4phelions

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My Year of Rats and Infestation

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Favorite pre spiderverse 2 memes that turned out to be true

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had my boobs seen my four people at the same time today. weird day

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british people im sorry for what we put you through

EDIT:

hispanic ppl im sorry for what we put you through

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this might just be the worst moment of my life. i can only move my arms because everything hurts and i started my period around 3 hours ago but as i am unable to move, i have had to put a tee shirt underneath my bum so that i do not bleed onto my bed. i am having terrible cramps which just adds to the agony i am feeling in my back, legs, shoulders and toes. my nose is sunburnt and my eyes are puffy. i cried for an hour last night. i want to shower but i cannot stand so i have to have a bath, but i cannot clean the tub as it hurts to bend over. i just had a very painful cramp that released a mixture of blood and piss. i hope my white sheets are not ruined. they are my sister’s sheets. she might kill me. how do i get up. i am naked apart from underwear, my door is unlocked and i can hear others moving around the house. i am at my grandmas so there are too many people that i am not comfortable to move. i wish i was home. i want to see my mum. my legs are sweating or maybe it’s the blood.

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i’m gonna kms my favourite (and only) keychain just fell off along with 2 of my keys i hate my life how does this even happen i want to crud

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why you mofos gotta make everything gay i mean i’m gay but wtf i definitely do not think that the middle aged man with a wife and 3 kids is a homosexual like can a man not be straight in peace damn

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i feel so stupid but they are literally terrifying me so much good god

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i literally feel sick they have all congregated into one corner of my room on the ceiling and i want to die what if they all fly at me and suddenly attack me what do i do what do i do if they make moth babies and i am stuck with an infestation i am so scared god please help me

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these bugs are making me too nervous to revise i can’t do this

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and sure two months doesn’t sound that long, but when you need to cry and you’re physically unable to for such a long period of time, it stretches and makes each day worse. everyday my eyes sting and my nose runs, but nothing happens. my eyes don’t even well up with tears. i was so desperate that once i put eye drops in my eye and tried to pretend like i was crying by blinking them out. it was pathetic in the moment and it is pathetic looking back on it. what has my life come to. what has led up to this moment. what had once seemed like a hopeful future looks more like one of those disgusting worms you see in the mud. the fat ones that are too long and have hair. the pale ugly ones that stick out and make you jump and feel nauseous when you see them. those worms are my future.

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and god would i like to cry, but i can’t. i haven’t cried for two months, maybe longer. i try so hard, i want these emotions out of me, i want a cathartic release. but i can’t. not even a tear will fall. maybe my body is lacking water from dehydration so it prevents me from crying as an attempt to retain as much moisture as possible to prevent me from drying out like a raisin. maybe a prune? they are a bit fatter.

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i hate my niece. well technically not my niece, more my first cousin once removed, my sister would never let her child be like this. it’s not her i hate, i hate how she is treated. i like her as a person, when i don’t have to be around her and can just deal with the idea of her. but god everyone acts like she is jesus reincarnated. i have some of the most important exams of my life, why does she get priority? why is it my job to play with her and entertain her when there are plenty of people to do that who have nothing better to do. i have things to do. this isn’t even my baby, why would i put it before my own things. why is her first day at nursery more important than me going to my exams? who the fuck even remembers their first day at nursery? why do i have to clean the bathtub before she goes and has a bath, one that will ruin all of my hard work of cleaning that disgusting tub. why does she get comforted for purposely peeing on the floor whereas i get berated for not eating. it is not fair.

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i truly did adore that friendship, as i adore my pst friendships. i am always envious when they are able to continue their lives without me and make better friends. does that make me a bad person? selfish, yes. but is it so wrong to think i would have a greater impact on them? impacts like they have left on me? it happens every year. i always loose the one i am closest to. even when i am positive nothing will destroy us, it happens. i know what i’m doing wrong. i am too picky. something is always wrong for me. what a depressing life.

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my friend, who i’ve drifted from these past few months, commented on one of my posts and a feeling of joy and sadness hit me at the small action. i miss her but i worry i will act the same if we ever become quite so close again. i think i am incapable of having close friendships like that because in the moment i will find them too clingy or small insignificant things will annoy me, but then later when i have lost yet another friend i am vaguely relieved but also devastated another relationship has turned out this way. i am definitely the issue, i am simply unsure how to fix it, or well me.

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this is so unfunny but to celebrate the first ever fnaf movie teaser