishing for emotional stability, hoping the twenties will be crazy, and in the way, I hope I don’t lose me. Hope you had a great time as much as I do.

Thank you so much for Taylor Swift for inspiring me to pen this, hehe. Forever muse. [Inspired by this article hehe: Taylor Swift on 30 Things She Learned Before Her 30th Birthday - Taylor Swift Turns 30]

Here’s my birthday playlist:  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/613VLMBUfgyhJz1g7yBNAM?si=4Uccel1rTw-TW9c3pdeWwA

Here’s to a terrific twenties.   

-Gab

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nineteen: change

[published November 13, 2019]

Change—a word that stuck to me throughout the year. I've heard it countless times throughout the year. In my philosophy class, in a movie I was watching, and even on an old song on my phone. What struck me was hearing this dialogue in the cartoon movie I had watched. "If you change for the better, I change for the worse!" After hearing it, I was like, "Oh, that's it!"—something of a Eureka moment.

It's funny because change has always puzzled me. How is it that everything's changing yet remains to be the same thing every single day? I'm not the same person 10 years ago, but I'm still Gab—and that's contradictory. It's still a puzzle I can't ever find answers for, and I think won't be answered for a really long time.

We go through a lot of changes throughout the year and it could really change us for the better or for worse. My Papa came twice the past year; I stayed in my course; I went to Quezon for the first time; and I'm turning 19 today. These are just some of the changes that mold me to be who I am today. I hope that you, too, find these changes in your life opportunities to shape you and move you to be the person who you really are.

Along the way, I've learned a lot of things like every year would always do. Here are some of the things I'd like to share with you:

There always comes a rainbow after the rain. 🌈

- Coming off of last year's 'brighter', we come at the end of the tunnel to see that there's light at the end of it and that one day all these things will make sense and be put to rest. Maybe such things get to stay for a while, but the thing is that they're always temporary. The storm will have its end in due time.

Cutting things off has its benefits. ✂

There it goes again as it echoes last year's learning: some friends aren't worth it and there are some who stay for just a season in your life. There are some who stay but just wrecks the life out of you and crazes up things. We just have to cut off those people and forget they exist, especially when they become very insensitive.

There is beauty in imperfection. ✨

Sometimes our flaws and our weakness doesn't have to stay as a liability. It can turn into an actual opportunity and a chance to strengthen us. Like last year, when it throws you lemon, make lemonade. It's all about how you look at things.

There will always be redirections in life. ➡

I wasn't able to make it to Accountancy this year. All my life I've been planning to be one: a CPA-lawyer. I guess life has other plans and I was meant for something else beyond the numbers we're continuously calculating. In a log I did this year on my phone, it said, "There will be things that aren't meant for you, but there are new things you never knew you'd be into." Maybe it really is and I hope it does.

Sometimes, you're not always right. ❌

We're humans and I think one thing that makes our humanity is our imperfection. It's okay to make mistakes, usually, but we should sometimes learn and try to hold accountable for the things we've messed up. Sometimes, the best thing is that a 'sorry' would go a long way.

Rest is really important. 💤

A part of putting things to rest is really taking time-offs on many things. Rest your anxieties and wondering thoughts; rest you body from a really strenuous day; and maybe rest when you feel like the world's weight has been pulling you. You'd always have God, your family, and your friends to be a repose in a world of conundrums. Sometimes, take a rest.

Never force yourself on anything. 🤦‍♂️

I never realized this so much up until the moment I read a post from Instagram. Never force yourself into something you don't need to have; maybe it really isn't for you. The longer you stretch a rubber band, the longer and stronger it would probably hurt you.

If ever you will be seeing this message, please know how I am thankful for you and your existence for I won't be able to have this change if it wasn't for you. It's always been a fruitful year because you were around and I think I'll always look forward taking on the new year and the world with you. To my family, my friends, and to the King of Kings, I am always grateful and forever will be.

As a part of my yearly birthday tradition, I'm putting up a birthday playlist with thirteen (hehe) songs that kind of portrays my story for the past year. Every track plays an important role in the playlist as it fits together the puzzle of figuring out the changes I've been through the year. It wasn't easy but it was all worth it. It's meant to tell you the story of the past year so pay attention very carefully to what the song feels and what it tries to convey. Here’s the link!

Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4u4io4fEHJHvB77bStjcGJ?si=VWpJ8NgvQQqUlV5smWWLmg

At the end of the day, always seek and strive hard to always change for the better. I'm choosing to love myself and be myself in every situation there is. That's what I'm looking forward and claiming for the next year. May these changes that we face us make us who we are and blossom us to the people we are ought to be. There's a famous maxim Mahatma Gandhi was very known for, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." May you all be as well and always change for the better.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” – Isaiah 43:19

Fun fact: I was writing this on a bus a week ago on a ride to school, 'cause I'm already late and the traffic is really bad.

Disclaimer: I'm not endorsing the president's slogan of 'Change is Coming' 'cause that's so 2016.

[thingabmajig]

eighteen: brighter

[published November 13, 2018]

Over my past two birthdays, I've been reflecting on how each year got worse from where it began; how I was once plunged into an eternal abyss. Just as I thought this year was going to be worse than I thought, but it seemed brighter than it was.

I'll be reflecting on some of the things I've learned for the past year and leave some trails to what I'm expecting for this new season.

1. Friends will come and go. 👫

I've always longed for that "friends forever" fantasy you see in televisions, and how people mend their friendships despite a major setback—they're true, but sometimes they aren't.

I've met new sets of companies along the way, lost some in the process, and kept very valuable people close to me. It really hurts having to hurt people who you've depended the most, yet, maybe they're just there to serve you their purpose in your life—and that's just bound to happen.

2. Step out into the sun. Get out of your comfort zone. ☀

I remember writing an editorial about this on a school paper seemingly jotting advices I can't seem to absorb on my own. Then there came to a point in my life when these word came into reality.

This year, I'd say I've made really a giant leap of faith. One of those leaps is going to college. It's a hard decision and a major step out of the comfort zone getting in to the most prestigious university in the country. However, it never takes into account the testing, the tribulations, and tragedies that come along: culture shock, higher-level learning and a series of uncertainties bounded by failure all welcome an Isko or Iska as they make a decision. Although the difficulties made it seem it's impossible to trod upon, I find it yielding meaning and purpose to me. It's of those memorable and meaningful moments in your life no marketable value can be traded for. That's how surreal everything has been until now.

3. Failing forward. ⏩

One of the things I've going to UP is to always fail forward. Whenever life gives you lemons, you just have to go and make lemonade. For instead of depressing yourself over grades—and even setbacks in life—there no other way to go, but up and forward. This might sound cliché, but once you've tried to put a different mindset, it changes everything there is to be sad about. May I say that what's great about it is that it lessens the stress you'll take!

4. You always have a purpose. 🎈

Moving through life seems so seamless and routinely. How everyday follows the same schedule and flow, you'd probably already expect how everything with go as if you were a clairvoyant. It seems very important to remind yourself that you were here for a reason: a motivating drive to help you in times of uncertainties in life. Though things may seem pointless now, but if you're looking at the bigger picture of the situation, maybe you'll realize that you're destined and bound to be someone you once wished as a kid. Don't stop continuing what you've begun and always remember why you've started in the first place.

5. There's always a bright side to every moment. ✨

My year's motto and theme is to be 'brighter', not in terms of intelligence, but rather to project yourself with a brighter outlook in life. From that one time you found yourself in the dark, remember that in the tiniest spots of life, there's light peering through it and that you'll emerge brighter soon after. Encompassing things of moving on from failed friendships, hardships, and stepping out of the zone—may this year lead to brighter decisions and brighter situations in life. Remember that nothing should stand in the way of what you want and you'll conquer and shine brighter, all better than it was before.

I'd like to express my utmost gratitude for everyone (parents, classmates, and long lost friends) who made my day last Tuesday, and excuse me for sending this quite late; however, the tradition has to proceed! May this impart important and great advice to you on facing many other things in life. God bless you!

Also, thank you Lord for another awesome year in my life. I look forward with the plans you have for me in the next chapter. Glory and praise to You alone.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” —  Philippians 4:8

[thingabmajig]

seventeen: the archives

[published November 13, 2017]

a poem reflecting upon the past year:

Once upon this realm of reality we’re in Another year has passed upon our lives We learn new things every day, don’t we? 2017, let’s check back on the archives:

Still, people change other people, right? How everyone you meet, changes you. So whoever you are out there, reading this, Thanks for making me, me. It’s true.

But the person that forms within you, Isn’t perfect; they make many mistakes. Fallible; that’s me, don’t they know that? If they do, why are they telling you’re fake?

Sometimes they know you because of this: You show only a side of your very own coin. They sometimes use that side against you. Even sometimes, with that, someone joins.

I kind of fell into a very dark and desolate pit Disintegrated, I broke my bones and I fell apart Then I met someone who’s similar to me Someone who’s willing to join the restart.

To be honest, I kind of did became someone bad Insensitive, phony, selfish, and prejudiced to you That was the other side of the spinning coin, It was someone who everyone did noticed.

I had a penchant for plot twists in the stories. I never expected mine to be so swift like that But material things, they’re just temporary… It’s just unexpected, taken by very black rats.

When life seems so dark and quite unnerving,  “Keep moving forward,” remember always. Everything will be better, the light will peer in This is our reality—carpe diem—seize our days.

In the end, there’s Someone above who knows Who has given me hope to make it through Thanks to Him, to you, and to everyone, at least And here’s to us, rebooting and starting anew.

thank you for an amazing year ✨ 

[thingabmajig]

sixteen: an open letter

[published November 13, 2016]

Man, I’m already in the middle of being a teenager. It’s been quite a ride in this life, but I’m too far to conclude that yet.

I’m really grateful to all the people who took time to greet me on my birthday. From my family, friends and even classmates over at ABM-A―thank you! It means a lot to me that you took time to greet me amidst the business of life. Without you, this birthday wouldn’t be the same. This’ll be a long note so if you’re not into it, you can stop here. Just kidding.

First, I am very thankful to the Lord God Almighty for giving me another year in my life. All the blessings I’ve received throughout the year would require a longer note than this to enumerate them all so we’ll just be mentioning the bigger blessings we’ve had. Why not, I was raised and taught to “count” my blessings.

2016 may have been quite a rough year for all of us― so it is for me. Although, I would rather consider it as a fruitful one rather than a troublesome year.

This year, I graduated from my Junior High and moved on to another portal, the mysterious “Senior High”. Going to this stage needed me to step up my game in life― to go home to the Philippines after staying in the UAE for 5 years and to go to a new school. Adjustments doesn’t come that easy, but we’ll get there.

Adjusting in the Philippines and Senior High wasn’t that hard though never too easy, but here’s one thing I’ve learned through the course of time: there will be people God will give you to help you take on the storms of life and that is family. Aside from them, we’ll meet new people in our lives who seems to experience the same thing you’re experiencing and they’re a great help too because somehow, you feel eased.

It’s been quite a rough five months without your parents and the hope of them going home in a while. Sometimes, you just want to give up hoping but there’s that voice that tells you to continue, to strive on and to never ever lose hope and faith.

Faith was quite in a different thing this year because I kind of got into a pickle in terms of my spiritual life. Months of not trying to go to church and even intentionally skipping it and making alibis about school works and such. Although I fell short to God with those things that I did, I regretted doing that. Still, God never failed to encourage me and help me go back to where I was supposed and thanks to Him, I eventually came back into his presence.

To end this drama and reflect instead, this year was quite awesome because I learned a lot of things and as I take on the world, there’s a lot things I will discover in life and they’ll help me to be better than who I was yesterday. Thank you Lord for everything! To Mama and Papa, thank you for being there even though we’re miles apart. I love you!

So if you’re reading this, thank you for making my day special. I hope you’re having an awesome day! I’m already sixteen, yay! I’m ready to take on the world.