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#i try and keep my energy up #Spotify

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#Spotify

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i really like my sister i dont talk to them enough, my lil sis is such a beautiful lady i feel tragic and so appreciate that we crave a FaceTime in the same sense.

i miss them greatly.

ill be back there soon

skeegee boiz

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#Spotify

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#Youtube

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#Spotify

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#Spotify

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i just started typing and the days start coming and they don't stop coming so imma put this read more feature on cos im just venting random thoughts pertaining to history of anorexia so if ur not trying to read content on the topic, thats whats below the cut

girl dinner haha, FIRST TIME trying these halo pops mom im obsessed i thought like how the disordered ppl worship quest bars this is the same - Not So! well tbh i like quest bars..... maybe i dont maybe i just like the macros.... eh

also i just found an article on "drunkorexia" from like arizona state campus in 2012

it was really funny for me to read because it stemmed from google searching "why are alcoholics skinny" bc i am and i am and i lowkey panic after i binge drink bc ~~calories~~ but im like wasting away bc im poor and dont rly eat when i drink.... idk its like the classic meal replacement imo . i did the 23andme when i was 19 and its just british with a smidgen of irish german and neanderthal so ijts likje its kinda my culture ..... i do love gin, weirdly, i feel like i never meet ppl my age that love gin haha. those fuckin botanicals. but cheap vodka is neutral wheras cheap gin is garbage so

ya the "drunkorexia" thing was just abt saving calories for drinking so u could party and not blow up, but the other half of the article is abt how drinking lowers your interest in food, which like, quite true true. so its effortless ie nondeliberate ie,,, whatchu lookin at man. so yr not even craving anything bc thats how drinking works, but if u recognize this effect and utilize it?? idk it just seems like not a real disorder thats just choices like u cant have yr cake n eat it too.......

idk i feel like im at a weird point in eating disorder where ive done it all , im bored, i still grocery shop like a masochist for the most part, at the same time ive discovered i really like the baking process and have started producing wonderful breads where before i literally never ate bread i even limited fruit cos ~carbs~. i struggled with binge and purge like 2017-2020 and im never ever going back to that, im poor and i work restaurant which is allllll fried food n so unhealthy, i still have my drinking addiction but honestly much less. when i was a teenager and i binge drank i would always always binge eat, but its just bc i was eating 500cal/day for years and when i finally got drunk i finally didnt care abt these stupid standards and i want SALT

i think im normal now becoming an adult more or less has that effect on folks, but i still get so mad at myself when i stand up and see my stomach has the lil line from creasing over when i sit. im literally bmi 18 body fat 18% like thats pretty good for a normal guy but immmmmmm innnsaneee I GUESS. like ig im looser foodwise cos im tired and have a hard time caring + is easier to not care cos i basically know im undereating anyways . swear getting stuck in that binge purge cycle was bc i lived w my parents and on campus w a cafeteria those years and they always had like bingefoods ready in excess. like its hard to binge on tuna and broccoli lol. fuck guys dont ever start fr is better to just starve my sister walked in on my puking more than once im like vomit cascading out my mouth saying how sorry i am please dont tell etc.

sad. very sad.

#Youtube

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The building my brother lives in caught fire last night, his girlfriend was the one to notice, call 911, and ran around banging on all the doors in the building and screaming to get everyone out. The building next to them is completely burnt down and his is condemned. They lost a lot of stuff, the tv is literally melted into the wall. We are really lucky she was up at 1 am studying for finals and happened to notice, it could have been so much worse.

The last photo is a screenshot from an article posted about the fire and that’s literally my brother with his cat :(

They are luckily okay, but if anyone is feeling generous he gave me permission to give out his number for zelle privately to anyone who wants to help them out <3

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#Spotify

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blister in the sun more like blister in the thumb

i grabbed the pan from the 425° oven raw and suffered the consequences

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Dante Émile - a city

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Anok Yai by Ethan James Green for Haper's Bazaar US Magazine May 2024

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sometimes i forget devon and i are married im like wym were just eating our beans and screwing and being eternal besties - isnt that what its about anyways

#eternal sleepover of two unkempt minds

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sometimes i think my way of talking via typed words comes across like im full of it on some vocabulary sense but its actually really unfortunate i just got obsessed with perfect words. reading the dictionary and all that bullshit as a child. (marshall mathers who?!!). i really like the sense of a haiku. or, i am glad, to have a certain many times i create analogies and the people im speaking to say Yes! YES! that exemplifies - its a really good feeling actually

back to the front again, not full of it, but schizophrenic . i feel like i have all the jargon and i attach it willy nilly and interestingly it provides still. anyways this is why it takes me so long to text back im probably pondering the different effects caused by miniscule rearrangement omission or submission of language

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its so craaaaazy to me. bc my job is mandated by the coast guard i cant smoke em up all summer. which is actually good weed is kinda gay to be suckin that thang all the time ngl, like..... ahem.

so ive been desiring this already before the employ introduces a mandate, and tbh am pleased bc this works out to keep me from goofing up this way

bc this job is gonna be so cool i cannot wait and im not jeopardizing anything by smoking - what am i Dumbbbb?

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ive had owner of a lonely heart stuck in my head three days now. tbh i dont really mind it ive always been an 80s enthusiast