xdontleavemealonex

[xdontleavemealonex]

I feel wrong.

I feel like I am not myself sometimes.

It feels like I am brave and strong and intelligent and pretty.

And in the next minute it feels like I am dying, like I can’t do anything right and like I need to quit everythig to not fake my qualifications. I often think about self harm and dying and starving and freezing and burning myself.

I often think about it.

But then it switches and I am brave again and I can do everything and I clean my whole apartement and learn for my exams.

And then it stitches again. And I am hurting and I cant even take a shower or cook a meal. 

When I switch to brave, I control my life and I go grocery shopping and buy vegetables and friuts but then my life switches again and I suddently cant cook and I live of chips and diet coke and I have to throw away the food I bought because I am not capable of cooking it or doing something to make it durable.

I often forget things. Today I forgot about three hours of my day. I saw messages and pictures and  evidence that I was at the place today. But I cant remember it. Its just pitch black in my memory. 

I feel like I am losing my mind.

I am good at the job I am doing. But when I am in the hurting episode, I can’t so anything, I just sit at my desk for eight hours and can’t do my job. It feels like I am cheating on my boss and that I sould get fired. 

I feel wrong. I am sorry. I don’t want this anymore.

[xdontleavemealonex]

“Just because I can’t explain the feelings causing my anxiety, doesn’t make them less valid.”

— Unknown (via perfectquote)

[xdontleavemealonex]

my biggest dream is to calm down

[xdontleavemealonex]

TW

"I thought rapists attacked you from behind bushes with knives.

They weren't supposed to be my boyfriend."

Saw this somewhere dont know

[xdontleavemealonex]

i just want my heart to stop hurting

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

It wasn't that bad, right?

That's what you told me, so it must be true.

I'm sure I'm just crazy.

I'm not seeing it properly.

I was too young to know anyway.

I'm probably just delusional.

That's what you always told me. So it must be true, right?

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

i want to go back to when i had no idea what u did to me

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

[xdontleavemealonex]

impulsive thoughts // 7.5.2019

[xdontleavemealonex]

"i like your personality" thanks it's professionally diagnosed