traumade

[traumade]

      a reminder that wesley went his entire life being told what to think and how to act, not only by his overbearing and heavily abusive father, but the watcher’s council as well, and it wasn’t until he started working with angel and cordelia that he was even brave enough to openly explore how he might feel about a situation, how he might approach a problem, how he might view a person without letting someone else’s biases cloud his judgment.  

      this newfound independence was something he was eager, albeit nervous, to embrace, but didn’t know how to handle.  there were countless circumstances where the decision that he felt was best... well, wasn’t, but that didn’t stop him from making them.  for someone who spends the majority of their life crushed safely beneath someone’s thumb, their freedom is something they’re not immediately equipped to handle, and after being abandoned by the council  ( his father had all but abandoned him long ago )  he’s thrust into the fray and forced to become more than an obedient, parroting caricature of old values and procedures. 

      his decisions and actions over the course of the series were often not the best, but by god, they were his.

#listen i'm in a fuckin mood tonight y'all #time to talk about a fave #❛ — wesley wyndam pryce. / i don't know what kind of man i am anymore.

[traumade]

tombstones and floodlights still bring back memories. a putrid odor of rotting corpses and bite of cold metal pressed against her temple. but her current companion is hardly willing to expose her to fresh hell. however, danger might still lurk. shilo minds her step keeping up with luigi's stride — at least she feels secure knowing she won't be caught unawares. "this way," she corrects, skirting around him and following down a more secluded path to her mother's — now, father's — tomb.

      the  cold  night  air   is  nothing  he’s  not  accustomed  to,  wind  often  biting  at  open  lacerations  after  a  bar  brawl  gone  south  and  clothes  damp  with  blood  that’s  only  partially  his.  the  abject  shame  is  gone  –  he  no  longer  has  to  skulk  back  home,  tail  tucked  between  his  legs  like  a  wounded  animal  –  but  there’s  a  certain  wariness  that’s  settled  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach,  weighing  heavy  like  a  stone.  

      there’s  no  logical  reason  for  them  to  have  bonded  after  the  tragic  events  of  the  opera  and  all  the  lives  it  claimed,  but  none  the  less,  he’s  found  himself  acting  as  a  protective  escort  detail  for  a  teenager  who,  much  like  himself,  had  very  little  left  in  this  world,  and  he  keeps  an  ever - vigilant  eye  on  their  surroundings.  he  knows  more  than  he’d  ever  admit  about  how  dangerous  this  city  could  be  at  night.  

     silently,  he  trails  after  her,  eyeing  the  various  graves  and  their  weather - worn  names  with  naught  but  a  passing  glance.  had  they  always  been  so  depressing?  the  mausoleum  towers  over  them  soon  enough,  and  he  notes  an  air  of  hesitation  in  her  movements,  the  way  her  pale  fingers  instinctively  curl  around  the  handle  of  her  satchel.  the  gesture  is  familiar ;  his  own  often  curl  into  fists  when  he’s  agitated,  blunt  nails  digging  half - crescents  into  his  palms.  

     ‘ you  sure  you’re  up  for  this?  ’   he  finally  breaks  the  silence,  briefly  jutting  his  chin  out  to  indicate  the  structure  before  them.   ‘  we  can  always  come  back.  not  like  it’s  goin’  anywhere.  ’

#i got home from work and logged on to find this #i'm exhausted so this is terrible but i'm READY #genefate #❛ — luigi largo. / the anger won’t leave me; my blood still runs cold.

[traumade]

#hey! i'm aching #the first in a long series of wesley finding himself alone #❛ — wesley wyndam pryce. / i don't know what kind of man i am anymore.

[traumade]

WHICH ANIMAL ARE YOU ?

take the quiz & post your results.  remember to repost, not reblog! tagged by:  @overindulges​  xoxo ;^) tagging:   whoever’s interested.

ethan is a snake.

sensitive  /  inventive  /  meticulous  /  unemotional  /  nervous

     they are forced to slink through life in a solitary quest for warmth and acceptance.  shy and insecure, they must keep a low profile to avoid the disapproving glances and teasing of others.   [ ... ]  snakes have learned to express themselves through their art.  whether writers, moviemakers or painters, they are obsessively meticulous about their craft.   [ ... ] but the snake recoils from the glare of publicity, and its behavior becomes even more erratic than usual. 

lauren is a badger.

small  /  protective  /  passionate  /  blunt  /  aggressive

    what distinguishes them from their relatives is their extraordinary physical and emotional strength and tenacious approach to life's challenges.  good looking, small to medium sized individuals, they walk and talk as if they own the world and back down for no one, not even the much larger personality of the lion.  they will confidently enter the territory of others -- woe betide anyone who blocks their path. 

    badgers stay in shape with regular physical activity and are well dressed and precisely groomed.  their competitive natures drive them to the edges of their abilities.  because of their small size, they sometimes feel the need to assert themselves to gain the respect accorded the larger carnivores.  however, the badger's tendency to bite off more than it can chew often results in an overestimation of its capabilities.  with the heart of a tiger, tenacity is both their greatest asset and biggest downfall.

     badgers sometimes rush headlong into overwhelming situations and are forced to burrow their way out.  even so, they never go down without a fight.  their physical stature can limit political ambitions.  this doesn't deter them from running races they are destined to lose, however.  badgers are opportunists and sometimes team up in business with the more thoughtful animal personalities to help offset their impetuous nature.

#god lauren's is.. spot on #❛ — ethan mars. / i'm a father too. but i have no choice. #❛ — lauren winter. / my son is dead. what difference does it make? #i love how my psd looks so different on both of them #it's dark and gloomy for ethan and highlights the fiery red tones for lauren #very fitting imo

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        WOULD   YOU   HAVE   LOVED   ME?     /    @traumade  &  @gebregdan.   indie  multimuses  ft.  wesley  wyndam - pryce  &  winifred  burkle  of  angel:  the  series.  mourned  by  cole  &  lisa.

#btvs rp #horror rp #supernatural rp #multimuse rp #that should be enough i think?? who knows #❛ — self promo.

[traumade]

      the transition from “it’s our desires that make us human.  we live, we grow, we change”  and  “there is no perfect day for me, illyria.  there is nothing that i want”  is the most heartbreaking but poignant change in wesley’s character and it makes me ache so badly 

#he had everything he ever wanted with angel's crew! #he had friends! a support system! #people who genuinely appreciated him despite his flaws and shortcomings! #he even found someone he loved with his whole heart! #and all of that was torn away from him because of his own mistakes #because he fucked up and disappointed those around him yet again #and he was left with nothing and no one #and he goes right back to believing that it's what he deserves #❛ — wesley wyndam pryce. / i don't know what kind of man i am anymore. #catch me cryin on a saturday night

[traumade]

I will never leave you.

#reblogging this here as well #bc i'm in pain #:^) #❛ — fred & wesley. / i've loved you since i've known you.

[traumade]

We need to go to the police.

#this fuckin scene #❛ — martin byrde. / whatever man you think you are is eaten away.

[traumade]

     given  the  hour  of  day  and  the  ever - crowded  tables  at  the  diner,  he  has  a  multitude  of  better  things  with  which  to  occupy  his  time  than  stand  and  listen  --  with  the  patience  of  a  saint,  mind  you!  --  to  what  some  might  call  the  insane  ramblings  of  a  chatty  kathy,  but  despite  his  scowl  and  only  semi - attentive  ear,  there  are  few  things  that  actually  bring  him  the  same  sense  of  joy.  at  her  silence,  he  turns,  coffee  pot  in  hand,  and  leans  forward  onto  the  counter,  the  forearm  of  his  empty  hand  coming  to  rest  against  its  surface  for  support.  brows  set  heavy  above  narrowed  blue  eyes,  fixed  solely  on  her  beaming  face.  

     ‘ i’m  sorry-----  and,  uh,  forgive  me  if  i’m  interrupting  your  train  of  thought  here,  but--  are  we  really  talkin’  about  the  mental  capacity  of  a  cartoon  chipmunk?  ’

❛   oh, no —— no no no, alvin was totally the brains of the operation——   ❜     she knows, mind you, that luke is an unwilling participant in this conversation. his barely-contained grumble serves to reiterate that. but once she’s on a roll, there’s no stopping lorelai gilmore.    ❛   ——just because simon wore glasses doesn’t mean anything. and that’s stereotyping, by the way. i mean he might have had the book smarts, but alvin totally had the street smarts. he was the schemer.   ❜    cue a nod as she takes a sip from her coffee, obviously pleased with herself.  //    @traumade   ———   🖤’d

#me? finally replying after a thousand years? #it's not likely but it's happening! #also thanks for the starter pal xoxo #myricds #❛ — luke danes. / i’m fine. i’m great. it’s big fat happy sunshine day for me. #❛ — threads.

[traumade]

     no  cops.  the  demand  ( now  reassurance? )  went  without  saying,  same  as  it  always  did  in  every  formulaic  kidnapping  plot  in  popular  media  --  only  this  time,  the  danger  wasn’t  safely  contained  on  a  flatscreen  tv,  and  he  certainly  didn’t  foresee  a  timely,  action - packed  resolution  in  the  next  hour.  he  can  at  least  be  thankful  that  the  shaking  has  stopped,  the  blood  flow  all  but  died  down  to  the  occasional  trickle  or  drop,  though  it  doesn’t  stop  him  from  clutching  at  his  bloodied  hand,  uninjured  fingers  restlessly  tap - tap - tapping  against  the  sloppy,  makeshift  bandage.  it  stings,  but  he  doesn’t  feel  it.  not  really.  not  anymore.  

    ‘  i  don’t  know  what  you  want  me  to  say.  ’    what  confusion,  disorientation  he  might  have  displayed  at  the  police  station  following  shaun’s  initial  disappearance  has  all  but  faded  and  given  way  to  something  resembling  grave  acceptance,  a  morbid  determination  to  be  an  unwitting  martyr.  dragging  another  innocent  life  into  the  fray  is  a  notion  he  refuses  to  entertain.    ‘  i  have  to  do  this  alone.  ’

“ IT’S ALRIGHT, ETHAN  –  I’M ALONE.   No cops.  You have my word …  I wouldn’t bother puttin’ my job on the line just to get cold feet.  But you gotta give me somethin’, Ethan.  You gotta let me in.  I know you’d never put your boy in danger  –  not willingly.  But I also know a man undergoin’ this sort of hardship doesn’t surface in a remote motel with a missin’ finger ‘cause he felt like gettin’ some air.  Help me, Ethan.  If you don’t  –  I can’t help Shaun. ”

(   @traumade   //   ♥’d for a dialogue starter !!   )

#OOF lordy i'm rusty af with ethan #it's been like six years since i last wrote him sdfs #overindulges #❛ — ethan mars. / i'm a father too. but i have no choice. #❛ — threads.

[traumade]

halloween (2018) :  a summary

#❛ — ooc. #it was pretty good imo

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#god....... #❛ — jill valentine. / you sure know how to keep a girl waiting.

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just uh.  a lil tag dump for @urobouros, don’t mind me.

#❛ — wesker & jill. / tear me into pieces; just keep it a secret. #❛ — re: urobouros. / don't you wish you'd never let me in?

[traumade]

yellow & black !

munday color asks. 

yellow.  a food that makes me happy. 

     mie goreng!  it’s a primarily indonesian / malaysian spicy noodle dish with chicken, egg and onions.  there aren’t a lot of places that sell it, aside from the food court in a korean market on the way downtown.           

black.  a book recommendation. 

     most recently, i read touch & go by lisa gardner and thoroughly enjoyed it.  i’ve always had a hardcore taste for thriller novels  ( the likes of patterson, scottoline, king, ware )  and as such, i’m very critical of them because i generally know their formulas inside and out.  this one was pretty predictable for me, but i liked it enough that i didn’t care.  what struck me about gardner’s work was that i wasn’t at all interested in the detective’s chapters, as i usually am, but the captives had me so engrossed that i actually got irritated when i had to put it down.  

     there’s something so poetic about watching a picture perfect family fall apart behind the scenes, with every member shrouded in lies and secrecy.  the captive-based chapters, told from the wife’s perspective, are so wonderfully written and touch on so many emotions and overarching themes / motifs that carry throughout the novel, most notably addiction and depression.  her writing style is very simplistic, which i always appreciate, but what it lacks in words, it makes up for in weight. 

     a quick lil’ excerpt i liked: 

#me: yeah i like this food a lot #also me: infodumps about this fucking book #overindulges #❛ — the mun. / everyone's favorite sin pit. #❛ — INBOX.

[traumade]

the day i learned that “ofc” actually meant “of fucking course” still shakes me to my core

#i still read / write it as ''of course'' ........ #me who swears like a sailor: what do you mean it's an INNOCENT PHRASE #tbd.

[traumade]

re:  “still resisting at such an advanced stage.”

     countless blood samples and constant exposure to the uroboros virus weren’t enough.  over the course of nearly three years, increased experimental dosages of the p30 serum were administered until wesker finally found one high enough that seemed to break her will completely, and any hesitation on her part was immediately met with another, higher dose.  after escaping kijuju, jill was hospitalized and quarantined to undergo intense mental, physical and chemical rehabilitation.  years later, she still has the occasional, subconscious desire for the p30 and the power it awarded her, though the thought sickens her once it passes. 

#❛ — jill valentine. / you sure know how to keep a girl waiting.

[traumade]

" so ... we finally meet .. " ( my precious jill )

     she  knows  a  thing  or  two  about  betrayal.   about  never  truly  knowing  whether  someone’s  on  her  side,  about  the  figurative  knife  that  wedged  itself  between  the  notches  in  her  spine.   she’s  become  quite  weary  of  people  whose  alignment  changes  with  the  wind.   

     Leon’s  always  been  quick  to  defend  Ada,  but  as  soon  as  the  issue  of  her  loyalty  arises,  he  falls  silent,  unable  to  properly  defend  her  often  questionable  actions,  and  that  in  itself  is  enough  to  tell  Jill  all  she  needs  to  know.   when  you  help  someone,  you  do  so  wholeheartedly  –  at  least,  that’s  what  she  believes,  what  she  practices  –  and  tales  of  Ada’s  only  convenient  camaraderie  have  never  settled  well  with  her.   in  this  moment,  neither  does  the  sly  smile  playing  at  the  taller  woman’s  lips.  

    ‘  looks  that  way.  ’   supposed  ally  or  not,  she  doesn’t  have  to  be  civil.   letting  your  guard  down  only  makes  it  harder  to  watch  your  back  for  any  incoming  stabs.

#jill: is automatically Not a fan of ada #spieshot #❛ — jill valentine. / you sure know how to keep a girl waiting.