44cedarave

[44cedarave]

[44cedarave]

i have the most bomb chloe pr!ce character dev playlist. i want to jump back into it and make it a mix cd for myself

[44cedarave]

and sometimes the scariest most awful things are just things that i am terrified of being true. the things i want desperately to not be true. some thoughts being true are more like my biggest fears, saying it out loud is a recognition of and realization that its only a passing thought

[44cedarave]

sometimes its ok to say the things that are scariest to say, because saying the awful horrible things makes me realize i don’t even feel that way after all. its so easy to demonize myself and fixate on bad thoughts i have

[44cedarave]

maybe it won’t be so bad to feel intensely again, maybe its needed to become more human for me, bc i feel like a robot like a lesser quieter BORING version of myself

[44cedarave]

chloe pr!ce and r0xy lalonde were my anchor characters when i was growing up, mostly before being on medication and smoking daily. chloe got confirmed with b/pd but in my head i always canon her bipolar bc she acts like me anyway. the 2 disorders have so much overlap anyhow. and r0xy too also felt bipolr to me, and so i’ll keep her there. i wonder if i’ll feel like them again when i stop smoking?

[44cedarave]

i think the most difficult thing for me every time i stop smoking is feeling everything again. even with medication buffering the blow, it still feels like a lot. cannabis is like a pacifier but it kills my memory and i really want to be able to remember things that ppl told me about themselves like 1 week prior. i want to look like i care

[44cedarave]

Chloe Price animation - expression practice

[44cedarave]

[44cedarave]

Crazy shit is the new normal for me.

[44cedarave]

Come in and close the door. Put on some music while I medicate.

[44cedarave]

[44cedarave]

“Home, shit, home.”

Life is Strange  → random scenery [14/??]

[44cedarave]

[44cedarave]

i hope my soulmate slept well last night

[44cedarave]

[44cedarave]