vivanalove15

[vivanalove15]

“what was the most pain you have ever felt”

healing from someone, i once thought i would heal with

[vivanalove15]

Being miserable is so familiar, this is who I am

[vivanalove15]

If hurting me does not hurt you, you don’t love me. You’re using me.

k.b // by jerry flowers jr

[vivanalove15]

Dear diary...

The thought of happiness scares me a lot.

Because I know it won't last. And once it's over, I fall down deeper than I was before.

Maybe pain is all I'm meant for.

[vivanalove15]

[vivanalove15]

“It never gets better. It never gets easier. Distractions won’t help forever. There is no point in all of this, the suffering just won’t end.”

—

[vivanalove15]

It’s not an if I’ll kill myself, it is a when, and I really don’t care anymore about trying to survive……I’m done

[vivanalove15]

[vivanalove15]

One day I'll be gone and you wouldn't even notice

[vivanalove15]

I'd rather be dead than alive and unhappy.. People think I'm joking, sorry I'm not laughing

— Mass of Man - Unhappy

[vivanalove15]

[vivanalove15]

You know you’re fucked when……..you’ve accepted that your life will end by suicide, and you’re okay with it.

That is where I am right now.

[vivanalove15]

'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'

I think it's past temporary when I've felt the same for 10 years now

[vivanalove15]

[vivanalove15]

"And the sad part is I was getting better.

And now I'm not"

[vivanalove15]

Suicide attempts are traumatic

I don't hear anyone talking about this. But attempting to take your own life is traumatic.

The moments before the attempt are the most heartbreaking. The planning of it. Writing the suicide notes. You imagine all the pain will stop, but you wake up in the morning in your bed/floor/hospital bed/after a coma. Still alive. The ambulance rides. Your friends/family yelling/crying/asking questions. Trying to find the words to doctors why you did it. All you wanted was for it all to stop, but it was the most heartbreaking, painful both mentally and physically, draining thing you went through. Maybe you woke up with regret, maybe with relief.

But after you get back out in the real world, you have to act like nothing happened. You have to keep living surviving after something so traumatic. You still think about that event over and over. What would it be like if it worked? Why didn't it work? The way you did it, triggers you every time you see that thing/place. You get flashbacks. Ambulances make you re-remember everything all over again.

If you've survived, I'm proud you're still here. You're a survivor. Life might not look like it's worth it sometimes, but your future holds something amazing for you, I promise it does get better. Little by little. Don't give up just yet.

[vivanalove15]

It sucks that you have to keep yourself busy to feel okay.