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A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. 

The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral.

“What does that mean?” the blonde says.

“It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto until you pay us back.”

“Something more valuable?” The blonde says. “How about my Ferrari?”

The banker nearly snorts his coffee all over his desk, but he prides himself on customer service so he soldiers on. He runs the title on the Ferrari and what do you know, the blonde owns it free and clear. “Okay, he says, “I’ll print out the papers.”

“Just so I understand,” the blonde says, “I give you my Ferrari and you give me a hundred dollars, right? And then in a month, I give you $120 and you give me my Ferrari back?”

“Yes,” the banker says, “that’s the deal.”

She signs the paperwork and hands him the keys. He counts out $100 for her and watches her saunter out the door.

A month to the day later, he’s sitting at his desk when the blonde saunters back in. She hands him $120 and says “I get my car back, right?”

“Yep, he says as he hands her the keys. She turns to go but he stops her. “Miss, I really have to ask, why did you use a $140,000 car as collateral on a $100 loan?”

“Oh!” The blonde says. “I got called out of town unexpectedly on business. How else can I park a Ferrari for a month in Manhattan for only $20?”

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It's so funny that Misa is famous. Imagine that you're a normal ass cop and you get put on a special task force to catch a mass murderer. And you meet with the expert detective in charge. And he tells you your top 2 suspects are a random teenager and like. Ariana grande

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dungeon meshi but they end up in the back rooms, a cursed idea that was eating away at my brain

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I really like dungeon meshi, so take this bit of propaganda

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my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called “daylight savings time” youll be zonked out of your gourd

Me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

1 hour and 5 minutes later: dude I swear it’s only been 5 minutes

my friend the oven, pacing: the smart devices are lying to us

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been thinking about fantasy/scifi rule systems and free will

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man this year is gonna be the year i either die or become someone else i dont know which one maybe both

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I think one of the most interesting things about Oliver is that he absolutely could’ve been a permanent fixture at Saltburn with Felix if only he had been a little less greedy. His biggest downfall is that his upper middle class privilege made him overly presumptuous with his greed in a way that left cracks in his carefully thought out plans.

First and foremost, it’s important to note that Oliver is an unreliable narrator in ways that made his third act monologue an unexpectedly interesting part of the film. His monologue is meant to not only justify his actions but is also a way for Oliver to make himself out to be smarter and better than he truly is. He’s working overtime to convince himself that he’s won and that he’s achieved this through his own actions. Whether you chose to believe him or not is up to you; what really matters is that you understand that no matter how big (or little) of a role he played in securing Saltburn for himself, he still royally fucked up his original plan on multiple occasions. He is not a mastermind who got what he originally wanted all along. He was not all knowing and he was not watching everyone play checkers while he played chess. Oliver. Fucked. Up.

The bicycle scene (whether you believe he tampered with the tire or not) and the pub rescue scene where more than enough to win over Felix. Felix was shallow and would've given no extra thought to Oliver's usefulness or perceived poverty. Oliver could’ve hinted at a difficult home situation and used the family strain he already experienced as a hook for Felix if necessary. It would’ve been enough... but then Oliver got greedy. He started building up the poverty case more and more, in the hopes of getting more and more of Felix, and that was his first major mistake.

It’s important to remember that we see Felix not from Oliver’s POV directly, but from Oliver’s POV in his twisted retelling that we have no reason to believe. Though Oliver probably knew Felix intimately, he doesn't share that Felix with us. He shares the godly image he built in his mind that is tainted by his own self deprecation. In Oliver’s world Felix was seconds from dropping him at any given moment, because why would Felix keep Oliver? In reality, Felix had already deemed Oliver the perfect new toy. Sure, Felix was irritated in the cleaning argument scene… but if we work under the assumption that Felix had already chosen Oliver, then Oliver pointing out his privilege in an way that made him acknowledge it would’ve ultimately intensified Felix’s saviour complex once he got past the initial discomfort. It might’ve taken a moment, but Felix would’ve ran straight back to Oliver soon enough. Though Oliver couldn't see it, we see through the jealousy Felix's circle of friends display that Oliver was a more permanent fixture in Felix is life than most were comfortable with. The problem was that Oliver couldn't handle the wait, and his greed overrode his patience and lead to yet another mistake when he escalates the situation by bringing in a dead father that he didn’t actually need.

Farleigh and Oliver’s dynamic is so interesting because Farleigh immediately recognises Oliver for what he truly is. Farleigh has an interesting class dynamic where by right he should be a permanent fixture at Saltburn as a member of the Catton family, but he’s been carelessly demoted to upper middle class purgatory. He recognises Oliver as his competition almost immediately despite having played this game for far longer. Farleigh is happy to play this game in school, because he knows it well enough to win, but then Farleigh is shaken when he realises Oliver has become his competition in fighting their way into the Catton family. Farleigh recoginses what Oliver doesn't, that Oliver is permanent. He hates that Oliver’s race mixed with his Oscar winning poverty act has given Oliver that extra boost that makes him a real threat to Farleigh's place in Saltburn.

This is what makes the karaoke scene so interesting. Up until that point Farleigh see's Oliver as lesser and underserving of a place at Saltburn. The karaoke scene shows a significant shift where Farleigh finally accepts Oliver as a worthy opponent and potential teammate. With the obvious attraction between them Oliver should’ve taken him up on his truce without question. Alas, Oliver’s greed takes control once more and he immediately tries to place himself above Farleigh despite the offer of solidarity presented to him. This is what leads to the Rent scene where Farleigh successfully declares war once more, and where Oliver calls him over to finish the song in a way that ensures that he wins that round. The problem is that unlike Farleigh, who is focused on playing an upper middle class game of infiltrating the 1%, Oliver gets so lost in cosplaying poor that he loses focus of what the real game is. He’s so focused on the humiliation his poor character must feel from singing Rent that he loses sight of the acceptance of the role the song portrays that Farleigh displays which allows for Farleigh to win the next round. He fails to recognise that he needs Farleigh as an ally to get what he truly wants, and that was one of his biggest mistakes of all.

Oliver's want for Felix ultimately becomes his biggest downfall as he lays the foundations for relationships with the Cattons only to taint those relationships for Felix's comfort. Felix didn't need to be happy with Oliver at all times, but Oliver was greedy for the affection that came with Felix is good graces. Oliver singlehandedly undid the work he had done on Venetia – and by extension the work he had done on Elspeth – to keep Felix's easy affections. Felix was sulking, but he would've gotten over it pretty quickly if Oliver practiced some subtlety and put in just that little bit more work for the affection he craved. Oliver didn't have the patience for the long game. He wanted Felix is affection immediately and that meant that he made the mistake of closing off all alternative entryways into the Catton family prematurely.

Despite all his mistakes Oliver still could've had Felix even after the birthday surprise disaster. Though Felix was angry, he had ultimately declared his love by positioning himself as the Juliet to Oliver's Romeo, as indicated by his costume to Oliver's birthday party. Though Felix's love and care was exploitative and tainted by his privilege, it was also real and present in all the ways that mattered. In the maze, despite Felix is harsh words, what really stands out is how we see Felix contemplate kissing Oliver and doing everything in his power not to give in. It's the first time it's made clear to the audience that Felix is just as dangerously in love as Oliver is. Felix would've taken any excuse imaginable to forgive Oliver in that moment. All Felix was asking for was clarity. Oliver could've given Felix the smallest bit of who he truly was and Felix would've done what he always did and filled in the blanks in a way that allowed him to play saviour. Felix would've given Oliver everything he'd ever wanted in that maze if only Oliver was willing to win the game on Felix is terms. Oliver could've had his cake and eaten it too, but his greed made him want more than that. When he realised he couldn't have it all he made an impulsive decision driven by his unquenchable thirst that lead to his biggest mistake of all. Oliver's need to be better, his need to be smarter, and his need to win the game on his own terms is what ultimately lead to Felix's death.

If Oliver had been more careful he could've had it all through Venetia or Farleigh or Elspeth... but he had already destroyed all alternative pathways through his own greed. When Oliver loses Felix, he loses any chance he might've had at elevating himself into the Catton's league. In the end, Oliver's third act monologue becomes a desperate attempt to make Saltburn worth it. Saltburn is not worth it. Oliver fishes the Cattons stones out of the water because without them Saltburn becomes nothing. In the end Oliver is alone, performing for the Cattons in a house long abandoned. Saltburn is the consolation prize Oliver had to convince himself he always wanted.

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The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named “Prometheus.” It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source

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You know what’s astonishing about Katara? She grew up in a world without bending.

It’s not surprising that Sokka calls her bending ‘magic water’ in the first episode. It might as well have been magic to them at that point; they had never seen it in practice until they meet Aang.

So not only did Katara not have any teachers, she didn’t have any kind of guidance, no visual aids, no idea of how bending is supposed to look or work. The first time she ever sees actual waterbending movements is when she steals the waterbending scroll from the pirates. The first time she meets another waterbender is when she reaches the North Pole, where within weeks she outmasters pretty much everyone and goes on to teach the Avatar.

Everything she does is so incredibly impressive, and yet I can’t help but feel the most proud of her when she catches a fish on that little boat.

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thinking about the video where a bunch of guys get together to un-corrupt a blastoise that got bad egged years ago in a leafgreen game and how that whole scenario is like. the loving side of cosmic horror. you are a blastoise. you trust your trainer. you've been through countless battles together, and while they never say anything, you can tell your trainer loves you. what you don't know is that your trainer is, at all times, being puppeted by intelligent forces outside of your dimension, holding knowledge far beyond the scope of anything you could ever know. they know things about your world that you do not; that nobody in your world ever could. the distinction between your trainer and this creature is minimal. at the same time, this creature is not god. it does not have infinite knowledge; it understands far greater than you, yet in still a very limited capacity. they understand what your world is made up of and how it can be manipulated to fit your whims. this creature loves you. your trainer loves you. they love you so much that they want to help you become stronger. they manipulate the very laws of your world to attain this feat. however, they did it wrong. they didn't know what they were doing, and the makeup of your being- everything you ARE- was twisted. you are no longer a blastoise. you are a bad egg. your trainer remains the same as ever. everything continues on, the same as it ever was, yet you cannot be what you once were. your trainer tries over, and over, and OVER again to hatch you, but you never become what you once were. you are a bad egg. there are other bad eggs now, other pokemon you used to know; pokemon you helped your trainer catch, pokemon you may have even fought alongside. now you're all bad eggs, sealed away by ancient protective magic known as Code. you never knew such a thing existed. you wonder if you're dangerous now. your trainer sets you in a box. over the years, he forgets which box you're in. unbeknownst to you, the creature is panicking, trying everything it can possibly think of to restore you to your blastoise state. the creature is just a child. he carries the pain of your loss long into adulthood; in his mind, he is responsible for your death. in the grand scheme of the universe, you do not matter; you're a "game". a few lines of code and some pixels. you do not Exist. and yet, you are mourned. and yet many others just like you are mourned by many others just like him. the world has been still for many, many years. you don't know this, because your world does not contain an internal clock. time doesn't really exist for you; it's a concept far outside of your reality. and yet, it is important. your creature contacts another of its kind. it shares the story of its sin, the insignificant act of corrupting you beyond repair. it shares this story in hopes that it could save you. the other creature recalls its own destruction of a world not unlike yours. it agrees to help. many creatures within the world outside of yours have gathered all together, using technologies familiar and unfamiliar with one collective goal in mind: to rescue you. specifically you. your loss is widely considered nothing. and yet, they put in incredible effort. obstacle after obstacle, they perform miracles for your sake. they copy your world; they use strange windows to view it, they layer your world over itself many times over to view it from every angle. they dig deep into the very makeup of your universe just trying to find you. one of them uses a method that only he has access to, in all the world, to find you. and they do. you have lost your name and everything else that makes you you, but there is something that remains in tact, that makes you findable; a piece of "data", an invisible quality to you that you and your trainer would never see, something you could never possibly know about. this is what ultimately makes you you, and not another blastoise. slowly but surely, they begin to put you back together. it's much harder than it needs to be, it is far too much effort for one

creature in one game that will never be touched again, and yet they do it. they race against the clock, stressing endlessly, sweating bullets and crying out in relief when they finally find the exact values, the last pieces of invisible quality that makes it YOU. you are now a blastoise. you are now "legitimate" to the game. you do not know it yet, but your trainer - your creature - is waiting for you, excited to Transfer you into new worlds until you are where he wants you. until you are safe. you also do not know that at this time, two of you exist. there is the You, here, being put together, manipulated through the fabrics of reality to restore your original form. and there is the Original you; the one waiting home, on the cartridge. the Real you. you are a clone, but you are not. you are a new pokemon, but you are the original. you are both corrupted, and legitimate. you are many things. the new you is saved, and this version of your world- this version that has fixed you, and only you- is re-uploaded, overlayed and overwritten to the original. you safely arrive. You are a blastoise. You were a bad egg, for a short time. But now you are a blastoise again. your trainer acts the same as ever, because he cannot display anything that would suggest he notices the difference. you do not know what happened. you have no idea. you have no idea how much you are loved.

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all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

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look at the ribbon i won at the cook off

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"if i was orpheus i would simply not turn around" yes you would. if you were orpheus and you loved eurydice, you would. to love someone is to turn around. to love someone is to look at them. whichever version of the myth — he hears her stumble, he can't hear her at all, he thinks he's been tricked — he turns around because he loves her. that's why it's a tragedy. because he loves her enough to save her. because he loves her so much he can't save her. because he will always, always turn around. "if i was orpheus i would simply —" you wouldn't be orpheus. you wouldn't be brave enough to walk into the underworld and save the person you love. be serious

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My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.

"What does that mean," he asks. "It's free if you're gay," he's told. "Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?" "Just put in a check mark here."

My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.