tinkizzig

[tinkizzig]

The crew gathered in the mess hall like usual, only this week the Captain had someone new joining the crew which she planned on introducing to everyone. The Captain sat at the head of the room on a small podium they put up each week for this exact meeting, this same meeting being the only one the Captain insists on having so the crew doesn’t fall out of touch with each other. Even though the gathering is to help unify everyone the crew has their own groups or cliques that they choose to associate with. The engineers mostly with other engineers, the medics with other medics, the navigators and linguistics specialists, you get the idea. With little crossovers happening all the time too, usually because the two people come from the same planet and it doesn’t matter what their job is on the Starliner, they have something in common so they easily get along. 

The groups were forming as all the crew slowly filtered in through the mess hall doors. The noise in the room grew to a dull roar as people greeted each other and conversations continued. The Captain watched as everyone entered and once the crowds coming had slowed he stood up and got a good look as the now at capacity mess hall finished getting filled in. The noise of conversation didn’t cease as their noticeably blue skinned Captain stood, however a silence suddenly fell over the room as a human from Earth stepped into the mess hall with a light brown complection. The silence faded as a few of the groups around the hall started whispering to each other; however, as the Human walked to the back of the room, the quiet seemed to follow. 

The Captain didn’t blame the crew for their fear of the Human it just seemed odd that over time they wouldn’t warm up to him. It was interesting to consider the origin of the entire crew was from any of the nine Paradise planets and that Carl (the human from Earth) was the only one from one of the five death worlds. The attitudes from the Paradisers was unusual because the Paradise planets have been the most accepting and open people in the whole span of discovered universes, it shouldn’t be so difficult for them to welcome in a Deathworlder like Carl especially because Carl was a total sweetheart and he wouldn’t hurt a fly but no one has really tried to get close to him and he wasn’t very outgoing in the first place. It has been nearly nine months since he had joined the crew and all anybody does is fear him. 

Well that was all about to change as the new recruit to their Starliner also happens to be from a Deathworld. The Captain held up her hands getting everyone's attention and the mess hall fell silent again. 

The Captain tapped the microphone before she began to speak. “We are all gathered together again to update the entire crew on what is going on around the ship, and this week I want to start by introducing our newest recruit to our crew. Stroughtbearee, come on up here.” 

A large figure in a cloak stood up amongst the crew and walked up to the podium in slow lumbering steps. The figure pulled down its hood and revealed her blue tinted skin and brilliant red eyes. Many sections of her face came to a sharp point that was whiter and more translucent than the rest of her deep blue pigments. As she took the cloak off she seemed to shrink in size like some kind of magic trick. The points of the spikes along her body were holding the cloak up enough to make her seem like a large hulking figure but the dainty figure of her normal sized body stood in the midst of the long spikes that protruded out about six inches from her body. Her clothes were finely crafted to neatly go around each spike and not disturb the simple style of the crew uniform, plain black slacks with a light blue button up shirt 

Many in the crew gasped but quickly tried to cover up their surprise. This clearly showed the separation the crew had amongst itself and how dynamically different this new crew member was to everyone else. Stroughtbearee recognized the instant social rejection such as this being pretty much the same way everywhere she goes. Being a death-worlder means everyone has fear and anxiety going through their head whenever you are around simply because the living things in your home world had evolved deadly ways to survive like external teeth or poisonous hair. The reality was that those who came from death-worlds were more adept at survival which was why they were often crewed onto large ships like these cruise Starliners to have some modicum of sanity when things go a little awry. 

Cruise Starliners like this one stop at many ports and pick up many vermin as well as other strange creatures along with many unusual passengers of any race the universe can offer. Sometimes the crew falls into panic not knowing if their situation is dangerous, risky or food chain oriented. Most of the time it is none of those things and the survival officers know what to do in almost all of the situations. Very rarely does a survival officer actually need to do any survival tactics to help a crew that has crash landed on a planet but when it happens everyone is so happy they are there. 

“Straughtbeary is our new survival officer, the second on our slowly growing team.” The captain announced finally cutting the awkward silence like a dull knife. “Please welcome her with our Starliner cruise cheer.”

The crew followed protocol and gleefully began to chant and dance. “When aboard the Melisandaunte ‘Happy to be here’ is what you will say- ay” After the chant rang clear for the third repetition, the tune changed at the end for the grand finale “Is whaaaaat yooouuuu wiiiiill say-ay-ay-aaaay!” 

The crew burst into applause and yells of excitement over their grand performance of their port cheer that they welcome every guest that boards the Starliner with. The crew was actually very proud of it because they were the ones who wrote it, worked on it, and perfected it, not that Staughtbeary could tell the difference. 

The Captain clapped mirthfully before bringing the meeting to an end and sending everyone back out to their stations. No other business could have been done anyway with everyone all excited for a new arrival. 

The crew during the next following days and weeks continued without gaining any deeper connection to Straughtbeary than the obligated “hello” that everyone gave simply recognizing she was a part of the crew, and even that hello was often timid or nervous as they glanced awkwardly at her sharp spikes. No one was actively attacking her in any way but she could feel the tight pangs of rejection as they busily buzzed about their business not paying her any mind or even acting like they saw her there. Straughtbeary wasn’t really much of a social butterfly in the first place but even a single friend would be nice as they travel through the cosmos to the most touristy destinations. She just wanted one confidant she could laugh with as she would share every time she saw a stereotypical tourist doing the most touristy things like taking pictures of the blurry stars out the window of the Starliner, or when they wear their sandals and still have socks on. She only wanted one and there wasn’t any lack of trying either, in fact she had tried enough times to not want to try any more. 

During their return loop to the HQ dock for the maintenance that could only be done when the ship is motionless and at the disposal of the dialysis crane crews in the hangar workshops that originally built the starliner cruise ship, you know the one time a year that there aren’t any passengers onboard and most of the crew doesn’t have to follow any schedules, anyway, during that loop the crew was throwing a crew appreciation BBQ with a hawaiian theme (being an earth related custom actually made the event macabre) and Carl being the resident expert was the inspiration (intelligence) for the most of the event. Once everyone had nervously pulled all the information they could out of him they set to work and didn’t come back to him for anything. 

Once the BBQ had begun the many performers on the ship were twirling batons lit with fire and dancing on the edges of volcanoes to get everyone's shock and awe for their holographic realism performances that weren’t at all as dangerous as they looked. Carl sat alone at a table meant for eight and slowly worked on his series of drinks that ranged from fun and fruity mixed drinks and slowly became hard liquor. Carl wasn’t drinking his problems away he just didn’t have any company during the party so the drinks filled that role. 

Half the night had passed when Carl got up to go to the bathroom. Upon returning to his table he found that the table he had total claim of before had been filled into by a rambunctious group eagerly goofing off and loudly having fun in the ways that Carl didn’t really appreciate or even want to tolerate being around. Carl moved on like he always did when he found himself naturally the outcast in the situation. Carl didn’t only find himself the outcast because of his Deathworlder origin but also because he was more of an introvert than an extrovert which was quite the opposite of most of the rest of the crew.

Carl was now wandering half drunk and unsure of what he was looking for but he was still searching all the same. Was it a spot to sit down? Was it a place to be alone? Was it at the bar? Or maybe at that nearly empty table? That almost empty table sounded better than the full ones, so he swaggered his way over to the table and plopped down in the first available seat. He chuckled to himself at how dumb his night had been already and how much he should just call it a night. He slowly turned his head around the table and finally met eyes with Straughtbeary who was the only other person at the table. 

Normally he wouldn’t say anything but tonight he had already been drinking so the words sort fell right out of him without any filter either. 

“You have the same problem I do, everyone is too scared or intimidated to become your friend, I’m not intimidated though, I have been to your planet and your people are kinder than mine, mine are all aggressive and jumpy, you guys are all collected and cool, if you didn’t look so scary you would have tons of friends.” Carl blurted out every thought contained in his brain  just before he started to have the thought to stop it. 

“Well capitan, you are just the freshest perspective on the obvious, aren’t you?” Staughtbeary asked sharply, with every word completely soaked and dripping in her sarcastic tone. 

“Why, thank you.” Carl replied, sounding like he clearly did not realize her tone and being too drunk for anyone to tell if he was really being sarcastic back. 

“So much for comradery.” Staughtbeary commented unsure of where to go next. 

“Oh, yeah.” Carl began with a calm realization. “We technically work in the same office, don’t we?” 

Straughtbeary smiled slightly. “I think this is the first time we have actually talked to each other, but yeah, the survival office is too busy for any pleasantries.” 

Carl frowned. “Pleasant trees?” 

Staughtbeary rolled her eyes at the idiotic pun, but still smiled at his quip. 

“Get it?” Carl chimed in digging his own grave. 

“Wow, if the pun wasn’t bad enough, you also have to be insufferable.” She stated as she walked away. “Goodnight, I don’t deserve being treated this way.”   

Carl wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t help himself, he was really lashing out and now he felt stupid for doing it. Just when he actually met someone who was being authentic with him he had to push her away in the worst way ever, social awkwardness. Carl’s heart tugged with the weight of every footstep that carried Staughtberry away from him. It was like time had slowed and he was wishing for the steps to stop their expeditious journey that was pulling him back into his lonely cocoon which he had only just begun to burst out of. 

“Wait.” Carl’s tone had dropped to a serious and desperate place, showing how vulnerable he was with the quaver in his voice which he hadn’t intended to do. 

Straughtbeary froze mid step and waited to hear what Carl seemed so adamant to say. 

“Look, I’m sorry.” Carl glanced at his feet. “I have had a rough go at this Starliner and I really didn’t want to hurt my only chance of having a friend but I am scared to be vulnerable enough to admit that I need a friend.” 

“I know what you mean with this Starliner, I have only felt like an outcast the whole time I have been here.” Staughtbeary said, still frozen in place afraid to turn around and face Carl.

“Do you want to start over? Maybe forget my social suicide attempt by pun and try to not cross cultural boundaries like being insufferable?” Carl was practically begging.

Straughtbeary turned around and walked back toward Carl. “Sure, let's try this thing again because believe it or not, I am as desperate as you are for companionship.” 

Carl sighed in relief and gestured to the empty table. They both walked to a chair and sat down without saying another word. Now sitting in an awkward silence, Carl desperately tried to start up a conversation. 

“Staughtbeary.” Carl grinned. “Your name closely resembles the name of an earth fruit, a strawberry.” 

“Yes, it does. I was told that when I left orientation to join the crew on the ship. The trainer knew you were from earth and said that it would be a good icebreaker to start a conversation with you.” Staughtbeary stated proudly hinting that she was proud that Carl did it on his own.  

“Well, orientation is getting better and better at determining the way in which we need to live our lives, someday orientation will run the whole ship instead of us.” Carl tried his hand at humor. 

Staughtbeary chuckled. “We could tell our fortunes by it if it gets any more accurate.” 

Carl laughed. “That's good. Your joke was definitely better.” 

“Why, thank you.” Straughtbeary said rather humbly. 

“So tell me, what led you to getting this starliner gig?” Carl asked sincerely. 

“The devalue of life skills in the workplace.” Staughtbeary stated outright. 

Carl shrugged. “I was hoping for your story, not the fact that society is crumbling around us.”  

“Oh, sorry.” Staughtbeary turned a darker shade of blue, which Carl recognized as blushing. “I applied everywhere that pertained to ecological decay and restoration but not only was there not any job openings, many of the restoring efforts have been solved by gene splicing and the thing that I am so passionate about doesn’t even exist anymore. I got my degree in ecological decay and now it is as useless as an arts degree.” 

“Hey, what a coincidence…” Carl started just before he was interrupted. 

“You have a degree in ecological decay?” Staughtbeary asked rather excitedly about being in the same boat with at least one person.

“Uh, no.” Carl couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “I have an arts degree.” 

They both laughed for a bit before Staughtbeary moved the conversation forward. “So you have a useless arts degree and that landed you here?” 

“No, I was trying out to be a part of a musical being done on the cruise ship and even though I am talented as an earthling, I just didn’t stand a chance against the Rumaiens who have two sets of vocal cords and can sing their own harmonies. The Captain of the ship was one of the judges for the tryout and noticed all my survival skills on my resume.” 

“So, you were lucky? And I am desperate?” Staughtbeary deflated in her chair. 

“No, I was desperate enough to accept the offer of a groundbreaking, ‘at trial’ position that if there wasn’t any good outcome would have disappeared.” Carl shugged. “I had no better prospects either, but at least you came into this position while it is secure.”

“What kinds of skills did you have on your resume?” Staughbeary pedaled back a bit. 

“Oh, just knot tying and camping.” Carl stated. 

“You had camping as a skill? Camping is a recreational activity, not a skill.” Staughtbeary mused at the incorrect thought. 

“A friend of mine told me to put it on my resume because there are many in the universe who don’t see camping as recreation and see it more as a whole set of skills, which is exactly what happened to me.” Carl was trying to explain that his side of the story was similar to her story. 

“Well, if you hadn't paved the way for me I wouldn’t even be here.” Staughtbeary said appreciatively. 

Carl smiled with his teeth and then quickly let his lips fall to cover them up, which was a long standing habit that Staughtbeary noticed Carl do and got curious. 

“Why did you sort of stop smiling just now?” Straughtbeary asked.

“Oh, that?” Carl shook his head. “You will stop baring your teeth to smile soon enough.” 

“What? Why?” She cocked her head to one side as she asked curiously.

“Well, people from paradise planets, which is everybody else on the ship, don’t have a predator or prey relationship with anything, so when they are around Deathworlders, like us, they see us as Deathworlders in context, so if we show any signs of aggression it will push them into a fight or flight survival mindset, and since they have never needed to prey on other creatures or be prey they don’t know how to fight against anything, so when they get triggered they act like prey, trying to run or play dead or something. It really detracts from getting work done so I never bear my teeth anymore because subconsciously it gets perceived as an act of aggression.” Carl ended nearly out of breath as if he was trying to say it all in one breath.   

“I haven't experienced that yet, I don’t think my face changes from pure confusion.” Straughtbeary explained. “Everyone who comes in asking for help with something is carrying a small trinket and asking if it could kill or harm them.”

“Is it like marbles and stuff?” Carl asked specifically.

“Yes, they have marbles and rocks and one guy even brought in a tooth, they are all totally crazy.” She said getting flustered just thinking about it. 

“That is kind of funny, I think they are all trying to verify what I have already told them. Even though I was the only expert, they didn’t believe me, and now that there is a new expert they are trying to find out if the first one was really wrong, they don’t want to believe the truth.” Carl explained excitedly. 

“You know I thought better of it but I had a moment when I had the idea to just lie and go along with what they say they think this thing will do.” Staughtbeary admitted. 

“Yeah, that was smart of you to do.” Carl stated. “I wasn’t so smart.” 

Straughtbeary twisted her face in intrigue as what Carl said sunk in. “Wait, what? What happened? Did you?”

“Yes, I gave in,” Carl’s head lowered. “I am not proud of it, but a cult on board the ship still meets weekly to worship a pebble.” 

“So you started a religion?” Staughtbeary asked.

“Not really, I went to one of their meetings and tried to convince them to stop, but instead got labeled as one of the deceivers, and before you say it, I know how backwards it is to be labeled a deceiver and it being my word that started the believing in it in the first place.” Carl explained with such exasperation. 

Straughtbeary couldn’t stop laughing at the irony of it all. Carl couldn’t believe how honest he had been about some of the most embarrassing things he had ever done. The night was passing by as the two reminisced over some parallels in their cultures and talked through the night one upping each other about scars and wounds. Before they knew it they were side by side looking out the windows at the many star patterns that they each knew. 

“This one looks like a Dracnotolumis drainage ivy.” Straughtbeary stated with glee pointing to each star that made up the pattern.

Carl followed along but didn’t know what she was talking about. “Oh wow, another plant shaped one.” 

Staughtbeary grinned. “At least it is not another ‘Greek god’ as you put it.” 

“Well, Earth’s basic astrology is tied closely to an ancient and dead religion.” Carl said as a matter of fact.

“And Ravnareer’s basic astrology mirrors the life that is upon it, including my favorite things, plants.” Staughtbeary smiled and swayed in place, staring back out at the stars again. 

Carl looked down at his feet before glancing over at a nearby group of partiers and then looking back to Staughtbeary. “You ever wish you weren’t from a death world?” 

“No, but I can tell that this place has gotten to you though.” Straughtbeary gave away that she had been watching Carl in the reflection of the window as she talked right to him but not turning her head in the slightest. “I would hate to be from some paradise planet, I would be afraid of everything and nothing would ever be good enough, besides that I would be even more upset that I didn’t have all of my life threatening stories which in a whole make up who I am.”

“Yeah, but being from a death world you didn’t really face death that often did you?” Carl asked.

“No, not that often but when I did face it, it was good to know that I was still alive regardless of the threat against me.” Staughtbeary grinned again. “Like that one time I was attacked by a Reek, it’s stinger could have punctured my skin and left it’s poisonous tip behind killing me in minutes but instead the Reek reared back for a strike and I turned my head away which hit the Reek with one of my spikes causing it to spin and fall to the ground probably saving my life.”

Carl excitedly nodded his head. “Wow, that reminds me of the time that I got surprised by a rattlesnake in the wild-”  

“Wild?” Staughtbeary interrupted. “Do you have certain animals that are more chaotic than others?”

“Oh, no.” Carl shook his head before explaining. “On Earth, we had many people keep animals in captivity and those that were living in nature and were not domesticated by the influence of humans were considered wild animals.” 

“Undomesticated, got it.” Staughtbeary said as if repeating carl. 

“Anyway, that kind of poisonous snake makes a loud rattling sound with its tail to warn or scare other creatures away because it is ready to strike to protect itself, and I didn’t hear any rattling until I nearly stepped on it.” Carl started to sound like he was bragging. “The Rattle snake snapped at me but just barely missed.”

“Wait a second, have you ever actually had any life threatening injuries or have you only ever skirted around the dangerous things?” Staughtbeary asked with curiosity.

“No, I have always stayed out of harm's way and most of my scary experiences are just near misses.” Carl explained. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I am the same way, nothing has happened to me either, I just look back at my life and see all the times I could have died and never experienced the things that could have caused death. I have only been a survivor by avoidance, not experience.”  Straughtbeary shrugged from her realizations.

“Well, I believe that makes us better qualified for our jobs then, because I have met those from my world that are not careful and think that nothing bad will happen to them, we are opposite and we would teach others to be like us and avoid dangers. If we were to encourage diving in and asking questions later then we would be as good as doctors treating people for what has happened to them,” Carl explained. “and I am not a doctor, I would not be able to help afterwards anyway.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Staughtbeary smiled. “I also never thought I would be grateful for an analytical over-explanation.”

“Oh, my world calls that mansplaining.” Carl stated. 

“Mansplaining? That is rather descriptive and on point, how clever.” Straughtbeary mused. 

The crowds of people gathered around the dance floor made some noise that both Carl and Staughbeary thought was part of the partying so they paid no mind to it. 

“I wonder, have you ever-” Carl stopped when the crowd's noise didn’t sound like fun noise. 

Carl and Staughtbeary were now looking at the group of people trying to understand what was going on. A blood curdling scream pierced the air and Carl and Staughtbeary started running towards the crowd worried for what was going on. The crowds were backing away from something on the dance floor as if there were some kind of dangerous creature. They pushed through the crowds to see what was going on and finally got sight of the cause of comotion. 

A team of attractive dancers were dancing in unison and the crowds were entranced and excited, calling out and screaming when some part of the dance stimulated them. 

Embarrassed that they were thinking about survival stuff and were reacting to normal stuff like it was something dangerous, they stepped back and sank back into the crowds which wasn’t that hard to do because everyone gave Straughtbeary a lot of space now that they could see her. 

The two laughed as they walked away from their embarrassing moment which wasn’t really that embarrassing because everyone avoided the two of them anyway. They walked out of the “Funasium” where the party was being held and Carl walked Straughtbeary to her quarters. 

“I guess we need to get off our one track mind.” Carl said with a smile. “See you around the office when it’s not busy.” 

“Has the office ever been slow?” Staughtbeary asked with hope for the future. 

“No, but I might say hi when I pass by your desk.” Carl smiled again. 

“That sounds good,” Straughtbeary smiled back. “I will do the same.” 

[tinkizzig]

“I couldn’t do it. The first time or the second. Hell, I have never been able to do it. I have been on this ship for five years, and not a single time when it is my time to act have I been capable of doing it. I know I am just one small part of an engineering team, but I am not even sure I should be here. The rest of the team knows what to do when something goes out, malfunctions or glitches. Their response is impeccable and unflappable. They can all turn a Wielman’s capacitor upside down and inside out in just seconds. I don’t have any idea as to why I was even selected to be a part of this crew.”

–Robert (Roblox) Malchovich

“Hey, Roblox! Come sit over here.” Hangarth shouted excitedly, as the human stepped inside the kitchen / cafeteria / breakroom.

“Oh hey red buddy.” Roblox replied sadly. “I’m not really in the mood for this today, I kind of want to be alone.” 

 

Hangarth put on an unnatural expression for his face because he was trying to purse his lipless lips in sternness about Roblox’s response. “Hang on,” Hangarth strained as he tried to remember something. ”when the tough gets tough then the rough gets going.” 

Roblox’s expression lightened with a bit of a smirk, and he patiently corrected with: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Hangarth brushed the red tentacle-like hair from his red face. “I don’t know anybody as tough as you.”

“Eh, I’m not that tough.” Roblox said humbly.. 

“Not that tough?” Hangarth shook his head. “Are you kidding me?” 

Hangarth stood up staring off into nothingness with an awe of deepest respect. “You were the one who, while camping in the forest, was bitten by dozens of blood sucking parasites. You were the one who stepped on a sharply cornered toy for building, directly on one of your most sensitive and closely grouped nerve endings in your body, sending a crippling pain through said body. You were the one who ate a cream made of ice so fast your brain froze causing an immense pain and great turmoil in your life for a matter of a few minutes.” 

"Yeah, none of that makes me tough though." Roblox replied. 

"None of that makes you tough?" Hangarth asked with an uncharacteristic wave of his hand as if he was giving an imitation of a unique earthly attitude. "Just think about Bartleby last week. He had cut his hand on the side of the drive harness and immediately got an infection. He has been out this whole week, and we are worried he isn't going to make it through; and you simply shrug when you talk about the one time you broke your leg while sliding down the side of a mountain on your sky’s, skees or whatever you call those narrow flat boards connected to your feet. There is also that one time you were confronted by a beast that could have killed you if it had attacked you, but you grabbed it by a strap around its neck and returned it to the home of the person who owned it next door." Hangarth slowly shook his head side to side. "You have lived through the most perilous things and we are inspired by your bravery everyday." 

"I do not do anything brave each day." Roblox said, realizing he shouldn't have said it. 

“Again, I am beside myself at the words you say,” Hangarth started another impassioned speech. “Your daily routine consists of drinking that bitter black liquid containing a little poison which raises your heart rate. Not only have you done this every day, but you offer it to everyone else aboard the ship. Nanosy tried some one day and nearly died after a few sips. She was sweating profusely while her heart rate nearly breached lethal levels.”

“That was more of a misunderstanding of each other's biology and physiology. Terran humans are not as strongly affected by caffeine as everyone else.” Roblox said, sounding apologetic.

“Don’t you see it? You are the toughest, bravest and most inspiring person on the ship.” Hangarth smiled. “I spoke to the captain about you, and we both agree that you being here and telling us of your life is all we need you here for. Yes, it would be beneficial for you to also improve your engineering skills and knowledge, but your experiences are far more valuable than that.” 

“So, you guys only want me around because I lived on a dangerous planet?” Roblox asked, feeling a little personally put out. 

“No, we love your charm and wit along with your acumen but mostly, we as a crew, find the most inspiration and pride that we are in close connection to and comfortably associated with a Deathworlder.” Hangarth explained, unknowing how socially rude it was for him to even say. “We all brag to people we know who also work in the fleet. We kind of feel like we are part of an elite club or group just because you are here.” 

“That is even worse, now I am your token human?” Roblox asked, totally offended.

Hangarth smiled in excitement. “I don’t know what that means but wait here while I get the rest of the crew, I think your explanation will be tied to another personal story.”

#humans are space orcs #humans are deathworlders #humans are space australians #earth is a deathworld #humans are weird #earth is space australia #humans are space oddities

[tinkizzig]

So I just started a new job, and the building my office is in was built long ago of mostly stone and resembles some thing of a temple or castle. I was given a grand tour of this great building and there is a decorative stone peice in the shape of a tiny dragon adorning the keystone of the arch of the corridor. Upon my return home from work, my four year old daughter called from the top of the stairs with excitement that dad was home. I went to the top of the stairs and scooped her up into my arms.

"Do you know what I saw at work today at the castle?" I asked her.

Wide eyed and very interested to find out, my daughter nods excitedly.

"A dragon!"

[tinkizzig]

The problem with humans is they are too good at what they do and too humble to take credit.

Captain’s log: earth date november 22nd in the current year: 

This is the one hundred and eighteenth day we have had a human engineer on board. Our first few weeks got off to a rocky start, with the human shutting down all power to the ship, and its computers leaving us temporarily stranded for 18 hours, as we re-established our power grid and mainframe. The human has gained a greater understanding about the technology all along the way, and has always been able to make the necessary repairs whenever needed ever since. 

Around day 38, the human found a way to shorten the coils and rearrange the circuits of a scanner by changing its function from an electro-wave impulse reader to an electro-wave impulse launcher. The damage to the hull of the ship was significant enough we had to seal it from the inside with our spot welders, while the oxygen needed to do this kind of work was leaking out of the ship. Without the humans quick thinking the repairs would have taken too long and the crew surely would have perished. The human had stuck his dirty laundry in the cracks of the hull which slowed the leaking by 20%. The rest of the crew reported that he looked like he was just trying to cover up his mistake with the laundry but regardless it helped all the same. 

Day 87 was the puzzle box lock out, which sort of explains itself. The human, being fascinated by the Erc’taal puzzle boxes we found in the market on Rec’taeel IV, built puzzle box-like switches to cover our security control panels. It didn’t take too long to solve, but our window of opportunity at the time had closed and a formal reprimand was issued. 

All of this brings us to today. The human, without any direction from the executive commanders or myself, solved the intricate problem of our warp drive sequencing. He had inverted our circuits and rearranged the coils to the sequencing drive, the warp engine, and the security control panel. He added some pulsar sequence boosters (the electro wave launcher) to each part of the sequence and even had to clean out some of his dirty laundry which somehow ended up among his spare parts and around his work area. The ship's command and I counseled extensively before deciding to let him test his project. If the project didn’t work we would spend the time reversing what he did and repair the components using it as a way to teach the human.

The commencement of the test was a surprising success, and along with the exponential increase in our warp capabilities, there was a very satisfying series of clicks and hisses that accompanied the sequence when activated. We contacted the admirals and high command about the discovery and they wanted to give the human credit for his work, the advancement of our technology, and reimagining of our whole exploration mission. He declined the award and offer for position advancement. All he wanted was to stay on the ship so he could hear the sequencing clicks and hisses every time it goes to warp. Humans are weird. 

#humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are amazing #humans are stupid

[tinkizzig]

Humans have always had their finger on the trigger, they are always ready to strike, and yet they relax and are calm whenever you see them. This bi-polar like response is terrifying to many in the universe and most seem to see the humans as always ruthless and bloodthirsty, which they really are. 

Morgranff: I can’t believe how ruthless a fighter that human was, did you see how it bent itself in the air to avoid that strike from the Horned Goliath?

Stencillon: Yeah, I saw it, it cost me my whole night's bets.

Morgranff: You bet against a human?

Stencillon: The Goliath was twice his size, that human didn’t stand a chance if you looked at the physics of the fight.

Morgranff: Yeah, they are often overlooked when it comes to the ridiculous agility and chaos that goes with every human. 

Stencillon: Well, I also never thought that a human leg was capable of slicing through the thick neck of a Horned Goliath especially when its horns interlock over the neck and act as natural armor. That fight clearly showed how vicious and deadly a human truly is. 

Morgranff: Of course, I haven’t stopped betting on the humans ever since I had made that very mistake, that being said, can I buy you a drink?

Stencillon: Yes, I would love to celebrate your winnings with you.

The two start walking down the bustling corridor of the “Fight Palace”, and both freeze at the sight of the, now clean of Goliath blood, human fighter they had just watched dispatch the Goliath.

Stencillon: Why do they let humans walk around freely like this? Shouldn’t they keep such a vicious predator in a cage?

Margranff: You know I have never understood it either. Humans are far too unpredictable and I have never felt safe around them unless I am on the other side of the barrier fence at a fight. 

Stencillon: Should we go around the other way?

Margranff: Yes, but what is the human doing? 

Stencillon: I don’t know but it is approaching that child over there, I am going to call security.

The human crouched down next to the clearly homeless Maldovian child. The child’s blue skin ruffled as the human carefully spoke in hushed tones.

Margranff: What is he after with that kid?

The human pulls out a roll of dollar bills from his pocket and separates a few offering them to the child. The child reluctantly takes the money and stands up by taking the hand of the human that had just been offered up following the cash. They slowly walk together to a food cart and talk to the Purveyor of meat kabobs. The child selects its food and the human steps up to pay for the food.

Margranff (whispering to himself): Is he going to eat the child?

Stencillon (on a communications device): yes, the human is doing something with a homeless Maldovian child…. I don’t know his intention, he is a human!... I won’t interfere, that is why I am calling you…. Yes, I feel like I am in danger, the fight winning human is walking around doing unpredictable things.

The human and the child sit together against the wall in the corridor and chat while an amplified voice from the stadium calls out a new fight in the ring. The child is really just stuffing his face and nodding as the human goes on and on about something that is important to him but definitely not important to the child.

Stencillon: the security officer is on his way. 

Margranff: Good thing too, there is definitely something up with what this human is doing, even though I can’t put my finger on it. 

A security guard comes running up and slows to a stop at the sight of the human. The guard turns his head to one side contorting his face in total confusion as he tries to take in the scene. The guard stops analyzing everything and starts psyching himself up to go talk to the human. The guard sort of stretches and sort of hops around trying to get up the courage when he suddenly freezes.

Margranff: Did the security guard just scare himself or something? 

Stencillon: No, look, there are two other humans that just showed up. 

The two newly arrived humans walk straight over to the first one who is still talking to the child who has already finished eating the food he had. They interrupt what the first human is saying and the first human gets up on his feet and bares his teeth at the two interlopers before they stand against each other and start squeezing each other.

Stencillon: are they beginning to wrestle?

Margranff: If they are fighting, what do you bet the first one loses to the other two?

The security guard had been nervously calling for backup this whole time and is still in disbelief that this already dangerous call had tripled in danger before he had even started. The guard feeling defenseless pulls out his weapon aiming at the humans who had now switched the wrestling to the first and third human. 

Stencillon: this is going to end badly, if that guard shoots one of them the other two will rip him to shreds. 

Margranff: At least this situation will end with the child being rescued.

The humans start pointing to the child after unlocking their arms from the wrestling lock they were in. the three of them begin raising their voices at each other.

Human #3: COME ON….ANOTHER….CHILD….EAT!

Human #2: YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME.

The third human walks over to the kabob cart and starts talking to the vendor.

Margranff: Are they going to eat the child? 

Stencillon: That’s what I just heard, they must be checking with the food cart guy to see if he will cook the child for them.

The large burly Maldovian Head of security shows up walking casually to the security guard, lowering the nervously held weapon, tells him to stand down. 

Stencillon: head of security is here, I am going to get closer and see what happens.

Margranff: I’ll come with you. 

The third human turns around from the cart holding a lot of food. He walks over and hands the child one before handing one to each of the other humans. The Head of security steps over to them just as Stencillon and Margranff get close enough to observe while still remaining at a relatively safe distance.

Head of security: Steeeeve? 

The first human deflates knowing he was in for a lecture and some disappointment. 

Head of security: How many times have I told you, you can’t adopt the children that hangout around here.

Steve: But Orri, the kid is homeless.

Orri (head of security): No, this kid’s name is BahOni, he lives down the street from here, he lives with his brother, sisters and both his parents, he cannot be adopted. He probably heard from a friend about a prize winning fighter who buys lonely kids food and gives them money. 

Steve: I know, I know, but I…

Orri: NO!

#humans are space australians #humans are space fae #humans are space orcs #humans are sweet

[tinkizzig]

The first book in the TT series