1nzs

[1nzs]

[1nzs]

we both love each other so much, i know that, but love isn’t enough at situations like this

[1nzs]

i think you will always feel like home to me

[1nzs]

i’m glad n forever grateful that i get to meet you, what more to be loved by you.

[1nzs]

am i really that worthless n useless? am i really unlucky in love? unloveable? i want love so fucking bad n i cn never have it. i know i make mistakes n fucking hell i know they’re so damn bad but why can’t js one person forgive me? i’ve forgive countless of people who did fucked up shit to me, for hurting me, hitting me, raping me, making me cry, angry, touching me, every fucking thing. i messed up big time js once. i’ve been doubting myself n thinking i don’t deserve to be loved n now i’ve got my answer. i don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. even if i chase him back, beg on my knees, cry my eyes out to him, it’s not gna be the same anymore is it? cos he already see me as some kind of slut that wants to talk to every fucking guy i see. my first love. he doesn’t even wna talk to me anymore, or call me. i don’t even know if he wants to see me. he couldn’t even touch me n hold my hand. all my life i’ve always tried my best to do everything with my all, especially with love cos that’s all i ever wanted n i finally found the person who i am so comfortable with n wants to love forever n i fucking mess it up. im not even that kind of person. when im in love, im loyal n i mean that. it’s hard to believe now for him but it’s really true n i really do love him, i js made a mistake. im so damn tired of feeling like this, feeling like im not worth shit. i don’t even care about being successful or rich or being liked by everyone, i js need one person to love me with his whole heart n wants to take care of me n see me as someone so special, so precious to lose. i js wanted to feel like i mattered to somebody. i hate it when he talks to me like that, like im some kind of whore, some random girl, like i don’t mean anyth to him. saying how iw to talk to every guy. i know it’s my fault but my mistakes isn’t me. i js need someone to tell me it’s okay, that i’ll be okay, that i’m acly worth smtg, that i’m a gd person, n that they love me. i don’t even wna be alone. i don’t ever wna be alone but it feels like i have to stay away from everybody so that i don’t fuck up smtg else. i want to be okay, i want to be happy. i don’t want any worries in my mind. i wanted that with him. when he asked me to be his gf agn, everytime i’m his gf, i wld willingly give up anything to be with him. i don’t think he even knows that. i don’t care abt anybody else’s opinions n what they think of me, all that matters is how he sees me n now he sees me as someone so shitty n i am shitty n no matter how much i apologise now, it won’t even matter or mean anything. even if he forgives me i js know at the back of his mind he is still gna think of me as someone kind of shitty person who is desperate to talk to men n wants their attention, n someone who doesn’t know how to make her bf happy. i really don’t know what to do anymore. i’m so damn exhausted.

[1nzs]

please don’t give up on me

[1nzs]

i hug n kiss the bear everytime i miss you, n take care of him properly like i wldve with you, i hug him to resist myself frm rching out to you, i don’t feel so lonely anymore, thank you for giving the bear back, he accompanies me to sleep n watch my shows/movies

[1nzs]

in another life, my love

[1nzs]

maybe in another life we were meant to be, but not this life. i’ve already went thru the pain to accept that. i’m not gna go back to this pain anymore. i’ll move forward like how life should be. u will always live in a part of my heart, i won’t forget you

[1nzs]

i’m sorry that i had to be selfish, i know it’s a habit of mine to fix everybody’s issues but mine, to care for everybody but myself, but i’m learning to be selfish sometimes n take care of myself too. i know it’s harsh but i want to take care of myself. the remaining love i had for you, i’ll put it to myself.

[1nzs]

you’ve only continued to hurt me after we broke up, you probably don’t mean to, but it hurt. so bad. i still cared for you. but i can’t keep this up anymore, everytime i feel better it gets torn down again. i know you more than anyone n i know you would stick to your bad thoughts no matter how much i explain myself, so i had to block you. just learn to stop hurting yourself one day, i pray for that for you. i’ll pray for your happiness. your family’s safety. i love you. you’re always gg to be my first love

[1nzs]

i could barely talk to people or see my friends, what more fuck them, i didn’t even have the energy to defend myself n explain myself to you. you’re always so quick to jump to conclusions n think of the worst. it’s not my job anymore to fix stuff. empathy is a dangerous thing. people can’t be expected to hold all of the world’s pain. there’s js too much of it to go ard. i’m in pain too, n i only have enough to take care of myself. i know i still love you bc i never felt even the slightest amt of hatred towards you even after all the hurtful things u said. i still forgave you. so i hope you’re able to let go of the pain one day n seek the love you need. i know, n God knows how much i really did care for you, n try to be there for you. thank you for everything, i know you did your best too. i hope you’re able to be happy with someone else who will love you more than i could’ve if i were given the chance

[1nzs]

i cried my eyes out till it fucking burnt for weeks, i’d go to sleep crying, woke up cry again, cut myself up bc physical pain didn’t hurt more than the emotional pain i went thru losing you, hardly cld sleep for days, weeks, but thru it all i still tried to love you, care for you with whatever pieces are left from my broken heart, still saw you as the love of my life whenever i got to see you. U don’t get to say whether i loved you or not, bc only me n God knows how much i truly loved you. I hope you are able to see that one day that I never loved somebody as much as I loved you

[1nzs]

[1nzs]

Fi imanillah

[1nzs]

if i’m not gna use my heart to love, then what’s the difference if it gets broken?

[1nzs]

so close to forever yet so far out of reach