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⚠️ ROUND 6 ⚠️

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Im gonna throw up

Do yall remember that one pic of early concept for round 6 where ivan and till goes on a beach?

Yeah, I would mostly believe that it was ivan imagination before he dies lmao

Ivan's body loses life on the ground. The last thing he sees is a vibrant color standing out against the bleak black and grey; the bright sea-green of Till's eyes.

In his final moments, Ivan dreams of the ocean.

He dreams of the sun-warmed waters that lap at their feet. If he tries hard enough, he can convince himself that cold wetness seeping through his clothes is due to the ocean and not the pelting rain.

He dreams of bright, carefree laughter. Splashing waters, playful fights, the feeling of entangled limbs and a smile that outshines the setting sun.

He dreams of Till kissing him first. The way he'd rise to the very tips of his toes, the flush on his face as he truly looks at Ivan, bathing in his presence. He loves him. He loves him.

Ivan's mind indulges him with this final, foolish respite.

In reality, Till watches the last remains of light dance around Ivan's eyes. He watches the blood trickle out of Ivan's smile, the most painfully genuine smile he's seen from him in years. How could he be so happy?

Till does nothing. He allows Ivan this final happiness undisturbed.

The bright sea-green dream dissipates, fading away like the light in Ivan's eyes.

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Reposting this from my twitter thread because it hasn't left my head (and adding a tiny bit more).

Seen so many questionable takes lately about the ivantill kiss, and I know everyone is allowed to have different opinions and interpretations but.

No, Ivan didn’t just pretend to kiss Till for the show. And no, he wasn't trying to make Till hate him either or trying to trigger him over his implied SA to snap him into action.

I think the whole point of the scene (confirmed by the creators) is Ivan finally breaking his mask of perfection and control and giving in to his messy, all consuming feelings, being selfish for once.

Yes, by the end before the strangling starts, he appears more clear headed and now focused on the objective of manipulating the score. But he doesn't really look at it until AFTER he starts strangling Till.

The kiss itself wasn't part of the strategy, or at least not entirely something calculated. Ivan could have skipped the kiss and strangled Till right away and gotten the same result.

The fact that he kissed him AGAIN after he started strangling him, more softly and 'personal', almost like a goodbye or an apology (whether for his selfishness or for their past), tells me he wanted it.

I think a last selfish act doesn't diminish the love he had for Till, it just shows the tragedy of ALNST. Ivan is only human after all. And no matter what kind of mask he built for himself and what illusion of control he had over his life, when faced with the real, imminent possibility of losing Till, he crumbled and did something unexpected.

I have more to say about the Ivan and Sua parallels and how he finally understands her in the Confession comic etc etc but I think I've yapped enough.

I just don't like it when people try to mold the narrative because they're uncomfortable with an unconsensual kiss. It's meant to be painful and heartwrenching, a reflection on Ivan's one sided-feelings and his desperation at the moment —to be seen for the first (and last) time, to not be left behind, to convey his emotions in the only way he could when being seconds away from death.

After all the team confirmed that Ivan is clumsy with emotions and only knows to convey them in 'childish' ways (the nuzzling against his face, the picking fights with Till and teasing him).

I think some people like to think of the kiss as something purely calculated and selfless because it makes it more 'palatable', but in my opinion this take washes out Ivan's character and the flaws that make him just as human, vulnerable and complex as the rest of the cast. He was willing to throw away his life and his perfect image because he wanted something that badly.

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i really do think that till cared for ivan in a way that ivan just couldnt see ya know?? how to say this

till loves ivan in a way that isnt romantic, isnt selfless, isnt selfish, isnt holy, and isnt sinful. its something so simple and nonchalant that ivan would never never able to see it

till loves ivan in the way he lets him follow. and how he trusts that he will even if he doesnt look back.

i hesitate to call it love, but theres something so simply romantic in that constant expectation of his presence that im not sure what else to call it

tills love for ivan is so wonderfully normal that it can be misconstrued you know?

its like till doesnt give ivan an invitation to his party cause hes like "why would i need to tell him to come, hes gonna be there anyways"

while ivan is like "till doesnt want me there he didnt give me an invitation :( (im going to go anyways)"

and then till is like "ivan is there, glad he got the memo"

and ivan is like "i am an intruder in a place i wasnt and will never be invited to or welcomed"

the tragedy of the commonplace if you will

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Im all for the nuzzling

Ivantills

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little sletch

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posting this on lesbian visibility week is the act of crime

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YES SOMEONE PLS DO IT IM BEGGING

Two birds on a wire would be great for Ivantill and Mizisua

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Can I get all of you to look at this alnst comic if you haven’t please it left me dead on the ground (thread)

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so i was looking at wedding dresses

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https://twitter.com/_k4uo/status/1778757109603279286

chat what if i fucking cry

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this moment will never fail to make me feral bc he gave up!!! till, the boy who rebels even when all it does is get him hurt, the one who burns as brightly as the stars in the sky, the flame that lasted for almost two decades finally gave up!!! he snuffed out!! he closed him eyes and stopped fighting!! do you understand how devastating that is??

especially to ivan who idolizes and adores him for it?? who has only ever known till for his never-ending love and will that never falters? to see the man he loves broken down like this—a hurt that extends far beyond that of the physical body but to his soul— must’ve been terrible

and you can see it

ivan’s crumpling too. his mental state is on the verge of snapping too. his shoulders are dropped and his eyes are bloodshot.

till’s given up and ivan can see it and as his hands tighten around the other’s neck, a voice whispers what if you don’t let go?

because that’s what till wants right? he isn’t going to win against luka like this. he wants to die and no matter what ivan does, it’s not going to change that. so why not kill him?

that way they can die together.

wouldn’t that be wonderful?

ivan has always had a great potential for darkness and he holds it back most of the time, rarely ever letting it come to the surface. it wouldn’t be far off to assume this was one of those moments, where emotions are high and last minute regrets and wishes are surging forth—it isn’t far off to think there was a small part of him that was seriously contemplating throwing away his decision to sacrifice himself alone.

but then he gets shot in the chest, through the lungs, and the pain snaps him out of it. because this is it. this is the end. and he remembers why he’s doing this.

he remembers his desire to save till despite how foolish as it may be, how hypocritical it may be. the light reappears in his eyes and it’s ivan in love again. it’s ivan swelling with pure love, looking at till for last time.

it’s ivan doing the one thing he’s never been able to do:

it’s ivan letting go

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losing my shit on how till literally never looks at ivan unless theyre actively fighting, like even in the flashback

and then during the song its the same thing

all ivan wants is for till to acknowledge him, just to look at him for even one second, give him a second thought- but he cant even do that

so then ivan does the fucking makout/choking sacrifice thing- "oh isnt he a hypocrite for getting mad at sua for doing the same thing?" no, because he was mad at sua because she knew what she would do would hurt mizi because she loved her.

ivan doesnt think sacrificing himself will hurt till, because till will never love him. HE KNOWS THIS AND YET HE STILL SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR SOMEONE HE THINKS WILL NEVER LOVE HIM

AND EVEN NOW TILL WONT LOOK AT HIM

and then once he's certain till is safe, he gives him one last, real, selfish kiss

a last ditch admission of his love before

till finally looks at him, just too late

IM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND GUYS ISTG

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in which crowley tries to convince himself that all is not yet lost, because underneath it all, he is an optimist…

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Muriel can only fix one occult entity at a time...

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we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).

there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.

we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.

then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.

now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.

i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.

that's exactly what he does.

he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".

glasses? on

emotions? off

hotel? trivago

i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.

by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:

aziraphale notices.

they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.

look.

he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.

aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).

the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.

can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?

because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.

anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3

oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.

and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?

easy answer: no.

alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.